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Narrative Medicine and the Fine Art of Listening: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.” Richard Moss, MD
The field of Narrative Medicine has emerged gradually over time.
Dr Rita Charon, professor of medicine and executive director of Columbia University’s Narrative Medicine program defines narrative medicine as “medicine practiced with narrative competence to recognize, absorb, tell and be moved by the stories of illness.”
She is the author of Narrative Medicine: Honoring the Stories of Illness.
When I attended nursing school in 1964-67, we studied ‘interpersonal relationships and therapeutic communication.” It was a given that the nurse’s role was to consider the individual person in caring for the patient while the physician’s role was to concentrate on diagnosing and treating disease. We called it the nursing model and medical model. Together we would work as a team to deliver safe and compassionate care to our patients.
Listening to the stories of illness is at the heart of any compassionate, caring relationship. As Dr Charon cites in this article from the Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA),
“words nurse the wounds medicine cannot describe.”
It comes as a welcomed relief to me to see that the field of Narrative Medicine encourages a holistic approach for all healthcare providers.
I have been privileged to have served as a health care provider both as a registered nurse for forty-four years and as a family nurse practitioner for the last fifteen of those years.
Here is a story of a time I listened to a patient. It was 1974 and I was a staff RN in a busy emergency department of a 400-bed hospital:
Sacred Ground
“50 year-old male with crushing chest pain of three-hour duration. No known heart history. His wife is on her way,” the paramedic reported while whisking the ambulance stretcher past me on the way to the trauma room.
As I helped pull the man onto the exam table, his wide eyes and ashen color left no doubt about the urgency of his condition. We buzzed around him like a swarm of bees. While hooking him up to the monitor, starting an IV (intravenous), rattling off questions, I looked over at him and noticed his eyes searching. He clutched his chest and looked so scared.
“Mr Michaels, we’re giving you some medication in your veins to help the pain,” I said as I leaned in closer to his stretcher.
“Where’s Rachel? I need to see Rachel. Please go get her,” he pleaded, his salt and pepper hair now drenched with sweat. He had a look of terror in his eyes.
Sensing the desperation in his plea, I signaled to a co-worker to take my place and briefly left the room while the frenzied attempt to save his life continued.
A thin, scared young girl with long straight light brown hair and big brown eyes slowly inched her way around the corner when I called out for Rachel.
“Rachel, your dad wants to talk with you,” I said. When I bent down to put my hand on her shoulder, I wanted to wrap my arms around her frail, frightened body.
“Is my Daddy going to be OK?” she asked as she looked up at me and fiddled with the button on her dress. I sensed she knew he wasn’t.
“We’re doing everything we can, Rachel. Come with me,” I said as I took her hand and led her to the room.
I guided her to the head of her father’s bed through the maze of IV tubing, monitor wires, medical orders and staff rushing by.
Mr Michaels reached out his arm and pulled her head next to his, kissing her forehead.
“Take good care of your mother, Rachel. Daddy loves you very much.” He said.
I love you too, Daddy.” She said and began sobbing.
He nodded, signaling me it was time to leave.
After ushering Rachel to the waiting room to the care of another nurse, I returned to the room. He was being resuscitated. As soon as I left the room with Rachel, he had gone into full cardiac arrest. After all attempts were deemed futile , he was pronounced dead.
Precious moments and sacred ground.
I’m so glad I listened.”
I hope you will enjoy this YouTube video of a TED talk by Dr. Sayantani Das Gupta, professor in the Medical Humanities program at Columbia University. She talks about “Narrative Humility and the importance of reading and interpreting our patients’ stories.”
How about you? Have you experienced the healing aspect of storytelling and being listened to?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 3/31/14: ” Finding My Way From Memoir to Fiction by Author Doreen Cox”
Hooked on Hope, Part 2: A Mother’s Story About Bipolar Disorder and Prison by Maureen Murdock
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Maureen Murdock/@murdockmaureen
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Rev. Martin Luther King , Jr.
Bestselling Author, Memoir Teacher and Clinical Psychologist Maureen Murdock returns for Part 2 of the spoken word piece she did for SPARKS theater in Pacific Palisades, CA. She describes a heartwrenching visit with her son Matt in prison. Here is Part 1 if you missed it.
Welcome back, Maureen!
“Hooked on Hope, Part 2: A Mother’s Story About Bipolar Disorder and Prison.”
I am a therapist. What I do is help other people give voice to their lives to heal. When people come to my office it’s safe for them to have their feelings, to cry, to rant, to rage. My office is a sanctuary. But when I visit my son in prison, I have to go against my every instinct as a therapist and mother—encouraging him to express his feelings would only put him in danger.
Safety is a big issue for me. I have struggled with and failed to keep my son safe. When he had his first mental health emergency in his second year in college I tried to get him the help he needed, to stabilize him, to keep him contained. But it was not enough.
When bipolar illness is paired with substance abuse it’s a recipe for disaster. My son has made some bad decisions that have had huge consequences.
