Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Grace Peterson/@gracepeterson3
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Grace Peterson in this interview about finding freedom from spiritual abuse.
Grace’s turbulent childhood, with her father’s violent temper and mother’s apathy, their divorce, and her relocation with her mother and siblings to Hawaii, where she experiences racism and violence, sets the stage for this incredible real-life tale of abuse, brainwashing, and ~ ultimately ~ the long journey to recovery.
At seventeen, Grace experiences love for the first time, but is soon unable contain the traumas of her past. Seeking a remedy from what she perceives as a spiritual problem, she enlists the aid of Brock, a charismatic exorcist and cult expert. Grace stumbles into a world of esoteric rituals, Luciferian doctrines, and New World Order conspiracies.
This gripping narrative illustrates how children adapt to a hostile environment, can grow up misreading their untreated traumas, and, while searching for answers, fall prey to unscrupulous charlatans who heap more damage onto an already wounded soul.
My reviews can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.
Welcome Grace!
KL: Tell us about your memoir , Reaching and what made you decide to write about it.
GP: Thank you, Kathy. It’s a pleasure to be here.
I wrote Reaching to illustrate how the environment I was raised in contributed to my anxiety and how a misread diagnosis only compounded the problem. As young, impressionable, lost adults, my husband and I found a sense of belonging in the Christian church. But when a mental health crisis made it impossible to function, I mistakenly believed I was demon possessed and sought help from an exorcist.
KL: What are the main messages you want to convey through your story?
GP: One of the important things I hope readers will grasp from reading my book is the slow, methodical process of indoctrination. Brainwashing doesn’t happen instantly. A person doesn’t wake up one day and say, “Gee I think I’ll get brainwashed today.” Because it can be very subtle and address a need the person has, they often aren’t aware they’re being indoctrinated. People like me, with a skewed world view are more likely to find themselves under the influence of charlatans and their institutions.
I think with increased awareness there will also be increased compassion for those with mental health challenges and who are seeking healing from spiritual abuse.
KL: What was is like for you to resurrect all the painful memories of not only your spiritual abuse but of the childhood abuse that seemed to set the stage for your vulnerability?
GP: The entire writing process took over four years. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time with my youngest two in high school so I had a lot of time to devote to it. I spent many months completely immersed in my world. I’m a little obsessive/compulsive that way.
I’m not sure how it happened but I was able to distance myself from a lot of the emotional conflict and just write. However call it moodiness or hitting a nerve, there were times when I absolutely hated what I wrote. The entire project just sucked. Plucking words onto my computer screen somehow broke that emotional barrier and made my history real. But rather than grieve the events themselves, I would despise my writing. Then somehow I’d process it all, calm down and write some more.
And this may seem weird or egotistical but when I think about the events of my past, I feel emotional pain, yes, but I also feel a sacred connectedness to that part of me that lived through it all. It was that veiled enigma, that mystery of sacredness that kept me focused on writing to completion. I didn’t want to disappoint her.
I wanted to give her a voice to tell her story.
KP: You have a very distinct and honest writing voice and are able to effectively convey your point-of view from the different phases in your life. I found your use of present tense to be very intriguing. It made me feel closer to the story. How did you find this voice?
GP: Thank you, Kathy. Back when I was still toying with the idea of writing a book, I read a lot of memoirs. Most of them were written in first person/present and because I could relate so well to the words of the authors, I knew it was the format I wanted to use as well. I’m glad you were able to connect to it.
KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips you learned from writing your memoir that you would like to share?
GP: Writing memoir is a lesson in self-awareness. Allow the process to change you, mold you. Unless you’re under a deadline, there is no rush. Take your time and enjoy the process of stringing words together into a well-crafted story and believe that the time to share it with the world will happen exactly when it’s supposed to. Take time to live and feel those words and understand the nuances within the topics you’re writing about. Remember and feel. As you engage yourself in the process of reading and revising, you’ll not only become a more skilled writer, you’ll be more honest with your readers. And you’ll be better equipped to undertake the challenges of post-publication publicity.
