“The challenge with memoir is to make it interesting to someone other than the writer.”David Colin Carr, editor
Photo Credit: “Reading is Magic” by Sodanie Chea from FlickrCreativeCommons
One of the biggest challenges in memoir writing is to turn the events in your life into a story someone else would want to read. Writing with the reader in mind becomes an essential part of the process but I have found it does not occur in full force until the rewriting/polishing phase.
Keeping the reader in mind as I write my memoir is something I’m working on as I grind away after three years of writing vignettes and two rounds of professional editing by a developmental editor.
I am finally ready to focus on my reader.
Why now?
Because I didn’t know the true heart of our story until I had poured out many drafts on the paper—often referred to as “sh*#! first draft or the vomit draft–just getting it on the page with no regard for editing or censoring.
That’s been my experience.
This point was brought home to me in a recent discussion on Belinda Nicoll’s blog, My Rites of Passage during her A-Z Blog Challenge. In Challenge #23: Writing Models, she discusses paying attention to creative techniques in the hopes of crafting a story that will be of interest to the readers. Belinda had posed the question,
“Do you keep your readers in mind as you write?”
In response to my comment that the longer I write and revise, the more I find myself writing with the readers in mind, Lifewriting Coach and Author Sharon Lippincott had replied:
“Kathy, your comment prefaces what I was about to write. Only you can say for sure, but I suspect your early focus was more on the personal cost of disclosure and less on how it would affect readers. Ideally, I think we all need to “write like nobody will ever see” in the beginning, then tailor down to our disclosure comfort level balanced with reader impact.”
Bingo!
Initially, I needed to pour the words on the page before I even knew what my story was. My focus was on digging and excavating.
Now that I have my story—the narrative arc— I can concentrate on writing with the reader in mind.
But I think there’s a fine line between giving the reader credit for figuring out the details and giving the right details to make it clear.
I have a responsibility as a writer to transport the reader into my world in a way that is grammatically correct, nicely paced, appealing to the senses and action-packed.
As a memoir writer, I need to offer lessons learned from life experiences so the reader will have something to take away from reading my memoir.
With that in mind, here are a few tips I’ve gleaned along the way to write words so the reader will be moved:
Have enough emotional distancefrom the life events to be able to be objective in conveying the story.
Be clear on your intention for story and stay true to your theme throughout the story. Avoid distracting tangents. Yes, this means “killing your darlings.”
Offer reflections on the wisdom gained from life events rather than listing chronological events.
*If you are stuck on who your target audience is, try writing with one reader in mindand focus on what you want them to learn from your story.
Read your manuscript aloudto yourself and to others to listen for inconsistencies in pacing, clarity, voice. I use a digital recorder and tape some chapters. It’s amazing what I have been able to hear when I listen to my own words.
Use a critique group and/or beta readers for objective feedback. In the end, it is your story but being open to how potential readers view your story is crucial to getting your best work out there.
Commit to excellence on all levels.Invest (as you are able) in professional services for all levels of editing, book cover design, promotion. If finances are an issue, explore creative options for funding, such as kickstarter campaigns, beta readers, sharing services with other writers.
“It matters to put your best foot forward.” Jami Carpenter, The Red Pen Girl
Keeping the reader in mind as we build our characters and move our plot along through a series of event and actions that will keep our readers turning the pages seems like a reasonable expectation.
Photo Credit:” Reading Books” from Google Free Images
How about you? How do you move the reader with your words? As a reader, what does it take to keep you turning the pages?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
On Thursday, May 30: Justine Schofield, Communication Coordinator of Pubslush a global crowdfunding publishing platform will discuss: ” Crowdfunding Your Memoir: 6 Ways to Know If Crowdfunding Is For You.” She will give away three (3) ebook versions of Pubslush’s debut title, a memoir, a beautiful mess by Ali Berlinksi.
Memorial Day, 2013
We remember and pray for our living and deceased veterans and thank God for the freedoms of this country.
My WWII Hero Dad Saluting the American Flag, Memorial Day,2004
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
I am very happy to feature Memoir Author Janet Givens in this guest post. Janet’s upcoming memoir At Home on the Kazakh Steppe is a story of the challenges and transformation that occurred in their lives when she and her husband lived in Kazakhstan, the largest of the former Soviet Republics, as Peace Corps volunteers in their 50’s and 60’s in 2004.
Welcome, Janet!
Janet Givens Author Photo
KP: Where is Kazakhstan?
JG: Growing up in the 50s and 60s, I thought the Soviet Union WAS Russia. It wasn’t until I got into poli sci in grad school and the Soviet Union collapsed that I learned the difference. Russia was just one of the 14 “Republics” within the Soviet system that became independent in 1991 or earlier. (there are other republics still under Russian control). THEN, since the press kept referring to five of the 14 newly independent countries by lumping them together as “The Stans”, I still didn’t know about Kazakhstan. The Peace Corps changed that.
As for where it is, I can tell you that Kazakhstan is west of China (the fourth largest country) and south of Russia (thelargest). FYI, the USA is the third largest and Kazakhstan is the ninth. This is by area, not population. All pretty big, given there are about 200 identified countries now. A little fewer. I just found http://www.mapsofworld.com/world-top-ten/world-top-ten-largest-countries-in-area-map.html
The mountains of Almaty
KP: “How did you wind up being “on the Kazakh steppe,” and in the Peace Corps? It’s something that college-age students do, is it not? You’re a grandmother?
JG: I am a grandmother. My husband Woody Starkweather and I joined the Peace Corps as an older, married couple in 2004. We were a bit of a rarity, since only 7% of Peace Corps volunteers are married and 5% are over 50. As for going to Kazakhstan, the Peace Corps allows each volunteer to choose their region, but my husband’s desire to teach Engisih limited our choices to Asia and Central Asia. Then using some algorithm, the Peace Corps makes a final determination on the specific country.Th
Outside the Bazaar
As for why we wanted to join, let me quote from the book.
“The idea of Peace Corps still had a powerful pull on me. … An even stronger pull was the unexpected patriotism we both felt after the fall of the Twin Towers and the other tragedies of that September day. We both abhorred the patriotism that was measured by flag waving and a “my country right or wrong” mindset. … We found it devoid of compassion. Woody’s Peace Corps suggestion came at the perfect time.”
