Monthly Archives: November 2013

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Exploring Memoir Themes by Memoir Author Diana Cruze

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Posted Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with Diana Cruze/@ladysalesman

 

I’m very pleased to feature memoir Author Diana Cruze in the guest post on her memoir A Life in the Day of  a Lady Salesman. Diana and I met on Goodreads. Diana blazed a trail through the Appalachian Mountains and brings us along on an adventuresome and humorous trip. But underlying this lady salesman is a woman who has to fights hard to establish herself in what the people she serves believe to be a man’s job. 

My book reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

 

Welcome, Diana!

 

Amann Cruze ,Memoir Author
Diana Amann Cruze, Memoir Author

 Finding Memoir Themes

A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman—an odd title for a memoir with male chauvinism in the workplace as one of the book’s themes. Lady Salesman is no longer proper when speaking about or to a female salesperson. Before I wrote the first word of my memoir, I knew the title, which is a nod to my customers in southern Appalachia.

From Preface:

I slipped through the back door of the school kitchen. Two cooks yelled, “Gladys, the lady salesman is here.”

I heard that call often during years of selling to school lunchrooms and other accounts.

Southerners have long been thought of and portrayed as ignorant backwoods hillbillies. While one chapter in my book does discuss Appalachian language, I never mean to ridicule the folks I met. Simply put, the mountain population speaks as generations before them have spoken. Referring to a salesperson as a lady is indeed a compliment in southern Appalachia.

“Appalachian speak” has been the subject of a wealth of books and articles. Christy, a 1967 novel by Catherine Marshall, documented the connection between Appalachian dialect and the English-Scottish immigrants to our southern mountains.

A Life in the Day…because the many unusual, humorous, or frightening events that took place during my 32 years selling products in mountains and valleys of TN, KY, West VA, VA, and NC caused each day to seem like a lifetime.

Well, what is the theme of my memoir?

Male supervisors who made work life difficult in most office positions I held? “Diana, bring me coffee and hurry,” I seethed as my own work was interrupted while I poured coffee, wanting to pour it on the bosses’ head.

Or male sales managers who cared only for the sale and disregarded needs of the customer? Yes, my desire to escape these supervisors certainly is woven throughout the book.

Adventures that I lived as a child are largely responsible for my driving across treacherous mountains, becoming lost while searching for customers. Seeking freedom, independence, and a decent income is a significant idea in my memoir.

All these subjects: male bigots, adventure seeking, desires for freedom and earning money all are subject matter for this memoir.

I began my book with anger at unfair treatment by bosses, with yearning to tell with humor of my adventures, whether comical or sad, with the awful trials of learning how to sell.  Telling of the beauty of our hills and valleys and rivers is also central to my story.

dreamstimesmall_19983401
North Carolina Mountains
Photo Credit: Dreamstime via Diana Cruze

In the end, the truth that the people of my southern Appalachia are also my theme came through this memoir. I learned to appreciate and care deeply for my customers who were employed as school lunch room cooks, street department workers, linemen, maintenance mechanics, custodians, and many more folks working each day no matter the weather with low pay and few benefits. These people showed me kindness and shared personal stories of their families. Judy, a housekeeping supervisor for a large health care facility once told me, “We are the downstairs people who hold up the rest of the building.”

Here you have the themes of my memoir. You choose the one you like best.

 

A quote from my book:

“Even though selling chemicals remained challenging, I loved to trek anywhere through rainbows on the road: Brownsville, Bowling Green, Greeneville, White Pine, Copper Hill, Bluefield, or Gray.”

 

***

Thank you, Diana, for showing us the various layers of themes that have emerged from your memoir. You take us on an adventure through the Appalachian mountains and pique our interest about the people and experiences you encountered.

BOOK COVER Diana Amann Cruze
A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman

Short summary of A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman:

 

My sales career began in the late ‘70s when I grew tired of office life and sexist bosses. Keebler Cookies offered me a temporary route position, covering for their vacationing sales reps. A cookie and snack position led to a job with a novelty company based in Roanoke, VA until a candy and tobacco company, Tobacco Sales, hired me. IDI (a grocery distributor, located in London, KY) kept me employed for 3 years and I finally chose industrial chemical sales as my last career. Starting my own company in1994 afforded me even more freedom and frequent headaches.

 

The variety of jobs took me to KY, West VA, VA, TN, and parts of NC.

Although my jobs afforded me the freedom that I enjoyed as a child, my fear of heights made for many harrowing trips across mountainous regions. Mountains proved to be only one of many barriers to a woman in sales during the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ’90s. Although most customers welcomed me, I did often hear sexist remarks. Probably the worst hurdle I faced was learning to make cold calls without shaking from nervousness. I plowed through the cold calls and summits, earning a nice living while enjoying freedom and fun with my customers.

