A few weeks ago, I received an email from Cameron Von St. James regarding a campaign to spread his wife Heather’s story about surviving Mesothelioma-– an often fatal consequence of asbestos exposure. The nurse in me wants to share her story here and the writer in me wants to spread the power of hope through her story.
It is my pleasure to present this introduction and interview by the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance with Heather Von St. James.
“The Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance’s (MCA) very own Heather Von St. James is spearheading an awareness effort on behalf of mesothelioma victims by sharing her personal holiday, LungLeavin’ Day, the anniversary of her surgery on February 2.
LungLeavin’ Day started out as a personal celebration in the beginning of February between Heather and her husband Cameron to recognize each year Heather remained cancer-free, but has now turned into a celebration of life and overcoming fears with many family members, friends and cancer survivors.
LungLeavin’ Day is not just for cancer survivors though, it is a day for anyone who desires to take control of their lives and throw their fears to the fire. Read our interview with Heather below, check out her new page and share with your loved ones!”
You have permission to smash your fears…LungLeavinDay Photo Credit: Mesothelioma.com
Thank you Heather and Cameron for sharing your cancer survival story. And congratulations, Heather for overcoming this devastating disease and spreading your hope to others.
I love the idea of smashing our fears like throwing a plate so it breaks into smithereens and loses any functionality and power over us in our lives!
I hope you’ll all go visit the Mesothelioma blog and enjoy this interview. Any thoughts?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Author’s Note:This post was adapted from a previous post from January, 2011.
“When a loved one becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” Author Unknown
Photo Credit: Creative Commons
Single significant events can implant in our psyche and leave a lasting mark. Don’t we all remember where we were and how we felt the day JFK was shot? Or for those who have given birth, the minute details of labor and delivery?
Every year, whenever January 28 comes around, I immediately flash back to that date in 1986.
On January 28,1986, the world watched in horror as the Challenger space shuttle exploded 73 seconds after lifting off from the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Florida. Anyone over the age of thirty-five will remember what they were doing on that day. School children everywhere tuned in that morning to watch the launch of the first schoolteacher and ordinary citizen bound for space, Christa McAuliffe. While this high-tech catastrophe was unfolding on live TV, life was unfolding in living rooms, kitchens and offices around the world; moments in time when life events would forever be connected with the Challenger explosion.
For my mother, Kathryn, it was the moment she asked her mother, my Nan, for forgiveness. She and Nan seemed to have a tentative relationship at times. From my point of view, Nan was a wonderful, loving grandmother, but there were times I would sense from my mother that there was friction between Nan and her children. I never really knew why. Nan had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November 1985 at the age of 83. She was living with my mother’s sister, my Aunt Rose and my mother was visiting to help care for her. My mother recently shared the following story of that day in January,1986 with me:
“Mama and I were sitting in the living room of my sister Rose’s home watching TV. Mama was in the floral upholstered rocking chair in the corner and I was on the blue Broyhill couch across from her. A Special Report on the Launch of the Challenger Space Shuttle interrupted the Maury Povich show. I looked over at Mama. She looked so frail and thin. Her eyes were sunken in and her skin had turned yellow.
I have to go back home soon and I may not see her alive again, I thought to myself.
In the background, the seven astronauts, one of them a young school teacher from New Hampshire, flashed across the screen, smiling and waving before boarding the Challenger.
I got up from the couch and knelt before Mama as she sat still and quiet in the chair. Holding out my hand, I put her tiny, wrinkled hand in mine and, sobbing, said,
“Mama, will you please forgive me for all the times I may have hurt you or was mean to you?”
Looking surprised, she said,
“Kathryn, you have nothing to apologize for. You have never hurt me.”
I felt her small, weak hand rubbing my shoulder as I sobbed uncontrollably ,my head bobbing in her lap.
We remained in that position for awhile. With my head resting on her lap, I watched the smoke from the space shuttle furl up in the sky out of the corner of my eye. I sat straight up and we both glared in shock at the scene.