Except that I loved my life as it was and I didn’t want to give any of it up.
KP: You’ve been working on this memoir since your return in 2006. Why did you set out to write this book?
JG: Oh, that’s easy; I couldn’t NOT write this book.
Of the Peace Corps’ three goals, the third is for returning volunteers to “promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.” But, more than that, I wanted to understand what had happened to me. These are life-changing experiences, for the grandmothers no less than the twenty-somethings.
Students dancing
KP: How did you begin?
JG: I began by putting together the seventeen email updates–as I called them in the days before I knew about blogs–that I had sent home. And, I reread my journals from those two years. I found what Lisa Dale Norton calls “Shimmering Images” to be a useful metaphor for me.
When I began to query agents,I learned that Peace Corps memoirs had earned a bad rap; there just aren’t that many good ones. I knew I’d have to work harder. But I wasn’t sure how. I hired editors, I took a few Writers’ Digest workshops, and I bought books on writing memoir. Lots of books. All helped, but Eric Maisel’s The Art of the Book Proposalgot me on track.
Maisel taught me to seek the “universal truth” of my story, something a reader who has never been through Peace Corps could relate to. I needed to sort through what he calls the “many possible meanings” my memoir might offer, select one, and advocate for it.
Then I rewrote my memoir with my reader in mind. To paraphrase someone else, “I wrote the first draft for me, the next ones for my reader.”
KP: So, what is the meaning of your story? It’s ‘Universal Truth?’
JG: I wanted it to be the importance of accepting cultural differences.
While I was living in Kazakhstan, the Danish cartoon controversy hit the news. Misunderstanding grew into violence that eventually reverberated around the world, reminding me just how vital it has become to be able to understand, appreciate, and honor cultural differences.And, I believe, as our world gets smaller, this becomes even more important.
The problem was that actually living in such a very different culture was hard. Whatever book learning I may have had, I found that maintaining curiosity about cultural differences was overwhelming and exhausting at times.
Take the simple act of pointing. During my first semester as an English teacher, I essentially gave my students “the finger” each time I pointed to words on the board as I would in America. I know how I’d feel if a new teacher “flipped me the bird” on a regular basis. I was mortified when I learned.
When I tried to use a pointer, as instructed, I felt pompous, like I was putting on airs. Through my discomfort, I came to appreciate how deeply rooted my American sense of informality, casualness runs. It’s the gift of cultural clashes like this one, to help us understand our own culture better.
By the way, my students and my colleagues were universally welcoming and accepting of me, no matter how many cultural faux pas I made. And there were many.
KP: So, cultural difference is the theme of your book?
JG: Well, yes and no.If “cultural differences” was all the book offered, it would read like an academic tome. Or worse, a moralistic lecture. I’d get mostly yawns, at best.
I wanted to hold my readers through to the end. To do that I had to give them a real story, with enoughtension to keep them turning the page.
I had to let myself be vulnerable. By including my own insecurities — not just with the newness of Kazakh culture in which I was immersed, but with the unexpected struggles and doubts I faced about my young marriage –I found a path readers could relate to. Who hasn’t, no matter how stably married, wondered how well you really knew the person you’d married? Even better, I’ve not found a sub-theme of marital tension in any of the Peace Corps memoirs I’ve read.
KP: What has been the greatest challenge for you?
JG: I’m currently at the “weasel word” stage in my edits–finding all the “just” and “all” and “really” that sneak in without me realizing. The challenge is that I love this phase; I love how changing or deleting one word can make a huge difference in the tone of the sentence,or the emphasis or even the meaning. I can see me tinkering with my manuscript for months to come.I need to find a balance between my simmering perfectionism and my desire to get my story out.
Before this, I struggled for years with how to include my husband. In all external ways, this was a shared experience. But when we got back home, I kept hearing him say, “Janet had a really positive experience. But mine wasn’t so much so.” As a result, I consciously kept him out of my first few drafts. I feared his more negative experience would dilute my ultimately positive one. And of course, I didn’t want to admit how angry and disappointed I was that his experience didn’t mimic mine.
KP: What changed your mind?
JG: Editors changed my mind. The professionals I I’ve hired at various times over the last seven years all came back with the same message. “He’s conspicuous in his absence.” I struggled with how to include him without sounding like I was just complaining.”
KP: Has writing this book changed your life in any way?
JG: Once I learned the need for a good old-fashioned narrative arc, even in memoir, I began reading fiction again.I needed to see how great novelists developed their characters, what was it that made me like the protagonist, what made me care, and most important, what kept me reading? I tried to weave the answers I found from reading fiction into my story of living in Kazakhstan. I’m still learning (of course) and always will. I love the process, particularly the rewriting. I’ve found how much I love words, how much power they have, even the little,tiny ,short ones.
I also learned I needed to show as much compassion for the characters in my story, including myself, as I did the honesty I was so wedded to in the beginning. I’ve recently discovered the writer Dinty Moore, who writes, “Compassion requires that we understand, even if we disagree.”
That is, it turns out, may well be the real theme of my book.
###
First month in Zherzkazgan celebrating 56th birthday
***
Author’s Bio:
Janet Givens, M.A., is a practicing psychotherapist and sociologist who gave up her career to join Peace Corps at age 55. She writes of life, cultural differences, Kazakhstan, friendship and peace in the Vermont Countryside with her white shepherd at her feet and a stash of dark chocolate within her reach.
In addition to At Home on the Kazakh Steppe, Janet co-authored the textbook Stuttering, which was included in Choice Magazine’s “Best Textbooks of 1997″ list, the first in its field to win this award. She has a middle school work, Grandma Goes to Kazakhstan and a picture book/adult fable, Two Bunnies, in need of an illustrator.
Thank you Janet for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us. In showing us how writing your Peace Corps memoir is a process of self-discovery, you provide us with many valuable memoir writing tips. Best wishes on the launch of At Home On the Kazakh Steppe. Be sure to keep us posted on the release date.
How about you? What has your experience been with cultural difference? Do you have any tips to add to Janet’s about writing a memoir? Any Peace Corps memoirs you’d recommend?
” All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of the United States.