The night Matt was arrested for knowingly buying a stolen laptop while he was on probation, my first thought was well, now he’s safe in County Jail. I know where he is. This was before he was sentenced to 4 years and transferred to San Quentin.
I want you to understand— that in spite of all of his struggles, my son is a talented artist. He has had gallery shows in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Our shared love of art is a way we connect in the purest, uncomplicated way. Making art is the way he makes sense of and connects with the outside world.
Over the past year, he did a series of silkscreen prints in the art studio inmates use when a volunteer teacher comes into prison. A recent assignment was to create a print about human rights in the prison system.
His silkscreen illustrating Solitary Confinement, Mental Illness and the 8th Amendment was chosen to be part of an art show in San Francisco. His statement under the print read: “In prison, it’s not possible to do artwork which is not political. The very act is one of resistance.. Solitary Confinement is a clear constitutional violation, an insidious exercise of cruel and unusual punishment.”
Matt was proud to be in the show; it meant he still had a presence in the art world. His dream after prison is to curate a show with art from prisoners he admires.
He had been saving stamps for six months to send home his additional prints and the prints of other inmates he had bought. Stamps are the only currency in prison. They are bartered for CDs, junk food and inmate art. He had constructed a large make-shift envelope for the prints and waited to send it home until he knew the guard on watch who would inspect it. Officer Lee examined the contents and taped the envelope closed.
It arrived at my house sealed shut but empty.
One of the other guards must have confiscated the art. Six months worth of scrimping and saving and creating only to be stolen by someone who can–with impunity.
It is conceivable that the art was taken to be examined for gang-related imagery. It is also known that inmate art is stolen by guards for sale on e-Bay. The journal in which he had written an essay on the injustice of solitary confinement had also been taken.
Matt was devastated.
I wish I could tell him that everything will be okay. That he just has to hang on for 3 more months.
But I don’t feel like things will be okay.
I feel powerless to change his circumstances. All I can do is ask you to keep an open mind about those you might not understand. There’s always a hidden narrative.
***
Maureen, the sense of injustice is palpable. Anyone, especially a mother with a child in prison, will be touched by your words. I admire your courage in getting your story out there so that we all can know the realities of prison life. I am joining you in being “hooked on hope” that Matt will move forward from this harrowing experience with purpose and strength. And yes, may we all be more understanding of the “hidden narratives” when we face that which we may not understand.
Author’s Biography and Contact Information (from Amazon):
Maureen Murdock is the best-selling author of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, a ground-breaking work which revealed a broader understanding of the female psyche on both a personal and cultural level and was Murdock’s response to Joseph Campbell’s A Hero with a Thousand Faces. When Murdock showed Campbell her book, he said, “Women don’t need to make the journey.” Murdock’s readers around the world have shown that he’s wrong! A Jungian psychotherapist and creative writing teacher, Murdock is also the author of Fathers Daughters: Breaking the Ties that Bind, The Heroine’s Journey Workbook, Spinning Inward: Using Guided Imagery with Children, and Unreliable Truth: On Memoir and Memory, a seminal work about memoir and what’s involved in writing a memoir. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and she lectures internationally.
Follow her blog, Hooked on Hope
Twitter@murdockmaureen
Book Description (from Amazon):
The Emergence of a Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective by Maureen Murdock informs the reader about the early signs of bipolar disorder in an adolescent or young adult from a mother who has been through this journey with her son. The book describes what’s involved in a mental health crisis, the trauma of a first hospitalization and facts and figures about bipolar disorder, the fastest growing brain illness in children today. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, four million children and adolescents in America suffer from a serious mental disorder. Through early diagnosis and treatment these young people can live productive lives.
As a mother and a psychotherapist, it was difficult for me to find adequate resources when my son was first diagnosed so I offer tools to navigate these turbulent waters. Included are suggestions about Mental Health First Aid, personal recommendations for links to TED Talks by two young people talking about living with bipolar disorder and community resources a family can access for support before, during, and after a mental health crisis. Like the award-winning movie “Silver Linings Playbook,” The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective gives the reader a glimpse into the challenges a family experiences when a child is struck with a mood disorder.
How about you? How do you handle life circumstances when they don’t turn out the way you want them to? How do you help a child whose choices have led to consequences and injustices that are difficult for you as a parent to deal with?
Maureen has graciously offered to give away a copy of her Kindle short to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below~
Next Week, Monday, 1/13/14: ” All Dressed Up and So Many Places to Go–Publication Decision Time.”
Using Sense Memory to Remember Story Details by Bryan Cohen
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Bryan Cohen/@bryancohenbooks
“There is no fence or hedge round time that has gone. You can go back and have what you like if you remember it well enough.” -Richard Llewellyn, How Green Was My Valley
Please join me in welcoming Author, Creativity Coach and Actor Bryan Cohen in this guest post about triggering memories for memoir. Brian is the author of 1000 Creative Writing Prompts: Ideas for Blogs, Scripts , Stories and More. He shares some useful lessons he learned from his acting days that have helped him retrieve distant memories. Think about how this can help you with memoir writing. This post ties in with Memoir Writer and Blogger Sherrey Meyer’s recent post on Triggers for Releasing Memories.
