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The Birth of a Memoir: Ever Faithful to His Lead Launches
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”
Welcome to the official launch of my memoir!
Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse
Emotional Abuse Begins and Ends at Home
Author’s journey helps women find their own inner strength
Currently available on Amazon, and OpenBook Press in Kindle and Print Versions.
Official Press release:
Amsterdam, NY, July 28, 2014
Kathleen Pooler spent the first eighteen years of her life in a loving supportive family. The next twenty-five years were engulfed in the abyss of two abusive marriages. Pooler rescued herself and is now dedicated to helping other women (and men) do the same.
She hopes to help others find their inner strength through sharing her hard earned lessons in her new memoir.
Pooler is scheduling online and in person talks, contacting nonprofit and community groups around the country to give women reason to renew hope and begin living their lives on their own terms
“When we claim and honor the strength within, we are able to climb out of the abyss of poor decisions and go on to live a meaningful, peaceful life”
Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away from Emotional Abuse offers readers insight into her poor decisions and how they can learn from her story.
“I want to inspire hope and action for my readers who need to find their own inner strength,” Pooler explains.
5 Memoir Messages:
1. A loving family, solid career and strong faith foundation do not guarantee a problem-free life.
2. We all have everything we need within, but we need to claim and honor our own inner strength to get the life we want and deserve.
3. Abuse, in any form, is harmful.
4. The very things you think are holding you back from having the life you want can serve to help you find your way to freedom.
5. Hope matters, even when all seems hopeless in the moment.
Have you ever made self-defeating choices, wondered how you got there then tried to find your way back home?
Please join in the conversation “around my kitchen table” on my blog Memoir Writer’s Journey at http://krpooler.com where we share our hope one story at a time.
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
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About the Author:
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Kathleen Pooler is a retired Family Nurse Practitioner who began writing at the age of eight when she crafted plays to act out in front of her maternal grandmother, Nan, and her Italian lady friends. Writing her memoirs has helped her transcend two abusive marriages and divorces, single parenting, a substance-addicted son, cancer, and heart failure to find a life of peace and joy. She hopes to reach women who are searching for their inner strength. She blogs weekly at Memoir Writer’s Journey http://krpooler.comand can be reached via email at kpooler63@gmail.com. She lives in Amsterdam , New York with her husband,Wayne. |
About the Book:
| A loving family, a solid nursing career and a strong faith cannot rescue her until she decides to rescue herself.How does a young woman from a stable, loving family make so many wise choices when it comes to career, but so many wrong choices when it comes to love?She must make a decision—face her self-defeating patterns and move on or repeat her mistakes. Her life and the lives of her two children depend upon the choices she makes, and the chances she takes.Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional AbuseOpen Book Press, 2014, Paperback (ISBN: 978-0-9859367-9-2) and eBook versions available through your favorite booksellers worldwide. |
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August 5: “Abuse is Not Always Black and Blue” on Wanda Maxey’s blog,Living Faith, Loving Laughter, Sharing Hope
August 7: ” Author Interview” on Sharon LIppincott’s blog, The Heart and Craft of Life Writing
August 12: “The Role of Codependency in Abuse” on Sarah Freeman’s blog, Write by Grace
August 13: “Memoir Writers are Master Sculptors, Part 1: Envisioning Your Story” on Denis Ledoux’s blog,The Memoir Network
August 15: “Memoir Writers are Master Sculptors, Part 2: Finding Your Story Structure” on Denis Ledoux’s blog, The Memoir Network
August 19: “How My Faith Helped Me Find Freedom From Abuse” on Linda Hoye’s blog, A Slice of Life
August 20: “Author Interview” on Janet Given’s blog, And So It Goes
August 21: “Author Interview” on Grace Peterson’s blog, Subplots by Grace
August 26: “Ever Faithful to His Lead Book Review on Sherrey Meyer’s blog, Sherrey Meyer, Writer
August 27: “Memoir as a Transformational Tool” on Debra Eve’s blog, Later Bloomer
August 28: “Writing My Memoir Helped Me Get Gutsy” a Google+ Hangout Interview with Sonia Marsh, Gutsy Living
Next Week:
Monday, 8/4/14: Jason Matthews, author, blogger, speaker and publishing coach will discuss the motivation behind his new book, Better You, Better Me: Personal Development for a Happy Life in “The Story Behind the Story of Better You, Better Me.”
Finding Forgiveness While Writing Memoir by Joan Z Rough
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Joan Z Rough/@joanzrough
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
I am very pleased to feature memoir writer Joan Z Rough in this guest post on finding forgiveness while writing memoir. Joan is working on a memoir, Me, Myself and Mom: A Journey Through Love, Hate and Healing. I have had the privilege of being one of Joan’s beta readers and can tell you her powerful and well-written exploration of a mother-daughter relationship carries a universal message that will resonate with many.
Welcome , Joan!
Finding Forgiveness While Writing Memoir
I first started writing stories about my family three years after my mother died. A number of friends and acquaintances had told me that my stories were compelling, and filled with life lessons that others would find helpful. I’d written poetry for a number of years and enjoyed writing essays about the natural world. But I knew little about writing about my own life, which is far from spectacular. I wondered who would care.
I was still reeling from the challenges of having been my mother’s caretaker for seven years. For most of that time, she lived in our home, with my husband and me. I was in extreme emotional pain, and felt intense anger toward everyone around me. I knew I was in trouble. I started seeing a therapist who helped me accept and explore the idea that I was struggling with PTSD. I decided to take a “Life Writing” class and started a blog, to share stories with my family and anyone else who might be interested.