Mother’s Day has come and gone and I feel blessed that I shared it with my own mother this year. She lives 200 miles away but I managed to convince her to come for a two-week visit and she agreed.
Mom is 90. She still lives in her own home of 57 years, goes to the local senior center for Zumba classes twice a week, volunteers at the local food bank and visits the “elderly” in the neighborhood.
Truth be told, I have a hard time keeping up with her.
Mom getting ready for the “Pie & Glove 5k” in 2012 where she placed 3rd in the 70+ division. Even grandpuppy, Sadie, looks on in amazement.
When my husband Wayne and I walk through her front door after a four-hour trip to visit her, the pungent aromas wafting from the kitchen entice us to walk right over to the oven where steaming trays and pans reveal the delicious meal that awaits us. No matter how many times we offer to take her out or make the meal, she insists on preparing a feast.
Is it any wonder that hunger strikes as soon as any of us steps foot into her home?
My three siblings and I look on in gratitude for how well she is doing and how fortunate we are to still have her with us. Her ten grandkids call her “Grambo”, her four great-grandkids call her “GiGi”, and her four kids call her amazing.
We all know things can change in a heartbeat. That makes our time with her now all the more precious.
When my dear father died in November of 2010, she lost the love of her life. We didn’t know how she would handle not having Dad around. Married for 67 years, they were high school sweethearts who were genuinely devoted to one another for their entire married lives. My siblings and I are the beneficiaries of their love and devotion. It wasn’t that they never had problems or disagreements; it was how they always seemed to work together to make it work.
How do you let go of a love like that?
Dad & Mon at their 67th wedding anniversary celebration two months before Dad died, 2010
After Dad died, I noticed she started writing notes to him on pieces of scrap paper stuffed inside the books or magazines she was reading. Here’s a short excerpt ,with Mom’s permission, from 11/28/2011:
” My Darling,
Yesterday marked a very sad and memorable day. One whole year of being without you. I miss you more now that time goes on. We both didn’t realize what a beautiful relationship we had…”
With all my love and memories,
Kay”
So I bought her a journal with a pastel vintage print cover and a pink rhinestone clasp. Now she writes to her “Prince” updating him on family events and pouring out her thoughts and feelings.
Mom’s journal
One day during her visit, I saw her on the front porch, deep in thought, as she wrote in her journal:
Mom journaling to her “Prince”
She writes when she’s happy. She writes when she’s sad and lonely. She shares her longings and frustrations.
I know she has bad, sad, lonely days like we all do but the journaling helps her to honor the love they shared and move on.
***
Mom has taught me so many life lessons that guide me through each day, not the least of which are:
Unconditional love…”I’ll always be in your corner.”
Boundaries…” If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will respect you”
Grace in the face of loss…” What will be , will be. Accept it and move on.”
Faith...” Your faith will get you through.”
Coping… “ A nice, hot bath can cure just about anything.”
This poem written and read by my daughter, Leigh Ann for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary (1993) sums up the circle of love Mom nurtured in our family:
I Love You Because…
I love you for who you are because you are you and
that’s what makes you special.
When you laugh, I love you because you make me laugh.
When you’re sad, I love you because I hate to see you sad.
When you’re around, I love you because my heart opens for you.
When we’re apart, I love you because when I think of you, I smile.
Never forget, I will always love you
because you have taught me to love.”
Love,
Leigh Ann
11/92
Leigh Ann with “Grambo” after completing a marathon in her Grandpa’s memory, 2011
Thank you, Mom, Grambo, Gigi. You are a treasure and we love you!
Your circle of love ripples out from you to all of us.
You have taught us all how to love.
How about you? What lessons have you learned from your mother?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations to Susan Weidener. Your name was selected in a random drawing to receive a copy of Nancy Stephan’s memoir, The Truth About Butterflies.
KP: By definition, a ghost writer is a professional writer who is paid to write material in the form of books, reports, articles credited to another person. What made you decide to become a ghost writer and what specific qualifications do you need? Do you have publish your own book to be able to ghost write someone else’s book?
SF: I never set out to be a ghostwriter, but seized the opportunity when it was presented. I am a member of a local writer’s group, and one of the leader’s sent an email to the group about a client seeking a ghostwriter. I responded to the appropriate person, and in a week, I was scheduled for an interview with the client. They hired me after the second meeting.
You need the ability to not only write well, but to edit. Ghostwriting is more editing than writing because the clients are the authors. They create the story, while you create the written page.
Another qualification is the ability to communicate. You’re facilitating the work, so if anything is unclear, it’s up to you as the ghostwriter to clarify. Don’t wait for the client to make things clear. That’s your job. Employ your listening skills. I record our interviews, so I have a resource to refer to. Yet, I still find myself asking follow-up questions or clarifying something. .
Have great organizational skills. You have to organize either hours of recorded interviews, pages of written stories or outlines, then create a well written work. As the ghostwriter, you need to keep track of their material provided, because once the project is finished, you have to return their material. For example, I save the recordings to a flash drive to return to them once the project is finished.
KP: One of the most exhilarating aspects of being a writer is finding one’s voice and infusing it into a story. What techniques do you use to find the voice of the person you are writing for?
SF: I read some books and articles about ghostwriting, and did a few exercises before I started on the client’s book.
I met with the clients in person weekly. I am blessed because we have a great rapport which helps to draw out their personalities. I recorded our meetings and listened to the recordings which is a great resource too. And the clients gave me written passages for the book, another resource. I typed the passages into Scrivener (word processing software for writers) and edited them. After a few months of talking with the clients, hearing them on the recordings and typing their written passages, I was confident I had discovered their voices.
KP: Do you specialize in a ghostwriting a specific genre or do you ghost write several genres?
SF: This is my first time ghostwriting, and it happens to be a memoir. I am open to ghostwriting other genres such as a business/finance book. I have a Bachelors in business and have helped briefly with writing a business manual.
KP: Do you have a specific protocol you follow in working with people on ghostwriting their story? If so, please describe.
SF:
#1: Maintain a great rapport with the clients especially on a memoir. My clients are warm, engaging and understanding, so I was comfortable interacting with them, asking them probing questions, and offering various suggestions. Since they were engaging and transparent, it was easy to capture their values and personalities which I consider important to grasp for a memoir.