Bryan, I think you’re on to something here.
Welcome!
Using Sense Memory to Remember Story Details
I’ve learned of many important tools for writing over the years, but one of the best for memoir writing came from my acting days. In college, I studied with Joan Darling, one of the first female directors on TV. Joan’s episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, “Chuckles Bites the Dust,” was once voted the funniest episode of television ever by TV Guide. The woman knew her stuff and one lesson that stuck with me was the practice of using sense memory.
Effective memory is accessed when you try to think back to a time in your life and you recall other events related to that time. Sense memory is different. Sense memory is when you employ your five senses to help you remember an event and the emotions connected with it. While both can help you to remember the details of an occurrence you’d like to write about, sense memory lets you go deeper into those memories than you imagined possible.
Sense memory requires that you make the effort to remember how something smelled, tasted, felt, etc. I recall doing an exercise in which we mimed playing with a favorite childhood toy. Instead of trying to make it look like we were playing with a toy, Joan told us to use our fingers and hands to remember the shape and texture of the toy. It took a few tries, but I remember feeling like I was transported back to my childhood room. I saw vivid details of my bed, carpet and toys. I also couldn’t help but feel different. I felt like I must have as a child playing with that toy. That emotion came from accessing the same part of my brain where the memory occurred through the sense of touch.
In my subsequent theatre performances, I would use sense memory to ground the characters I played in reality. As a writer, I’ve used sense memory to help me remember moments from my life that were long forgotten. Concentrating on one sense memory from a time I want to recall and using that sense to make the effort to remember has helped me to unearth a great deal. If you find yourself hitting a wall trying to remember a certain event for your memoir, sense memory could serve as a useful tool for your next writing session.
An important thing to keep in mind. Sense memory taps into some pretty raw emotions. Joan always recommended that after we used a sense memory, we should practice relaxing it out to get back to neutral.
If you want to use sense memory in your writing, make sure to practice getting out of the emotion through breathing, meditation and general relaxation as much as you do getting into the emotion.
Happy writing!
***
Thank you Bryan for sharing this valuable lesson on sense memory from your acting days. This is very relevant for memoir writers who are trying to retrieve distant memories to bring their stories alive and make them believable. Your book sounds like a beneficial addition to any writer’s library.
About the Author
In honor of his new book, Cohen is hosting the “1,000 Prompts, 1,000 Dollars” Writing Contest on his website. Click the link to find out how to enter!
Bryan Cohen is an author, a creativity coach and an actor. His new book, 1,000 Creative Writing Prompts, Volume 2: More Ideas for Blogs, Scripts, Stories and More is now available on Amazon in digital and paperback format. His other books include 1,000 Creative Writing Prompts, The Post-College Guide to Happiness, and Ted Saves the World. He has published over 30 books, which have sold more than 20,000 copies in total. Connect with him on his website, Build Creative Writing Ideas, on Facebook or on Twitter.
How about you? How do you retrieve distant memories? Do you think sense memory would work for you?
Bryan has generously offered a free copy of his book to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 12/9/13 : “Memoir on Place: Memory and Personal History by Memoir Author Kristen Lodge”, Author of Continental Quotient.
Thursday, 12/12/13: ” How What We Learned in the ’60s and ’70s is Important to Women Today.” A Wow! Women on Writing Blog Tour with a guest post by Merimee Moffitt, Winner of First Honorable Mention, Poetry for the anthology, Times They Were A-Changing: Women Remember the ’60s and ’70s
Exploring Memoir Themes by Memoir Author Diana Cruze
Posted Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with Diana Cruze/@ladysalesman
I’m very pleased to feature memoir Author Diana Cruze in the guest post on her memoir A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman. Diana and I met on Goodreads. Diana blazed a trail through the Appalachian Mountains and brings us along on an adventuresome and humorous trip. But underlying this lady salesman is a woman who has to fights hard to establish herself in what the people she serves believe to be a man’s job.
My book reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.
Welcome, Diana!
Finding Memoir Themes
A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman—an odd title for a memoir with male chauvinism in the workplace as one of the book’s themes. Lady Salesman is no longer proper when speaking about or to a female salesperson. Before I wrote the first word of my memoir, I knew the title, which is a nod to my customers in southern Appalachia.
From Preface:
I slipped through the back door of the school kitchen. Two cooks yelled, “Gladys, the lady salesman is here.”
I heard that call often during years of selling to school lunchrooms and other accounts.
Southerners have long been thought of and portrayed as ignorant backwoods hillbillies. While one chapter in my book does discuss Appalachian language, I never mean to ridicule the folks I met. Simply put, the mountain population speaks as generations before them have spoken. Referring to a salesperson as a lady is indeed a compliment in southern Appalachia.