Some stories were easy to write. They were about the good times … often humorous, painting my family as typically closely knit, full of love and caring. But as my therapist helped me dig through the past, other stories I’d unconsciously hidden began to rise to the surface. They were about child abuse and the way my parents had treated me when I was a kid. I couldn’t share them on my blog. I was too tender. The bruises left from the last years of my mom’s life were still dark hues of black and blue. Healing was a ways off.
When the word memoir became a frequent word in my vocabulary, I began to see how patterns of abuse and my denial had resulted in frequent depression, and severe anxiety. During the years that Mom lived with me, many of our old ways of behaving had been repeating themselves. I was still trying to be the good girl, desperately seeking her approval. She was rarely happy with me, narcissistic, an alcoholic, someone I hated, yet dearly loved.
When I discovered that the raging fire of anger I was trying to extinguish was directed at my mother, I began looking more closely at her life. I knew that her mother had been considered mentally ill, and that she and Mom had also had a difficult relationship. But my mom was one of those people who hid many of her stories from the light of day. When I began reexamining what I knew about her, I began to see the huge connections that we shared as mother and daughter. We had both been abused by our mothers. Mom self-medicated with booze, and found extreme self-love to be her ticket out of her own recollections of abuse. We both used denial as a salve on our wounded spirits. I struggled with depression and panic attacks. And subconsciously, I believed I had inherited my grandmother’s insanity.
As I continued to work on my memoir, more connections surfaced. Forgiveness for my mother fell into place, diminishing my hatred and anger. The out-of-control flames I had been carrying with me, turned into compassion and understanding. I began to realize that forgiveness is not about forgetting. It’s about acceptance and the willingness to let go of the past.
I found out that I am not insane, and that I could replace my victimhood, with joy and love for all of life.
The following is an excerpt from my upcoming memoir, ME, MYSELF, AND MOM, A Journey Through Love, Hate, and Healing.
After Mom’s death, while packing up our belongings for a move to a new home, a remnant of her past appeared in the form of a well worn, high school year book. Her name was written on the inside front cover. I set it aside wanting to examine it more closely later. Once unpacked, I opened the cover of, “The 1938 Record,” and started turning its pages to see what they could tell me about my mom.
It’s filled with notes from friends … freshman, on up to seniors, who mentioned her sweetness and wished her good luck in life. When I look to see what class she was in, I find no sign of her in the freshman, sophomore, or junior classes. Knowing she had never graduated from high school, I won’t find her in the senior class. I notice that the eighth grade is included in the book. As I scan the group photo, there she is, standing in the back row, a good head taller than the rest of her classmates. Her name is included in the list of students under the photo.
I do the math. She was born in 1923. The year printed on the cover of this yearbook is 1938. I’m stunned. She was fifteen years old at the time and she was in the eighth grade.
Overtaken by deep sorrow, I understand why she had hidden her past. Ashamed that she never finished school, she was like so many who have been abused, taking the blame for the misdeeds she suffered from. I had never put the puzzle pieces of her life together. She didn’t go to high school because she had to work, and by age sixteen she was on her own, working in a lace factory.
This was only one of the discoveries I made about my mother that I hadn’t understood before I found her yearbook. Others came through family members or rereading my journals, where I often scribbled notes to myself and then forgot about them.
The writing process opened my eyes to my own blind spots, bringing me healing and forgiveness, as I learned more about her difficult life.
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Author Bio and contact information:
Joan Rough is an artist, poet, and writer of nonfiction. Her poems have been published in a variety of journals, and are included in the anthology, Some Say Tomato, by Mariflo Stephens. Her first book, AUSTRALIAN LOCKER HOOKING: A New Approach to a Traditional Craft, was published in 1980. She is currently at work on her upcoming memoir, ME, MYSELF AND MOM, A Journey Through Love, Hate, and Healing.
You can follow Joan’s blog on her website at http://joanzrough.com
https:// twitter.com/JoanZRough,
Personal page: www.facebook.com/joanz.rough
Author page: www.facebook.com/JoanZRough.Author
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Thank you Joan for sharing your powerful message of forgiveness through your memoir writing journey and your memoir excerpt. My favorite line that I feel captures the essence of your story is: “The out-of-control flames I had been carrying with me, turned into compassion and understanding.” I am anxious to see your memoir in print.
How about you? Has writing helped you to find forgiveness?
We’d love to hear from you . Please leave your comments below~
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Congratulations, Christina Stark! Your name was select dian a random drawing of commenters to receive a copy of Linda Brendle’s memoir, A Long and Winding Road: A Caregivers’ Tale of Life, Loss and Chaos”.
This Week:
Monday, 7/21: I’m honored to be featured on Tracy Lee Karner’s blog this week. Tracy is a food, travel and creative writer whose main goals include “living creatively, inventively and well and sharing our stories and experiences “.
Next Week:
Monday, 7/28: “ The Birth of a Memoir: Ever Faithful to His Lead Launches”
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Ever-Faithful-His-Lead-Emotional/dp/0985936797/
Five Principles I Learned in Writing My Memoir by Linda Brendle
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Linda Brendle/@lindabrendle
” It breaks my heart to see her disappearing a piece at a time into the abyss of this disease.”– Linda Brendle, A Long and Winding Road: A Caregiver’s Tale of Life,Love and Chaos, 2014.
As a health care provider, I know that caring for a loved one who suffers from Alzheimer’s and/or Dementia is one of the most challenging conditions faced by families. When I read about Linda Brendle’s memoir of not only caring for both parents, one with Alzheimer’s and the other with Dementia, but taking them on a seven-week road trip in an RV, I knew I had to read her memoir and learn more about her experience.
