Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,”plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
How does hope work in your life?
Hope through faith is a powerful theme in my life and in my memoir-in-progress. Sometimes, it wavers though and I need a little boost. My weekend in Philly with Susan Weidener and the Women’s Writing Circle proved to be just what I needed to get that boost.
When Susan invited me to present a workshop on journaling for the Women’s Writing Circle, I was honored and excited for the opportunity. I had taught many nursing workshops in my career but this would be my first writing workshop. Boy, was I in for a treat.
Susan and I met on LinkedIn –therein lies the power of the internet for making meaningful connections– when I shared a blog post on using fiction writing techniques in memoir. I was intrigued by one of her comments about standing in your truth and decided to read her memoir, Again in a Heartbeat which I loved for its gripping honesty and universal hopeful message of life after loss. Then I read the sequel, Morning at Wellington Square about finding one’s purpose after a loss, which I also loved.
When I learned more about the Women’s Writing Circle and Susan’s work with helping women find their voices, I visualized myself being a part of the group. My memoir-in-progress is about all the self-defeating detours I took because I hadn’t found my voice. I was 43- years-old when I did. Better late than never.
In the meantime, I was planning a trip to visit my 96-year-old aunt in a Wayne, PA nursing home and was running into one snag after the next.
Before I knew it, Susan had invited me to co-facilitate this workshop that was near my aunt’s nursing home.
It really does pay to dream.
Friday, Susan picked me up at the Paoli train station –actually more of a pit stop with a small wooden platform and a few folding chairs. But I noticed, it even had a library:
We drove to see Aunt Glenna at the nearby nursing home and had a lovely two-hour visit:
The workshop was on Saturday and I was excited to meet the women in person as I felt I had already “met” them through their engaging and poignant stories and poems in The Slants of Light anthology which will be launched in the Spring:
The workshop was filled with heartfelt sharing and writing. As a teacher, I have always been amazed at how much I learn and grow through the process of teaching and this workshop was no exception.
After discussing journaling tips, the healing benefits of journaling and journaling tools, we split up into pairs, wrote from writing prompts then shared our writing with our partner. After lunch, we gathered in the circle to share our writing with the entire group.
Next to a vase of coral-colored roses, a cylindrical white candle burned atop a lace-draped small round table in the center to honor the sacredness of our words and stories.
As I listened, I experienced heartfelt connections to the stories of the other women. It was a testimony to the power of women’s voices in sharing, connecting and healing.
I have mentioned the heartbreak of a son who struggles with substance abuse, a story that is always close at heart. So the prompt I chose during the writing exercise which led to this letter to my son, B was “One reason I get sad is” …
…sometimes knowing you are still struggling with who you are and where you fit into the world. When I visualize you, I see your many talents; your sensitivity; your dark, dancing eyes; your generous heart.
I see the four-year-old boy who shared his dripping orange popsicle with his little friend, Becky while the two of sat at the end of the driveway one hot summer afternoon.
I see the seven-year-old rascal at the top of the pine tree, waving your hands above your head, “Look Ma, no hands” as I watched in terror and frustration, trying to coax you down.
I see the kind and loving 10-year-old reaching out to hold the hand of an elderly nursing home resident during a school trip.
I look up at the gangly 13-year-old young man with the crackly voice before you darted off to joke and spar with your friends.
And I wonder, where did it all go so wrong?
What happened to that precious son of mine who now sits in his apartment, alone,and struggles day-to-day to make some sense of the life he hasn’t had? Who looks back at the lost opportunities and dreams and mourns his path?
With fierce mother love, I hang on to hope;
hope that you will reconnect with that little boy within who has so much innate goodness and worth;
hope that you will begin to see yourself as I see you- healthy, whole and still filled with promise.”
After hearing my story and knowing I would be meeting B during a two-hour layover at Penn Station, the women of the Circle encouraged me to read it to him.
I wasn’t sure what I would do.
Although, we’d been in contact, I hadn’t seen B in thirteen months. He met me as planned and I did read him the story, after giving him a big hug and sitting across from him at dinner to hear his story.
My voice teetered a bit toward the end, especially when I read the word “hope.”
Looking at one another through tear-glazed eyes, my handsome, sober 37-year-old son reached across the table to touch my hand and with a slight smile and nod said,
“I like it, Mom. I am hopeful.”
Hope multiplies when it is shared.