“Appalachian speak” has been the subject of a wealth of books and articles. Christy, a 1967 novel by Catherine Marshall, documented the connection between Appalachian dialect and the English-Scottish immigrants to our southern mountains.
A Life in the Day…because the many unusual, humorous, or frightening events that took place during my 32 years selling products in mountains and valleys of TN, KY, West VA, VA, and NC caused each day to seem like a lifetime.
Well, what is the theme of my memoir?
Male supervisors who made work life difficult in most office positions I held? “Diana, bring me coffee and hurry,” I seethed as my own work was interrupted while I poured coffee, wanting to pour it on the bosses’ head.
Or male sales managers who cared only for the sale and disregarded needs of the customer? Yes, my desire to escape these supervisors certainly is woven throughout the book.
Adventures that I lived as a child are largely responsible for my driving across treacherous mountains, becoming lost while searching for customers. Seeking freedom, independence, and a decent income is a significant idea in my memoir.
All these subjects: male bigots, adventure seeking, desires for freedom and earning money all are subject matter for this memoir.
I began my book with anger at unfair treatment by bosses, with yearning to tell with humor of my adventures, whether comical or sad, with the awful trials of learning how to sell. Telling of the beauty of our hills and valleys and rivers is also central to my story.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime via Diana Cruze
In the end, the truth that the people of my southern Appalachia are also my theme came through this memoir. I learned to appreciate and care deeply for my customers who were employed as school lunch room cooks, street department workers, linemen, maintenance mechanics, custodians, and many more folks working each day no matter the weather with low pay and few benefits. These people showed me kindness and shared personal stories of their families. Judy, a housekeeping supervisor for a large health care facility once told me, “We are the downstairs people who hold up the rest of the building.”
Here you have the themes of my memoir. You choose the one you like best.
A quote from my book:
“Even though selling chemicals remained challenging, I loved to trek anywhere through rainbows on the road: Brownsville, Bowling Green, Greeneville, White Pine, Copper Hill, Bluefield, or Gray.”
***
Thank you, Diana, for showing us the various layers of themes that have emerged from your memoir. You take us on an adventure through the Appalachian mountains and pique our interest about the people and experiences you encountered.
Short summary of A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman:
My sales career began in the late ‘70s when I grew tired of office life and sexist bosses. Keebler Cookies offered me a temporary route position, covering for their vacationing sales reps. A cookie and snack position led to a job with a novelty company based in Roanoke, VA until a candy and tobacco company, Tobacco Sales, hired me. IDI (a grocery distributor, located in London, KY) kept me employed for 3 years and I finally chose industrial chemical sales as my last career. Starting my own company in1994 afforded me even more freedom and frequent headaches.
The variety of jobs took me to KY, West VA, VA, TN, and parts of NC.
Although my jobs afforded me the freedom that I enjoyed as a child, my fear of heights made for many harrowing trips across mountainous regions. Mountains proved to be only one of many barriers to a woman in sales during the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ’90s. Although most customers welcomed me, I did often hear sexist remarks. Probably the worst hurdle I faced was learning to make cold calls without shaking from nervousness. I plowed through the cold calls and summits, earning a nice living while enjoying freedom and fun with my customers.
A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman is available through Amazon, Union Ave Books in Knoxville, TN, Crossville, TN Library, Powell Library in Knoxville, and by emailing me at dianacruze41@gmail.com
Author’s Bio:
Knoxville, TN is my birth place where I have lived most of my life, except for 5 years in Rabat, Morocco and 3 years in Pensacola, FL. I am married to Wayne Cruze, who is retired from the U.S. Navy. My children, Kelly, Cheryl, and Brandon all live in Knoxville. Estella, 9 and Dolan, 5, my adorable grandchildren give me the greatest joy in my life.
Writing has been a passion for most of my life. My poem, “Whirlpool” was published in New Millennium Writings. In 2012, I won first prize for my non-fiction piece, “Words and Music” from Knoxville Writer’s Guild where I am a member.
Contact Information:
Facebook: Diana Amann Cruze
Twitter-@ladysalesman
Linkedin-Diana Cruze
Google+ dianacruze41@gmail.com
How about you? How have you found the themes of your memoir or story?
Diana has graciously offered to give a copy of her memoir away to a lucky commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 12/2: “A Fourth Blogaversay Celebration:My Blog in PIctures”
Thursday, 12/5: “Creativity” by Bryan Cohen
Memoir Writing Tips by Denis Ledoux: Establish Your Setting
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Denis Ledoux/@DenisLedoux
“Rule one: Write about settings you’re familiar with.” Jeffery Deaver
This is the third session in a series of Memoir Writing Tips by Memoir Author and Teacher Denis Ledoux in preparation for “The Memoir Network’s “November is Lifewriting Month .” Today’s topic is Establishing Your Setting. Here are :Session One on Action and Session Two on Character Description.