It is my pleasure to participate in Linda’s Virtual Blog Tour and to feature her in this guest post about her memoir, A Long and Winding Road: A Caregiver’s Tale of Life, Love and Chaos and the five principles she learned through her writing.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari and LibraryThings.
Welcome, Linda!
Five Principles I Learned in Writing My Memoir
About My Memoir:
A LONG AND WINDING ROAD: A Caregiver’s Tale of Life, Love, and Chaos is the story of a seven-week, sixteen-state RV trip. It is the story of the drama and hilarity that happen when two new RV owners and two people with dementia spend fifty-three days inside a four-hundred-square-foot box on wheels.
I didn’t really set out to write a memoir, but when I became a real hands-on caregiver, especially after Mom and Dad moved in with us, I often went to my aunt for advice. She cared for both her mother and her husband for many years, so she had experience to back up her advice. One thing she told me was to keep a journal, because one day my experiences might be of help to someone else. I didn’t write every day, but after a particularly trying episode, I would write about it and post it on Facebook. People responded positively, and that encouraged me to continue to write.
When we planned our epic trip, I decided to keep a daily journal. A couple of weeks into the trip, I mentioned the journal to Christian Piatt, my son and a fellow writer. He suggested I expand it into a story, not just of the trip but of our lives. He continued to work with me, encouraging me to put more of myself into the story and helping me find ways to focus my story.
The main way to focus a memoir is to decide who your target audience will be, what kind of people you imagine will ultimately read your book. In my case, my target audience was the sixty-eight million Baby Boomers who are at or nearing retirement age, the twenty-three to fifty-two million caregivers, depending on your definition of a caregiver, and the eight million RV owners in the United States.
Once you have identified your audience, the next step is to determine what you want to tell that audience, what message you want to communicate to them. While you may think every detail of your life is extremely interesting and significant, unless you are a mega star or a super celebrity, you will need to give your readers a reason to care about your story.
In my case, I wanted to touch those who needed encouragement, inspiration, or a little laughter in their lives. My book offers an entertaining read to anyone who loves a good travel story. However, it also offers caregivers the comfort of knowing they are not alone, the permission to admit that caregiving is hard, and the realization that sometimes you just have to laugh. It encourages them to take care of themselves and to continue to have a life of their own, and it offers the hope that, with God’s help, life can go on in spite of emotional difficulties, divorce, financial setbacks, and similar challenges.
While I was writing my memoir, I never really stopped to think about some of the steps I went through until recently. When one Twitter friend asked where I found the courage to write a memoir, and another asked how I dealt with sensitive material regarding friends and family, I spent some time pondering the process and wrote an article on the subject.
I’d like to share five principals I followed in writing my memoir.
1. Know your motives. Why are you writing your story? Do you have a purpose in mind, or do you just want to vent and air your dirty laundry? There is a market for both types of memoir, but the first is less likely to get you in trouble with your loved ones.
2. Tell your own story. If you’ve ever studied conflict resolution, you’re probably familiar with “I” messages. In any disagreement, it is important to speak about your own actions and feelings instead of assigning blame to someone else. In writing my memoir, I tried to tell my own story and leave others to tell theirs.
3. Make your characters likable. The author of a memoir is not actually creating characters. However, she does have the ability to make her characters sympathetic or not, depending on how she presents them.
4. Forgive before you write. When you sit down to write about a person who has hurt you in some way, be sure you have forgiven that person before you put your hands on the keyboard. As the author, you have complete control and can tell your story so that your readers will understand without a doubt who was the injured party and who the villain was, but you also have to be sure you’re prepared to accept the consequences. Is vindication worth ruining a relationship?
5. Speak the truth in love. If a memoir author skirts the truth in order to spare feelings, her story will not ring true. On the other hand, as she tells the truth, she must do so with love.
It took several years for my manuscript to grow from a handwritten journal to a published memoir. There were lots of edits and lots of growing pains–maybe the next one will be easier.
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Thank you for sharing so many valuable memoir writing tips, Linda. Your five principles will resonate with anyone who has the desire to write and share their story.
Author Bio:
Linda Brendle began life in a tiny west-Texas town that was so small the only clinic was on the second floor above a hardware store. She retired sixty-four years later to another tiny town in east Texas. In between she lived in and around Dallas and Tampa. She has one son and two beautiful grandchildren, and has been married to David, the love of her life, for fourteen years. She is a life-begins-at-fifty kind of gal. She received her Bachelor’s Degree at fifty-one, learned to ride a motorcycle at fifty-five, and finished her first book after she started collecting Social Security. She can’t wait to see what the next couple of decades bring.
Author Contact Information:
Twitter @lindabrendle
Website: lifeaftercaregiving.wordpress.com
Facebook: Linda Robinson Brendle
Links to the Book:
ALAWR up on UK Amazon! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Long-Winding-Road-Caregivers-Chaos-ebook/dp/B00LDV3W50/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404173365&sr=8-1&keywords=Linda+Brendle
US Amazon with a review http://www.amazon.com/Long-Winding-Road-Caregivers-Chaos-ebook/dp/B00LDV3W50/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404173447&sr=8-1&keywords=Linda+Brendle
How about you? Have you ever had to care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia and written about the experience? Do Linda’s memoir writing principles match your experience?
Linda and her publisher at Anaiah Press have graciously agreed to give away a copy of Linda’s memoir, A Long and Winding Way to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing of commenters.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 7/21/14: “Finding Forgiveness While Writing a Memoir” by Memoir Writer Joan Z Rough
Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Memoir Cover Reveal and the Story Behind it
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Here it is, finally…
The Story Behind My Cover
We all know the importance of choosing the right cover for our books. According to Hobie Hobart in this article, ” 8 Mistakes That Will Absolutely Kill Your Book!”:
“Bookstore browsers spend an average of 8 seconds looking at the front cover and 15 seconds studying the back cover before making a buying decision.”