#2: Maintain professionalism. I was diligent to be on time, if not early to meetings, made deadlines, researched facts, studies or other helpful information for the book and handled the business aspects such as writing a contract and providing receipts for their payments.
#3: Maintain their privacy: Many things the clients share were confidential; therefore, it’s important to respect their information and not share it with anyone.
KP: What are the pros and cons of being a ghostwriter from your point-of–view?
SF: Pros:
Fun experience: I’ve enjoyed this process especially meeting with the clients. They are an amazing couple, and I’ve gleaned much from their wisdom and knowledge. I have gained a friendship as well.
New adventure. You discover another person’s world and get to “travel” through time to learn their story. While memoirs are traveling through your own experiences, here you get the opportunity to explore someone else’s world.
Sharpens your skills: I have grown as a writer through this experience especially my editing skills. And I’ve learned to be a director and visionary. I had to see beyond the written page, and come up with creative ways the clients can communicate to the readers, and as director, I suggested going in a certain direction with their stories or adding a certain story in a different chapter.
I’ve had to sharpen my communication skills, especially listening. I am learning the how to not only hear what they are sharing, listen for the inside story, things not so obvious. Perhaps listen for their motivations, their passions. Hear their ‘why’. Then translate their heart and spirit in their stories.
It’s a paid job. Unlike writing your own book, you have guaranteed payment. Whether the book is a best seller or not, you are still paid.
Builds your resume. Joe Bunting from Story Cartel says that your writing is your resume. You never know what other doors will open because of this work.
Cons:
You’re not the author of the project. You can’t decide the direction of the book. You can’t add your own voice, for you must be invisible. Even if you have a wider vocabulary, you can’t utilize it at the expense of losing the author’s voice. I’ve replaced words to get efficiency, but knew that the author had either used that word before or familiar with the word.
You don’t dictate the schedule. (This might not necessarily be a “con”, depending on your tolerance for flexibility.) You’re working alongside the clients and their schedule. If a meeting is canceled, then you have to work around discussing items that you had planned to cover in that meeting. You may have completed all your revisions, but need to wait on the clients to read and accept them before continuing the next step. Or you may have to speed up to meet the client’s schedule. Again, you’re not the driver of the project.
KP: What recommendations do you have for people who may be interested in becoming a ghost writer?
SF: Study how to ghostwrite. I read two books and some articles about ghostwriting before I started working on their project. You may either write the contract or the client may present you with a contract. You need to be prepared for either scenario.
Ask yourself if you can enjoy being the facilitator of the project instead of the author. The clients are the authors who decide the content, direction and voice of the book. You help the authors not only write the words on the page, but clarify, edit and polish. You’re working behind the scenes to get the work ready for the public. And then after it’s released, you may not receive any public acknowledgement.
If you enjoy learning new stories, experiencing new challenges as a writer and working with others, then I suggest this type of work.
“Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”Theodore Isaac Ruben, MD One to One.
I am very happy to feature Memoir Author Nancy Stephan in this guest post on Narrative Medicine. We met online. Nancy is the author of The Truth About Butterflies,a poignant story about the death of her beloved daughter, Nicole. My reviews are on Amazon and Goodreads. Nancy worked in health care as a nurse for 18 years before pursuing her degree in creative writing.
Welcome , Nancy!
Memoir Author Nancy Stephan
Narrative Medicine, defined as the intersection of medicine and the humanities, is not a new concept.Artists, writers, patients, physicians and caregivers have been combining literature and medicine for as long as people and the arts have existed.
Thanks to Dr. Rita Charon, the founder of narrative medicine, this intersection has been formalized.The roads have been paved, and street signs have been put up. It is no longer just an unmarked thoroughfare;
it has become a destination for caregivers wishing to improve their competency, for sick people wishing to improve their health, and for writers like me to share the stories that have helped us grow.
This is one of my stories from my nursing career:
Narrative Medicine:
A Tale of Two Men and a Four-letter Word
Nobody wanted to work on the 4th floor. That AIDS man was up there. It was the mid-1980s, and the greatest fear of every nursing student in our cohort was being assigned an AIDS patient. But, eventually, it happened. My fellow student Cleeta and I were both placed on the 4th floor. We were both assigned our customary one patient. Mine was an elderly lady with dementia who kept putting on the call light, looking for her feet; someone had stolen her feet. My friend Cleeta’s patient was the AIDS man at the end of the hall.
“I’m not taking that man,” Cleeta said. “I want to be reassigned!” But Mrs. Kluth, our clinical instructor, told Cleeta she would either take the patient she was assigned or she would be sent home. Grudgingly, Cleeta grabbed her things, and we headed to the 4th floor.
As the two student nurses working on the unit, we were taken to the room at the end of the hall and given a full demonstration on how to follow strict isolation protocol. There were gowns to be donned, and masks and gloves to be worn. There was a bleach solution to be mixed and cleaning guidelines to follow. I looked beyond the nurse and her droning voice and into the room where a skeleton of a man lay on the bed gaunt faced and wet with perspiration. The white sheet was pulled up to his waist, his nude, rib-barreled chest rising and falling with each breath.
As noon approached, we quickly passed out the lunch trays. The AIDS man’s tray was the last one left on the cart. Cleeta, having avoided it as long as she could, pulled the tray from the cart and walked with a quick pace toward the man’s room. “Here,” I said as I followed her, “I’ll hold the tray while you gown up.”
“You don’t need to,” she said.
And when we reached the room, Cleeta squatted in the doorway, put the tray on the floor, and slid it across the slick, shiny tile. “It’s not like he’s gonna eat it,” she said. “Look at him; he’s catatonic.” And she walked away leaving me standing there.
The man was lying on his side facing the door. His dark, sunken eyes were fixed on me. “Are you hungry, sir?” I asked from the doorway not knowing what else to do, but he didn’t respond. His eyes were stuporous, his naked body was wet with sweat, and his respirations were rapid and shallow. I donned a gown, mask, and gloves, and held my breath as I stepped in quickly to move the tray from the floor to the bedside table. I held my breath because I feared the AIDS virus might be swirling about in the air. The mask might not have been enough to protect me.