Welcome back , Denis!
Every story needs a believable setting. Setting will both put your characters in their context and make them seem real.
The setting is both where and when your story occurs. The where is the place in which the story occurs. It includes interiors and exteriors of buildings, the landscape, and the political demarcations (town, county, country, etc.). The when includes the calendar time as well as the history of the characters and of their community (family, group, nation, etc.). Setting, like character, is also best established with ample sense-oriented details.
Always place your story in a recognizable setting. That is, use descriptive writing to show us where your story occurs! Let us see the double Cape, with its faded red paint and two dormers directly above the downstairs windows. Give us a view of the living room inside, to the left of the front entrance, where you were sitting in one of the stuffed wing-backed chairs. Let us notice you passing your finger over the worn arm rest as you come to a frayed upholstery cord and thoughtlessly pull it. Point out the full-leafed maples and oaks (not just generic trees) outside the clear window next to your chair and hear the car that is crunching stones in the driveway. Let us taste the pastries–cobblers and brownies and molasses cookies–that you are being served on large oval china that belonged to the grandmother of your hostess.
Without the sort of tangible physical setting provided in the paragraph above, your story remains an ethereal piece–inhabited by phantoms in a conceptual space. You story needs to have a sense of place that is very real. Descriptive writing full of sensory details will do that.
Your character also inhabits intangible settings that are not physical. Writers must pay attention to these spiritual, historical, cultural, and economic settings in order to effectively convey full characters! What is your character’s cultural community: Yankee, Jewish, Lithuanian, African, or Chinese? Show us how the person interacts with this background. We need to know about the person’s economic status: is she the wife of an upper-income lawyer or a single woman who works as a secretary at a hardware store in a small town; is he the third son and sixth and last child of a mill worker and a store clerk or the only child of a heart surgeon father and corporate lawyer mother? Is your character the first person in her family to graduate from high school? The reader needs to know the education levels, religious affiliations, and spiritual affinities of the people you are writing about. Your characters will otherwise remain stick figures without any contexts–or, to use another image, fish out of water.
In short, as part of the setting, we need to know the entire context that surrounds your character. These include: physical, intellectual, spiritual, cultural, economic, educational, professional, occupational, personal and public. These aspects of your characters must be explored through descriptive writing.
The setting is a very important aspect of your lifestory. It can change your story from a parochial one that is of interest only to family and friends to a universal story that becomes the voice of a generation and of an shared experience.
Good luck writing!
***
Thank you Denis for showing us how descriptive writing about where and when our stories take place can help our stories become “the voice of a generation and of a shared experience.” Your specific examples are very useful.
Author Bio: Every November, Denis offers November is Lifewriting Month. NILM provides writing prompts via e-mail, free tele-classes on memoir-writing techniques and many surprise memoir gifts. Denis is the author of the classic Turning Memories into Memoirs/A Handbook for Writing Lifestories. Most recently , he completed his mother’s memoir, We Were Not Spoiled, and his uncle’s, Business Boy to Business Man. Denis is currently working on a book about “writing with passion.” Jumpstart materials are also available for writers wishing to be memoir professionals in their communities.
How about you? Do you have questions for Denis on how to incorporate setting into your writing?
Denis has generously offered to give away the Memoir Start-up Package at the end of the series to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
- The Memoir Start-up package
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 10/21/13: “WOW! Women on Writing Book Tour and Giveaway with Memoir Author Toni Piccinini on The Goodbye Years: “The Messy Middle””
Wednesday, 10/23/13: “Kvetch: A Jewish Memoir of Music and Survival, African Style by Memoir Author Greta Beigel”
Friday, 10/25/13: Session Four of “Memoir Writing Tips by Memoir Author, Teacher and Editor Denis Ledoux: Conveying Theme Effectively.”
Back to My Roots: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“A person without knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.” Marcus Garvey
Every year from the time I was seven years old until I graduated from high school, I spent the entire summers in Schenectady, New York with my maternal grandparents, Carmella (Nan) and Alfredo DiCerbo. Grandpa had come over from Dugenta-a small mountain village near Naples-on the USS Calabria out of Naples in 1900 with his brother, Vincenzo. His family farmed tomatoes and grapes but Alfredo and Vincenzo wanted to find more lucrative work in America. They sold their portion of the farm to relatives and took off for the land of opportunity.
The brothers married American-born Italian women and settled across the street from one another. They were very close for their entire lives. They often spoke of longing to see their family in Dugenta. Uncle Vincenzo traveled back to Italy several times with his family but my Grandpa never did. He relied on phone calls and letters to stay in touch.