A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman is available through Amazon, Union Ave Books in Knoxville, TN, Crossville, TN Library, Powell Library in Knoxville, and by emailing me at dianacruze41@gmail.com

 

Author’s Bio: 

Knoxville, TN is my birth place where I have lived most of my life, except for 5 years in Rabat, Morocco and 3 years in Pensacola, FL. I am married to Wayne Cruze, who is retired from the U.S. Navy. My children, Kelly, Cheryl, and Brandon all live in Knoxville. Estella, 9 and Dolan, 5, my adorable grandchildren give me the greatest joy in my life.

Writing has been a passion for most of my life. My poem, “Whirlpool” was published in New Millennium Writings.  In 2012, I won first prize for my non-fiction piece, “Words and Music” from Knoxville Writer’s Guild where I am a member.

 

Contact Information:

www.lady-sales.com

Facebook: Diana Amann Cruze

Twitter-@ladysalesman

Linkedin-Diana Cruze

Email-dianacruze41@gmail.com

Google+ dianacruze41@gmail.com

 

How about you? How have you found the themes of  your memoir or story?

 

Diana has graciously offered to give a copy of her memoir away to a lucky commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

 

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

 

Next Week:

Monday, 12/2: “A Fourth Blogaversay Celebration:My Blog in PIctures”

 

Thursday, 12/5: “Creativity” by Bryan Cohen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NonFiction Book, Survival Lessons

Book Tour and Giveaway: Survival Lessons by Alice Hoffman

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Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

“There is always a before and an after. My advice, travel light. Choose only what you need most to see you through.”   Author Alice Hoffman from Survival Lessons.

 

It is my pleasure to participate in this book tour and giveaway for Alice Hoffman’s new book, Survival Lessons. A lucky commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing will receive a copy of her book.

Survival Lessons front cover

 

Link to ordering on Amazon.

Book Synopsis:

The bestselling author of 21 novels offers in her first nonfiction, a road map for how to reclaim your life—from relationships with friends and family to the way you see yourself.

As Alice Hoffman says, “In many ways I wrote Survival Lessons to remind myself of the beauty of life, something that’s all too easy to overlook during the crisis of illness or loss. I forgot that our lives are made up of equal parts of sorrow and joy, and that it is impossible to have one without the other. I wrote to remind myself that despite everything that was happening to me, there were still choices I could make.”

Wise, gentle, and wry, Alice Hoffman teaches all of us how to choose what matters most.

Pre-pub endorsements:

“In this gem of a book, Alice Hoffman acknowledges the sorrows of life, while reminding us of its joys. Survival Lessons is filled with love, insight, and lots of practical advice—including a crazy-good brownie recipe. I’ll be sharing this book widely, but keeping one copy permanently on my nightstand for all the times I’ll need its wisdom and warmth.”–Will Schwalbe, author of 

The End of Your Life Book Club

“The book is not about her breast cancer per se but about making choices (each chapter is titled “Choose…”) that will improve readers’ lives and relationships and remind them ‘of the beauty of life.’ More than cancer sufferers will be glad they picked up this tiny gem.” —Library Journal

“It may be short, but it’s powerful. An absolutely beautiful book.”–Sue Monk Kidd

“Heartening.”—Kirkus Reviews

“Writing with sparkling directness, warmth, humor, and long-steeped wisdom, Hoffman has created a companionable and genuinely useful book for times of crisis. Small, intimate, and lovely . . . Hoffman’s storytelling artistry enlivens each intimate, thoughtfully distilled, charming, and nurturing lesson in living.”—Booklist

 

 

 

 

Welcome, Alice!

 

 

Hoffman headshot

 

Author Bio:

Alice Hoffman was born in New York City on March 16, 1952 and grew up on Long Island. After graduating from high school in 1969, she attended Adelphi University, from which she received a BA, and then received a Mirrellees Fellowship to the Stanford University Creative Writing Center, which she attended in 1973 and 74, receiving an MA in creative writing. She currently lives in Boston and New York.

Alice Hoffman is the author of 21 novels, including The Dovekeepers and the forthcoming The Museum of Extraordinary Things. Her inspirational nonfiction, Survival Lessons, was released last month by Algonquin Books.

Hoffman’s work has been published in more than twenty translations and more than one hundred foreign editions. Her novels have received mention as notable books of the year by The New York Times, Entertainment Weekly, The Los Angeles Times, Library Journal, and People Magazine. She has also worked as a screenwriter and is the author of the original screenplay “Independence Day” a film starring Kathleen Quinlan and Diane Wiest. Her short fiction and non-fiction have appeared in The New York Times, The Boston Globe Magazine, Kenyon Review, Redbook, Architectural Digest, Gourmet, Self, and other magazines. Her teen novel Aquamarine was recently made into a film starring Emma Roberts.