It had all been such a disaster, and I thought about it later that night as I lay in bed. I wasn’t prepared, I thought. It happened too quickly, and I didn’t have time to get my thoughts together. Besides, he wasn’t even my patient. I struggled, unsuccessfully, to justify the events of the afternoon, but the truth was inescapable. I should’ve behaved with more compassion.I should’ve walked into that room and touched him, not the touch that demands something, like a blood pressure or a pulse, not the rattling around of bed rails or the shifting of covers or the other busy work that our hands find to do, but the simple touch of one human being to another. I should’ve offered him a sip of water.
The truth was, even though I was a bit kinder, I was just as chickenshit as Cleeta. I wasn’t afraid of the AIDS man himself. I was afraid of what was killing him. I was barely 20 years old, and the only thing I was certain of was that I didn’t want to die.
Some years later while working for a home-health agency, I volunteered to care for another man who was dying of AIDS. His name was David. Thanks to medical research, we were a little wiser about the AIDS virus and its transmission, but people were still dying from the disease at alarming rates. As such, there were few caregivers lining up to care for people with AIDS.
David lived in a posh, midtown penthouse that was filled with beautiful furniture and exotic artifacts from his many travels. For the six weeks that I cared for him, we talked in great detail about life and death and the unknown. I sat on the side of his bed while he showed me pictures of his adventures in Africa and Europe and South America. I listened to his action-packed stories and outlandish tall tales. And every day we ate plump, juicy oranges that were delivered fresh from the farmer’s market. David insisted that I invest in a Walkman so that on restless nights when I found it difficult to sleep, I could listen to the sounds of nature, which is exactly what he was doing the night he slipped away.
These two men dwell in my memory as a jarring juxtaposition. Even though my experiences with them happened years apart, I view it as one event, one sacred lesson. When, for whatever reason, I miss an opportunity to lay loving hands on someone in need, the universe will provide me with a second chance to get it right.
It’s up to me to take advantage of that second chance and turn it into something beautiful.
Author’s Bio:
Nancy Stephan is the author of The Truth About Butterflies: A Memoir, which earned the Atlanta resident a 2012 Georgia Author of the Year Award. She holds a master’s degree in creative writing from Kennesaw State University and is the Writing Center supervisor at Georgia Perimeter College, Dunwoody. Her first collection of poetry, A Gary Girl’s Guide to Good, was published in 2012. She is currently working on a collection of essays entitled, 24th Opus.
Thank you, Nancy for sharing your heart-wrenching story of caring for AIDS patients. It is reassuring to know that compassionate care has become the focus in health care and that narrative medicine is helping both patients and caregivers experience healing by sharing the stories that matter.
The Truth About Butterflies A Memoir by Nancy Stephan
How About You? Has storytelling brought healing to you? Have you had any experience with Narrative Medicine?
We’d love to hear from you. Please share your stories and comments below~
Nancy will be giving away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing. She is also offering a 20% discount if you order The Truth About Butterflies here.
Announcement: Congratulations to Linda Thomas and Louise Carlini! Your names were selected in a random drawing of commenters: Linda won Slants of Light Anthology by Susan Weidener and the Women’s Writing Circle; Louise won Adopted Reality by Laura Dennis.
“Revision is one of the exquisite pleasures of writing.”Bernard Malamud
I am very pleased to feature Memoirist Laura Dennis again in this guest post on re-launching her memoir, Adopted Reality. My book reviews are on Amazon and Goodreads.
All authors revise; we want to, and we have to. Our writing–if it is to be more than a personal journal–is meant to be read.
Before this “New Age of Digital Publishing,” a book was a book was a book. Once it was printed, on paper … pretty much, that-was-that. Publishers would not agree to a new edition mere months after the first one, just so the author could add a few bits. It was cost-prohibitive and generally, simply not done.
All of that has changed. Whether or not we call it a new edition, a re-release, or reprinting, authors are able to tweak their ebooks. Even paperbacks can be updated with relative ease,given the availability of print-on-demand. I use Createspace, for example.
When I first published Adopted Reality, a Memoir, I wanted it proofread and coherent, a good story … but I also wanted it out there. I wanted to be a published author, come hell or high-water. I did absolutely NO pre-launch marketing, social networking, what have you. I had my priorities, and yes, initial sales suffered for it.
Revision. Re-vision. Discovering a newvision.
For this re-launch of the 2nd Edition of my memoir, I had two purposes.
First, I knew I needed to “beef up” the endorsements in the front. I needed back matter. I needed “social media outlets” such as links to Twitter, Facebook and my blog.
I wanted a way to get readers engaged, to keep them as readers–of my blog and of future books. All of that was fairly straight-forward extremely daunting. It required healthy doses of gumption and legwork.
The second, and I would have to say, even more difficult purpose was to revise the memoir itself. I received feedback from readers that they wondered “if I’d made it” ... As in, following my 2001 bipolar breakdown, was I able to remain (relatively) sane and out of the hospital? If yes, then–how did I actually go about recovering?
Darn it, to heck, I thought. Let’s be honest. I may have used more evocative four-letter words.
I don’t know the answer to this. Long-term recovery from a bipolar breakdown is not easy, and I can’t say that I’m completely “cured.” That’s simply not how it works, at least for me. Learning to manage my depression, mania, hypomania, and something I’m only know recognizing as “mixed states”–well, it’s a huge job. I don’t have many insights.
Seriously, writing about my recovery … over the last twelve years? That’s fodder for a whole additional book, and I may need a degree in psychology to figure it all out!
The elusive “satisfying ending”
How I went about discussing my recovery to give readers not only a satisfying ending, but also some knowledge about living with bipolar disorder … it took time to figure out.
I wanted Adopted Reality to continue to exist as a “slice of life” memoir.The fantastical elements of my mental breakdown needed to have a beginning, middle and end. This can be one of the hardest aspects of memoir–finding an ending that feels complete and adequate for the reader … when the main character has a whole lot of life left to live!
Even so, the reader feedback was sound, especially because it came from fellow memoirists! I needed to give more details about how I struggled after being released from the mental hospital, how I succeeded in earning an MFA from a prestigious dance program, as a scholarship student who should otherwise be at the top of her dancing career. [If only it weren’t for this pesky mental illness.] This early recovery aspect needed to be shown with its attendant relapses and setbacks, warts-and-all.