Furthermore,
“Online bookstore reduce the decision time even further… in a matter of seconds your book cover either sings or is ignored among the other small thumbnail covers in the search genre.”
A book cover is supposed to hook the reader into wanting to know more, set a tone, be attractive, meet standard guidelines related to color, fonts, eye-appeal,etc.
A job for a professional graphic designer in my book. Yet, the cover has to resonate with you, the author as well.
I was fortunate to work with my publisher, Paul Burt of Pen & Publish Press and his graphic designer who offered expert services while allowing me the creative control over the final product.
The Story Behind the Book Cover Decision:
And there is story behind this book cover decision; more like a saga worthy of it’s own book.
It was not an easy path.
First, I found an image that captured the message of hope, courage and resilience I wanted to convey in my memoir. Then I envisioned a specific scene that highlighted the dance metaphor I had woven throughout the narrative. When the first graphic artist failed to replicate my vision, Paul hired another designer whom he trusted.
But this designer fell down a hill while hiking with his grandson and was hospitalized for a few weeks. Life has a way of happening when you least expect it or want it to happen. But I digress.
With great expectation, I awaited his rendition. On the day it arrived in my Dropbox, I opened it, my heart pounding. I wanted to love it.
And I didn’t. Not quite.
So I conferred with my friend and memoir colleague, Susan Weidener who happened to be my real-life guest in my home when I opened the image. We looked through some old photos, scanned Amazon memoirs and I decided…
a memoir is a slice of life and the photos before me offered a window into a specific slice of my life. I will use a photo.
After going back and forth with the graphic designer, getting input from family and friends, experimenting with fonts, I found the photo that I feel captures the heart of my story…a young single parent who fights for her children and has yet to learn that the best way to take care of them is to take care of herself.
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Ever Faithful to His Lead Synopsis
A loving family, a solid nursing career and a strong faith cannot rescue her until she decides to rescue herself.
A young woman who loses sight of the faith she has been brought up with attempts to find her way in the world, rejecting her stable roots in lieu of finding adventure and romance. Despite periods of spiritual renewal in which she receives a prophecy, she slides back, taking several self-defeating detours that take her through a series of heartbreaking events. When Kathy’s second husband, Dan’s verbal abuse escalates, Kathy finally realizes she must move on before she and her children become a statistic.
How does a young woman who came from a stable, loving family make so many wise choices when it came to career, but so many wrong choices when it came to love, so that she ended up sacrificing career and having to flee in broad daylight with her children from an abusive marriage? What is getting in her way and why does she keep taking so many self-defeating detours?
The story opens up the day Kathy feels physically threatened for the first time in her three-year marriage to her second husband. This sends her on a journey to make sense of her life and discern what part she has played in these vulnerable circumstance. She must make a decision–face her self-defeating patterns that have led to this situation and move on or repeat her mistakes. Her life and the lives of her two children are dependent upon the choices she makes and the chances she takes from this point forward.
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How about you? How did you decide on your book cover?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This Week:
Thursday, 7/17/14: “ Five Principles I Learned in Writing My Memoir by Linda Brendle”, her blog tour and book giveaway for her new memoir, A Long and Winding Road : A Caregiver’s Tale of Life , Love and Chaos.
Next Week:
Monday, 7/21/14:
“Finding Forgiveness While Writing Memoir by Joan Z. Rough”
Tracy Lee Karner is featuring me on her blog. Tracy is a Food, Travel and Creative Writer who is the author of Toward the Light, becoming a writer despite everything.
A Memorial To Our Beloved Lake House: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Katheen Pooler/@kathypooler
“To say goodbye is to die a little.” The Long Goodbye, Raymond Chandler
In 2000, my father purchased a lake house on a prime piece of land on Keuka Lake, one of the beautiful Finger Lakes in Central New York State. I wrote how this came about in this tribute to Crooked Lake Memories done last year after my traditional vacation week at the lake.
Life can change in a heartbeat and, for reasons that sound rational and practical, we must put our beloved lake house on the market. As of this writing, we have several offers.
A Memorial to Our Beloved Lake House
I recently returned from what will be my final week at the lake and it seems fitting that I pay tribute to this treasured gift from my father.
Every morning from my bedroom, I soak up the sounds of the waters lapping against the shore as the gentle, cool summer breezes scan my body. The sights, smells and sounds of the lake surround me and wrap me in a cloak of warmth, security and happy memories.
Dad lives here, his presence in every corner of the cottage, down the steps, on the beach, on the wooden swing built by the Amish. I am holding his hand as we walk in tandem down the steps to sit on the swing and watch the mother duck escort her baby ducklings across the water.
Fourteen years of spending a precious week in paradise—sipping coffee on the deck overlooking the beach and great expanse of water with motorboats, sailboats and jet skis gliding by–reading, writing, dreaming. How ironic that the first time I saw the cottage in 2000, my eyes zeroed in on this deck and I dreamed of the book I would write someday. Now, as I walk away for the last time, I will soon hold this book in my hands.
We look across the lake at Keuka College with its stately buildings lit up at night and I remember moving my daughter in her freshman year. She is now married with two sons and my heart expands in my chest as I watch them jumping off the dock, laughing and giggling. Soon they will be playing soccer in the upper field or throwing the ball into the lake for their puppy, Peppermint, to retrieve.