 

My review:

It’s true. Good things really do come in small packages.  Best selling novelist Alice Hoffman packs a lot of practical wisdom about life and surviving breast cancer in this eighty-three page guidebook.

In a voice that stems from the heart of a woman who has survived breast cancer, we  glean page after page of trustworthy, day-to-day tips for living a full life. Filled with simple, practical lessons, she draws us into her human experience and helps us connect to our own.

 

I found myself immersed in her story and connecting on many levels—as a woman, a cancer survivor, a wife, a mother, a friend, a human being. Interspersed throughout the book are photos and poems that highlight her messages of reclaiming your life and enjoying its simple pleasures. She even pays forward gifts her family and friends have given her—a recipe for brownies, a pattern for a knit cap.

Each section has simple, yet captivating title. Here’s an excerpt under Choose to Tell Your Own Story (page 66):

“When people ask you about your terrible year, the first thing that will come to mind is the grin on your son’s face on the roller coaster and how fast your daughter ran on the beach. She was almost flying. She was the most beautiful thing on earth”

Underlying each message is the idea that life is precious and we need to stop and appreciate its beauty every day. One does not need to have cancer or a life threatening illness to appreciate these words.

The gentle reminders Alice offers in this little book are a gift to all of us.

My reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

Other Book Tours and Giveaways of Survival Lessons for this week and next:

11/15 – 11/29:The Celebrity Café: http://thecelebritycafe.com/contests/win-copy-survival-lessons-alice-hoffman hardcover giveaway (5)

11/18: Curled Up With A Good Book: http://www.curledup.com/int_alice_hoffman.htm

11/20 Women on Writing Blog: http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/2013/11/survival-lessons-by-alice-hoffman.html giveaway for social Likes

11/25 A Musing Reviews: www.amusingreviews.blogspot.com review, signed giveaway & visual excerpt

11/26 Women’s Memoirs Blog http://womensmemoirs.com/memoir-book-review review by Lanie Tankard + signed giveaway

 

 ***

How about you? Have you survived a life-threatening condition? What survival lessons have you learned? How do you find the beauty in each day?

 

We’d love to hear from you.

 

Please leave your comments below and your name will be entered into a book giveaway contest.  A winner will be chosen randomly from a drawing and notified via email.

 

Next Week: 

 

Monday, 11/25/13: Memoir Author Diana Cruze will discuss her memoir, A Life in the Day of  Lady Salesman. Diana will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

 

 

 

 

Living on a Farm, memoir-writing

Growing into Country: A Memoir Moment

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Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

 “The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings.”
― Masanobu Fukuoka, The One-Straw Revolution

 

A few weeks ago, two of my favorite memoir friends, Shirley Showalter and Carol Bodensteiner posted a blog swap where they exchanged their delightful stories of growing up country. Stop by Shirley’s and Carol’s blogs for a treat.

 

I delved into their stories and connected with my own. I didn’t grow up country, though I often daydreamed about living on a farm as a child. I’d envision running through the open fields and chasing chickens in the yard. I also enjoyed visiting my friend Dawn’s farm where I could pet the horses and watch the cows being milked.

 

And Grandpa DiCerbo came from a pig farm in Italy and although he never had his own farm in America, he grew the biggest, freshest tomatoes in his backyard. Often times those tomatoes helped pay the rent.

 

I love country music, square dancing, fresh vegetables from the garden and wild flowers.

 

PoolerFamily Farm10-07-18 - 2011-10-02

 

No, I didn’t grow up country but I married a farmer-at-heart who left corporate America, and upon retirement began working the land his father and grandfather before him had raised dairy cattle on.

 

The farmer and his wife.

 

Here’s an excerpt from an essay I wrote:

 

Summer Fields

 

            My husband Wayne grows organic vegetables, herbs, berries and flowers on the 135-acre farm where his grandfather raised dairy cows. He has, for the most part, single-handedly cleared the land he worked on as a young boy. His four-acre garden is a work of art, teeming with the freshness of green produce, bursting with the vibrance of red and orange tomatoes and yellow squash, and sprinkled with the sweat of his labor.

 

            He nurtures all his produce from seeds, initially planting them in seed trays in our home in January. In March, he begins housing the seedlings in the greenhouse, manually regulating temperatures to promote survival with a space heater, bottles of hot water and  insulation panels.

 

            As soon as the springtime rains abate, he begins tilling the fields to promote permanent homes for all the tender new plants in the greenhouse. Using a crop rotation system, he systematically plants seeds in the greenhouse so the cycle of planting and harvesting continues throughout the fall.