The moment of the Challenger explosion was the moment Mama forgave me. “
This memory is precious to me because I realized that my mother allowed me to have a special, loving relationship with my Nan even though she was not able to experience that same special relationship with her, until the end. When Nan died on May 28, 1986, my mother had the peace of forgiveness in her heart.
So on January 28, the anniversary of the Challenger Explosion, I pay tribute to the seven astronauts who sacrificed their lives. I also pay tribute to my Nan who showered me with love my entire life and who showed compassion, love and forgiveness to my mother when she needed it the most,and to my mother for allowing me to have a lifetime of precious memories with my Nan, through her love.
These memories are a treasure.
What memories do you have that you pay tribute to? Do you have memories triggered by historical events?
I‘d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations, Jayne Martin! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Bridget Whelan’s book, Back to Creative Writing School.
Next Week: Monday 2/03/14: Therapeutic Musician Robin Gaiser will share “How Music Led Me to Memoir Writing.”
In the broad daylight of our habitual memory the images of the past turn gradually pale and fade out of sight, nothing remains of them, we shall never recapture it. Or rather we should never recapture it had not a few words been carefully locked away in oblivion, just as an author deposits in the National Library a copy of a book which might otherwise become unobtainable. ~ Marcel Proust French writer 1871-1922
It is my pleasure introduce you to UK Author and Creativity Coach Bridget Whelan whose eBook, Back to Creative Writing School just came out on Amazon and Amazon UK. My book reviews can be found on Amazon and GoodReads.
Bridget is going to take us all back to creativity writing school in this post,“Time Traveling with a Pen.”
Welcome, Bridget!
Bridget Whelan, Author and Creativity Coach
Time Traveling with a Pen
The American philosopher Suzanne Langer argued that memory shouldn’t be thought of as a noun – a storehouse or recording machine – but as a verb, an activity. Revisiting our younger self and the world we once inhabited is not easy, but there are ways of unlocking the words that can trigger the past and bring it back, vivid, detailed and authentic.
Sometimes a chance encounter will do it. A scent carried on a breeze can transport us to a specific afternoon in childhood or an overheard conversation can spark a flashback to an acne-dominated adolescence. But as a writer, you can’t trust to luck.
I’m convinced that one of the best ways to stir your memory, snap it awake and fire it up, is with a pen in your hand. The very act of writing can produce where-did-that-come-from? moments that will help you add substance and detail to the faded pictures of the past that you carry around in your head.
The right exercise can let you travel back in time.
Try this one. The aim is to compile a set of notes that no one else is ever going to see. There’s a great freedom in deciding that before you start. You don’t have to worry about spelling or grammar, if a phrase is a bit of a cliché or if someone else would be upset by what you’re writing. You are just gathering the raw material. Later you will refine and reflect on it, but for now it’s notes that are for your eyes only.
Decide on a period in your life that you are interested in writing about. If you’re not sure, I suggest sometime between the ages of 6 and 16. Don’t generalize: pin down a specific year.
Choose five words to describe yourself at that age.
10 words to describe your family at that time.
What was your favourite thing to eat at this time in your life? Who made it/sold it? How often did you eat it?
Write a sentence to describe the house or apartment you were living in.
Write a paragraph describing the kitchen. Think about the floors and walls, the colour of the cabinets, the view from the window, the background noises and the radio playing. Think about the table and where you once sat.
Write down five smells you associate with the kitchen: remember we often do more than cook and eat there. It can be the powerhouse of the home – where clothes were laundered, shoes shined, games played, friends gathered and work completed
Right, note-taking’s over. Now you are writing for real.
Use your jottings and the memories generated to describe a weekday winter breakfast. Don’t limit yourself to what you ate. Is there condensation on the inside of the window and icicles outside? What can you see when you look out? Who is in a rush and who is already late?
You can’t cop out and say that you didn’t have breakfast back then. Of course you did – it might have been a doughnut at lunchtime, but if that was the first meal of the day write about it and about why you left home with only the taste of toothpaste in your mouth. Go off on a tangent if one occurs to you and see where it leads.