The happy memories of Grandpa DiCerbo’s kindness and fun-loving nature still make me smile. I can still see him sitting on the back porch in the dark on a hot, summer night listening, to the Yankee game on the radio and spewing out his reactions in Italian. He loved his Yankees. He also loved Chester from the TV show, Gunsmoke. The vision of him standing in the living room, mimicking Chester’s limp and laughing as his gold–capped front tooth glistened still makes me chuckle. But my best memory is of his unbridled excitement when he’d receive a letter from his family with updates and pictures from “the old country.” He would get so excited he’d start rattling off something in Italian that I never understood. But I felt his uncontained joy.
I often wondered how difficult it must have been for him to leave his family at the age of 16 and never see them again.
For years, I longed to visit Italy myself. Mom’s brother and sister, my Uncle Michael and Aunt Rose had traveled to Italy with their families and visited with the extended family several times, bringing back pictures and tales of standing in the bedroom where Grandpa was born. They were greeted with warmth and love.
On Easter Sunday, they have a tradition of opening the window and raising their glasses of homemade Strega (an Italian Liqueur), sending their blessings to their famiglia in America. Salute!
I just returned from the land of my grandfather. From 9/9-9/19, my husband Wayne and I traveled to Rome, Pompeii, The Amalfi Coast, Florence and Venice. All spectacular sites to behold. But nothing could compare to the experience of connecting with Grandpa’s birthplace and the family he loved so dearly.
On Friday, September 13 ( no I’m not superstitious!) we rented a limousine from Benevenuto Limousines and a delightful interpretor named Maurizio made my dreams come true. For months before our visit, a lovely lady names Barbara helped me communicate with the family by translating letters. I visited the nieces and nephews of Grandpa DiCerbo in Dugenta and clearly , they were prepared for our visit:
We walked around what seemed like a self-contained village surrounded by fig and kiwi trees, grapevines and a few chickens wandering around in fenced-in yards. Then, we saw a lady at the window who motioned for us to use the front door. It was Marie, Grandpa’s niece. She showed me the bedroom and bed where Grandpa was born.
The phone started ringing and before we knew it, we were walking down the lane to visit Vittorio and his wife who was wheel-chaired bound. By the time this visit was over, we had been served Expresso coffee and cookies and were off to visit Luigi and his wife, Maria. Within an hour 20 people had shown up at Luigi’s house for nonstop hugs and chatter–from every direction. Maurizio was very busy!
Then came the five-course meal:
Prosuitto and fresh bread
Pasta with tomato sauce and sides of stuffed peppers and sausage
Roast beef that filled each plate and salad
Homemade Tiramasu
Fresh Fruit-nectarines, grapes and figs
And of course white wine and lemons from the region
I had to keep reminding my husband that refusing any food at an Italian table was not acceptable, I had grown up with these multi-course meals so I knew what to expect. Needless to say, we didn’t have to eat again until the next day.
We shared stories and pictures of our families along with laughter and tears as people streamed in and out. Some were on their lunch hours.
They opened their hearts to us and showered us with gifts–bottles of liqueur, baseball caps, linen table clothes, and a dozen pink roses:
If I closed my eyes, I was ten years old again, sitting around the table filled with lots of delicious food and feeling the warmth and love of the big Italian family I am blessed to be a part of. And I could see that gold-capped tooth glistening as Grandpa threw his head back and laughed while chattering on in Italian.
It doesn’t get much better than this–reconnecting with my roots was truly the highlight of my Italian tour.
Molto Bello!
How about you? Have you reconnected with your roots?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Thursday, 9/26: Viki Noe, author of Friend Grief series will discuss ” Divide and Conquer: Turning My Book into a Series” Viki has graciously offered to give three of her books away to three commenters who will be selected in a random drawing.
The Healing Power of Poetry in Memoir: An Interview with Louise Mathewson
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Louise Matthewson
“When I get back out-
side
through the gift of poetry
I will find my way back
to the web
of life on earth.”
Excerpt of the poem,“A Road Not Chosen” form Life Interrupted Living With Brain Injury
by Louise Matthewson
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author and Poet Louise Matthewson in this interview about the healing power of poetry in memoir.
In February 2003, Louise emerged from a coma following an automobile accident in which she suffered a traumatic brain injury (commonly referred to as a TBI). These complex head injuries can have an enormous impact on the injured person and his or her family, with far reaching implications.
Faced with the biggest challenge of her life, Louise has subsequently used poetry to process her grief and recover – both physically and emotionally. Through her website, she shares samples of her work and resources in hopes it will bring strength and hope to other TBI sufferers and their loved ones.
A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury, is a collection of transformative poetry that arose from the author’s experience following a traumatic brain injury. It chronicles her emergence from a coma following a serious car accident, her recovery journey, and triumphant return to her writing career.
While Louise has always written about the sacred moments in everyday experiences, today those experiences hold even deeper meaning.
Though a struggle at first, Louise returned to her writing as soon as she was able after her auotmobile accident. She has since used her writing (and poetry in particular) to help her cope with the physical affects of the accident, recovery from post-traumatic stress disorder, and in the emotional part of her healing process.
Here is a link to an interview with her publisher at Pearlsong Press.