I had to admit to myself was that while writing about delusions was fun and interesting; chronicling the arduous path to stability and sanity was decidedly not. The two years following my descent into madness were some of the most difficult times of my life. While I was supposed to be living my dream in California–reunited with my first mom, pursuing my love of dance–I was broken and beaten-down, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
But, I did it.
I sat down and I forced the writing out of me. I believe the 2nd edition of Adopted Reality is a better memoir for it. I’ve learned so much in the last year from other memoirists, such as Kathy Pooler, and from a social network of writers, fellow adoptees, and bloggers. Kathy was one of the first non-family-members who validated that my memoir was what she called, “a stunning psychological thriller.”
Beyond mere revision, this too is the power of the online digital age–connecting with kindred spirits, finding meaning in our own writing lives, and sharing that knowledge with others.
* * *
Laura Dennis was adopted in New Jersey, raised in Maryland, and learned how to be a (sane) person in California. A professionally trained dancer, Laura also worked as sales director for a biotech startup. With two children under the age of three, in 2010 she and her husband sought to simplify their lifestyle and escaped to his hometown, Belgrade, Serbia. While the children learned Serbian in their cozy preschool, Laura recovered from sleep deprivation and wrote Adopted Reality, a Memoir, available on Amazon.
She currently blogs at Expat (Adoptee) Mommy. Connect with her on twitter @LauraDennisCA, or email laura@adoptedrealitymemoir.com.
Adopted Reality , 2nd edition, Book Cover
Thank you, Laura for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us and for showing us how writing is rewriting. I appreciate how you kept your reader in mind as you revised.
Laura will give a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
How about you? What makes you decide to revise what you have written? Do you ask for reader feedback? As a reader, what makes you want to keep turning the pages of a book?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week: Memoir Author Nancy Stephan, The Truth About Butterflies, will discuss Narrative Medicine: ” A Tale of Two Men and a Four-letter Word.”
“A writer’s voice is not character alone, it is not style alone; it is far more. A writer’s voice lines the stroke of an artist’s brush-is the thumbprint of her whole person-her idea, wit, humor, passions, rhythms.” Patricia Lee Gauch
It is my pleasure to feature Memoir Author and founder of The Women’s Writing Circle Susan Weidener in this guest post on creating the newly-released anthology Slants of Light: Stories and Poems From the Women’s Writing Circle with fifteen members of the Women’s Writing Circle.Susan is also the author of two memoirs:Again in a Heartbeat and Morning at Wellington Square. We met in a LinkedIn Writer’s Cafe group chat in 2012. In February, 2013 , I had the honor of co-facilitating a journaling workshop with Susan for the Women’s Writing Circle. I experienced first-hand the power of women’s voices to inspire, nurture and support the stories of our lives. The Slants of Light anthology is tangible evidence of this power: a gift to us all. My reviews are on Amazon and Goodreads.
Welcome, Susan!
Memoir Author and Founder of The Women’s Writing Circle Susan Weidener
Welcome lovely ladies of the Women’s Writing Circle!
The women of the Women’s Writing Circle and Authors of The Slants of Light Anthology
KP: Please share what Slants of Light: Stories and Poems From the Women’s Writing Circle is about.
SW: It’s an original collection of stories and poems never before published. Created by 15 writers from the Philadelphia area, the collection spans fiction, creative non-fiction, memoir and poetry. The book focuses on the voices of women and their challenging and changing roles in society. Each story and poem addresses a specific theme of daily life – love, loss, friendships, childhood memories, career decisions, aging, divorce, abuse – with compassion and insight.
KP: The Women’s Writing Circle was created by you to help women find and honor their voices. What are the key ingredients in fostering a safe environment to make this happen?
SW: Without a doubt it’s the support and validation that our stories matter. There’s this feeling in the Circle that: “You’re not alone. I know what you’re talking about and I recognize this as something I’ve experienced too as a woman. Thank you for sharing.” The Circle can be very empowering as writers grow and learn from each other’s work.
KP: What made you decide to pull the women’s stories and poems into this anthology?
SW: The collaboration grew out of a rather innocent question on my part one morning at Wellington Square, which is the name of the bookstore where the Circle meets. For over a year I had been listening to stories of pain and fear, triumph and tragedy, each woman sharing her life and her memories either through fiction, creative non-fiction, memoir or poetry – and as always I had been struck with the pure power and honesty of those stories. So I said, “What do you think about sharing some of our stories in an anthology?” A few heads turned to one another. One woman asked, “Would anyone care what we have to say?” At which point someone else, said “We’ll never know if we don’t try.”
KP: Pulling the stories and poems of 15 women into one anthology seems like a daunting task. How did you make this happen and how long did it take?
SW: We had no idea when we started where the journey would lead. Truthfully, it was more arduous than any of us on the core committee anticipated, and if we had known, well….. We would laugh about that just to break the tension. The committee, which consisted of four of us, directed everything from strategy and implementation of deadlines, opening a bank account for anthology funds, to whom to hire as editor and illustrator. We also did copy and content edits before we sent the manuscript to the outside editor to lessen her load. We were working on an extremely tight budget and it wasn’t fair to send her something that hadn’t been fairly well polished in advance. It took exactly one year from beginning to end. You have to remember, too, these are all original, never before published stories and poems. Each piece was crafted by the writers specifically for the anthology and to that end each was subjected to a very rigorous editing process both through group critique and by our outside editor.
KP: The title, Slants of Light, is intriguing. How did you come up with this title?
SW : We loved the idea of light being in the title because we always light the candle to open the Circle. Edda Pitassi, who served on the committee and was the editor for my memoir sequel Morning at Wellington Square, has a very literary bent. She had searched and found this Emily Dickinson quote which she liked. I particularly loved Dickinson’s’ reference to “cathedral tunes” which I felt was a metaphor for the anthology.
There’s a certain Slant of light, Winter Afternoons – That oppresses, like the Heft Of Cathedral Tunes —
KP: How has your role as a journalist for The Philadelphia Inquirer helped you in the publication of Slants of Light?