If you have no desire to write about an everyday breakfast and can’t see how it connects with your writing project, I ask for your patience and urge you to do it anyway. Thinking about the exercise is not the same as doing it. To work it needs pen on paper or fingers on keyboard, digging up those sights and smells in short bursts. Remember, if you can capture the routine of an ordinary day you will have gone a long way towards stepping back in time.
And food is very revealing.
A simple meal can define emotional relationships and economic status, disclose ethnicity and establish context. It can give the reader a sense of the time without having to give month and year, surprise with the unusual or offer a gentle hug of recognition
I hope that worked for you. I didn’t use that particular exercise in BACK TO CREATIVE WRITING SCHOOL so you can think of it as a Memoir Writer’s exclusive.
I did, however, start the book with one that is ideal for anyone engaged in autobiographical writing. It is about the names you’ve been called over the years, the nice names, the ones that you were happy to answer to, where they came from and who was allowed to use them. The exercise also introduces the merits of one of the most useful words in a memoir writer’s vocabulary: the word perhaps.
Amazon allows you to see the first couple of exercises so you can pop over and try without having to buy, although of course I hope you’re so impressed that you won’t be able to stop yourself from doing just that.
I believe passionately that the creative techniques we often associate with fiction and stories from the imagination can be used equally well in memoir and autobiography.
All good writing is creative.
Author’s Biography
Bridget is a London Irish writer living in southern England. She studied creative and life writing at Goldsmiths College – the leading creative university of the UK – as part of the MA creative writing programme. Two years later she was back lecturing in biography and autobiography. She is now teaches at many locations, including City Lit, the largest adult education centre in Europe. She has also been Writer in Residence at an inspiring community centre serving the unemployed and low waged
BACK TO CREATIVE WRITING SCHOOL is an ebook collection of 30 practical writing exercises covering such subjects as dialogue, description and magic for grown-ups, but it is more than just a set of prompts and how-to instructions. Novelist Lizzie Enfield observed: “..it’s a book which anyone could read and if they did they would probably find their pleasure in words and the world heightened.”
Thank you , Bridget for sharing your thoughts on creativity and for taking is all “back to creative writing school”. You have given us a glimpse of what your new book has to offer all writers.
How about you? How do you tap into your own creativity?
Bridget has graciously offered to give away a copy of her ebook, Back to Creative Writing School, to a commentator whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week: ” When Historical Events Trigger Memories: A Memoir Moment”
As I write this, new predictions are coming out every day. Check out these 2014 predictions by Smashwords CEO Mark Coker. My favorite one is #14:
” Production takes on increased importance in 2014. Organize your time to spend more time writing and less time on everything else.”
At some point soon, I will have to make a decision.
My final decision will be based upon what is right for my story.
How do I best get my story into the hands of the readers who need it the most; the ones who will care about my story as much as I do?
It reminds me of the pains I took to check out the right day care for my children when I was a single parent and had no choice but to place them in that setting. I knew I needed to find a place where they would be well-cared for and I would have some peace of mind. As it turned out, some were fine and others…let’s just say I had to learn the hard way that things don’t always work out as planned.
There’s always a risk involved in any decision.
Like fine wine that should not be sold before it’s ready, I can’t rush my story.
On the other hand, if I wait until all is perfect, nothing will get done.
Somewhere between close enough to perfect and taking a risk, I will find the right path to get my story out there.
In the meantime, I’m in decision-making mode,
All dressed up for the party with so many places to go. . .
Photo Credit: Academchix from Flickr Creative Commons
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
* If I don’t believe in my story, no one else will. Connecting with my purpose for writing my story is my guide.
* Knowing my storywell enough to discern which path to my readers is right for me will keep me focused on my readers.
* Finding the balance between knowing what still needs work and knowing when further editing will dilute my intent is both a challenge and an opportunity.
* Remaining open to ways to improve my story, a commitment to excellence, no matter which route to publication I decide upon,while also remaining clear on what is not negotiable will help me get my best work out there.