 Bounty from the garden Photo from 2010-12-04

            Standing in a strawberry patch at 6 a.m. on a summer morning surely must be one of life’s greatest pleasures. Searching for the biggest, freshest berries to pick, I marvel at the miracle of new birth and growth. Some berries are deformed; some are over-ripe; and some are half-eaten. It seems as though the plumpest, juiciest ones are underneath them all, as if protected from the elements by caring kin. They are the prized ones. But, they are all beautiful in their varied stages of development.

 

They symbolize the cycle of life; the beauty of new birth; and the dignity of death.

 

These summer fields and all they bear are the fruits of my husband’s loving labor. From the moment he carefully plants the seeds in the trays in mid-January until he proudly displays his abundant array of fresh produce through the spring and summer, he has nurtured and promoted this predictable cycle of life. In living out this dream of connecting to his own roots, he has reached out to nurture the community he serves, and , in turn, has nurtured his own cycle of life.

 

My hat is off to my husband Wayne and to all farmers who are stewards of the land and give back to their communities.

 

Farmer's Market in actionPhoto from 2010-12-04

 

I may not have grown up country but I’ve grown into country and I love it!

 

 

How about you? Did you grow up country? If not, do you wish you had?

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS: 

Congratulations to Sonia Marsh and Mary C Gottschalk! Sonia is the winner of Theo Nestor’s book, Writing is My Drink and  Mary is the winner of Sara Connell’s book, Bringing in Finn.

 

This Week:

Thursday, 11/21: Book Tour and Giveaway for Survival Lessons by Alice Hoffman.

 

Next Week:

Monday, 11/25/13:  Book Tour and Giveaway: A Life in the Day of a Lady Salesman  by Diana Cruze.

 

Coping with Loss, Memoir, Miscarriage and Stillbirth

Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Loss: WOW! Women on Writing BookTour and Giveaway of Bringing in Finn by Sara Connell

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Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Sara Connell/@saracconnell

 

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill

 

I am very pleased to be participating in WOW!Women on Writing’s Book Tour and Giveaway of  Bringing in Finn by Sara Connell. My book reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

Sara will share her inspirational and heartfelt journey through an extraordinary surrogacy experience in this guest post on ” Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Loss.”

 

BringinginFinnPaperback!!
Bring in Finn Book Cover by Sara Connell

Book Description:

In February 2011, 61-year-old Kristine Casey delivered the greatest gift of all to her daughter, Sara Connell: Sara’s son, Finnean. At that moment, Kristine—the gestational carrier of Sara and her husband Bill’s child—became the oldest woman ever to give birth in Chicago.

Bringing in Finn is the incredible story of one woman’s hard-fought and often painful journey to motherhood. In this achingly honest memoir, Connell recounts the tragedy and heartbreak of losing pregnancies; the process of opening her heart and mind to the idea of her 61-year-old mother carrying her child for her; and the profound bond that blossomed between mother and daughter as a result of their unique experience together.

Moving, inspiring, and ultimately triumphant, Bringing in Finn is an extraordinary tale of despair, hope, forgiveness, and redemption—and the discovery that when it comes to unconditional love, there are no limits to what can be achieved

 

Author Bio (from Amazon Author Page):

Sara Connell is an author, speaker and life coach with a private practice in Chicago. She is a frequent contributor in the media and has appeared on Oprah, NPR, WGN, FOX News Chicago- upcoming: Good Morning America, Nightline an The View. Sara’s writing has been featured in: Elle Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Parenting, Psychobabble, Evolving Your Spirit and Mindful Metropolis magazines. Her first book- Bringing in Finn; an Extraordinary Surrogacy story- nominated for Book of the Year 2012 by Elle Magazine- is Sara’s first book. (Sept 4, 2012 Seal Press)

Author Contact information:

 

Product Details from Amazon:

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Seal Press (August 28, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580054102
  • ASIN: B00BJYM6IU

 

Welcome,Sara!

 

Sara Connell Head Shot
Memoir Author Sara Connell and Finn

 

Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Loss

At some point during the seven-year journey I took to have a child, I started to think that people who had experienced fertility issues and reproductive trauma were like war veterans. One person may have landed in Normandy on D-Day, another shot at while flying Catalina patrol planes in the South Pacific, but they had all fought in WWII.

One day, on one of the rare occasions that I lifted my gaze from the magazines I always tried (unsuccessfully) to read in the waiting room of the “high-risk” OB, I made eye contact with a patient across the waiting room and we traded stats. Me: “six rounds IVF, miscarriage, incompetent cervix, stillbirth.” She (an attractive woman about my age with a blazing smile and creamy caramel skin): “spontaneous aborter more than three miscarriages in succession, incompetent cervix, preeclampsia).” Our experiences were different, but we knew—like the soldier who was sent in to liberate Auschwitz but didn’t go to Dachau—that the pain, the shock, the trauma, was the same.

