Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
” All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of the United States.
Mother’s Day has come and gone and I feel blessed that I shared it with my own mother this year. She lives 200 miles away but I managed to convince her to come for a two-week visit and she agreed.
Mom is 90. She still lives in her own home of 57 years, goes to the local senior center for Zumba classes twice a week, volunteers at the local food bank and visits the “elderly” in the neighborhood.
Truth be told, I have a hard time keeping up with her.
“Pie & Glove 5k” in 2012 where she placed 3rd in the 70+ division. Even grandpuppy, Sadie, looks on in amazement.
When my husband Wayne and I walk through her front door after a four-hour trip to visit her, the pungent aromas wafting from the kitchen entice us to walk right over to the oven where steaming trays and pans reveal the delicious meal that awaits us. No matter how many times we offer to take her out or make the meal, she insists on preparing a feast.
Is it any wonder that hunger strikes as soon as any of us steps foot into her home?
My three siblings and I look on in gratitude for how well she is doing and how fortunate we are to still have her with us. Her ten grandkids call her “Grambo”, her four great-grandkids call her “GiGi”, and her four kids call her amazing.
We all know things can change in a heartbeat. That makes our time with her now all the more precious.
When my dear father died in November of 2010, she lost the love of her life. We didn’t know how she would handle not having Dad around. Married for 67 years, they were high school sweethearts who were genuinely devoted to one another for their entire married lives. My siblings and I are the beneficiaries of their love and devotion. It wasn’t that they never had problems or disagreements; it was how they always seemed to work together to make it work.
How do you let go of a love like that?
After Dad died, I noticed she started writing notes to him on pieces of scrap paper stuffed inside the books or magazines she was reading. Here’s a short excerpt ,with Mom’s permission, from 11/28/2011:
” My Darling,
Yesterday marked a very sad and memorable day. One whole year of being without you. I miss you more now that time goes on. We both didn’t realize what a beautiful relationship we had…”
With all my love and memories,
Kay”
So I bought her a journal with a pastel vintage print cover and a pink rhinestone clasp. Now she writes to her “Prince” updating him on family events and pouring out her thoughts and feelings.
One day during her visit, I saw her on the front porch, deep in thought, as she wrote in her journal:
She writes when she’s happy. She writes when she’s sad and lonely. She shares her longings and frustrations.
I know she has bad, sad, lonely days like we all do but the journaling helps her to honor the love they shared and move on.
***
Mom has taught me so many life lessons that guide me through each day, not the least of which are:
Unconditional love…”I’ll always be in your corner.”
Boundaries … ” If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will respect you”
Grace in the face of loss…” What will be , will be. Accept it and move on.”
Faith...” Your faith will get you through.”
Coping… “ A nice, hot bath can cure just about anything.”
This poem written and read by my daughter, Leigh Ann for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary (1993) sums up the circle of love Mom nurtured in our family:
I Love You Because…
I love you for who you are because you are you and
that’s what makes you special.
When you laugh, I love you because you make me laugh.
When you’re sad, I love you because I hate to see you sad.
When you’re around, I love you because my heart opens for you.
When we’re apart, I love you because when I think of you, I smile.
Never forget, I will always love you
because you have taught me to love.”
Love,
Leigh Ann
11/92
Thank you, Mom, Grambo, Gigi. You are a treasure and we love you!
Your circle of love ripples out from you to all of us.
You have taught us all how to love.
How about you? What lessons have you learned from your mother?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations to Susan Weidener. Your name was selected in a random drawing to receive a copy of Nancy Stephan’s memoir, The Truth About Butterflies.
This Week: I’m also over at Pubslush with an interview about Memoir Writer’s Journey. Hope you’ll join me over there too.
Next Week: Memoir Author Janet Givens discusses “The Challenges and Rewards of Writing a Peace Corps Memoir.”
Your story is so moving. I am one of those romantics who prays that my husband and I will love one another until the cows come home. Real love like this DOES exist. Thanks so much for sharing.
Welcome, Kimberly and thank you for stopping by and leaving this lovely comment. Yes, real love does exist! I’m happy you feel inspired by the story of the genuine love my parents shared with one another and with us. Along with that love came a lot of hard work to make it work. Wishing you and your husband that kind of love “until the cows come home.” 🙂
Kathy, I enjoyed this sweet and touching story about your mother (and father). Lots of love, all the way around.
Hi Susan, Welcome back! It’s nice to “see ” you again! I’m happy you enjoyed the story of my parents and appreciate you leaving a comment. I see from your website:www.susanbernhardt.com that you finished a novel, The Ginseng Conspiracy: A Kay Driscoll Mystery and are in the query process. Best wishes with publication. I hope you’ll keep us posted. Thanks for stopping by.