Thank you Susan and lovely women of the Women’s Writing Circle for helping me tap deeper into my hope.
Through my faith and with a little help from my friends, I did find my hope in Philly.
“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29: 12-13
How about you? Do you have a story of hope to share?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations to Marlena Baraf for winning a copy of Lorenzo Martinez‘ children’s book, The Ballerina and Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Anyone one who wrote music for Captain Kangaroo, as Lorenzo did, has got to be good with children!
This Week: I am also still over at Lorenzo’s blog with a guest post, ” Defining Moment: Where Will Your Memoir Begin?” and at Victoria Johnson’s blog with a guest post on “Creative Space”
Next Week: Memoir Author Barbara Techel will return to discuss “How Vulnerability Can Be a Beautiful Gift in Memoir Writing”, in conjunction with the release of her memoir, Through Frankie’s Eyes: One Woman’s Journey to Her Authentic Self and the Dog on Wheels Who Led the Way.
I love this story, Kathleen, and I can’t think of a better way to share your story than the way you did it. What a powerful use of your gift.
Hi Joe, What a thrill to have you stop by and share such kind thoughts. Thank you. It really is amazing the magic that comes from sharing our stories. I’m excited about participating in your Story Cartel program and encourage everyone to take a look at it at http://www.thewritepractice.com.
Love to see you and Susan meeting and sharing your skills with other writers. I am so glad you read your story to your son. Was this a dramatic change from the last time you saw him? Was this the first time you had read something about him to your son?
Hi Sonia, Yes, it was wonderful to meet Susan and the women of the Writing Circle in person. There really are amazing people behind all those tweets and posts! My son has come back from many relapses over the past 21 years, each relapse worse than the previous one but each recovery stronger. He has read my stories of him since I started writing about him in 2000. The first time I sent him a story about my hope in the face of his downward spiral, he was on the subway and as soon as he opened the letter, he started crying and had to wait until he returned to his apartment to finish reading it. I have sent him many cards and letters over the years and he tells me he has saved every one, often rereading them to gain perspective and hope. He did seem different this time, like he was ready to walk the walk, which as far as I can tell he is doing. I am hopeful!
I think it’s amazing that as mothers, we keep the “hope” going. My oldest son is 25, and I am hopeful that he will find happiness with a job he loves, and a woman who brings out the good in him when he’s ready to settle down.
I agree, Sonia. I think all moms have hope for their children hard-wired into their brains and hearts! We always want the best for our children and all we can do is the best we can and hope they will find their way to happiness. Give them roots and give them wings. It’s bittersweet for sure.
Kathy, what a poignant message about the power of faith, and love and “sisters” sharing stories. The letter to your son is priceless as is your faith in him. Every week when I read your blog, I am filled with peace and hope and inspiration. Thank you for sharing your gifts with the rest of us through your beautiful words.
Thanks Pat, my “Hope Sister” across the Pond and let me add, the “peace, hope and inspiration” work both ways when I read your stories. I can hardly wait to get my hands on your memoir Home Sweet Hardwood What perfect timing with March Madness!
Kathy, I suspect sharing that letter with your son was one of the gutsiest things you’ve done lately. Bravo! Sounds like it hit the mark. Wonderful to hear that you are standing in the front of the room.You have so much to share and the skills to do it. Let’s keep that ball rolling. Thrilling that Susan pulled you to the center of the circle.
Thanks so much for your vote of confidence and ongoing support, Sharon. It truly was thrilling to be pulled into Susan’s inspiring Circle. I didn’t really think of reading the letter to my son as gutsy but now that you mention it, it was a bit risky. Thankfully , it worked out even better than I could have imagined. Sometimes, stepping outside out comfort zone is exactly what we need to do.
When live overwhelms us, it’s easy to get stuck in a dysfunctional phase that’s ruled by a negative mindset, but only because we’ve forgotten that we’re capable of creative the positive outcomes we want. Reminding your son of how he used to be is a fantastic gift—those memories validate his power, and ‘constructive hope is the ability to predict a positive future as a probable outcome of past and present choices and events.’ Like you, I also hope that, one day, he manages to connect the dots.
Well-said, Belinda and those memories shared did appear to fuel his hope and drive to keep fighting. Hope begets hope. Thanks so much for sharing in my hope. Much appreciated.