For almost seven years, I carried shame and despair inside my body.  The weight felt the size of a bowling ball or one of those steel bombs that are lit with a fuse and explode in classic Warner Brothers cartoons. I didn’t understand that speaking about the trauma, the grief, the pain could be healing and that connecting with other people who had walked the trip wire-laden path of infertility was a way to set me free. 

Since writing a book about my fertility experience and the miraculous way my son came into the world (my sixty-year-old mother carried him as our surrogate), I’ve been asked more than once what advice I would give to someone in the midst of a fertility experience. The first time I fielded this question, I felt reticence.  So many things people said to me during my own experience were unhelpful—or hurtful (“everything happens for a reason”, “this must have been God’s will”). But I felt I should say something, so I answered by sharing my favorite of the responses I received from friends after they heard our twins had been stillborn:

“Oh god, that completely sucks.”

And the runner-up: “I am sorry you are going through any of this—you definitely do not deserve it.”

When pressed in one interview to offer more, I came up with three things that helped me heal and keep going:

1)     Healing: For me, this involved trauma therapy, yoga, meditation, massages, crying, grieving, staying off Facebook, and honoring the lives of my stillborn twins. My husband and I attended their cremation and placed their beautiful little urns in a sacred place in our house.

2)     Listening: I took long walks and spent time in silence. I began to find Y-shaped branches in the woods and trails, and I took these as a sign of yes—of “keep going”—of somehow, somehow there would be a way to realize our dream of having children.

3)     Letting go of shame: In her much-viewed TED talk, psychologist and researcher Brene Brown said that shame is one of the most corrosive energies on the planet. After ten years of studying shame, she also discovered that there is an antidote, one that she sums up in four words: “You are not alone.” After my seven year journey and the groups I’ve been fortunate to speak with around the country since I wrote my book, I can say for certain, if you are going through a fertility crisis or trauma, you are not alone.

Researching my book, I read that one in six US births involved some sort of fertility procedure. A friend of my editor who also experienced a stillbirth started a Facebook group (Return to Zero) that within months had 115,000 followers.

The numbers were undeniable, but knowing the stats alone didn’t heal me. It was hearing the women and men who were experiencing similar pain that held the alchemy I needed. I could not sit in a room of people who had experienced what I had and feel the same hatred towards them that I had felt about myself (that I was impotent, not a woman, broken, a failure). These were not people who had done some unknown awful thing and were being punished by a fertility crisis. When I heard them speak, I felt overpowering love—and, as I loved, I softened to myself.  

A support group may not be the right solution for some, but the healing possibilities are infinite. We simply have to look until we find that thing that tells us in a way we can really feel that we are not alone, that the war will end.

After WWII, Winston Churchill said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Some days, the only thing I could do was breathe, and continue.  A colleague friend of mine who teaches fertility and pre-natal yoga told me she believed there is a way for each person who wants to have a child.  I couldn’t believe her statement fully but I felt better and more open to possibility each time she said the words.

I believe there is some lifeline for each of us that can heal us and guide us forward as well. When we find ours, we have to grab it and tie it around our stomachs—and hold on tight until it leads us home- to the fulfillment of our dream. 

***

Thank you Sara for sharing your heartfelt journey from loss to joy. You will touch many with your story and give hope to all, especially those who struggle with infertility issues. 

How about you? Have you suffered a loss and triumphed?

A copy of Bringing in Finn will be given away to a lucky commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

Next Week:

Monday, 11/18/13:  “Growing into Country: A Memoir Moment.”

The winners of  Theo Nestor’s memoir, Writing is My Drink and Sara’s memoir will be announced on Monday’s blogpost.

 

 

Authenticity

Interview withTheo Nestor on Her New Memoir: Writing is My Drink

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Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Theo Nestor/@theopnestor

 

” A voice is a human gift; it should be cherished and used to utter fully human speech. Powerlessness and silence go together.”  Margaret Atwood          

 

It is my pleasure to feature memoir author Theo Pauline Nestor in this interview about her new writing resource book, Writing is My Drink: A Writer’s Story of Finding Her Voice (and a Guide to How You Can Too). My reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

Theo is best known for her memoir, How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over, a 2008 Kirkus Reviews Top Pick for Reading Groups. But she first caught my attention with her provocative essay on the Huffington Post, 02/12/2013, “Why Writing Memoir Might Actually Make You Happier.” She discusses how “revealing and sharing her authentic self through writing and publishing a memoir has brought her into an increased connection to others.” It is a powerful piece and worth checking out if you haven’t already read it.