KP: Do you have any final thoughts you’d like to share?
For anyone who is interested, I have three “boards” on Pinterest devoted to images of the locations and objects mentioned in my memoir. While searching the web, the most pleasant discovery was the Pepsi commercial (circa 1975) featuring a little blonde-headed boy (who reminded me of my brother) frolicking with puppies. It was incredibly validating to view it again after 30 years and confirm that my memory was correct. You can view my boards, including the Pespi ad by going to: http://pinterest.com/gracepete/boards/
Thank you ,Grace for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us. Your brave story of recovery from mental health issues and religious/spiritual abuse will give others inspiration and hope. I also appreciate your memoir writing tips.
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Author Bio:
Grace Peterson is an author, garden columnist and blogger. She is the proud mother of four grown children and four friendly felines. She has been married to her best friend since 1980. Reaching is her first book. Her second book, Grace In The Garden will be published later this year. She can be reached by commenting on her blog, www.gracepete.com or email: grace@gracepete.com.
Reaching can be ordered from Amazon
How about you? Have you ever survived an abusive situation and decided to write about it?
Grace has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations,Mary McFarland! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Donald Dempsey’s memoir, Betty’s Child from Wow! Women on Writing.
Next Week, Monday 7/29 and Thursday 8/1 Memoir Author Eleanor Vincent will discuss ” From Grief to Healing: Loving and Letting Go of a Child” in a two-part interview. She has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir , Swimming with Maya to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing
Well done on writing your book, Grace. It never fails to amaze me that people who write about difficult times and topics somehow manage to get the clarity of mind and strength of heart to do so. Best of all, is that we come out of it with some sense of peace and healing – thank goodness for that!
Thanks for stopping by, Belinda. That’s a great point that writing about surviving life’s obstacles can help us find clarity. Grace takes us through all her childhood traumas in a way that helps us understand why she became vulnerable to spiritual abuse. It is very comforting to also follow her through her healing process and know she overcame so much. In sharing her life lessons, she gives her readers reason to hope. Yes–“thank goodness for that”!
Hi Belinda, I’m amazed too. There is something very therapeutic about the writing process and how it breaks down the barriers. It’s a painful process but the results are worth it. Thank you for commenting.
Grace – Your comment that brainwashing is “a slow, methodical process of indoctrination” resonated with me. So many of us get into problematic situations one slow step at a time, never intending to go there, but arriving at a place completely counter to ourselves nonetheless. I wouldn’t have called my own situation so many years ago brainwashing, but viewed this way, I can see that it was. I look forward to reading “Reaching.”
Kathy – Thanks for sharing another fascinating writer with us.
You are most welcome, Carol. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Reaching is a gripping and hopeful story and I’m sure you will enjoy it.
Hi Carol, When I was in the thick of it, I thought everyone else was messed up and I was the “enlightened” one. I’ve since realized that this is how it works. It’s a methodical delusion that feeds the mind with a sense of self-importance that makes it a challenge to give up. Makes me shudder now to think about. 🙂
I have your book in my queue, Carol. It will be interesting to see how brainwashing affected you.
Thank you for commenting.
Grace! It’s so great to see you and Kathy chatting over here … I’ve read Grace’s memoir, and it is AMAZING. The prose is lyrical and evocative. I still think of her mom’s blue cigarette curling and wafting into the air … I highly recommend her memoir. All the best to you, Kathy and Grace!
Laura
Hi Laura, I agree. “Lyrical and evocative” nails Grace’s memoir. Thanks so much for adding your thoughts and support here.
I’m so happy to read this interview, Grace and Kathy! I have read Grace’s memoir and found it profoundly touching and brave. I highly recommend it!
Grace, I found it so interesting that in the midst of writing the memoir, you would hate the writing instead of hating the events you were writing about and their effects on you. I can understand doing that, and I’m glad you were able to realize what was going on and give yourself over to the language and the story.
Lovely thoughts, Tina– “give yourself over to the language and the story.” Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Oh my goodness, Laura and Kathy… you’re so generous with your compliments. I love it! Thank you.