The smoky smell of the campfires at night and S’mores brings memories of Dad and Mom, Uncle Michael, Aunt Pat and Aunt Rose—our cherished elders , some now gone– huddled around the fire and enjoying the evening. This year, a new twist—S’mores with York Peppermint Patties or Reese’s Pieces instead of Hershey’s Chocolate.
And it all flashes before me—getting lost in a book, going for a boat ride, jumping off the dock, floating on a raft, gathering with family and friends for feasts—tables overflowing with way too much food we vow we will change the next time—but never do. And memories of Dad, sneaking a few chocolate cookies under a bowl of ice cream so Mom won’t notice. I still see him on the shore, sitting on the swing with his straw hat, living his dream of watching his children and grandchildren frolic in the water. He is perusing his kingdom.
A haven for sons and daughters, grandchildren, aunts , uncles, cousins and friends…
Oh precious lake house, I grieve for you—for all you represent with your quiet beauty. You contain the joy of a family—a Richard Scarrey storybook of laughter and fun– on the paddle board, in the paddle boat, hanging out, bonding, resting from the world, bodies melting into the sectional coach in the living room, slipping into its cushions to nap ,watch a movie or, this year, to watch the World Cup.
Our dreams have been created and fulfilled on your rocky shores; a sanctuary for all to embrace the solitude, the festive gatherings, the memories.
The pain of letting you go rears up in unexpected moments–deep and piercing.
In my grief, my beautiful daughter Leigh Ann comforts me with the lyrics to “The Time of Your Life” by Green Day:
“It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right. I hope you have the time of your life.”
And I am reminded of the ten-year old Leigh Ann who belted out Annie’s “Tomorrow” on our front porch in Ebensburg, Pa in 1983:
“The sun ‘ll come up tomorrow”…
Perhaps the greatest tribute to our beloved lake house is found in this poem written by my younger brother, Gary:
The Crooked Lake
For our family, sons and daughters
Thank you for the peace bestowed by misshapen waters.
Where rocky shores draw boundaries
If distant memories and current quandaries
Whose vista leaves one thinking of life
Intertwined with inevitable and continuous strife
The hills and vineyards tower over the water not aloof or too proud
But protects the lake with a majestic shroud
Our lives, not easy, most human with turns and bends
Like the lake itself gives us pause to make amends
Good times, tough times, changes for sure
The crooked lake is our sanctuary that helps the family endure.
I know you will go on to bring joy to another family.
And I know our family will endure through the loss.
But, oh how it hurts to let you go.
Thanks for the memories~
***
How about you? Have you ever grieved for a place that has held a strong emotional connection?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 7/14/14: “Ever Faithful to His Lead Cover Reveal”
How to Transform Grief into a Memoir: Interview with Artis Henderson by Dorit Sasson
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Dorit Sasson/@VoicetoStory
“I believe we are given the stories we must tell.” – Artis Henderson.
It is my pleasure to feature author, story mentor and radio host Dorit Sasson in this interview with memoir author Artis Henderson. Dorit and I met online and I have enjoyed her in-depth and insightful interviews on her”Giving Voice to Your Story” Radio Show. Dorit is also writing a memoir about her three years serving in the Israeli Defense Forces and blogs about memoir writing on her blog and on Huffington Post Books. She is the author of a story, “The Best Time To Get in My Way” in the anthology, Pebbles in the Pond: Transforming the World One Person at a Time.
In this blog post, Dorit interviews Artis Henderson on the writing process for her memoir Unremarried Widow, which began as an essay in The New York Times’ Modern Love column. This blog post will focus on the emotional narrative of losing her husband, a pilot for the US army in Afghanistan, and how the author was able to move past the emotionally difficult process of downloading “scenes” to create a memoir.
Note: This interview can also be heard in its audio format as part of Dorit’s radio show, “Giving Voice to Your Story.”
Welcome, Dorit!
How to Transform Grief into a Memoir
Dorit Sasson: How did you manage at first to voice the grief of your husband Miles and his memory in your memoir?
Artis Henderson: This is such a big question. Writing in general and writing a book in particular is almost like magic. I’m not even sure how it happened. It’s such a mystery how to turn grief into a story. On a personal level, when I had first signed the contract, when I knew the book was coming, I remember feeling very worried. I had a proposal but I hadn’t written the book. I talked to my editor and he said, “just tell the story.”
And so, that’s what I did. I sat down and started writing. I started at the beginning of the memoir when I met Miles and wrote straight through to the end of it. Of course there was lots of editing and rewriting, but I think the hardest part is just finding a starting place. Maybe that’s the answer.
DS: How did you get clarity as an insider and as an outsider when dealing with grief?
AH: I honestly didn’t consider the reader until after the book was written. As I’m writing it, I’m telling the story for myself. I never worried about who would be reading it. I actually think if I thought about this too much, I might have censored what I put down. I may have been shy or even embarrassed. My goal however in the long run, was to help someone else feel what I was feeling in those moments.
DS: How did the writing impact the grieving and vis-versa?
AH: Yes, the two are so intertwined. The book only came out in January 2014, and it’s a little over seven years since Miles passed away, so it hasn’t been that long. Writing a book was a really big part of my grieving process. I grieved for him so intensely on an everyday basis for a solid year, but then by the second and third years, I started focusing on the future applying to grad schools and then going overseas. So I actually had to put my grief to the side and then when I started writing the book, I think I realized there was so much grieving to be done. Writing the book took two solid years and I have to tell you, I cried every day. There was no part of the book that didn’t affect me. The encouraging part is that now I’m able to speak about him and about what happened without falling apart. I could not do that before writing the book.