SW: I always liken working at the newspaper for 16 years as a “day-in, day-out writing clinic.” So there’s that, of course, working on my craft, which never stops. The synergy in a newsroom of reporters and editors lends itself to collaboration, which is what an anthology is all about. Plus, as a reporter, you are exposed on a daily basis to catchy headlines and well-crafted press releases. We had to have a vision for this anthology and that meant incorporating themes that resonated with readers, as well as a message of what made our anthology different from others and why people should buy it.
KP: What are your ideas for promoting the anthology?
SW: Endless! When you have 15 individuals collaborating on a book, there is an amazingly exponential component created through social media, friends, business associates, libraries, churches, book clubs, etc. We are splitting online royalties 15 ways, and the women will be selling the books at events and venues; so that acts as a built-in incentive for promotion. As a group, we are constantly brainstorming and right now we have a panel discussion about women finding their voices through writing scheduled at a local library, as well as a public reception and debut of the book on May 11 at an historic book store in our area. We have plans for open mic nights to read our stories to audiences. We are also planning meet and greet author events at local community day fairs and author signings at colleges and universities, of which there are many in the Philadelphia area, as you know.
KP: Is there anything else you’d like to share about the Women’s Writing Circle or Slants of Light?
SW: I would like to thank the women for their dedication and the wealth of talent they brought to this very unique collaboration. One of my hopes when we started this journey was that this – creating a published book, would be an empowering experience for the women and a chance for them to go out and affirm to other women the joy of finding a voice through writing. On another topic, I feel that women sometimes spend inordinate amounts of time volunteering and offering up their gifts, their creations, their handiwork without recompense. I have done this too. Due to the dynamics of the new publishing age we are living through, writers have a greater chance than ever to dip their toes into the “entrepreneurial pool” and craft a little extra “income” – both monetarily and creatively by tapping into their talents and taking risks. That is very exciting!
***
Thank you Susan for sharing the process of publishing your anthology, Slants of Light:Stories and Poems From theWomen’s Writing Circle.It is truly a tribute to the power and joy of sharing women’s voices.
Cover for Slants of Light Anthology by The Women’s Writing Circle.
Author Bio:
For more information about Susan Weidener visit the Women’s Writing Circle at:
The Slants of Light Anthology can be ordered on Amazon
How about you? Have you ever submitted a piece to an anthology? Have you ever published an anthology?
Susan has offered to give away a copy of the Slants of Light anthology to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please share your stories and comments below~
Thursday, 5/2: Memoir Author Laura Dennis will discuss: “Re-launching a Memoir in the Digital Book Age.” Laura is the author of Adopted Reality and will give away a copy of her updated memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
I am honored to be featured on Gabriela Pereira’s blog DIYMFA today in a guest post “How Practicing My Pitch Helped Me Write A Better Book.”
When I attended the Writer’s Digest Conference earlier this month in New York City, I wasn’t sure if I would be pitching my memoir. I decided at the last minute I would and here’s my story:
“Four basic premises of writing: clarity, brevity, simplicity and humanity.”William Zinsser
I am thrilled to feature Writing Teacher, Author and Editor Cate Russell-Cole in this guest post. Cate has been published in many local and Internet e-zines, magazines and newspapers; and she has researched, written and taught her own courses since 1990. Her most successful course to date is Write Your Life Story, which has a thriving community on Facebook. Cate offers a wealth of writing resources on her site communiCATE. We met online and although I can not remember exactly where we met, I can tell you I feel like I have known Cate forever.
Welcome, Cate!
communiCATE logo
When I teach memoir writing, my students are mostly women. Whenever we have a male in the classroom, the whole dynamic changes. Often, they don’t want to get too touchy-feely or pour their souls out for a public audience. That’s fine. There are as many types of memoir, as there are memoir writers.
In 2004 the Queensland Art Gallery purchased a collection of photographic images by the Australian society photographer, William Yang. These photos are a striking contrast to the gilt framed oils and quirky modern works throughout the gallery. They are a series of 30 black and white photographs, with one short paragraph hand-written under each photo: memoir in a new form… and even better, memoir in a strikingly simple and non-judgemental form. I took my class to view it, including our not so touchy-feely male (who was actually very warm and pleasant off paper.) Everyone walked out of the gallery inspired, considering how they could communicate conflicts and complex issues as easily.
William’s exhibition highlighted where his family had lived, their beliefs, their morals and their values. At no time was he ever judgmental about a family member or situation. He did release some skeletons from the family closet, but they were all his skeletons to set free. Out of respect, he waited until his close relatives were deceased before he did so. The picture he painted was realistic, but sensitive. I noticed that he honored his late mother in a simple and special way.
As the Art Gallery owns the collection, they allowed me to take the photo shown here; but due to copyright, I cannot reproduce the works in an easier to see form. You can view their page on William here:
Below is some of the text which was with the photos.
“In 1979 I had a bad case of hepatitis and I came back to the house of my mother to recuperate. My mother liked having me at home under her control. But I felt the life I had chosen to lead was not in Brisbane, and when I was half better, I went back to Sydney.”
“In his day your father was a very dashing man. He played saxophone in a dance band, and he wore silk shirts. He wouldn’t let me iron them, he did them himself. I couldn’t iron them good enough” I stared at my mother in disbelief. “He wasn’t like you know him.” She said.”
“Frances was my father’s favorite. She was the apple of his eye. I was my mother’s favorite child. There was a friction between my mother and my sister. They were both strong women.”
You can see how simple, but strong the message is. There are no angst-ridden emotional dissections, or lengthy one-sided speeches that could cause family arguments to erupt, or lose your interest amid the details. William got straight to the point. He chose the most important aspects of his family life and how they had affected him. That is always a safe place to focus on controversial topics: how they affected you, rather than who committed what sin.
So when you are writing, whatever your gender, use your freedom to be creative and original. Memoir doesn’t have to be a series of dates or plain paragraphs in a book. You can communicate through art, scrapbooking, photos, story quilts, music etc: it’s up to you. Any form of memoir should reflect your personality and interests in life. It should be representative of the main character: you.
This photo of the collection has been reproduced for educational purposes with the kind permission of the Queensland Art Gallery, and is Copyright 2004 Queensland Art Gallery, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. It may not be reproduced outside of this blog without first obtaining their permission.
Thank you, Cate for offering this unique alternative to telling our stories.