Kathy, what a beautiful tribute to your remarkable mom. I hope I will be doing the zumba in my 90s. I especially like how each generation has a special name for her. What a great idea to give her a journal to record her thoughts to her prince. Now I see where you get your vivacity.
Thanks, Pat. We are all so blessed and thrilled that Mom is making the most of her life. She certainly inspires all who know and love her. I’m amazed how much the journaling has helped her. She also has made it very clear to her children that when she “goes”, she wants us to feel happy for her as she has lived a wonderful life and will finally get to see her “prince.” Of course none of us wants to let her go nor do we want to talk about the occasion of going but she surely has planted the seed to live life to the fullest and when it our time to go gracefully. We are both blessed with remarkable Moms 🙂
Kathy, what an amazing human being your mother is! I had only a very small idea about her from things you have said through the years. Zumba (x 2!), volunteering, and visiting the elderly many of who have to be younger than she. I understand you better after reading this about your mom. What a shot in the arm reading this has been for me, the day before my test. I am only 64 and I can do this. Let’s get together in June!
Christina, I’m thrilled Mom has inspired you to do whatever you want and need to do. Good luck on your exam and yes we will plan a get-together in June!
Dear Kathy, I have tears in my eyes from the fact of your mother’s journaling. The picture of her bent to the page, sitting on the patio, struck a chord with me. What a great gift you have given her! We know that journaling is therapeutic, so you gave her a bit more mental health, although she sure does seem strong and healthy from your account!.
We celebrated Mother’s Day on Saturday, and if you check my Facebook page you’ll see mom holding greatgrandson Andrew’s hand as he plays near a baby pool. 87 years between them! We humans are blessed to live long lives, but that of course means we’ll suffer a good number of losses. The next day we went over to Mom’s for sandwiches (I love that she moved closer! 4 blocks now instead of 60 miles) and laughed about how opinionated Dad was. It’ll be 5 years in July since we lost him, but there we sat, gently ribbing him in absentia. It felt good. Healthy. Best wishes, my friend.
Lynne, I am so amazed at how well Mom is doing and how much the journaling has helped her ease the pain of my father’s loss. I had to chuckle at your story about ribbing your dad in absentia. We talk about our dad all the time, ribbing him for his loveable little idiosyncracies and it does feel good. Keeping their spirits alive is very consoling and healthy.
I will hop on over to Facebook catch what I’m sure is a priceless photo of your mom holding great-grandson Andrew. Your mom is an inspiration to us all,too. Our moms are bastions of the “greatest generation” and we are so blessed to still have them in our midst. So happy to share these precious moments with you. Thank you , as always. my friend for dropping by and sharing your story 🙂
Kathy, that was so beautiful. I’m so glad to have her back and just had a nice visit with her.
Thanks, Paula. We are so blessed. It was wonderful to have her here but I know she was ready to get back home. Wayne and I miss her already!
Dear Kathy,
That is so very cool that your mom is writing . . writing . . . writing . . . what a wonderful tribute to you, her daughter,that she has picked up your love of journaling. And your tribute to her as well here is lovely.
Thank you, Susan. I am so happy Mom is able to tap into the healing power of journal writing. She tells me it really has made a difference to her in being able to accept the loss of my Dad and move on which helps me as much as it helps her. She would fit nicely into The Circle 🙂
Susan, your lovely book, Slants of Light, arrived! Thanks to you and Kathy for the contest and for the privilege of being your winner. I’m traveling this week and have a place for your book in my luggage. I know I will enjoy it, and I will be happy to tell others about it.
Linda Thomas
Wonderful, Linda. I know you will enjoy Slants of Light🙂
Oh Kathy, That was wonderfu reading about you mother and your kids grandma. My grandchildren call their great grandmother Gigi as well:)
The tears came though when I read about your mom and dad being high school sweethearts and together all that time! My husband and I just celebrated our 35th and started dating in high school as well! Oh, how I hope to still be together at 67 years.
Just a side note, I will be “friending” you on LInkedin. I really enjoy your blog and writings. I am a fledgling writer as well, so any reading of my blog and comments you’d like to give would be greatly appreciated!!!
Hi Debi, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts here. Thanks for the LinkedIn invitation. We’re officially connected now. Do you have a link to your blog? I look forward to checking it out. I’m happy you enjoyed reading about my parents. I wish you and your husband many happy years together.
Kathy, no wonder you’re such a good writer — it’s in your genes! I love how vital your mom is. Sure, she has good and not-so-good days, but she seems focused on the positive, and that can only have contributed to her longevity!
Each of us has the choice to make as we age — sit around complaining over the aches we have, the losses we’ve endured, and the things we can no longer do, OR look on the bright side, be grateful for our blessings and the people still around us, and do the prudent things to enhance our quality of life and feelings of usefulness.
