Writing Rants from Cheryl Stahle

August 22, 2013 Kathy Pooler 23 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Cheryl Stahle/@yourbestwriting

Author’s Note: This post is reblogged from Cheryl Stahle’s Your Best Writing Group blog, originally posted on July 11, 2013. She’s here to share how a writing rant worked to her advantage and helped her generate story ideas.

Cheryl did this guest post on Writer’s Block in September, 2012.

She is the author of Slices of Life: The Art and Craft of Memoir Writing. My reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

Welcome back, Cheryl!

CherylS_011 — Author and Writing Coach Cheryl Stahle

Writing Rants: A Quick & Dirty Way to Clear the Air

I’m stuck…what do I try next?

Deep in your writing soul “something” is holding your back and you need to move it in order to write. Lately, I’ve been seriously stuck and have spent hours just sitting in front of computer screens. I’ve tried the usual tricks:

take a break,doodle, sketch, make lists, try a new locale for writing. Nothing has worked.

Reading has also provided me with inspiration and I love to tag those special phrases and lines on my e-reader which I want to remember. Scrolling through those I stumbled upon one of my favorite poems, “Dream Deferred” by Langston Hughes. I read… I thought… and the block moved just a tiny bit. Finally anger and frustration and a whole lot of stress regarding life changes that are hitting me fast and furiously began spilling onto the page.

Rants by definition are not “pretty” writing but emotional writing that must come out before your lose your voice. Rants can be fun to read due to the emotion that pours out in the words; an energy lies underneath the structure of a rant that takes your readers on a ride. They can also be hurtful.

This process helps structure your rants:

1. Find your topic. Be it something you know a lot about or in my case, a writer’s block

2. Make a list of the negative aspects of your topic

3. Find a way to take that negative brainstorm and find some positive angles to explore—what’s the meaning behind your rant?

4. Provide some balance to the negative emotion and explain or at least acknowledge other perspectives Ask yourself, “Why should others care about my rant topic?

5. And most importantly, should this rant become public?

In my writer’s notebooks, I tend to fold down the pages containing rants because they can be hurtful and in their purest form, they are truly uncensored writing. But I am sharing my latest rant with you so that you can see what one looks like. Remember, this is not edited but a free flow of words on paper:

Here is the frightening part of this rant: you are about to read 5 minutes worth of writing.

Once these words fell onto the page, the burden I felt on my shoulder lifted and a different writer’s voice emerged.

______________________________

I hate the number 10. It’s the number that curses hope and kills dreams.

When my son was 10, he suffered a traumatic brain injury which stole his hopes and actual chances of playing ice hockey. He remains with us intact and amazing but the “what if” that incident on the ice never happened? What could he have been? What a heavy load to carry alone.

I waited 10 years to file for divorce after making that heart wrenching decision. I did so to prepare myself to have a more suitable job that would keep me closer to my son, not require global travel and would allow me to be a totally committed parent. Ten years of my life waiting. Ten years of dreams deferred. I withered during those 10 years; life seeped away, I festered, angered and just tried to survive. The challenges ahead as a single parent were great so I prepared despite the angst.

Now with an empty nest I can spread my wings and fly. Travel. Explore. I’m used to being alone but with a book, the sound of an incoming tide, the setting of a tropical sun over the horizon, the 10 years of waiting so worth it. Who am I? Finally, I can figure that out. Maybe I can live the dream of a writer and teacher without having to work multiple jobs. Maybe I can stop worrying so much about curfews and SATs and college acceptance portfolios. My son is ready for the challenges of the world.

But 2 tens too late, I am blessed to marry the man I should have the first time. But he didn’t ask and moved on. 20 years of waiting for him to come back. “You’re 10 years ahead of me” as a parent I’m repeatedly told. I hear it in my sleep those haunting words as well as in the day to day of living. My dreams deferred probably for the last time.

I’ll be 60 before I can finally watch the sun set over the horizon at the beach free of encumbrance. Ten more years of waiting to have the freedom I’ve craved all of these years now that my son is raised. Most likely my last 10 years before illness and age finally slow me down will be spent waiting.

Have these decades deferred really mattered? Will the next 10? My dreams now sag; a heavy load…gone, deferred.
___________________________________

Phew…I’m pretty angry. But this rant needed to come out so that I can get back to my focus on writing about empty nesting for WE Magazine for Women and scheduling workshops for fall. But now that the heat of the moment has passed, several potential topic for public writing appear: (1) the changing role of a parent over time; (2) living and losing dreams; (3) redefining your role as a step parent; (4) single parenting an ill child.

So while this rant provided some catharsis, it also showed me 4 potential topics for public writing. By following a process, the rant contains some structure and function to help me determine if there are subjects worth further exploration.

Give ranting a try…you might be surprised by what you discover.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

~Langston Hughes

Author’s Bio and contact information:

Cheryl Stahle’s Slices of Life: the Art and Craft of Memoir Writing is available at www.yourbestwritinggroup.com as well as Amazon and GoodReads. The marketing plan evolves and grows every day assuming a life of its own. You can keep up with Cheryl’s adventures on FaceBook by liking Your Best Writing Group or following her on Twitter @yourbestwriting. Cheryl teaches English and runs writing groups helping authors of all ages and abilities capture life stories.

***

9780983442813-frontcover-201x300 cheryl's book cover — Slices of Life: The Art and Craft of Memoir Writing

Slices of Life: The Art and Craft of Memoir Writing can be ordered on Amazon

Thank you Cheryl for showing us how “structuring our rants” can help us discover new directions in our writing life.

How about you? How do you clear the air? Have writing rants helped you to find topics to write about?

Cheryl will give away a copy of her book, Slices of Life: The Art and Craft of Memoir Writing to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

This week:

I’m also over at Paul Dorsett’s blog, Utterances of an Overcrowded Mind with “7 Tips I Have Learned About Connecting with My Purpose for Writing a Memoir.” Hope to see you there.