Kathy, I have shared this lovely testament with our Women’s Writing Circle for truly you have tapped into the “heart and soul” of the Circle, which that hope multiplies when we share with each other, empower each other and find our voices together in a community of writers. Our visit is one I will always treasure; meeting your beautiful Aunt Glenna who so reminded me of my own mother, Gertrude; of your willingness – indeed eagerness and enthusiasm – to “take the plunge” and teach a journaling workshop. Your skill as a teacher and a writing mentor were apparent from the moment we opened the Circle and I hope that other writing organizations and groups will see the value of bringing you in to lead workshops. On a final note, I treasure not just how supportive you have been of the Circle, but the friendship that has blossomed between us – two kindred spirits on this journey called “life writing.” Please come back to the Circle soon!.
This one is for you, Susan, and the lovely women of the Women’s Writing Circle so I appreciate you sharing it with everyone. Our time together was truly magical-from start to finish- and the magic of it is still with me. It is a testimony to the power of claiming our voices,honoring our stories and gaining perspective and inspiration from one another. Your support and friendship are beautiful gifts. Yes “two kindred spirits on this journey called life writing” I’d come back the the Circle “again in a heartbeat.” 🙂
Hi Kathy,
The day you giuided the women of the Circle still stands in my mind. It was lovely meeting you, learning from you as a writer and knowing that we have some things in common outside of writing. I am very glad that you read your letter to your son and that you feel he may be finally ready to have hope enough to walk the walk.
Nice to meet you and hope to see you again.
Jan
Thanks, Jan. It was great to meet you as well and I hope we see each other again,too. Thanks for encouraging me to read the letter to my son. it seemed to help both of us. I appreciate your support.
You are a special lady. Your words inspire me to write. Your wisdom keeps me searching for my own. From your rich life experiences, you craft beautiful words which you generously share. I hope that our paths will cross again as you and Susan make an awesome duo.
Thanks Diane for your kind and generous words. It was such an honor to meet you and share the day with you. Yes, by all means, keep writing! I, too,hope our paths will cross again. I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Kathy, your stellar career in nursing can only be surpassed by your mother’s love and devotion. Your son knows this unconditional love. Be blessed and continue with your letters.
Blessing & abundance in all things!
Clara.
Clara, your beautiful words are so soothing and validating. A mother’s love is certainly a powerful force. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you stopping by and commenting. You made my day! Blessings to you, too.
I identified with both Susan and you as you described the atmosphere of your workshop.
But what really got to me was the letter to your son and the knowledge that you have the love of so many other women to strengthen and encourage both you and your son on the long journey toward Sobriety. Have you read the William Cope Moyers’ memoir Broken? It is a powerful story of the son of a famous father, Bill Moyers, who almost moved beyond hope because of his addiction but who came back through the force of love–and good assistance.
Thanks, Shirley for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. They are always appreciated. Yes, I did read Broken along with any other similar memoir I could get my hands on and you are right, the love of this father truly was inspirational. Hope is important and though it sometimes hangs by a thread,it matters but love trumps everything. It’s there in abundance to carry us through these hard times. And for me , combining the three-faith hope and love-has carried me through.
Beautiful story, Kathy! I know you must be praying to St. Monica about your son — rest assured, she hears and will help! Good for you, making more memories and extending your comfort zone through this workshop. You’re an inspiration, my friend!
Thanks,Debbie. Yep, you are spot-on, St Monica has been my patron saint for years. I appreciate your words of friendship, support and encouragement, as always!
Wonderful comments and responses all, dear Kathy. I value your sincere and straightforward words and manner. Your/our journaling workshop was a bright, warm highlight of the long winter of 2012-13.
Serendipity strikes again, Kathy. I grew up in a South Philly neighborhood, and St. Monica’s was my parish church for many, many years. St. Monica’s was my grade school. I know there is a St. Monica church in Berwyn, Pa., a mere 3 miles from where Aunt Glenna resides. She must hear your prayers now! LOL!.
So nice to see you here , Edda. I appreciate your lovely comments and thoughts. The workshop was a highlight for me,too. Yes, I do think St. Monica is watching over all of us. Thanks so much for stopping by!
I loved this heartfelt and hopeful story, Kathy. I’m sure it must feel like so many possibilities went up in smoke but your son seems to be doing good work. I sometimes wonder if those people who are the most sensitive, the most tender, are the ones who somehow get snagged by substance abuse. Such a tender heart must find much to grieve it and call for surcease. Substance abuse might not be the ideal choice but mightn’t it serve a purpose of a sort? I’d sure like to think so. Your son has hope and I do, too. Blissings.