I wish I could say I had a process for homing in on and writing about “the blue ribbon” but I don’t. It just came to me as I envisioned this svelte woman, “the mother.” It was her companion.
Hi Tina,
I’ve always been so good at hating and blaming myself. Through therapy I came face to face with that habit of listening to the old parent tapes that told me I was never good enough. Hating my words was heaping the blame back on myself. Fortunately I was able to process those times and move beyond them. I think I’m just really, really stubborn. See, I’m still doing it. 🙂
Thank you for commenting, Tina.
Grace and Kathy,
Such a well done interview. I can relate to much of it as I work my way through difficult times of abuse as a child and an adult. The pain of reliving those times can be so overwhelming. I’m learning to take breaks from it in order to stay on top. I love hearing other writers talk about this facet of writing memoir. Thanks so much to you both.
You’re very welcome, Joan! I’m happy you enjoyed Grace’s interview. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Hello Grace, I am writing my first memoir about surviving emotional abuse from a parent. In your interview, you said “…when I think about the events of my past, I feel emotional pain.” This is what I am experiencing–the pain and hurt of my childhood that I did not allow myself to feel at the time. This is why I really appreciate your advice, “Allow the process to change you, mold you” because I know I need to allow myself to feel the pain. Thank you and I look forward to reading your memoir REACHING.
Hi LaTanya,
I wish you all the best as you tackle one of the most difficult tasks there is, healing from an abusive childhood. My hope is that you have a strong support system, including a licensed therapist that you can speak freely with. I also hope that you’ll be able to write freely without judging yourself too harshly. There are so many amazing resources on the Internet. I’m sure you’re finding what works best for you. Please feel free to email me if I can be of help. My email is on my blog. Hugs, dear sister.
This offer goes to you too Joan or anyone else writing their memoir.
Hi Joan,
Doesn’t it feel comforting to know you’re not alone? We spent so much of our childhood and adulthood locked in our own world, isolated from joy and happiness. To know that others have experienced similar isolation and pain helps tremendously.
I didn’t give myself a timetable and I think this is so important for painful memoir writing. Taking breaks is vital as we process the re-emerging emotions.
Best wishes on your memoir project. I hope you’ll keep us posted on your progress.
I so agree with Grace about allowing yourself time to get the revisions done, “unless you’re on deadline.” Sometimes I tried to rush through my revisions in order to get my book out. It wasn’t until I took my time, and realized my first chapter was not really my first chapter after all, that I managed to complete my memoir. Believe me this took many years. Thank you Kathy for interviewing Grace.
I hear you,Sonia. Writing a memoir can easily take many years! Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you enjoyed Grace’s post.
Hi Gutsy Sonia, 🙂
These people who write several books a year, how do they do it? I suppose if it’s fiction it can be done but memoir from the heart is no small feat and like wine or cheese, takes time to age. Or maybe it’s we memoirists who need to “age.” Time doesn’t heal all wounds but it sure helps. Thank you for your comments, Sonia.
Grace, congratulations on your published memoir! I know you’ve worked long hours to reach this point. Thanks for sharing your innermost feelings and thoughts on this guest post/interview with Kathy today. Each thing we share as memoir writers helps someone else in the process of writing their story.
Kathy, once again you have brought us another gem from the memoir writing community. You are always working to see that we each have what we need on this journey we’ve chosen to take.
Hi Sherrey, Memoir writing can be such a long and grueling journey. I’m happy we can gather in all these places to share our stories and lessons learned with one another. It’s always a pleasure to have you stop by and share your thoughts. Your ongoing support is greatly appreciated.
Hi Sherrey, Thank you for your comments. Isn’t it fantastic that we can support each other? Kudos to Kathy and to you for reaching out and validating those of us who might be a little (or more) intimidated and sometimes wonder if being so open is the right thing to be doing. Your support is such a precious gift. I hope I can reciprocate!
Hi Grace, I’m happy you feel comfortable sharing. We can all learn so much from one another. I appreciate your support as well 🙂