 

Welcome, Theo!

 

 

headshot-nestor
Memoir Author Theo Pauline Nestor

 

KP: What made you decide to write a memoir about finding your voice?  

 

TN: The book was born out of my blog Writing Is My Drink.  The impetus for creating the blog grew primarily from my teaching.  I teach a nine-month memoir writing class, and in teaching students the craft of writing memoir, the importance of relying on one’s own voice became starkly vivid to me.  It became very apparent to me that the most powerful memoirs were the ones in which the writer’s personality was palpable on the page—in everything from word choice, to syntax, to the types of stories being told and their themes.

 

KP:  In Writing Is My Drink, you share important tips for finding your voice: i.e.,  “A piece of writing can be well-crafted and even eloquent and still ring hollow.” (p.5) Can you say more about that?  

 

TN:  For me, the power of a piece of personal narrative lies in its authenticity.  I think often authentic sounding prose can be quite raw and urgent.  Conversely, a piece of technically proficient, highly stylized writing can be quite devoid of real wisdom and meaning.  

 

KP:  You speak very openly and honestly about your many years of struggle to find your own voice.  It seemed you simply refused to give up.  What drove you to keep persisting in your mission to find your voice?  

 

TN: I never saw giving up as a choice.  Sometimes when I was frustrated, friends would say, “Do you ever just feel like giving up on writing?”  And I would sort of blink and try to comprehend what they were saying.  Give up?  What would that even look like?  From the time I started starting seriously writing (when I was about 32), I became obsessed with improving as a writer, with finally reaching a point where my writing matched my vision of what it could be.  I was also possessed by the idea of publication.  I yearned for it.  My desire to write and to be heard was instinctual and unrelenting.    

 

KP:  You correlated the day you made a connection between your mother and the word “alcoholic” to the day you became a writer, because, as you say (p. 33) “ that’s the day I jumped off the cliff and was willing to say what I really thought even if it meant the loss of everything.” That’s a very powerful statement about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. What factors led to this epiphany?  

 

TN: Therapy led to the epiphany that my mother was an alcoholic but more importantly that force that was protecting me from that truth was also preventing me from accessing my truth about just about everything.  Once I could name this one thing I’d been working actively not to name, I could set out on the course of naming other experiences, and naming experiences is exactly what I had to be able to do in order to write.    

 

KP: What is the main message you want your readers to take away from Writing Is My Drink?    

 

TN: I want readers to know that their power as people and more specifically as writers lies in claiming what is very particularly their own, no matter if “their own” is uncool or not valued or even perceived by others. Your juice as a writer lies in your obsessions, your passions, your history, your gender, your hometown, your race, your identity, your favorite music, art, movies, and books. Do not try to adapt to what “real writers” are like; head fiercely towards your own quirky self.    

 

KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips you’d like to share with others?    

 

TN: I can offer four main pieces of advice for writers of memoir:

1) Push yourself to be vulnerable on the page,

2) Don’t shy away from underscoring the drama of your story,

3) Share your wisdom in your personal narrative, and

4) Highlight the universal aspects of your story.  I expand on these four ideas in this article on Huffington Post:    

 

KP: Do you have any final thoughts you’d like to share?    

 

TN: I will be teaching free memoir writing classes based on the exercises found in WRITING IS MY DRINK in Portland, Seattle, Santa Fe, and Corte Madeira, CA.  Details can be found here: https://theonestor.eventbrite.com/      

***

 

Thank you,Theo for sharing your honesty and sense of humor with us. I love the idea of embracing our uniqueness, i.e.“quirky self” as writers.    

 

Author’s Bio and contact information:

 

Theo Pauline Nestor is the author of Writing Is My Drink: A Writer’s Story of Finding
Her Voice (And a Guide to How You Can Too)(Simon & Schuster, 2013) and How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size-Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over (Crown, 2008), a 2008 Kirkus Top Pick for Reading Groups and a Target Breakout book.  Her work has been published numerous places including the New York Times, WomansDay.com, The Huffington Post,Brain, Child magazine, New Mexico magazine andAlligator Juniper.  An award-winning instructor, Nestor teaches the memoir certificate program for the University of Washington’s Professional & Continuing Education department and produces literary events such as the Wild Mountain Memoir Retreat and the Black Mesa Writers’ Intensive, a day of exploration into the craft and possibilities of personal narrative with Julia Cameron and Natalie Goldberg.
Follow Theo on Twitter: @theopnestor
Follow Theo on Facebook: Theo Pauline Nestor
Follow Theo’s Blog: WritingIsMyDrink.com
Come to Theo’s Events:https://theonestor.eventbrite.com/
9781451665093 FINAL
Writing is My Drink Book Cover

 

 

 

Writing is My Drink can be ordered from Amazon and Simon and Schuster

 

How about you? How have you found your writer’s voice? Has allowing yourself to be vulnerable helped you to find your voice?  