Sam, I can always count on you to strike at the heart and soul of the message. Yes,he does have a tender heart and he is doing good work now. Thank you so much for sharing in my hope for him. Blessings and Blissings 🙂
Dear Kathy,
Your words about B growing up and your recent meeting with him brought me to tears. Your writing is so heartfelt and powerful. Every detail perfectly shows your son. And how gutsy to share your words with him. Can’t wait to read more.
I’m so glad to know your workshop was so successful. I read and reviewed the Women’s Writing Circle’s Slants of Light – a wonderful anthology.
Hugs.
Dear Madeline, Thanks so much for stopping by. Every time I write about B, I feel connected with you and your story with Paul. You have been a source of great inspiration and strength to me. I appreciate your comments about the journaling workshop and I agree, The Slant of Light anthology by Susan and the women of The Women’s Writing Circle is wonderful.
Blessings and Hugs
Oh, Kathy, how special it was for me to read this update on B and to read your message of hope that you wrote and then read to him aloud. Powerful stuff! Your tenacious, hopeful, grace-filled love for B is so much like God’s love for all of us–tenacious, hopeful, grace-filled. It’s beautiful for me to stand on the sidelines and watch. May God bless you richly, and B as well.
Love and hugs,
Linda
Dear Linda, it’s so nice to have you with me in spirit in hoping for my son’s recovery. Your words give me strength and encouragement to keep believing. You are not on the sidelines. You are in my circle of love and support that keeps my hope alive. Thank you for the blessing of your friendship and for your presence on my journey!
Kathy – Thanks for letting us know that you shared your piece from the journal workshop with your son! What an amazing gift you gave him and the encounter also afforded him the chance to respond to your powerful expression of hope. The alchemy of writing is so potent! We all appreciated your time spent with us sharing your own story and some of the roads you’ve taken along the way. We hope you will visit us again in The Circle!
Thanks for your kind words,Ginger. I experienced for myself the power of The Circle to share, connect and heal. You all helped me to nurture my hope and you gave me the nudge I needed to share it with my son. Hope is like a gift that keeps giving. I look forward to seeing you all again someday. Blessings, Kathy
Kathy, your inspirational leadership at the Journaling Workshop has inspired me to “journal” practically daily since that memorable February day. I’m blessed to have found the Women’s Writing Circle, and to learn from such life writers as you and Susan. Journaling to me is quite private, so to read of your strength in sharing your voice with your son is so admirable. What struck me even more so was your son’s acceptance of your words and his positive remark, that he is hopeful. I believe that your son has your strength. The apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree. Thank you for sharing your voice so intimately.
Dear Kathy, Thank you for your kind thoughts and insights, especially about my son’s acceptance of the letter. I think he is ready to make the changes he needs to make and I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t stepped out on a limb to share my thoughts and feelings with him. The power of sharing is truly amazing as we all experienced in The Circle. I appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to comment. Blessings on your journey and I look forward to meeting again.
Dear Kathy–you bring your love, your hope, and your big heart with you everywhere you go. And memoir offers a continuity of testimony of who we are, how we have changed, and the important things that we want to share with others. Your writing, journaling, and memoir are the visible steppingstones to your inner journey of healing and forgiveness. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Blessings and love,
Linda Joy
Dear Linda Joy, I love this: “Your writing, journaling, and memoir are the visible steppingstones to your inner journey of healing and forgiveness”, a poignant message for all memoir writers. Thank you for getting me started on my journey and for guiding and supporting me all along the way. I appreciate all you do 🙂
Blessings,
Kathy
Hi Kathy. It sounds as if you had a wonderful time with your group (love the library), and a rare opportunity to open your heart to your son. Substance abuse is a riddle within a puzzle, locked at the heart of a maze. When it was clear that my mother was fading, my objective was clearing away as much of the guilt and worry I knew she carried around inside of her. She was a young mother during the era of Freud, when everything was a mother’s fault. We now know that’s not true, but that knowledge didn’t come in time for her to cope with my brother Daniel. It was a battle of hope against hope to help her understand Daniel was as he was, and she was the best mother she could have possibly been in such difficult circumstances. She’s been gone 10 years now, and I’m still hoping she’s been released. Without that hope, all that’s left is hurt, and that stops life in its tracks. I’ll hang on to hope. When you share a story like this, that hope is increased, and for that I thank you. {{{hugs}}} Cyd
Dear Cyd, Yes , it was a magical weekend on many levels. I loved the library, too! Your insights about substance abuse resonate with me. I had to learn over many years that because I didn’t cause my son’s substance abuse, I couldn’t control it. Live and let live and letting go has been a long, hard lesson. Alanon helped me see that if I concentrate on my own recovery, we’ll all be better off. But I’ll never, ever give up hope for his recovery and long term sobriety. When I relinguished control over his recovery and concentrated on my own, he got better and so did I. I certainly can relate to your mother’s pain. I am visualizing that she is at peace now knowing she did the best she could under very difficult circumstances. Hope is powerful and when we claim it, we become empowered. Hope shared is multiplied so thank you for multiplying my hope by your sharing.