How about you? Have you ever considered telling your story through photos?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations to book winners: Angie Walker won Poems That Come to Mind by Linda Austin and Dan Blank won Home Sweet Hardwood by Pat McKinzie. Enjoy!
Next Week:
4/29: “Interview with Susan Weidener“Memoir Author and Founder of The Women’s Writing Circle on the launch of The Slants of Light Anthology.
5/2: “Re-launching a Memoir in the Digital Book Age: A Guest Post by Memoir Author Laura Dennis”
A guest post by Patricia McKinzie-Lechault/@PattyMacKZ posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.” Title IX legislation signed into law by President Nixon, June 23, 1972, full compliance required by 1978.
I am thrilled to welcome Pat McKinzie-Lechault back to Memoir Writer’s Journey in this guest post on how playing basketball helped her to write her memoir. Pat and I first met in Dan Blank’s Build Your Author Platform Course in 2011 and have been “team mates” ever since.
Pat is a Title IX trailblazer for women’s basketball. As the first recipient of a woman’s college basketball scholarship, she paved the way for women to have a legitimate place on the basketball court. In her memoir, Home Sweet Hardwood, she chronicles her journey from childhood dreams to woman’s professional basketball. Here is a blurb about her memoir:
“Written with an awe-inspiring resiliency and focus, Home Sweet Hardwood is more than just a book about sports. While possessing all of the drama and action you would expect in a blockbuster movie, this captivating book is a deeply personal tale of one woman’s triumphs over tragedy while continuing to pursue her dreams. Throughout her journey, McKinzie’s fight to play, her resiliency after each setback, and her unwavering spirit illuminate readers to the shocking strength of the human spirit and the power of a determined woman.”
Skills I learned as a professional athlete transferred to my career as a writer.
A child’s naïve hope helped me believe that one day I would be allowed to play ball like the boys. That same blind faith led me to persevere in publishing my own book. The self-discipline to practice the same jump shot for hours, trained me to rewrite the same sentence over and over to get it right. In rhythm to tunes blasting from my boom box, I shot hoops entering the zone when my body flowed. Now listening to jazz and R&B, I scribble first drafts, losing track of time and place in the artist’s zone of words.
Sports shaped the person I became and helped me to endure 5 concussions, 3 whiplashes, and 1 broken back as well as the countless setbacks and rejections that are an inherent part of any writers’ journey.
Here are 9 tips I’ve learned from playing basketball that helped me write my memoir:
1. Ideas are everywhere. Never get caught empty-handed. I carry a pocket notebook, always prepared for the muse, and jot down thoughts in class, while officiating soccer matches, and even during dinner parties.
2. Practice. Establish a routine! Butt-in-chair-daily-discipline helps ideas flow –journaling is a great warm up.
3. Start a blog. I used to write a weekly newspaper column about life abroad and that discipline carried over to blogging and helped in meeting deadlines.
4. Exercise. Oxygen to the brain helps you think sharper. Writer’s block? Walk it off. I am invigorated by the view of the snow-peaked Alps towering behind Lake Geneva. Water heals; mountains inspire.
5. Rest. As an athlete my inner drive exceeded the limits of my body. Due to injuries, pain imprints my spinal column like a tattoo; every day must include time to recline with my spine aligned to the floor.
6. Read. After my car accident, words jumped across the page for two years. When they stopped moving, I felt like I had my life back and could gain inspiration from other writers.
7. Form a team. My French husband, a printer, does the layout. My grown children, sisters, friends and former players read and edit. Bloggers like Kathy Pooler, Clara Freeman and on GenFab, NMWA and GIP groups offer weekly inspiration with their posts.
8. Persistence! As part of my personality – a feisty, in your face, never-take-no-for-an-answer kid – I became a focused, driven adult. Just as sport teaches you to win and lose graciously, writers must learn to handle defeat gallantly. Rejection stings. Don’t take loss personally, review mistakes, and move forward
9. Gratitude. After surviving a near death experience, I will never forget that life is a gift. Chronic illness presents challenges, but each day we face a choice, give up or go on. Thank your God, Great Spirit, and Higher Power for another 24 hours.
Over the years, I wrote countless different versions of the book and worked with a dozen editors and agents, but in the end the publishers said no thanks.
I felt like a loser. I moped. I swore. I cried. I kicked the wall. Then I picked up the pen again.
With a firsthand account of the monumental Title IX ruling, my book serves as an inspiring lesson in women’s history, but it is more than just a sports story. From expatriate life to cross-cultural marriage to motherhood, Home Sweet Hardwood touches on the transitions every woman makes as she bridges the gaps between genders, generations and cultures.
Though I suffer from pain,but no matter how awful I feel, I can muster the strength to read.
Writing saved my life. Words keep me from giving up. I exist to bear witness and record.
Whether I am teaching, coaching, or blogging, my life is dedicated to inspiring courage, breaking barriers, and creating connections.
Thank you so much, Pat for sharing these valuable lessons learned from your courageous life’s journey. You inspire us all to be the best that we can be.
Author Bio:
As a pioneer for women’s basketball, Pat McKinzie is the first female athletic scholarship recipient in Illinois and first female player to score 1,000 points at ISU. She is one of the first Women’s Professional Basketball League draftees and female inductees in the Hall of Fame at Illinois State. After a 1983 car accident in France ended her playing career, McKinzie began to focus her energy on coaching. With thirty years of experience in coaching, teaching, and writing, she has cultivated an impressive career from hall-of-fame coach to basketball agent, student advisor, columnist, and blogger. McKinzie has a bachelor’s degree in education from Illinois State University. She is married to a Frenchman with whom she raised two Third Culture Kids, and she currently resides in Switzerland.
Home Sweet Hardwood can be ordered from Amazon or Pat’s blog:
HOME SWEET HARDWOOD book cover
Pat will give away a free copy of Home Sweet Hardwood to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
How about you? What life skills have you been able to transfer to your writing projects? How has writing helped you in life?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This week: Pat and I are also over at Clara Freeman’s Clara54Weblog in an Interview on Memoir Insights. Hope you’ll stop by there , too!
Next Week: Writing Teacher, Author and Editor Cate Russell-Cole of the popular CommuniCATE Resources for Writers blog will discuss “Thinking Inside the Frame: Using Photographs to Tell Your Story.”