Saturday, 8/24: I am hosting WOW! Women on Writing‘s book tour and giveaway with a review of A Southern Place by Elaine Drennon Little.

Next Week: Memoir Author Sheila Collins will discuss “Lessons for a Dancing Life” in conjunction with the release of her memoir, Warrior Mother: Fierce Love, Unbearable Loss and Rituals that Heal. Sheila will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

The Revision Process, Using beta readers

Seven Lessons on Using Beta Readers During Revision

August 19, 2013 Kathy Pooler 24 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“I work very hard at writing,writing and rewriting and trying to weed out the lumber.” David McCullough

My work-in-progress memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead (working title) has recently completed its second round with beta readers.

I have reviewed all beta input, incorporated the revisions that fit then sent it off to a copy editor for final editing and proofing.

The process has felt a little like cleaning the house in preparation for the cleaning lady.

Every time I look it over, I change something. Or see a typo. Or question a sentence structure. Or notice an inconsistency in tense.

My gosh, when is it ever done?

I’ve heard from others that it is never really done even after it’s published. It seems to be human nature to hone in on our deficits. My husband was the general contractor when our home was built. He sees every little flaw in workmanship whereas all I see is a beautiful home in the woods. When I used to sew outfits for myself, I was tuned in to all the areas I had fudged or had difficulty with ,whereas others would give me glowing feedback on how lovely the outfit was. I think the same applies to writing.

I know at some point it will have to be good enough and I will have to take my chances at launching it out into the world.

As I move along in my journey toward publication, I reflect on the following lessons I’ve learned:

1. Connecting with my purpose for writing in the first place needs to be clear.

2. I need to be willing to learn my craft and keep writing until it’s right.

3. I need to be open to constructive feedback and ways to improve.

4. I need to take all the feedback into consideration but be clear enough about my story to know what to keep and what to disregard.

5. Beta readers can offer a wide range of feedback and suggestions from a reader’s perspective.

6 Not only do beta readers offer valuable feedback , they also feel invested in your story and in its success.

7. Developing a system of selecting beta readers is an individual decision. Some people , like Guy Kawaski , author of APE-How to Publish a Book, reach out to hundreds of people. Others don’t even use beta readers.

Here’s how I approached the beta reading process:

* I chose ten people from various communities I belong to, including people outside my memoir genre. I did this because a memoir should read like a novel. Now I’ll admit to my self-promotion phobia but Joe Bunting over at Story Cartel—a new way for readers and authors to connect– convinced me that beta readers were essential.

The Story Cartel Course

The mission of Story Cartel is to “encourage writers to share their stories”.

I took Joe’s Story Cartel Course. Receiving honest and constructive critique on my stories turned out to be my favorite part of the course and prompted me to use beta readers.

Check out Story Cartel and see for yourself how the course helped transform 5 writers, including myself, through the “Power of Community.”

Thank you, Joe and fellow cartelistas!

* I listed the areas I wanted feedback on: Readability? Does the tense work? Does it keep your attention? Are the characters believable? Is the dialogue authentic? Are the themes , narrative arc? Are you satisfied at the end?

In this post, What is a Beta Reader, and Why Do We Need Them?, Christian Fiction Writer Sharon A. Lavy discusses the importance of clearly spelling out expectations for your beta readers, noting that two criteria for selecting who to ask are, “those who are invested in your success and those who will be able to be honest.”

Memoir Author and Fiction Writer Carol Bodensteiner offers her insights on the beta reading process in this post,“Trusting my Baby to Beta Readers.”

* I asked my beta readers to focus more as a reader than an editor. They certainly could mention edits but my focus was more on general areas of pacing , flow, narrative arc, clear themes, redemption at the end. Was it a worthy read? What works, what needs work in terms of story structure?

The results:

Clear direction on what works, what needs work and how close they feel I am to being done.

I am very grateful to my beta readers and highly recommend incorporating them into your revision process. They have shed light on areas that I couldn’t have seen myself.

My beta readers, with their fresh eyes and fresh perspectives have validated for me what I am doing right and opened my mind to ways I can make my story better.

They are helping me move along to the finish line.

iStock_000018252121XSmall — United in purpose~thank you, beta readers!

Photo credit: istockphoto

How about you? What has your experience with beta readers been?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave your comments below~

Announcement: Congratulations to Mary Gottschalk. Your name was selected to receive the anthology, Silent Embrace: Perspectives on Birth and Adoption, which includes Robin Flanigan’s essay,”Moving Close.”

It’s a busy week:

Tuesday, 8/20: I’ll be over at Paul Dorset’s blog, Utterances of an Overcrowded Mind, with a guest post: “7 Tips I Have Learned About Connecting with My Purpose for Writing a Memoir.” Hope to see you there!

Thursday, 8/22: Cheryl Stahle, Writing Coach and Author of Slices of Life: The Art and Craft of Memoir Writing will return as a guest to discuss how “Writing Rants” helped her clear the air. Cheryl will give away a copy of her memoir resource book to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

Saturday, 8/24: WOW! Women on Writing Book Review and Giveaway of A Southern Place, a debut novel by Elaine Drennon Little.

memoir-writing, Woman of Purpose Spotlight Interview

A Woman in the Spotlight Interview by Author Winsome Campbell-Green

August 16, 2013 Kathy Pooler 4 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“Our stories matter. We are all enriched, inspired and empowered when we share them.” My own words…

Winsome Campbell-Green is an author who has a passion for writing and inspiring people. I had the good fortune of meeting Winsome on LinkedIn. She is the author of six books, including: Ten Life Changing Lessons, The Secret Rules of Self-Love,The Perks of A Positive Attitude, Fabulosity is You, High Heels in Tech: Woman, Technology and Change and her latest release, Curb Your Thoughts:How to Create the Future You Need…

My reviews of her book, Ten Life Changing Lessons can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

Today, I am honored to be interviewed by Winsome on her blog Women Beauty Purpose and Empowerment where she “celebrates women of purpose who seek to empower the lives of others with their life experiences.”