It saddens me that my mom hasn’t chosen very wisely. Your mom does Zumba and 5Ks; mine reads and watches TV, complaining the world isn’t on the right track. Yours journals her thoughts (what a precious legacy that is!); mine insists I drive her to and from doctor’s offices for every boo-boo. Sigh. We all have our crosses to bear, I guess.
Thank you for such a lovely tribute to your sweet mom. All I can say is, She Rocks!!
Thanks Debbie, My Mom does rock! We all live our lives the best we know how. Mom always seems to figure out a way to power through those bad days and sometimes that means giving in to the tears and sadness. But she doesn’t stay there very long. Besides the journaling, exercise seems to really help. Would your mom be open to going for walks or just moving around more? Maybe Dallas could take her around the block? Good luck. It must be hard for you to stand by and watch her be so sedentary. I appreciate your comments, as always. So glad you stopped by.
Dear Kathy, As always, you write an inspiring and loving story about your mother–and the blessings of having a mother who feeds you great food, smiles so sweetly, does Zumba, and who believes in the best life has to offer. Hearing about her perspective is a gift to all of us! You are lucky to have so much love around you–and it’s fun to see your daughter and mother together! Hope you had a great Mother’s Day!!
Thank so much, Linda Joy. I am very aware of how blessed I have been my whole life to be the beneficiary of such love. My daughter, Leigh Ann is very close to her Grambo aka Grams and often times goes straight to her for advice. I did the same with my maternal grandmother,Nan. I had a lovely Mother’s Day and hope the same for you. As always, I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
….and some of us still call her “Aunt Kitty”…even after your Mom “upgraded” her name to adult status!
Kathy, both of your parents have been lifelong role models. Naturals at spreading love throughout the generations. One of my favorite family stories came from my own Mom who told me that when Dad proposed her immediate response was, “I must talk with Kitty first.” Whether she ever spoke with your Mom or not was not the point. It was more that my Mom recognized that yours radiated something valuable…and she wanted to live in the truth of her heart too, just as your parents did. Happily it came to pass.
To me, your Mom long has had the writer’s spark. Her many, detailed letters to family kept the outlying branches close.
I’m delighted to hear about all of her current-day activities. She’l one special lady, that’s for certain.
Many hugs to my Aunt Kitty!
Cousin Lisa
LOL, Lisa, I thought about that as I wrote the post! Mom has gone by many endearing names.Your words are beautiful (as usual. As I keep telling you you have a way with words!) We are all so blessed with the gift of each other in our family. Your mom, my Aunt Ruth, was very dear to me too and,of course, had her own way with words, especially with poetry. We come from a family of writers,starting with Grandpa Paul. I’ll be writing more about him in June’s “Memoir Moment.” So glad you enjoyed this update on all her activities. I will happily pass on many hugs to her from you 🙂 I love it when you stop by and comment!
Kathy, How lucky you are to have your mother with you and so healthy. My mother, too, lived a happy, healthy life right up until the minute she died at 91. What a wonderful example she is to all that she still writes to the love of her life.
Thanks, Carol. I appreciate your comments. I had seen your post about your lovely Mom with her picture and of course I remember her vividly from your memoir Growing Up Country: Memories of an Iowa Farm Girl. These women from “the greatest generation” came from hearty stock and have taught us all how to live to the fullest. How wonderful that you have preserved so many precious memories of both your parents in your memoir. We can all take a few lessons from these remarkable women.
Kathy, what a lovely tribute to your mother, and how thoughtful of you to get her a journal. That’s a wonderful idea. In reading your post today, I discovered you and I have two more things in common: my mother is named Kay, and she is 90 years old. I’m so glad you got to spend that quality time with your mother. She is amazing!
Linda
How wonderful that we get to share similarities with our moms, Linda! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I am thrilled that journaling has helped my mom cope with her loss and be able to move on to enjoy her life. She tells me she feels so much better after she has written to my Dad. She is an amazing blessing to us and we are very grateful.
Kathy
What beautiful and loving words about your mother. She is such an inspiration to us all. And it is so wonderful that she has found journaling as a way to express both her joys and sorrows, thanks to you.
I’m so glad you and your mother were able to share Mother’s Day.
Send you both much love,
Madeline
Thanks Madeline. I know how much you value journaling as a tool for healing There is no doubt in my mind that it has made a huge difference to my mom. I appreciate your lovely words. Sending love right back to you, Kathy
Kathy, what a lovely tribute to your mother. Grambo doing zumba, an encouraging image indeed. I loved that she’s journaling now. Perhaps more material for a family memoir?
Thanks, Audrey. No doubt there will be plenty of fodder for a family memoir in Mom’s journal.
I’m 64 and I don’t even know what Zumba is!