I would trade everything to have Miles back in a second. But that’s not an option. It took me a long time to realize that. I kept thinking, “if I did everything right, he would come back.” But once I realized he wasn’t coming back for good, I realized I had a huge responsibility to turn his death into something good.
I definitely wanted the reader to feel me taking that heavy responsibility. I just wanted to be a more active participant in my life.
DS: How did you plan those scenes so you were really touching on those message or was this not intentional or were you just occupied with telling the story and speaking your truth?
AH: At first, I was just focused on telling the story, and the truest moments of that story. It was only after coming up with the arc was completed I realized was me coming out with this grief. I shyed away from this at the beginning.
DS: What kinds of tips or strategies did you use to help you get clear on your story arc?
AH: I had written a solid chunk of the book. I was worried and obsessed with structure. I spent so much time on the arc and I would map everything out and think about the arc all the time. But then as I was writing, I realized that structure comes from writing. I had to keep writing. So after 120 pages, I realized I needed more pages and writing. It was only then that the structure emerged organically from that material.
DS: How did you get unstuck from the writing?
AH: I handed in my first draft the year after I signed the contract. During that year, I wrote furiously during which I wrote 130 pages and handed the draft to my editor. I said to them, this is all I can come up with! I couldn’t think of anything else to write. And that was when I realized what a great editor can do for you. In that draft, she pulled out areas I needed to develop more. She asked questions and pointed me in some very clear directions. Once I had that, I was able to continue writing.
As you can see from this in-depth interview, grieving is not a pre-planned process. Much of it happens side by side with the writing. When we allow ourselves to grieve, we open the doors to deeper expression.
***
Thank you Dorit for this thought-provoking interview about the power of memoir writing. This interview shows how writing helped Artis process her grief and, in doing so, serves as a template for the rest of us. It takes a great deal of courage and perseverance to face painful memories, but writing through the pain can lead to healing.
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Dorit Sasson, an award winning speaker and author and creator of Giving Voice to Your Story radio show and website, is available for consulting, speaking and writing projects. She also blogs for Huffington Post Books and is currently working on her memoir about the years she served in the Israel Defense Forces.
Facilitator & Story Mentor: www.GivingaVoicetotheVoicelessBook.com
Radio Show Personality, “Giving Voice to Your Story”
Will I be giving voice to your story and platform over at Creating Calm Network?
NEW! Check out my Amazon Author Central Page!
Twitter@VoicetoStory
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How about you? Has writing helped you heal? How have you handled the process of facing painful memories and writing through them?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This Week:
Thursday, 7/10/14:
” A Memorial to Our Beloved Lake House: A Memoir Moment.”
7 pm ET: I will be participating in a NAMW Roundtable discussion about Crowdfunding through Pubslush with Amanda Barber, Sonia Marsh and Linda Joy Myers. You can sign up for this free roundtable discussion here.
A Tribute to My Girlfriends: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.”- St. Thomas Aquinas
In my upcoming memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, I show how my girlfriends give me strength and help me move forward in my life.
Martha tries to convince me not to marry when she hears my doubts. Sharon coaxes me up the stairs and out the door the day I leave my first husband because of his drinking. Jean becomes a loving caretaker of my children as I find my way as a single parent. Judy supports me before, during and after both my divorces, Eileen opens my eyes to God’s presence in my life, Rosemary, Linda and Marilyn embrace us as family when we move to Wisconsin. Mary Sue and her family become my family away from my family in Missouri. Meredith and Denise rally around me when I escape from my second husband for fear of physical abuse…
These are a few of many who stood by me—steady and true—and tried to counsel and guide me.
I had to find my own way in my own time but in the words of a famous Beatles’ tune:
“I get by with a little help from my friends”
It is with gratitude and love that I pay tribute through my story to the presence of all my girlfriends in my life.
Excerpt from Chapter 31: Moving On , 1977
One day Judy stopped to see me on her way home from work. “Just wanted to stop by before I go home,” she said, standing in my kitchen. “How are you?”
She had worked all day teaching nursing classes at the university, yet her short, light-brown hair softly framed her face. Her tailored black skirt and crisp white blouse with the collar that stood up in the back of her neck made her look like she was just getting ready to do a presentation at a board meeting. Her dark-rimmed glasses gave her an air of authority though her ready smile and crystal-blue eyes telegraphed genuine concern. The simple silver choker and matching round silver earrings completed the picture.“I look a mess, Judy,” I said, wiping my forehead with the back of one of my dirty hands. My hair was falling in my eyes; I wore no make-up and a wrinkled T-shirt and jeans. Deeply entrenched in work-mode, I was taking down my storm windows in the dining room and replacing them with screens, a dreaded task due to the deteriorating condition of the windows and the screens.
“You know, I could never do what you do; take care of two kids, the house, change windows, a job, all alone like you do,” she said. “I really give you credit. You are much stronger than you realize.”
“I never thought of myself as the strong one, Judy,” I responded, blowing the hair out of my eyes while feeling surprised and yet honored by her declaration.
“Well, you are,” she said, then put her hand on the doorknob to leave. “Gotta go. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“Thanks for stopping by,” I said. “I’m fine. I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.”
She turned and paused at the doorway then walked over to me with outstretched arms.
“You’re an inspiration to me,” she said, hugging me. “Take care. I’ll see you soon.”
***
How about you? What kind of girlfriend stories do you have to share?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 7/7/14: “Interview with Artis Henderson:How to Transform Grief into Story by Dorit Sasson, author and radio host of ‘Giving Voice to Your Story.'”
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What a Nonagenarian Javelin Thrower Can Teach Us about Writing Memoir by Debra Eve
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Debra Eve/@debraeve
“Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.” ~Dorothy L. Sayers
How often do you find yourself thinking “I cannot fulfill my dreams because I’m getting older and past my prime”?