{{{Hugs}}} right back,
Kathy
What a powerful story ! Yes, hope and faith are the pillars of mental strength.I learned at age five –going to the temple every morning in summer with my neighbor’s 8 yrs old daughter and pray to the God for half an hour to get our tenants out of our place so that we would have space to live. That worked and that imprinted the power of prayer and hope on me. I love your writing.
Thanks, Smita. What a beautiful testimony to the power of prayer, especially the prayers of little children. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I love your stories,too and always appreciate your insights. 🙂
Kathy,
I am so glad to see that you were able to share your letter with your son. Even writing it must have been cathartic; but sharing it and having him feel your love, and reflect it back to you … I am so encouraged and I hope he will set upon a brighter path.
Laura
Hi Laura, the entire experience -writing, sharing my story with the women in The Circle, with my son and now in cyberspace – has validated for me how sharing our stories helps us all to heal. Thanks so much for sharing in my hope that my son will “set upon a brighter future.”
Kathy
Kathy,
Beautifully written. The verses from Jeremiah are among my favorite. They were read at our wedding. And the letter. Only you can have some idea what it means to me. Thank you.
Christina
Thanks, Christina. We’ll get through this with Jeremiah and a little help from our friends. Here’s to moving forward with shared hope! xo
Beautifully written, Kathy. I can see that connecting with people is a gift you have. From your warm smile and engaging words, I think people are naturally drawn to you. And maybe most importantly I am so glad you had a hopeful connection with your son. This is precious on so many levels.
Dear Grace, I appreciate you stopping by and sharing such kind thoughts. Thank you very much. The entire weekend was precious to me on so many levels, too, especially the “hopeful connection”with my son.
Blessings, Kathy
Kathy, what a beautiful and poignant story you have shared! As a mom, I enjoyed your list of memories of B as a boy growing up, and then I let my mama heart be touched by your hopes for B the man. When I read that the two of you were to meet and you were encouraged by the circle of women to read your words to him, I wondered what you might decided but then I thought, “This is Kathy — she’s going to share it with him.” And you did! What courage and love you have shown for B so many times but most of all on this occasion. Your belief in B surely strengthens his hope in himself. I’m so pleased you had this time with so many beautiful women but most of all with B.
By the way, the verses from Jeremiah are my “hold onto” and “lean on” verses.
Blessings on you and your writing,
Sherrey
Thanks so much, Sherrey for sharing your lovely thoughts. I really didn’t know for sure whether I would read the letter or not but it felt right when I was with him. I ended up having to dig around in my suitcase for it while we were in the restaurant!I appreciate our vote of confidence in me 🙂 My “hope in him strengthens his hope in himself” Yes, that is what he told me. And Jeremiah is one of my favorites, too.
Blessings, Kathy
Hi Kathy-
Meeting you and taking your workshop was wonderful. This winter has been especially challenging and the knowledge and laughs shared that Saturday lifted my spirit.
Thank you for letting my sisters and I into your life. Sharing your thoughts made it easier to share mine.
The fact that you read the letter to your son, is a testament to your strength reinforced by your faith.
Thank you for guiding us through an excellent workshop.
Candice
Dear Candice, Your sweet thoughts are very touching. I appreciate you sharing them here. And the feeling about the weekend is mutual. The magic of our time together is still with me. I have to add that reading the letter to my son is also a testament to the power of sharing and honoring each other’s voices that we did in The Circle. You all gave me the nudge I needed to follow through. Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Best wishes with your writing!
Blessings,
Kathy