She describes her Women of Purpose Facebook page as “ an organization for professionals, Christians, moms, wives, tastemakers and many more who are too unique to categorize.”

Winsome asks me about my two memoirs -in-progress, in this “Woman of Purpose Spotlight” interview.

Thank you , Winsome, for the opportunity to be your guest!

I hope you’ll join me there and consider connecting with Winsome and her inspiring community.

Creative Non-Fiction, Memoir, The close-third person perspective

Climbing Mt Kilimanjaro in the Close-Third Person: Is It Memoir?

August 12, 2013 Kathy Pooler 5 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Robin L.Flanigan/@thekineticpen

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust

Robin L. Flanigan is an award-winning writer/editor and author who has climbed Mt Kilimanjaro. We met on Twitter when she reached out to me with this message:

“I look forward to reading more about your book. We have similar motives, though the one I’m writing is about someone else.”

In an interesting twist, she is writing the story of a fellow hiker who, after the freak death of her husband, decided to make the trip to deal with her grief and found a second chance of love. My first thought was that she was ghostwriting this woman’s harrowing story. And yet, she was there on the same journey and tells me she is writing it from “the close-third point of view.” She explains more in this interview.

Welcome , Robin!

KP: Robin, not too many people climb Mt Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Tanzania. I am intrigued by this fact alone. But you have taken it one step further and decided to write about it. Tell us about your current work-in-progress. Do you have a working title?

RF: It has been quite the journey, literally and figuratively. Bonnie and I were both part of a group that climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro in 2008 to raise money for cancer research and awareness. For her, the trip, which took place nearly two years after her husband’s accidental death, was a symbolic triumph over hardship – a tangible way for the two-time cancer survivor to prevail over pain once more. Welcoming a new man into her life during the process was a bonus. Her inspirational, moving story of faith, courage and conviction offers an unflinching look at what it can take to move forward and, ultimately, to heal.

People often ask whether I have a working title. I don’t. I feel like the right one is going to hit me once I finish writing and read the book, all the way through, for the first time, beginning to end.

KP: How did this project come to be? What is the story behind the story?

RF: I still get goosebumps when I tell this story. One Saturday over breakfast, I said to my husband, “I want to write a book.” I’d tinkered with the idea before, but strictly with memoir, and the truth was I’d lost interest in a book about myself.

“Why don’t you write about Bonnie?” he’d answered.

I thought it would be an incredible opportunity to tell her story, but worried it would be difficult for her to relive the night of the accident, which I felt needed to be thoroughly described. Still, I called her Monday morning, and blabbed on for probably too long about my idea. She was silent for a moment after I finished, then said, “On Saturday morning, probably about the time you were having breakfast, I was praying. I said, ‘God, I have no idea how, but it’s time. It’s time I tell my story. Robin, God brought you to me.’”

Tears poured from my eyes, and from then on, no matter how many work deadlines cause me to fall short of my self-prescribed weekly writing quota, I’ve never doubted that this project is supposed to happen.

KP: Memoir is a slice of life told like a story about your life which offers lessons learned. But you are writing about someone else’s life from the “close-third” point-of-view. Please explain what you mean by that and if you feel this qualifies it to be a memoir vs creative non-fiction. I have heard that writing memoir in the first person tends to bring the reader closer to the story. How can you achieve the same with the “close-third” point-of-view?

RF: As a journalist, I’ve been trained to hone in on seemingly inconsequential details, plopping readers into a scene they can easily imagine. I don’t think a book has to be told in the first person to achieve that intimacy. To bring the reader as close as possible to Bonnie’s perspective, I tell the story from her point of view (providing back stories on other central characters, but only when Bonnie would know them), and incorporate her thoughts in italics during the book’s most pivotal moments. Lastly, I think that my own experience on the mountain, though not overtly part of the story, provides a depth that I wouldn’t be able to get if I were simply ghostwriting her memoir.

KP: One of the biggest challenges in writing about real life events is to turn these events into a story that will interest readers. How have you found your story structure and what themes drive your narrative?

RF: It took a while to figure out the story structure, and given that I’m still in the writing process (I hope to finish by the end of the year), I feel like I’ll continue to work on pacing. That said, it eventually became clear that the real-time story arc would need to focus on Kilimanjaro. The mountain tied together her past, present and future.

I did make a decision early on to start the book with a prologue of the accident scene. Because Bonnie was the one who found her husband, I wanted readers to be thrown immediately into her experience and to care deeply for her.

Between the real-time scenes written in present tense are flashbacks that develop Bonnie’s character and reveal the parts of her life – as a child, as a two-time cancer survivor, as a married woman, and as a new widow – that have brought her to this lofty goal of climbing a 19,342-foot mountain.

Throughout are themes of loss, persistence, and love.

KP: As an experienced writer/author/editor, do you have any further tips for those who wish to capture real life events and turn them into a story that will appeal to readers?

RF: It makes my head hurt to think about the number of hours I’ve spent interviewing Bonnie and those who know her. (It makes their heads hurt, too!) But the devil is in the details for a reason. Ask good questions, circle back and peel away another layer, then repeat. Use the Internet, bookstore, library, photo albums, journals and any other source that could offer insight into your subject. In my case, I searched for insight about grief, cancer, and the terrain we’d encountered in Africa. When I learned that Bonnie had received two prayer shawls, I found a book on the history of shawl-knitting ministry and used some of its information to better illustrate why the gifts were so meaningful. And I used a journal she’d kept after her husband’s death, among other things, to document her journey.