Enter Debra Eve who blogs at LaterBloomer about making the most of your life after 50. Debra has “always been intrigued by people who embrace art and adventure later in life. Once a month, she profiles a late-blooming artist, athlete, explorer or writer.” This week, we meet Olga and the lessons she provides for us as memoir writers. Debra and I met through my friend and colleague Janet Givens. That’s the magic of the Web. Thank you, Janet!
Welcome, Debra~
What a Nonagenarian Javelin Thrower Can Teach Us about Writing Memoir
Olga Kotelko is a 95-year-old track and field prodigy.
She competes in eleven sports—long jump, high jump, triple jump, shot put, discus, javelin, hammer throw, 100-meter, 200-meter and 400-meter sprints, and the 4 x 100-meter relay.
She holds more than 30 world records and has won more than 750 gold medals in her age category.
At the 2009 World Masters Athletics Championships in Finland, Olga threw a javelin almost twenty feet farther than her closest competitor.
Why is Olga a prodigy? Because she didn’t find her talent for track and field until age 77. And she’s not alone—many Masters Athletes over age 70 start late.
I write about adult late-bloomers (being one myself), but Olga has inspired me to rethink the whole idea. We reserve the word prodigy for the young. But it has much wider meaning.
My favorite definition, from the Oxford English Dictionary, is “an amazing or unusual thing, especially one out of the ordinary course of nature.” Anyone can be a prodigy at any age. And memoir writers, especially, deviate from the ordinary course of nature.
In his book What Makes Olga Run?, Bruce Grierson describes Olga’s ordinary but remarkable life. She was born on a farm in Saskatchewan, one of eleven children. She routinely milked cows at dawn, walked three miles to school, and scrubbed fifteen sets of clothes on a washboard. At age 22, she began teaching grades one through ten in a one-room schoolhouse.
At a dance, she met John, a handsome insurance salesman. They soon married. He turned out to be an alcoholic philanderer. In the 1950s, a woman on the Canadian prairie (or anywhere) didn’t just up and leave her husband. Olga stayed for a decade, until, in a drunken rage, John put a knife to her throat.
She fled into the night with her 8-year-old daughter, pregnant with her second child. They jumped a train to Vancouver and ended up at her sister’s doorstep. “As far as I knew,” Olga recalls, “I was the first single mom in the history of the world.”
She lived with her sister for a few years, found a factory job, and studied at night for a teaching credential. She taught school for the next 34 years. When she retired, she played slow-pitch softball, but grew bored. Track and field offered a bigger running-and-throwing challenge.
So at age 77, Olga went looking for a coach.
Several universities have tried to discover Olga’s secret. She’s been stuck with needles, hooked up to electrodes, run over on virtual reality highways.
The studies confirm that something has slowed Olga’s aging process, yet they can’t quite finger what. If exercise is “driving the bus,” as Bruce Grierson puts it, attitude must be the onboard navigator.
Since the publication of What Makes Olga Run?, Olga has become a media darling and a bit of a trickster—that advanced and uncontrollable old woman Dorothy Sayers so admires. When asked, “What’s your secret?” she gives a different answer every time:
“I don’t allow people to have a negative effect on me.”
“I have a little bit of scotch now and then.”
“Enjoy life!”
After following Olga for four years, Bruce Grierson thinks he has figured it out:
Keep moving. Create routines (but sometimes break them). Believe in something. Lighten up. Begin now.
These strategies can also apply to writing, especially memoir writing:
1. Keep Moving. Any block, creative or otherwise, can be solved with movement. When we move, our bodies and brains become dance partners. Take a walk outside, let your hand flow across a piece of paper, do one then the other—just keep moving.
2. Create Routines (But Sometimes Break Them). Our bodies crave routine. It frees our minds for storytelling and problem-solving. But if we occasionally break routine, we jolt our bodies and brains out of lazy shortcuts and force them to adapt. How can you apply this idea to your writing style and schedule?
3. Believe in Something. It doesn’t matter what. Olga is devoutly religious, but she also believes in the wonders of massage and reflexology. As psychologist James Fowler notes, belief is a trait marked by “the tendency to embrace puzzles, to see life’s dark spots as necessary tasks.”
4. Lighten Up. What did I mean by “memoir writers deviate from the ordinary course of nature”? If your life stays the course, you won’t write a memoir. As some point, you must navigate a deep, dark sea of stress, like Olga fleeing across a continent at night. Your memoir will arise from its depths. But stress hides in muscle and in memory. Self-care and exercise can help you “lighten up” and write through it.
5. Begin Now. Here’s Bruce Grierson’s observation about boomers: “We’re rested, we’re restless, we’re ready.” A perfect prescription for writing memoir.
At the risk of sounding cliché, it’s never too late to become a prodigy, an amazing unusual thing out of the ordinary course of nature, an advanced and uncontrollable old woman (or man). Why even try?
As Olga Kotelko says, “To inspire, that’s the name of the game.” And of course, she walks her talk.
At 95, she just finished her memoir.
***
Thank you for introducing us to Olga and her remarkable story, Debra. Olga, you are a role model and inspiration for all of us. You show us with style and grace how age is in our mind. It’s never too late to fulfill our dreams. Thank you!
Bio:
Debra Eve is a nonfiction writer who blogs about creativity and positive aging at Later Bloomer. You can find her most popular essays on Kindle. She also holds an MA in Anthropology from UCLA, where she was the last assistant to archaeologist Marija Gimbutas, a colleague of Joseph Campbell. She helped bring Dr. Gimbutas’s final book, The Living Goddesses, to print. She is also the assistant managing editor of the online literary journal, Compose.