 

A copy of Writing is My Drink will be given to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing of commenters.

 

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

 

 

Announcement: Congratulations, Sarah Herring! Your name was selected in a random drawing to receive Wanda Maxey’s memoir, Love and Abuse on 40 Acres.

 ***

This week:

Friday 11/15: WOW Women on Writing Book Tour and Book Giveaway with Sara Connell’s Memoir, Bringing In Finn.

 

 

 

 

Abuse, Memoir

The Face of Domestic Abuse by Memoir Author Wanda S. Maxey: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

21 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Wanda Maxey/@photosue 

 

“If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night.” – Mark Green

 

I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Wanda S. Maxey in this guest post. Wanda and I met online and share a common interest in increasing domestic abuse awareness. Her memoir, Love and Abuse on 40 Acres is a vivid reminder of the realities of domestic violence and a testimony to the power of hope in surviving a life-threatening situation. Although Domestic Violence Awareness Month  was in October, we wish to extend this awareness to all months in the year.

My reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

 

Welcome, Wanda!   MG_0245 Finished

 

Should I Stay or Should I Go. . .

 

“Take that illegitimate kid of yours and get out!” Those were the first words I ever remember hearing from Daddy.

 

I didn’t understand the words, as a four-year old at the time, but I will never forget his anger.  Daddy never beat on us kids, he hurt us without using his fists. He acted as if we didn’t exist. He thought kids should be seen and not heard. Other times, he used words. I remember the time I dressed real pretty and modeled for Daddy.

 

He took a swig from his beer bottle, glanced at me and said, “Hey, Wanda, you look like a movie star.” He laughed. “Yeah, Lassie.Did you comb your hair with an egg beater?” My stomach started hurting again.

 

Maybe I’d make Daddy happy next time,  I thought.

 

Next time never came. He’d tell my sister, Penny, “Get down on your hands and knees. Now bark like a dog.” Penny would be scared and cry as she knelt and tried to bark. Daddy just laughed.

 

He was an emotional abuser (anytime someone can hurt you, without even touching you) to all of his kids, but he was a physical abuser to my mom. My two sisters, two brothers and I saw the abuse our mom received from her husband, during our entire childhood. We still live in the aftermath. I used to ask Mom why she didn’t leave him. “No job, no skills, no money, and with all you kids, I don’t have anyplace to go.” She’d say.

 

Many years ago that was true. People didn’t have available resources like they do today. Now, plenty of woman’s shelters are willing to help, and they’re only a phone call away. I cried along with Mom, after the beatings.

 

“As soon and I get old enough and get married,” I sobbed, “you can all come live with me.” The day I turned eighteen, I ran off with a man who asked me to marry him on our first date. He turned out to be a man just like Daddy. After being a witness to Mom’s abuse for all those years, I refused to stay. I left him after only three weeks.

 

A couple of years later I met another man. He told me that if I’d marry him, he would let my mom and all my sister’s and brothers move in with us. I said, “Yes.” Mom finally had a way out. I got married and we all moved into a little two bedroom house, together.

 

Being raised with an abuser, I still didn’t know the qualities to search for in a decent man. I made wrong choices, as did both of my sister’s. Our entire family suffered for years at the hands of an abuser. We all carry the scars, both inside and out. If Mom had left him sooner, how different all of our lives may have been.

 

So, if you’re asking yourself if you should stay for the sake of your children?  Why not try asking your children?  

***

Thank you , Wanda for sharing the face of abuse with us and for showing us how the cycle of abuse can be broken.

Author Bio and Contact Information:

Wanda S Maxey is a Christian, a Writer, and an Author who lives in Michigan. Her passion is trying to help others who have been through abuse, no one has to go through it alone. She was widowed in 2005 after 32 years of marriage to a wonderful man. Two years later, being lonely and desperate, she found a new love on the Internet. After a whirlwind courtship they were married. She soon discovered she had married a sociopath. Her books were written in the hopes of helping others learn about the signs to look for, so as to not be “Hooked,” by one of these predators. “Love and Abuse On 40 Acres,” a true story of hope as the secluded dream retreat with one husband became a widow’s isolated place of terror with the next. “Daddy Never Called Me Princess.” a true story of how five children struggled to find adulthood as they wrestled to escape the control of an abusive man. They called him Daddy.