KP: Since you are writing about someone else’s experience, one that you witnessed first-hand, what techniques are you using to capture this woman’s voice?

RF: Mainly by weaving together critical themes throughout the book. I’ve constantly asked Bonnie to make connections, to show me why she does what she does. By now we’ve spent so much time together, I can hear her voice – her favorite expressions, her delivery – without even trying.

Thank you Robin for sharing your story as well as the story behind your story of your work-in-progress. I hope you’ll keep us posted on the launch of this book and its unique close third point-of-view. You show that there are many ways to get our stories into the hands of readers.

Robin L. Flanigan is an award-winning writer and editor whose work has appeared in books, magazines, newspapers, websites, and other media. She lives in Rochester, N.Y., with her husband and 7-year-old daughter.

E-mail: robin@thekineticpen.com

Twitter: @thekineticpen

Web: www.thekineticpen.com

Africa 331 (1) — Robin at the top of Mt Kilimanjaro

How about you? Have you ever written or read anything written in the close-third point-of-view? Do you think this qualifies as a memoir?

We’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave your comments below~

Robin has agreed to give away a copy on the anthology, Silent Embrace: Perspectives on Birth and Adoption to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing of commenters. Her essay is “Moving Close” is in this anthology.

IMG_0013 Robin's book cover — Silent Embrace: Perspectives on Birth and Adoption

The anthology can be ordered on Amazon.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Kathy. Your name was selected in a random drawing to receive a copy of Louise Mathewson’s memoir Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury.

This Week: On Thursday, 8/16, I’ll be over at Author Winsome Campbell-Brown’s Woman, Beauty, Purpose, and Empowerment blog with an interview. Hope you’ll stop by!

Next Week:

Monday, 8/19: “7 Tips on Using Beta Readers in Memoir Revision”

Thursday8/22: “Writing Rants” by Cheryl Stahle

Saturday, 8/24: ” WOW! Women on Writing Book Review and Give Away: A Southern Place by Elaine Drennon Little.

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The Healing Power of Poetry in Memoir: An Interview with Louise Mathewson

August 8, 2013 Kathy Pooler 16 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Louise Matthewson

“When I get back out-

side

through the gift of poetry

I will find my way back

to the web

of life on earth.”

Excerpt of the poem,“A Road Not Chosen” form Life Interrupted Living With Brain Injury

by Louise Matthewson

I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author and Poet Louise Matthewson in this interview about the healing power of poetry in memoir.

In February 2003, Louise emerged from a coma following an automobile accident in which she suffered a traumatic brain injury (commonly referred to as a TBI). These complex head injuries can have an enormous impact on the injured person and his or her family, with far reaching implications.

Faced with the biggest challenge of her life, Louise has subsequently used poetry to process her grief and recover – both physically and emotionally. Through her website, she shares samples of her work and resources in hopes it will bring strength and hope to other TBI sufferers and their loved ones.

A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury, is a collection of transformative poetry that arose from the author’s experience following a traumatic brain injury. It chronicles her emergence from a coma following a serious car accident, her recovery journey, and triumphant return to her writing career.

While Louise has always written about the sacred moments in everyday experiences, today those experiences hold even deeper meaning.

Though a struggle at first, Louise returned to her writing as soon as she was able after her auotmobile accident. She has since used her writing (and poetry in particular) to help her cope with the physical affects of the accident, recovery from post-traumatic stress disorder, and in the emotional part of her healing process.

Here is a link to an interview with her publisher at Pearlsong Press.

Welcome , Louise!

{photo}

KP: In 2003, you suffered a traumatic brain injury and fell into a two-week coma following an automobile accident. Tell us what made you decide to write about it and how long it took:

LM:

KP: How did you find healing through your writing?

LM:

KP: You use poetry to tell your story. Tell us how writing poetry enhanced your storytelling.

LM:

Author Bio:

The author of short stories, narrative essays and poems, Minnesota author Louise Mathewson’s work has been published in numerous magazines, journals and anthologies – including the first volume of the bestselling book series, Cup of Comfort. Her new book is A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury.

Louise can be contacted in the following ways”

www.louisemathewson.com

https://www.facebook.com/LouiseMathewsonTBI

http://www.pearlsong.com/alifeinterrupted.htm

http://pinterest.com/loumath/

http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6440707.Louise_Mathewson

http://www.amazon.com/Louise-Mathewson/e/B0091FOLH8/

The Writing Life, Use of Twitter

The Magic of Twitter: A Memoir Moment

August 5, 2013 Kathy Pooler 20 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“Writers need to think of Twitter as the largest cocktail party in the world where you can mingle away with fellow writers ,editors, publishers and friends from all over the world.”

Editor Alan Rinsler, “Strategic Tweeting for Authors on his blog, The Book Deal.

twitter-bird1-300x268 — Twitter Bird Flickr Creative Commons

When I joined Twitter back in 2010, I did so reluctantly and cautiously, asking myself the following questions:

How can I say anything significant in 140 characters?

Who would even care what I had to say?

How could something called Twitter be a serious platform?

I did it because I was told I had to if I wanted to build an audience and establish an online presence.

I liked it right away when I found I could connect with people– publishers, agents, authors and writers, like myself who were just getting started.

As a nurse, I was accustomed to communicating information about patients in concise, pertinent ways, whether it be to report information to the next shift or update a physician on a patient’s changing status.

Report the facts, just the facts to convey the priority information.

Soon these connections led to requests for guest posts and ideas for my own blog posts.

I began to enjoy meeting so many new people who helped me in my writing journey. This guest post on Shirley Showalter’s blog spells out how I learned to use Twitter strategically.

I then began to meet some of the people behind the tweets either in-person at writer’s conferences or online in other arenas.

Relationships were forged. Bonds developed. I began to feel like I knew these people even though I had not met them in person.