* Writing up a book proposal based on specific guidelines has been a valuable experience in helping me hone in on my intent, my message and my marketing plan. Even if I don’t end up using it.
* Remembering that , as a reader, I care more about the story than how it was published will also help me stay focused on my reader.
***
There are many resources available about each publishing option. This is by no means an all-inclusive list but here are a few select ones I found helpful:
“You will succeed by how you write, not by which route to publication you choose.”
How about you? For those who are already published, what made you decide the best route for your story? For those seeking publication, what has gone into your decision-making process?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations, Sandra Smith! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Maureen Murdock’s Kindle short, The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective.
Next week, Monday, 1/20/14: UK Author Bridget Whelan will discuss “Back to Creative Writing School: Traveling with a Pen.” Her eBook, Back to Creative Writing School” is now on Amazon.
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Rev. Martin Luther King , Jr.
Bestselling Author, Memoir Teacher and Clinical Psychologist Maureen Murdock returns for Part 2 of the spoken word piece she did for SPARKS theater in Pacific Palisades, CA. She describes a heartwrenching visit with her son Matt in prison. Here is Part 1 if you missed it.
Welcome back, Maureen!
Memoir Author and Teacher Maureen Murdock
“Hooked on Hope, Part 2: A Mother’s Story About Bipolar Disorder and Prison.”
I am a therapist. What I do is help other people give voice to their lives to heal. When people come to my office it’s safe for them to have their feelings, to cry, to rant, to rage. My office is a sanctuary. But when I visit my son in prison, I have to go against my every instinct as a therapist and mother—encouraging him to express his feelings would only put him in danger.
Safety is a big issue for me. I have struggled with and failed to keep my son safe. When he had his first mental health emergency in his second year in college I tried to get him the help he needed, to stabilize him, to keep him contained. But it was not enough.
When bipolar illness is paired with substance abuse it’s a recipe for disaster.My son has made some bad decisions that have had huge consequences.
The night Matt was arrested for knowingly buying a stolen laptop while he was on probation, my first thought was well, now he’s safe in County Jail. I know where he is. This was before he was sentenced to 4 years and transferred to San Quentin.
I want you to understand— that in spite of all of his struggles, my son is a talented artist. He has had gallery shows in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Our shared love of art is a way we connect in the purest, uncomplicated way. Making art is the way he makes sense of and connects with the outside world.
Over the past year, he did a series of silkscreen prints in the art studio inmates use when a volunteer teacher comes into prison. A recent assignment was to create a print about human rights in the prison system.
Matt’s artwork: Towers Linoprint
His silkscreen illustrating Solitary Confinement, Mental Illness and the 8th Amendment was chosen to be part of an art show in San Francisco. His statement under the print read: “In prison, it’s not possible to do artwork which is not political. The very act is one of resistance.. Solitary Confinement is a clear constitutional violation, an insidious exercise of cruel and unusual punishment.”
Matt’s artwork: Solitary Confinement
Matt was proud to be in the show; it meant he still had a presence in the art world. His dream after prison is to curate a show with art from prisoners he admires.
He had been saving stamps for six months to send home his additional prints and the prints of other inmates he had bought. Stamps are the only currency in prison. They are bartered for CDs, junk food and inmate art. He had constructed a large make-shift envelope for the prints and waited to send it home until he knew the guard on watch who would inspect it. Officer Lee examined the contents and taped the envelope closed.
It arrived at my house sealed shut but empty.
One of the other guards must have confiscated the art. Six months worth of scrimping and saving and creating only to be stolen by someone who can–with impunity.
It is conceivable that the art was taken to be examined for gang-related imagery. It is also known that inmate art is stolen by guards for sale on e-Bay. The journal in which he had written an essay on the injustice of solitary confinement had also been taken.
Matt was devastated.
I wish I could tell him that everything will be okay. That he just has to hang on for 3 more months.
But I don’t feel like things will be okay.
I feel powerless to change his circumstances. All I can do is ask you to keep an open mind about those you might not understand. There’s always a hidden narrative.