I so enjoyed reading about your mom, Kathy. Thank you. What really moved me was the photo and the story of her writing to your dad in her new journal. Marvelous. I mean ‘really moved me.” I walked into my husband’s office, through my arms around his shoulders (from behind; he was at his desk), and told him I was so glad he was here. He thanks you too. 🙂 See you next week.
Hi Janet, I appreciate your lovely comment. BTW Zumba is Latin America salsa music to dance to. You can go at your own pace. It’s fun! I’m so touched that my Mom’s story moved you so deeply and inspired you to hug your hubby. I will be sure to relay your story to her. Thanks for sharing.Yes, you are “on deck” for next week and I’m looking forward to it. 🙂
Wow! What an extraordinary mother you have Kathy! What a blessing! After reading how vibrant your Mom is, I have decided I will stop grumbling about my in-capacities due to this and that. She looks pretty and looks ”young” for her age. Knowing about your late Dad, I am not surprised about your special Mom and a special couple!
Excellent article as usual !
Smita, I am so happy Mom has inspired you! She has a way of doing that with all of us in the family. I think the key to her health is that she stays active as much as she can. Thank you so much for your sweet comments.
Simply and amazing post, thanks Kathy.
Aww, thanks, Laura. I appreciate you stopping by. I read all the comments to Mom today and she was so touched by them.
Kathy, What an extraordinary mother you have. Do treasure every moment with her. I hope I do as well as she is when I reach her age.
Believe me, Joan, we all treasure the time we have with our beloved mom. I feel the same way you do, I hope I do as well as she when–and if– I reach her age! Thanks for stopping.
Kathy,
Thanks so much for sharing this post with me on Twitter. It is truly touching how journal writing has become such a solace for your mom as she uses it to share her thoughts with her husband. It’s a great way to acknowledge and validate her feelings and express her love at the same time. I’m so glad it uplifts her and makes such a positive difference.
I have chosen your post, Reflections on My Mother’s Circle of Love: A Memoir Moment, for the #JournalChat Pick of the Day on 5/20/13 for all things journaling on Twitter; a link will be posted on the social networks, on my blog and website Refresh with Dawn Herring, and in my weekly Refresh Journal: http://tinyurl.com/coo5rbo.
#JournalChat Live is every Thursday, 5 EST/2 PST, for all things journaling on Twitter; our topic this week is Your Journaling: Day Dreaming. Isabelle Rizo joins us as special guest.
Thanks so much for sharing your mom and her love and life.
Be refreshed,
Dawn Herring
Your Refreshment Specialist
Host of #JournalChat Live and Links Edition on Twitter
Author of The Birthday Wall: Create a Collage to Celebrate Your Child
Dear Dawn, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about my mom’s journaling story. I am honored to have the post selected as Journal Pick of the Day for 5/20. Thank you for posting it on your blog and sharing it all over. I am so grateful that Mom has found solace through journaling. Thanks so much for stopping by. I encourage all those interested in journaling to join your #JournalChat on twitter every Thursday at 2pm PDT. I have found it to be very informative and inspiring.
My dad died just weeks after you dad. My mom isn’t a journaler, but your post really resonates with me because I have turned to journaling since my 20 y/o son died two years ago. It is a truly healing activity.
Dear Brenda, Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your poignant story. I am so sorry for all your losses. We expect to lose our parents, but losing a child is the ultimate loss for any parent. I am happy you have found healing through your own journaling. Journaling has been my pathway to healing and it gives me consolation when I hear of others, like my mother and you, who experience solace and healing from journaling. Dawn Herring @journalchat (website: http://dawnherring.net) holds a twitter chat at #journalchat every Thursday 2pm PDT/5pm EDT where all aspects of journaling is discussed. This post will be the topic of discussion this week, 5/30 “Journaling our Love”. If you have any questions about how to follow along and participate in a twitter chat, please email me at kpooler63@gmail.com. Keep journaling!
Blessings to you on your journey,
Kathy
How wonderful to meet a writer further down the path of memoir writing than I am, thanks to our mutual connection to Shirley H. S. I love the design of your website and your accomplishments.
This blog post drew me in because of references to your amazing mother. Mine is almost 95 and still lives in her own home and drives short distances. She wouldn’t attend a zumba class because she is a Mennonite, and she wouldn’t do well because she is too out-of-shape! But she can cook; several of her recipes are on my blog. Again, I’m happy to meet you in blog world. Best wishes as you put the finishing touches on your memoir.
Welcome, Marian! It’s so nice to meet another memoir writer and friend of Shirley. I appreciate you stopping by and leaving such kind feedback. Thank you. I love your story about your 95 year old mother. These “Greatest Generation ” women are tough as nails and cherished role models. We are blessed to have them for so long. Thanks so much for sharing your mom with us. Best wishes with your writing and I hope you’ll keep us posted on your memoir.