Then something magical happened one day…

Freelance author and editor Robin Flanigan @thekineticpen reached out to me on Twitter. She told me she resonated with my profile and wanted to connect.

A conversation ensued and before we knew it, we discovered that she lived in the vicinity of Keuka Lake where I spend my birthday week every year at the family cottage. Her daughter would be attending a day camp right down the road from where our cottage was the week I would be there.

Coincidence? Serendipity?

Not only that, we also discovered that our birthdays were one day apart.

We planned a face-to-face meeting at the cottage:

IMG_20130702_140243_016 balloons — Happy Birthday balloons to show Robin the way to the cottage

We sat on the patio overlooking the lake and talked for three hours non-stop. Lost in our own writerly world, we chattered on as my grandsons ran in and out of the cottage on their various quests and the rest of my family walked past us. They’re used to my writing zones and didn’t even try to engage with us as we soaked up each other’s projects.

We were in our own little world but the difference was we were sitting across from each other on a picture-perfect sunny July day talking about writing and reveling in our shared interests.

We did take time from our chatter to snap this photo on the beach before Robin left:

It was magical and it all started on Twitter.

Real and wonderful people are behind all those tweets.

Sunflower Field — Photo credit: Sunflower field by Dreamstimefree.

Robin will be my guest next week, Monday 8/12. She has a fascinating story behind the story of climbing Mt Kilimanjaro and the memoir she is working on. She will also give away a copy of the anthology, Silent Embrace:Perspectives on Birth and Adoption in which she has an essay, “Moving Close.”

How about you? Have you found Twitter to be a useful tool in making meaningful connections?

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

Announcement: Congratulations, Joan Z Rough! Your name was selected random drawing of commenters to receive Eleanor Vincent’s memoir, Swimming with Maya.

This week: I’m also over at Mary Gottschalk‘s blog with a guest post. Mary is the author of a compelling memoir, Sailing Down the Moonbeam. She has written a novel, A Fitting Place and is starting a series of guest posts on issues related to her protagonist, Lindsey. The topic of my guest post is “Getting Past Self-Defeating Behaviors.” Hope you’ll stop by there ,too.

Thursday, 8/8/13: ” The Healing Power of Poetry in Memoir: An Interview with Louise Matthewson.” Louise will give away a copy of her memoir, A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury”, a collection of transformative poetry, to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

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From Grief to Healing, Part Two: Interview with Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent on Loving and Letting Go of a Child

August 1, 2013 Kathy Pooler 12 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Eleanor Vincent/@eleanor_vincent

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

—Ernest Hemingway

I am very pleased to feature Eleanor Vincent in Part Two of this guest post interview about her memoir, Swimming with Maya. Eleanor and I met online in the NAMW Facebook forum. I was so impressed with her memoir of loving and letting go of her beloved daughter, Maya, I asked to interview her in a guest post.

Swimming with Maya demonstrates the remarkable process of healing after the traumatic death of a loved one. My book reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

This is Part Two of the interview where Eleanor explores how writing her memoir helped her to heal and reshape her life.

Welcome back , Eleanor!

KP: It seems you have reached a place of healing and peace after such a devastating loss. Do you feel writing about Maya’s death has helped you to heal?

EV: Oh definitely! Writing is the way I process almost everything. Certainly something as traumatic as the death of a child requires a deep re-examination of everything and writing is ideally suited to that process. But I need to emphasize that writing was only one of the many healing modalities I used. I knew I’d need to pull out all the stops to recover. So I sought peer-to-peer support through the Compassionate Friends, individual therapy, and spiritual counseling. In addition, I did tons and tons of self-care: walking, healing touch, swimming, dancing, healthy food, lots of rest and time in nature. Family and friends were also very important to my recovery.

KP: What do you think Maya would have to say about your memoir?

EV: Maya loved being the center of attention, so having a memoir with her name in the title and her picture on the cover would be a big plus for her. I think she would say I tried hard to paint a balanced portrait of her. She might not agree with everything in the book, but I think she would be very proud of “her” book and of my success as a writer. Thinking about Maya still inspires me to do and be my best. She was a classic over achiever and my biggest cheerleader.

KP: Are there any final thoughts you’d like to share about memoir writing or publication?

EV: Writing a memoir is difficult – and satisfying – on so many levels. The writer must be both narrator and character and that is not an easy balancing act. The narrator needs to know more than the character does. Getting that perspective requires time, and willingness to dig deep. I highly recommend Vivian Gornick’s book on writing memoir, The Situation and the Story. It helped me to make that separation between the character of the mother in my story and the voice of the narrator.

I also think plot is an important aspect of memoir. You can’t just tell the story exactly as it happened. You have to create turning points in each chapter, and have a major realization or turning point sometime in the last quarter of the book. In that way, it’s much like writing a novel. You have to constantly ask yourself, “What is at stake here?” If there is nothing on the line for your characters, the reader will lose interest quickly.

Publication is a big topic. You have to persist and be willing to do the business of being an author – that is very different from being a writer. Take writing classes, go to workshops, form or join a really good writing group. Take classes on the business aspects such as proposal writing and marketing. Understand the business structure of publishing. Pick the brains of friends who have published and learn what makes agents and editors tick.

When I first published the book in 2004 with Capital Books, social media was not part of the equation. Now, it is essential for any writer to reach and stay connected with readers. My publisher Mike O’ Mary at Dream of Things is very sophisticated in his use of virtual channels to produce and market the new edition. It’s a really good time to be a writer if you are willing to put yourself and your work out there and use these new channels for promotion.

Thank you Eleanor for sharing your story of loss and healing so honestly and bravely. Not only do I feel satisfied that you have found healing after such a loss, but I feel as if I have met Maya through your words. I also appreciate your memoir writing and publishing tips.