Welcome , Louise!
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KP: In 2003, you suffered a traumatic brain injury and fell into a two-week coma following an automobile accident. Tell us what made you decide to write about it and how long it took:
LM:
KP: How did you find healing through your writing?
LM:
KP: You use poetry to tell your story. Tell us how writing poetry enhanced your storytelling.
LM:
Author Bio:
The author of short stories, narrative essays and poems, Minnesota author Louise Mathewson’s work has been published in numerous magazines, journals and anthologies – including the first volume of the bestselling book series, Cup of Comfort. Her new book is A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury.
Louise can be contacted in the following ways”
From Grief to Healing, Part Two: Interview with Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent on Loving and Letting Go of a Child
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Eleanor Vincent/@eleanor_vincent
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”
I am very pleased to feature Eleanor Vincent in Part Two of this guest post interview about her memoir, Swimming with Maya. Eleanor and I met online in the NAMW Facebook forum. I was so impressed with her memoir of loving and letting go of her beloved daughter, Maya, I asked to interview her in a guest post.
Swimming with Maya demonstrates the remarkable process of healing after the traumatic death of a loved one. My book reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.
This is Part Two of the interview where Eleanor explores how writing her memoir helped her to heal and reshape her life.
Welcome back , Eleanor!
KP: It seems you have reached a place of healing and peace after such a devastating loss. Do you feel writing about Maya’s death has helped you to heal?
EV: Oh definitely! Writing is the way I process almost everything. Certainly something as traumatic as the death of a child requires a deep re-examination of everything and writing is ideally suited to that process. But I need to emphasize that writing was only one of the many healing modalities I used. I knew I’d need to pull out all the stops to recover. So I sought peer-to-peer support through the Compassionate Friends, individual therapy, and spiritual counseling. In addition, I did tons and tons of self-care: walking, healing touch, swimming, dancing, healthy food, lots of rest and time in nature. Family and friends were also very important to my recovery.
KP: What do you think Maya would have to say about your memoir?
EV: Maya loved being the center of attention, so having a memoir with her name in the title and her picture on the cover would be a big plus for her. I think she would say I tried hard to paint a balanced portrait of her. She might not agree with everything in the book, but I think she would be very proud of “her” book and of my success as a writer. Thinking about Maya still inspires me to do and be my best. She was a classic over achiever and my biggest cheerleader.
KP: Are there any final thoughts you’d like to share about memoir writing or publication?
EV: Writing a memoir is difficult – and satisfying – on so many levels. The writer must be both narrator and character and that is not an easy balancing act. The narrator needs to know more than the character does. Getting that perspective requires time, and willingness to dig deep. I highly recommend Vivian Gornick’s book on writing memoir, The Situation and the Story. It helped me to make that separation between the character of the mother in my story and the voice of the narrator.
I also think plot is an important aspect of memoir. You can’t just tell the story exactly as it happened. You have to create turning points in each chapter, and have a major realization or turning point sometime in the last quarter of the book. In that way, it’s much like writing a novel. You have to constantly ask yourself, “What is at stake here?” If there is nothing on the line for your characters, the reader will lose interest quickly.
Publication is a big topic. You have to persist and be willing to do the business of being an author – that is very different from being a writer. Take writing classes, go to workshops, form or join a really good writing group. Take classes on the business aspects such as proposal writing and marketing. Understand the business structure of publishing. Pick the brains of friends who have published and learn what makes agents and editors tick.
When I first published the book in 2004 with Capital Books, social media was not part of the equation. Now, it is essential for any writer to reach and stay connected with readers. My publisher Mike O’ Mary at Dream of Things is very sophisticated in his use of virtual channels to produce and market the new edition. It’s a really good time to be a writer if you are willing to put yourself and your work out there and use these new channels for promotion.
Thank you Eleanor for sharing your story of loss and healing so honestly and bravely. Not only do I feel satisfied that you have found healing after such a loss, but I feel as if I have met Maya through your words. I also appreciate your memoir writing and publishing tips.
***
Eleanor Vincent is an award-winning writer whose debut memoir, Swimming with Maya: A Mother’s Story was nominated for the Independent Publisher Book Award and was reissued by Dream of Things press early in 2013. She writes about love, loss, and grief recovery with a special focus on the challenges and joys of raising children at any age.
Called “engaging” by Booklist, Swimming with Maya chronicles the life and death of Eleanor’s nineteen-year-old daughter, Maya, who was thrown from a horse and pronounced brain-dead at the hospital. Eleanor donated her daughter’s organs to critically ill patients and poignantly describes her friendship with a middle-aged man who was the recipient of Maya’s heart.
Her essays appear in the anthologies At the End of Life: True Stories about How we Die (edited by Lee Gutkind); This I Believe: On Motherhood; and Impact: An Anthology of Short Memoirs. They celebrate the unique and complicated bonds between mothers and daughters, making hard decisions as a parent – whether your child is 14 or 40 – and navigating midlife transitions with grace and authenticity.