Debra’s current work-in-progress explores the intersection of archaeology and storytelling. She lives in Los Angeles with her British husband and two 25 lb Maine Coon cats.
Links:
Blog: http://laterbloomer.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/laterbloomers
Twitter: http://twitter.com/debraeve
Later Bloomers on Kindle: http://amzn.com/B0066IG7PC
What Makes Olga Run? By Bruce Grierson: http://amzn.com/B00EMTG0O0
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Olga’s memoir, Olga: The O.K. Way to a Happy, Healthy Life was published on April 25, 2014 and is available on Amazon.
How about you? Have you ever thought it’s too late to pursue your dreams? What do you think about Olga’s story?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Basic Punctuation Every Beginning Writer Needs to Know by Nikolas Baron
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Nikolas Baron/@Grammarly
” Ignorant people think it’s the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it’s the sickening grammar they use.” -Mark Twain
As we all know, grammar and punctuation can make or break a story. The way I see it, any writer can benefit from getting back to the basics.
I am pleased to feature Nikolas Baron from the Grammarly Marketing team to talk about basic punctuation. Nick says,
“Grammarly is one of the best websites to learn punctuation and grammar because of their teaching tools and grammar check. The grammar check especially helps to correct your most common errors and teach you how to avoid them. Always remember that even as a beginning writer, using a grammar check, monitoring punctuation, and cleaning up your syntax pays off in the end.”
Welcome Nick!
Basic Punctuation Every Beginning Writer Needs to Know
Those who don’t write think many good writers just sit down at a computer and compose perfect prose. They presume the ideas flow freely and the punctuation and grammar just come naturally without any work. As someone who writes for a living and frequently researches writing techniques, I can tell you that becoming well-versed in English grammar and punctuation is hard work. When I was in elementary school, poor grammar and punctuation kept me from receiving A’s on essays. Even as a child, I found it extremely frustrating. I made a vow that in middle school I would clean up my English syntax act and get A’s on my essays. From there, I received almost all A’s on my essays and constantly worked to improve my grammar and punctuation.
Beginning writers need to remember that good writing starts with mechanics. You can have all the best short story, article, and book ideas, but if you fail to practice good writing techniques and mechanics, nobody will ever pick up your work.
However, what are the basic pieces of the puzzle that are necessary to write perfect prose?
1) Commas: A comma, at its most basic, is used to indicate a pause in a sentence. When it comes to commas, one of the most important items of information to know is the difference between an independent clause and a dependent clause. An independent clause has a subject and a verb and can stand by itself as a complete sentence. A dependent clause also has a subject and a verb but can’t stand on its own because it is an incomplete sentence. Commas can join independent clauses and dependent clauses, but consider the following as to where they should be used:
- Joining two independent clauses by a comma and a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, for, nor, so)
- Using a comma after an introductory phrase, prepositional phrase, or dependent clause
- Using a comma to separate items in a series or list
- Using a comma between coordinate adjectives
- Using a comma after a transitional element (however, therefore, nonetheless, also, otherwise, finally, instead, thus, of course, above all, for example, in other words, as a result, on the other hand, in conclusion, in addition)
- Using a comma with quoted words
- Using a comma in a date, number, personal title, or separating city and state
2) Semicolons: Like the comma, a semicolon is used to connect independent and dependent clauses and causes a pause in the sentence; however, it is a stronger piece of punctuation. It links closely connected ideas and also separates long clauses that would be confusing using a comma. Consider the following uses when you’re thinking of using a semicolon:
- Linking two independent clauses with similar ideas
- Linking clauses connected by conjunctive adverbs or transitional phrases to connect closely related ideas (in fact, for example, that is, for instance, in addition, in other words, on the other hand, even so)
- Link lists where the items contain commas to avoid confusion between list items or clauses
- Joining items in a series that already has commas
3) Colons: A colon is used to point out to the reader that what follows proves, explains, defines, describes, or lists elements in the previous sentence. A complete sentence always precedes a colon, but the items after a colon may not always be complete sentences. Consider the following as examples of when to use a colon:
- Joining two independent clauses to emphasize the second clause
- Using a colon after an independent clause when it is followed by a list, quotation, appositive, or other idea directly related to the independent clause
- Using a colon at the end of a letter greeting
4) Em dash and En dash: An en dash is slightly longer than a hyphen and used in place of a hyphen when combining two items. An en dash can also replace “to” between numbers. An em dash can be used in place of a colon, comma, semicolon, or parentheses. It indicates added emphasis, interruption, or an abrupt change of thought. A great place for a detailed explanation of this topic can be found here.
Author’s Bio:
Nikolas discovered his love for the written word in Elementary School, where he started spending his afternoons sprawled across the living room floor devouring one Marc Brown children’s novel after the other and writing short stories about daring pirate adventures. After acquiring some experience in various marketing, business development, and hiring roles at internet startups in a few different countries, he decided to re-unite his professional life with his childhood passions by joining Grammarly’s marketing team in San Francisco. He has the pleasure of being tasked with talking to writers, bloggers, teachers, and others about how they use Grammarly’s online proofreading application to improve their writing. His free time is spent biking, traveling, and reading.
Website http://www.grammarly.com/
blog: http://www.grammarly.com/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Grammarly
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/grammarly
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Thank you Nick for introducing us to Grammarly and for reviewing these basic punctuation rules for all writers.
How about you? Do you struggle with punctuation? What writing resources have helped you with grammar and punctuation?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, June 23: “What a Nonagenarian Javelin Thrower Can Teach Us About Memoir Writing by Debra Eve”