***
Maureen, the sense of injustice is palpable. Anyone, especially a mother with a child in prison, will be touched by your words. I admire your courage in getting your story out there so that we all can know the realities of prison life. I am joining you in being “hooked on hope” that Matt will move forward from this harrowing experience with purpose and strength. And yes, may we all be more understanding of the “hidden narratives” when we face that which we may not understand.
Author’s Biography and Contact Information(from Amazon):
Maureen Murdock is the best-selling author of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, a ground-breaking work which revealed a broader understanding of the female psyche on both a personal and cultural level and was Murdock’s response to Joseph Campbell’s A Hero with a Thousand Faces. When Murdock showed Campbell her book, he said, “Women don’t need to make the journey.” Murdock’s readers around the world have shown that he’s wrong! A Jungian psychotherapist and creative writing teacher, Murdock is also the author of Fathers Daughters: Breaking the Ties that Bind, The Heroine’s Journey Workbook, Spinning Inward: Using Guided Imagery with Children, and Unreliable Truth: On Memoir and Memory, a seminal work about memoir and what’s involved in writing a memoir. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and she lectures internationally.
The Emergence of a Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective by Maureen Murdock informs the reader about the early signs of bipolar disorder in an adolescent or young adult from a mother who has been through this journey with her son. The book describes what’s involved in a mental health crisis, the trauma of a first hospitalization and facts and figures about bipolar disorder, the fastest growing brain illness in children today. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, four million children and adolescents in America suffer from a serious mental disorder. Through early diagnosis and treatment these young people can live productive lives.
As a mother and a psychotherapist, it was difficult for me to find adequate resources when my son was first diagnosed so I offer tools to navigate these turbulent waters. Included are suggestions about Mental Health First Aid, personal recommendations for links to TED Talks by two young people talking about living with bipolar disorder and community resources a family can access for support before, during, and after a mental health crisis. Like the award-winning movie “Silver Linings Playbook,” The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective gives the reader a glimpse into the challenges a family experiences when a child is struck with a mood disorder.
The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder:A Mother’s Perspective
How about you? How do you handle life circumstances when they don’t turn out the way you want them to? How do you help a child whose choices have led to consequences and injustices that are difficult for you as a parent to deal with?
Maureen has graciously offered to give away a copy of her Kindle short to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below~
Next Week, Monday, 1/13/14:” All Dressed Up and So Many Places to Go–Publication Decision Time.”
“There is always hope when people are forced to listen to both sides.” John Stuart Mill
I am thrilled to kick the New Year off with a guest post by Maureen Murdock about hope while dealing with an imprisoned son who has also been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. Maureen is a clinical psychologist as well as a leading figure in the memoir community and the author of several memoir writing books. Her current memoir, Hooked on Hope is pending publication. Her recently published Kindle short, The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder addresses why she chose to write about mental illness in the family.
I had the pleasure of meeting Maureen when I attended her memoir writing workshop at the International Women Writers Guild (IWWG) Annual Convention this summer at Drew University in Madison, NJ.
This is Part 1 of an excerpt from a spoken word piece Maureen did for SPARK theater in Pacific Palisades, CA.
Welcome , Maureen!
Memoir Author and Teacher Maureen Murdock
Hooked on Hope: A Mother’s Story About Bipolar Disorder and Prison
Ten years ago I taught a week-long memoir course at Skidmore College. One of the writers, a middle-aged woman from Queens, wrote about being the mother of a son in prison.
“People don’t realize,” she wrote, “When a child is in prison, his mother is there too. I see the fear and disgust in people’s eyes when I say my son is in prison. I imagine they’re thinking, ‘she must have been a terrible mother for her son to be incarcerated.’”
I was deeply moved by her statement about being imprisoned too. I had never thought about that. Up until then, like many people, I thought prison was primarily populated by low-level drug dealers, thieves, and murderers, mostly black. I grew up in New Jersey and the only white people I knew who went to prison were Italian mobsters. This well-dressed white woman was the first woman I had met who was the mother of a convicted felon.
Six years later I am too.