Social Media:

Website : Living Faith, Loving Laughter, Sharing Hope

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wanda.s.maxey

Facebook author page: https://www.facebook.com/WandaSueMaxey

Twitter:@photosue

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/wandamaxey

Google+: Wanda Maxey

Bloggers: photosue

Pinterest: pinterest.com/wandaswritings

LoveAndAbuse-eBook-FrontCover
Love and Abuse on 40 Acres

Link to Amazon for ordering

 

How about You? Have you ever been in an abusive situation? Do you know the signs of an abuser?

 

Wanda will be giving away one copy of Love and Abuse on 40 Acres to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

 

We’d love to hear from you.  Please leave your comments below~

 

This Week:

I’m also over at Cate Russell-Cole’s CommuniCATE  blog with a post : “Releasing the Creative Genius Within.” Hope you’ll stop by there too!

 

Next Week:

 

Monday, 11/11:  “An Interview with Memoir Author Theo Nestor: Writing is My Drink: A Writer’s Story of Finding Her Voice (and a Guide to How You Can Too).

 

Friday, 11/15:     WOW! Women on Writing Book Tour and Giveaway of Bringing In Finn by Sara Connell: “Miscarriage, Stillbirth , Loss”

Memoir Writing Tips, memoir-writing, The editing process

A Milestone in a Memoir Writer’s Journey: Are We There Yet?

22 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.” Marcel Proust 

 

Life is a journey. Enjoy the ride
Photo Credit: Free Google Images-Life is a journey. Enjoy the ride

 

Are We There Yet?. . .

 

Those six hour car trips to Schenectady, New York to visit my Nana and Grandpa DiCerbo back in the 1950s usually started with my younger brother, Tom, asking, ten minutes into the trip,

 

“Are we there yet?”

 

To a five year old, time has little meaning and that question was repeated more than anyone else in the car cared to hear. Especially Dad who would calmly repeat,

 

“Not yet.”

 

I think of that memory as I wrap up the final edits of my first memoir. The journey has been a long one—four years—filled with potholes, detours, new discoveries and transformation.

 

The goal of publishing has always been a distant dream, probably like the goal of getting to Schenectady must have seemed to my five-year-old brother when we’d hop in the car to head east.

 

I knew I’d be happy to get there but I also knew it would be a long way to go.

 

So, I find myself at this juncture of memoir writer, soon-to-be memoir author and I look ahead with anticipation, excitement and a bit of trepidation. That’s my inner critic, Gertrude as I have decided to call her, trying to worm her way into my psyche.

 

I think I’ll put her in the backseat and leave her off at the next rest stop.

 

I have put my heart and soul into this memoir in hopes that others will feel inspired to learn from their mistakes and grow in new ways. I want to share my hope with others through my story.

 

I believe in my story. I’m connected to its purpose. I’m ready to share it.

 

It has been put through the paces of three rounds of developmental editing, two rounds of beta readers and one round of copy editing,and, as a result, multiple rewrites.

 

It’s still not where I need it to be , but it’s closer than it’s ever been.

 

My hat is off to Dale Griffith Stamos for her deep-cut edits and encouragement in shaping my story;  to Susan Weidener for her in-depth insights and suggestions on my memoir’s takeaways; to Eve Gumpel for her detailed fine-tuning in helping me to polish my story; and for my ten loyal beta readers who offered amazing insights from a reader’s point of view on how to make my story better.

 

And a special thanks to all of YOU for your cheers and support along the way. . .

 

It really does take a village to write a memoir.

 

What started as a pile of vignettes written in Linda Joy Myers’ Spiritual Memoir Teleclasses (NAMW) over a four-year period became a “sh*#$” first draft and many workshops and rewrites later morphed into a story only I can tell. Thanks for showing me the map and putting fuel in my tank, Linda Joy!

 

Literary agent Janet Reid, known for her no-nonsense approach, advises in this post:

 

“Good enough is not the standard you want to aspire to” noting she looks for writers who”sweat every word, sentence, paragraph and page.”

 

In other words, write it until it’s right!

 

So I’ve made it to this point. I’ve started the query process with small publishers.

 

I will keep you posted along the way.

 

And we did make it to Schenectady to enjoy wonderful family visits. The long trip was worth it, though uncomfortable and tedious at times.

 

Pretty much like writing a memoir.

 

 

How about you? How has your (memoir) writer’s journey been?

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

 

 

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations, Dorothy Sanders! You are the lucky winner of Marion Witte’s memoir, Little Madhouse on the Prairie.

 

 This Week:

 

Tuesday, 11/5/13: I’m over at Cate Russell Cole’s CommuniCATE  blog with a post on “Releasing the Creative Genius Within.” Hope you’ll stop by there , too!

 

Thursday, 11/7/13: “The Face of Abuse: Shall I Stay or Shall I Go? by Memoir Author Wanda S. Maxey