***

Eleanor Vincent is an award-winning writer whose debut memoir, Swimming with Maya: A Mother’s Story was nominated for the Independent Publisher Book Award and was reissued by Dream of Things press early in 2013. She writes about love, loss, and grief recovery with a special focus on the challenges and joys of raising children at any age.

Called “engaging” by Booklist, Swimming with Maya chronicles the life and death of Eleanor’s nineteen-year-old daughter, Maya, who was thrown from a horse and pronounced brain-dead at the hospital. Eleanor donated her daughter’s organs to critically ill patients and poignantly describes her friendship with a middle-aged man who was the recipient of Maya’s heart.

Her essays appear in the anthologies At the End of Life: True Stories about How we Die (edited by Lee Gutkind); This I Believe: On Motherhood; and Impact: An Anthology of Short Memoirs. They celebrate the unique and complicated bonds between mothers and daughters, making hard decisions as a parent – whether your child is 14 or 40 – and navigating midlife transitions with grace and authenticity.

Eleanor was born in Cleveland, Ohio and attended the University of Minnesota School of Journalism and received an MFA in Creative Writing from Mills College, where she occasionally teaches writing workshops on creative nonfiction and memoir.

She lives in Oakland, California. Visit her website at www.eleanorvincent.com or connect with her author page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/eleanorvincentauthor

SwM cover — Swimming with Maya book cover

Amazon Link

How about you? Has writing through grief helped you to heal?

Eleanor has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir, Swimming with Maya, to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

Next Week:

Monday, 8/05/13: ” The Magic of Twitter: A Memoir Moment”

Thursday, 8/08/13: ” The Healing Power of Poetry in Memoir: An Interview with Memoir Author Louise Mathewson, author of A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury.

Grief, Healing after the loss of a child, Letting Go, memoir-writing

From Grief to Healing, Part One: An Interview with Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent on Loving and Letting Go of a Child

July 29, 2013 Kathy Pooler 23 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Eleanor Vincent/@eleanor_vincent

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

—Ernest Hemingway

I am very pleased to feature Eleanor Vincent in Part One of this guest post interview about her memoir, Swimming with Maya. Eleanor and I met online in the NAMW Facebook forum. I was so impressed with her memoir of loving and letting go of her beloved daughter, Maya, I asked to interview her in a guest post.

Swimming with Maya demonstrates the remarkable process of healing after the traumatic death of a loved one. My book reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

This is Part One of the interview where Eleanor explores the themes in her memoir and shares the valuable lessons she learned from writing through her pain.

Welcome , Eleanor!

KP: You’ve written an honest and heart wrenching account of loving and letting go of your high-spirited daughter, Maya, in Swimming with Maya. When did you decide to share your story through a memoir? What is the main message you hope to convey to your readers?

EV: My message is simple: celebrate life. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let the people you love know how much you love them. Life can be over in a moment. This is a truth we all try to defend against, but Maya’s sudden death at age 19 showed me that life could veer off in directions I had never imagined. When the unimaginable happens, how do we go on? This is the question Swimming with Maya attempts to answer. How do we get back up after life knocks us down? As a memoir, my book is a very personal account of one woman’s journey. It is not a self-help book, but it is inspirational and motivational because it shows how I became more resilient than I ever thought I could be. I decided to write about Maya’s death just days after she died. I instinctively knew her death would completely reshape my life and that I had to write about it.

That said, I should note that I had been writing professionally for more than two decades when she died. In addition, I was working on my MFA in creative writing at Mills College at the time. I was well equipped to take on what turned into a ten-year effort.

KP: I was able to relate to your memoir on several levels—as a mother, as a single parent and as a health care provider. Your intimate portrayal of your decision to donate Maya’s organs seems to be a central theme. But you also weave in several other layers to the narrative, including your past relationships, your current relationship with your surviving daughter, the special bond you and Maya shared. How did you decide on what to include in this narrative?

EV: That was a gradual process. At first, I just wanted to tell the story of Maya’s death and my decision to donate her organs and tissues. I never intended to go so deeply into my own past, my family, or my marriages and relationships. But readers in my workshops at Mills and then in my writing group kept asking hard questions about why the narrator made the choices she did as a parent. I quickly realized I would need to divulge much more personal material in order to write a believable narrative and create myself as a character in that narrative – one of the hardest tasks facing the memoirist.

Everyone’s life has a level of complexity. Because of my family background and my own subsequent attempts to cope with the dysfunction I observed as a child through therapy and spiritual work, my life has been extra complex. To understand the character of the mother/narrator in Swimming with Maya, the reader needs this information. I think our stories often ask more of us than we originally intend to divulge. In the end, I gave my all to the story, including creating a portrait of my own flaws and strengths as a human being.

KP: It seemed that Maya’s death prompted you to reexamine your role as a mother. What lessons have you learned in writing your memoir that you would like to share with your readers?

EV: I learned a lot about what it means to be a mother – and a lot more about how to write a compelling narrative. On the mother front, I always knew that being the mother of two daughters, Maya and Meghan, had been the most important shaping force in my life. Being motivated to be a good mother, a loving mother, caused me to reexamine and change many things about myself, including the painful process of going back and looking at the gaps in the mothering I had received.

But when Maya died, my heart and my ego shattered. Then I understood viscerally how very attached I was to my daughter – how fundamental she had become to my sense of self. I think most parents project their dreams and aspirations onto their children. Until you lose one, you do not realize the extent of this. Losing Maya forced me to grow into the person I wanted to be all along – a more loving, more compassionate, more resilient, and more trusting (paradoxically!) person. And it made me a far better writer. It also made me a much better mother to my surviving child, Meghan.

Even now, 21 years after her death, Maya continues to influence me. I am a better grandmother because of her. I enjoy my 3-year-old granddaughter Lucia more, and I’m motivated to spend more quality time with her, to be deeply involved in her life day to day, because I know what it means to lose a child. And honestly, Lucia reminds me of Maya. She has a lot of her spunk and creativity. I would not miss a minute of this!