Every other month I drive 6 hours to visit my son, Matt, at San Quentin. Female visitors are forbidden to wear underwire bras so I make sure I have my sports bra on. I put my car key, ID, and single dollar bills for the vending machines in the clear plastic purse I am permitted to bring into prison. The contents will be inspected. Nothing else can be brought into or out of prison.
After being searched and passed through the metal detector I go through a series of metal gates–surrounded by barbed wire. I hand my identification to the officer who sits in a platform on high—like some olive green khaki god– looking down at me. I take a seat and wait as the guard calls for my son. After he is strip searched, Matt is given a pass to enter the Visitors room. He walks toward me with a big grin, hands his ID to the platformed guard, and gives me a big bear hug.
It feels good to embrace his thin muscular body. I look into his eyes. Yes, he’s still there. They haven’t beaten him down–yet.
We sit across each other in plastic chairs eighteen inches from the next inmate and his visitor. Any attempt to find out how my son is really doing will be overheard. He tells me he just received a letter from the gallery owner who offered him an internship upon his release from prison next February. At the time of his offer a year ago the gallery owner told me, “Nobody should be judged by his last mistake.”
I thought what a humane person, what a good egg. The gallery is not far from my home in Santa Barbara so it meant my son would have a safe place to live with me and my partner, a roof over his head, a job, a new start. I could relax a bit about what he was going to do upon release.
But, Matt said, “He changed his mind. He rescinded his offer. He wrote that it was too risky to have me ‘handle’ millions of dollars of artwork.”
The gallery owner knew that my son was qualified—that he had done installation work at the Corcoran Gallery in Santa Monica– so rescinding his offer didn’t have anything to do with skill. It had to do with stigmatization.
Losing that job meant that upon release Matt would be paroled to San Francisco where he was arrested, with nothing but a clear plastic bag for his clothes and $200.
I wanted to reach out to my son and hold him and tell him it would be okay. That something else would come along. But I had to sit on my hands and look at him as he put his head down, his hair covering his eyes so that neither I, nor the people sitting next to us on either side could see his tears. . .
to be continued, 01/09/14 with Part 2. . .
***
Maureen, this story leaves me spellbound. I could feel your mother’s love and anguish. Thank you for your bravery in sharing such a deeply personal and heart-wrenching story. I join you in hoping that getting your story out there will help to increase awareness and create changes in our judicial system.
Author’s Bio and Contact Information (from Amazon):
Maureen Murdock is the best-selling author of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, a ground-breaking work which revealed a broader understanding of the female psyche on both a personal and cultural level and was Murdock’s response to Joseph Campbell’s A Hero with a Thousand Faces. When Murdock showed Campbell her book, he said, “Women don’t need to make the journey.” Murdock’s readers around the world have shown that he’s wrong! A Jungian psychotherapist and creative writing teacher, Murdock is also the author of Fathers Daughters: Breaking the Ties that Bind, The Heroine’s Journey Workbook, Spinning Inward: Using Guided Imagery with Children, and Unreliable Truth: On Memoir and Memory, a seminal work about memoir and what’s involved in writing a memoir. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and she lectures internationally.
The Emergence of a Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective by Maureen Murdock informs the reader about the early signs of bipolar disorder in an adolescent or young adult from a mother who has been through this journey with her son. The book describes what’s involved in a mental health crisis, the trauma of a first hospitalization and facts and figures about bipolar disorder, the fastest growing brain illness in children today. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, four million children and adolescents in America suffer from a serious mental disorder. Through early diagnosis and treatment these young people can live productive lives.
As a mother and a psychotherapist, it was difficult for me to find adequate resources when my son was first diagnosed so I offer tools to navigate these turbulent waters. Included are suggestions about Mental Health First Aid, personal recommendations for links to TED Talks by two young people talking about living with bipolar disorder and community resources a family can access for support before, during, and after a mental health crisis. Like the award-winning movie “Silver Linings Playbook,” The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective gives the reader a glimpse into the challenges a family experiences when a child is struck with a mood disorder.
The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder:A Mother’s Perspective