Eleanor was born in Cleveland, Ohio and attended the University of Minnesota School of Journalism and received an MFA in Creative Writing from Mills College, where she occasionally teaches writing workshops on creative nonfiction and memoir.
She lives in Oakland, California. Visit her website at www.eleanorvincent.com or connect with her author page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/eleanorvincentauthor
How about you? Has writing through grief helped you to heal?
Eleanor has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir, Swimming with Maya, to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 8/05/13: ” The Magic of Twitter: A Memoir Moment”
Thursday, 8/08/13: ” The Healing Power of Poetry in Memoir: An Interview with Memoir Author Louise Mathewson, author of A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury.
Crooked Lake Memories: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.” Wallace Ste
Keuka Lake is one of the Finger Lakes in western New York State. Because it is Y-shaped , instead of long and narrow, it has been referred to as Crooked Lake. Keuka means “canoe landing” in the Iroquois language and “lake with an elbow” in the Seneca language. It’s about 20 miles long and varies in width from half a mile to two miles, and is teeming with salmon, bass, trout and perch. Surrounded by well-groomed vineyards on rolling hills, it has many wineries in the heart of Amish country. ( Wikipedia/Keuka Lake)
The Story Behind the Story…
My siblings and I grew up about 20 miles away and were often invited to our friends’ cottages ,wishing we could have our own family cottage.
In 2000, after years of my younger brother Tom badgering our parents to get a cottage on Keuka Lake, Dad relented,
“Okay, go ahead and look,” Dad said one Saturday morning, never expecting him to find anything.
Lake front property was at a premium but Tom , my other brother Gary and their wives were determined.
They drove up and down the East and West Lake Roads for several hours. With the prospects dwindling for finding anything remotely appropriate that would fit into our price range and adequate size for our family, the four were about to call it a day.
Then my sister-in-law Trish spotted the small sign as they were on their way back to Corning. Craning her neck backward and pointing, she flapped her hands on the driver’s headrest,
“Let’s turn around and check it out.”
An elderly lady in a long skirt and with a bandana wrapped around her head was picking up some twigs on the beach when they drove into the driveway and parked the car on the top level. She waved to them from the beach which was two levels down.
They all got out of the car and looked around, then looked at one another in silent anticipation.
The lady, Mrs J was an 80-year-old widow who was anxious to sell the property and wanted to leave everything behind—tools, motor boat, all the furniture in the cottage, beach chairs, picnic table.
“We need to talk with our Dad and we’ll get right back to you.”
Squealing and chattering, they climbed into the car and began strategizing how they would present this to Dad. Dad was a child of the Depression and was very careful about saving and spending his money. It would be a hard sell.
After several sessions and a few nights of lost sleep, Dad continued to struggle with how he was going to pay for it.
The “Hail Mary pass…
“Dad,” Tom pleaded , “When you die you will leave us all your hard-earned estate and we’ll buy a cottage at the lake. We’ll sit around and talk about how much you would have enjoyed watching the sunset and seeing your grandkids play in the water. If we get this cottage now, you can experience it all for yourself.
When Dad woke up the next day, his decision was made. He would sell some stock. He would buy the cottage but the four siblings would be responsible for the taxes, and maintainence. Deal!
And that’s what he did , a few days BEFORE the stock market plummeted. We always said, Dad lived with the angels.
Making memories…
That was in 2000 and Tom was right. Dad did get to enjoy 10-years worth of sunsets and family fun at the cottage before he left us in 2010.
The family endures…
Each of the four siblings gets one vacation week at the cottage with their families and friends. Boating , water skiing , swimming, playing cards, fishing off the dock .We sit on the dock or wooden swing on the beach to watch the mother duck and her entourage of ducklings glide across the water. We reminisce, laugh, cry. Huddled around the bonfire we reconnect and soak in the love of family and friends, forgetting our cares and worries, if only for a moment.
Last week was my week and the most fitting tribute I can think of comes from this poem by my youngest brother ,Gary:
The Crooked Lake
For our family, sons and daughters
Thank you for the peace bestowed by misshapen waters.
Where rocky shores draw boundaries
If distant memories and current quandaries
Whose vista leaves one thinking of life
Intertwined with inevitable and continuous strife
The hills and vineyards tower over the water not aloof or too proud
But protects the lake with a majestic shroud
Our lives, not easy, most human with turns and bends
Like the lake itself gives us pause to make amends
Good times, tough times, changes for sure
The crooked lake is our sanctuary that helps the family endure.
How about you? Do you have any “crooked lake” memories in your life?
I’d love to hear from you . Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations to Lynne Spreen! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Sharon Lippincott’s e-book The Heart and Craft of Writing Compelling Descriptions.
On Thursday, July 11: Writer and #JournalChat host Dawn Herring will discuss ” Do You Recognize Your Authentic Voice?