To be continued…

Thank you , Eleanor, for sharing how your devastating loss helped you reshape your life and go on. You show us what resilience and courage look like.

***

Author Bio and contact information:

She lives in Oakland, California. Visit her website at www.eleanorvincent.com or connect with her author page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/eleanorvincentauthor

Amazon link for ordering.

How about you? Has writing through grief helped you learn more about yourself?

Eleanor has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir, Swimming with Maya, to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

Announcement: Congratulations, Carol Bodensteiner! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive a copy of Grace Peterson’s memoir, Reaching.

Thursday, 8/1: From Grief to Healing, Part Two. Eleanor will explore how writing her memoir helped her to heal.

Memoir Writing Tips, Spiritual Abuse

Freedom From Spiritual Abuse: An Interview with Memoir Author Grace Peterson

July 22, 2013 Kathy Pooler 24 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Grace Peterson/@gracepeterson3

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou

I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Grace Peterson in this interview about finding freedom from spiritual abuse.

Grace’s turbulent childhood, with her father’s violent temper and mother’s apathy, their divorce, and her relocation with her mother and siblings to Hawaii, where she experiences racism and violence, sets the stage for this incredible real-life tale of abuse, brainwashing, and ~ ultimately ~ the long journey to recovery.

At seventeen, Grace experiences love for the first time, but is soon unable contain the traumas of her past. Seeking a remedy from what she perceives as a spiritual problem, she enlists the aid of Brock, a charismatic exorcist and cult expert. Grace stumbles into a world of esoteric rituals, Luciferian doctrines, and New World Order conspiracies.

This gripping narrative illustrates how children adapt to a hostile environment, can grow up misreading their untreated traumas, and, while searching for answers, fall prey to unscrupulous charlatans who heap more damage onto an already wounded soul.

My reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.

Welcome Grace!

Copy of DSC_4628 — Memoir Author Grace Peterson

KL: Tell us about your memoir , Reaching and what made you decide to write about it.

GP: Thank you, Kathy. It’s a pleasure to be here.

I wrote Reaching to illustrate how the environment I was raised in contributed to my anxiety and how a misread diagnosis only compounded the problem. As young, impressionable, lost adults, my husband and I found a sense of belonging in the Christian church. But when a mental health crisis made it impossible to function, I mistakenly believed I was demon possessed and sought help from an exorcist.

KL: What are the main messages you want to convey through your story?

GP: One of the important things I hope readers will grasp from reading my book is the slow, methodical process of indoctrination. Brainwashing doesn’t happen instantly. A person doesn’t wake up one day and say, “Gee I think I’ll get brainwashed today.” Because it can be very subtle and address a need the person has, they often aren’t aware they’re being indoctrinated. People like me, with a skewed world view are more likely to find themselves under the influence of charlatans and their institutions.

I think with increased awareness there will also be increased compassion for those with mental health challenges and who are seeking healing from spiritual abuse.

KL: What was is like for you to resurrect all the painful memories of not only your spiritual abuse but of the childhood abuse that seemed to set the stage for your vulnerability?

GP: The entire writing process took over four years. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time with my youngest two in high school so I had a lot of time to devote to it. I spent many months completely immersed in my world. I’m a little obsessive/compulsive that way.

I’m not sure how it happened but I was able to distance myself from a lot of the emotional conflict and just write. However call it moodiness or hitting a nerve, there were times when I absolutely hated what I wrote. The entire project just sucked. Plucking words onto my computer screen somehow broke that emotional barrier and made my history real. But rather than grieve the events themselves, I would despise my writing. Then somehow I’d process it all, calm down and write some more.

And this may seem weird or egotistical but when I think about the events of my past, I feel emotional pain, yes, but I also feel a sacred connectedness to that part of me that lived through it all. It was that veiled enigma, that mystery of sacredness that kept me focused on writing to completion. I didn’t want to disappoint her.

I wanted to give her a voice to tell her story.

KP: You have a very distinct and honest writing voice and are able to effectively convey your point-of view from the different phases in your life. I found your use of present tense to be very intriguing. It made me feel closer to the story. How did you find this voice?

GP: Thank you, Kathy. Back when I was still toying with the idea of writing a book, I read a lot of memoirs. Most of them were written in first person/present and because I could relate so well to the words of the authors, I knew it was the format I wanted to use as well. I’m glad you were able to connect to it.

KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips you learned from writing your memoir that you would like to share?

GP: Writing memoir is a lesson in self-awareness. Allow the process to change you, mold you. Unless you’re under a deadline, there is no rush. Take your time and enjoy the process of stringing words together into a well-crafted story and believe that the time to share it with the world will happen exactly when it’s supposed to. Take time to live and feel those words and understand the nuances within the topics you’re writing about. Remember and feel. As you engage yourself in the process of reading and revising, you’ll not only become a more skilled writer, you’ll be more honest with your readers. And you’ll be better equipped to undertake the challenges of post-publication publicity.

KP: Do you have any final thoughts you’d like to share?

For anyone who is interested, I have three “boards” on Pinterest devoted to images of the locations and objects mentioned in my memoir. While searching the web, the most pleasant discovery was the Pepsi commercial (circa 1975) featuring a little blonde-headed boy (who reminded me of my brother) frolicking with puppies. It was incredibly validating to view it again after 30 years and confirm that my memory was correct. You can view my boards, including the Pespi ad by going to: http://pinterest.com/gracepete/boards/

Thank you ,Grace for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us. Your brave story of recovery from mental health issues and religious/spiritual abuse will give others inspiration and hope. I also appreciate your memoir writing tips.

***

Author Bio:

Grace Peterson is an author, garden columnist and blogger. She is the proud mother of four grown children and four friendly felines. She has been married to her best friend since 1980. Reaching is her first book. Her second book, Grace In The Garden will be published later this year. She can be reached by commenting on her blog, www.gracepete.com or email: grace@gracepete.com.

Reaching front cover — Reaching book cover

Reaching can be ordered from Amazon

How about you? Have you ever survived an abusive situation and decided to write about it?

Grace has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

Announcement: Congratulations,Mary McFarland! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Donald Dempsey’s memoir, Betty’s Child from Wow! Women on Writing.

Next Week, Monday 7/29 and Thursday 8/1 Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent will discuss ” From Grief to Healing: Loving and Letting Go of a Child” in a two-part interview. She has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir , Swimming with Maya to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing

Book Review, Memoir

WOW! Women on Writing Book Tour: A Review of Betty’s Child by Donald R. Dempsey

July 17, 2013 Kathy Pooler 8 Comments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

I am very pleased to be participating in WOW-Women on Writing’s Book Tour with this review of Donald R Dempsey’s stunning debut memoir, Betty’s Child.

Betty's Child Cover — Betty’s Child cover

Official book synopsis:

Donny Davis is struggling to coexist with his mother, a single woman who moves from place to place, always just a step ahead of the law, scamming churches, and running bad checks. She has already been incarcerated for these self-same illegal activities, but refuses to alter her lifestyle; a lifestyle that includes bringing home men she knows little or nothing about. One of these men eventually assaults Donny. He feels trapped, as his mother makes excuses for her boyfriend’s actions, but he fears more for his younger brothers than he does for himself. Scarred and sullen, Donny shamefully attends the church his mother is scamming. He stays silent, but something within him begins to rise up, and his youthful indignation swells to an outright full rebellion. As his life with his mother grows ever more fraught with peril, Donny’s world begins to completely unravel. His beloved dog is taken from him. One of his younger brothers is brutally attacked. He loses the few friends he has when the family is moved by the church they attend. And then, the very pastor who has control of them begins to accuse him of his mother’s sins.

Betty’s Child is the story of one young man’s ordeals with poverty, religion, physical and mental abuse, maternal insanity, and the dire need for confidence and direction as he attempts to come of age.

My Review:

Donald Dempsey writes with such piercing honesty and graphic scenic detail in this debut memoir that I had a hard time initially getting into his story. It wasn’t that his story was not engaging, it was that the subject matter was so painfully raw, it made me feel uncomfortable. How could a mother continually neglect and abuse her three sons to serve her own demented needs and furthermore, how could a preteen have the maturity, resilience and even a sense of humor to counteract her manipulations and insanity? As in Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes, the reader can taste and feel the sense of poverty and despair as Donny struggles to grow and develop in an environment that is emotionally and physically-abusive not only as a result of his mother’s instability but also from the steady stream of undesirable men she brings home.

Through it all, I become increasingly more attached to Donny as a spunky twelve-year-old who is doing his best with what he has. His strength of character comes out in many ways as he navigates around the dangerous, drug-infested neighborhood , fighting off bullies. Donny serves as the protector for his younger brothers and learns to fend for himself, often skipping school and getting involved in stealing. A church member and his wife attempt to help Donny find God and although he resists, he ends up reluctantly participating in the rituals. The degree of insanity, neglect and abuse from his mother continues while she manipulates the church and its people to help support the family. This further enables her to continue in her scams and the neglect of her children. When Donny tries to confide his mother’s scamming habits to the pastor, the pastor sides with his mother and accuses Donny of being the instigator of his mother’s problems.

Dempsey recounts several horrific events with such passion and feelings of grief that I felt bereft and despairing right along with him. There is something within Donny’s character though that lurks in the background, a foreshadowing of hope for a better life someday. Donny’s character is resilient and resourceful and he shows a compassion and sense of humor that allows him to overcome any obstacle. He does not sugar-coat any of the abusive events he has had to face and he admits that some of the events in his life still have an impact on him. Rather he shows that despite even the most horrific circumstances, one can endure and go on to live a full and stable life.

Betty’s Child is an honest and believable portrait of what child abuse, neglect and poverty look and feel like to a child. It also delivers a message of hope and healing that one can overcome childhood abuse. The sensory details, authentic dialogue and honest reflections make this a gripping debut memoir.

5 out of 5 stars

Donald Dempsey with son Gavin (1) — Memoir Author Donald Dempsey with son Gavin

About the Author:

Don Dempsey experienced childhood abuse and neglect first hand, but went on to have a fulfilling family life as an adult and to own his own business. “If you’re lucky, you make it to adulthood in one piece,” says Don. “But there’s no guarantee the rest of your life is going to be any better. Abused kids are often plagued by fear and insecurity. They battle depression and have trouble with relationships. In the worst cases, abused children perpetuate the cycle.” But Don is living proof that you can overcome a childhood of abuse and neglect. “You start by letting go of as much of the guilt (yes, abused kids feel guilty) and as many of the bad memories as possible. At the same time, you hold on to the things that helped you survive. For me, it was the belief that you can make life better by working at it and earning it. It helps to have a sense of humor, too.”

Find out more about the author by visiting him online:Betty’s Child website: www.BettysChild.comDonald Dempsey Facebook: www.facebook.com/donald.dempsey.3

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

A Copy of Betty’s Child will be given to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing

Next Week: Memoir Author Grace Peterson will discuss her recently released memoir, Reaching in a guest interview:”Freedom From Spiritual Abuse.” She will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

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The Healing Power of Poetry in Memoir: An Interview with Louise Mathewson

From Grief to Healing, Part Two: Interview with Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent on Loving and Letting Go of a Child

From Grief to Healing, Part One: An Interview with Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent on Loving and Letting Go of a Child

Freedom From Spiritual Abuse: An Interview with Memoir Author Grace Peterson

WOW! Women on Writing Book Tour: A Review of Betty’s Child by Donald R. Dempsey

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