Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.”- St. Thomas Aquinas
In my upcoming memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, I show how my girlfriends give me strength and help me move forward in my life.
Martha tries to convince me not to marry when she hears my doubts. Sharon coaxes me up the stairs and out the door the day I leave my first husband because of his drinking. Jean becomes a loving caretaker of my children as I find my way as a single parent. Judy supports me before, during and after both my divorces, Eileen opens my eyes to God’s presence in my life, Rosemary, Linda and Marilyn embrace us as family when we move to Wisconsin. Mary Sue and her family become my family away from my family in Missouri. Meredith and Denise rally around me when I escape from my second husband for fear of physical abuse…
These are a few of many who stood by me—steady and true—and tried to counsel and guide me.
I had to find my own way in my own time but in the words of a famous Beatles’ tune:
“I get by with a little help from my friends”
It is with gratitude and love that I pay tribute through my story to the presence of all my girlfriends in my life.
Excerpt from Chapter 31: Moving On , 1977
One day Judy stopped to see me on her way home from work. “Just wanted to stop by before I go home,” she said, standing in my kitchen. “How are you?”
She had worked all day teaching nursing classes at the university, yet her short, light-brown hair softly framed her face. Her tailored black skirt and crisp white blouse with the collar that stood up in the back of her neck made her look like she was just getting ready to do a presentation at a board meeting. Her dark-rimmed glasses gave her an air of authority though her ready smile and crystal-blue eyes telegraphed genuine concern. The simple silver choker and matching round silver earrings completed the picture.“I look a mess, Judy,” I said, wiping my forehead with the back of one of my dirty hands. My hair was falling in my eyes; I wore no make-up and a wrinkled T-shirt and jeans. Deeply entrenched in work-mode, I was taking down my storm windows in the dining room and replacing them with screens, a dreaded task due to the deteriorating condition of the windows and the screens.
“You know, I could never do what you do; take care of two kids, the house, change windows, a job, all alone like you do,” she said. “I really give you credit. You are much stronger than you realize.”
“I never thought of myself as the strong one, Judy,” I responded, blowing the hair out of my eyes while feeling surprised and yet honored by her declaration.
“Well, you are,” she said, then put her hand on the doorknob to leave. “Gotta go. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“Thanks for stopping by,” I said. “I’m fine. I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.”
She turned and paused at the doorway then walked over to me with outstretched arms.
“You’re an inspiration to me,” she said, hugging me. “Take care. I’ll see you soon.”
***
How about you? What kind of girlfriend stories do you have to share?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 7/7/14: “Interview with Artis Henderson:How to Transform Grief into Story by Dorit Sasson, author and radio host of ‘Giving Voice to Your Story.'”
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I like how you name your friends and show how each one met a need in your life at different points. That’s what friends do: They are specialists in touching the varied facets of our lives.
For me, LaVon is a faithful school friend; we met in first grade, visit at reunions and exchange Christmas greetings. My cousins are my friends too. Last week we had a get-together in PA that seems to be turning into an annual event. What hilarious stories we shared because of our common history.
When I came to Jacksonville, I met loyal friends, Wanda and Colleen, whom I have known for over forty years. They are the “pick up where we left off” type of friends. There is nothing I can’t say to them.
I’m also blessed with my “Southern friends” featured every so often on my blog posts: Carolyn, Helen, and Judy and others I see at church. We have mourned the loss of husbands, celebrated moving to a new house, shared concerns over our children. Last year about this time, they surprised me on my birthday:
http://plainandfancygirl.com/2013/07/24/southern-friends-meet-pa-dutch-dish/
By the way, I believe this is your birthday week too. Happy Birthday, Kathy!
Thank you for the birthday wishes,Marian! Isn’t it amazing how friends just seem to show up at different phases of our lives when we need them the most? I enjoyed “meeting” your friends, too.I appreciate you sharing them with us.
Kathy, You’ve touched on a universal chord here – the invaluable support and strength our girlfriends offer when we are newly divorced, widowed, or single parents . . . and, as we age, our touchstone to the past.
I could share stories of cherished friendships – but I’ll chose Paula. We are different in many ways, she and I, (although we are both writers), but have stayed friends for over 50 years! I met Paula when I was 12 years old, she was 13 and we bonded almost immediately in our love for the Beatles and playing with Barbie and Ken dolls in the shade of the maple trees at a picnic table in her backyard. The friendship has lasted because she offers me unconditional support and love – I have tried to do the same for her in my own way. She has been there through the death of my husband, and I through her two divorces. At the end of the day, we come back to what we love most in life which is writing, telling stories and sharing the ordinary moments of our lives.
Someone once said that friendship is more powerful than romantic love. When the two combine, as it did with John, it produces magic, a feeling – this is my destiny.
Bravo to you for sharing this important element in your memoir journey of domestic violence and emotional abuse – that without the love and support of women friends, you may have been lost forever – not only to yourself, but to others.
Susan, I can see you and Paula under”the the shade of the maple tree”. And I love your reflection on friendship being more powerful than romantic love. I always knew how special my girlfriends were but I never expected they would play such a prominent role in my memoir. Just like they did in life, they showed up in my writing. So true, “without the love and support of women friends, I may have been lost forever.” Thanks, as always , for sharing.
True friends are those who never turn their back on us when we need help. They accept us as we are and are truly our teachers. You’ve been so lucky, Kathy!
If it is your birthday week, have a very happy day!
Amen, Joan! And thank you for the birthday wishes. 🙂
Bravo, Kathy! I think all women can relate to the support and guidance we’ve received from our friends over the years. Husbands disappear sometimes, but girlfriends are forever! I am so happy God put these wonderful women in your life, just at the right time, to help you get to the next stepping stone. As you know, one of the themes of my memoir is that friends (both old ones and new ones) appeared in my life serendipitously, just at the moment I needed them, to guide me through the tough times. It is no accident! It is part of God’s design and plan to protect us and to transport us to the place He wants us to be.
Hi Libbye, wonderful to hear from you again! Yes, girlfriends make a positive difference through the good and bad times. I love:”it is part of God’s design and plan to protect us and to transport us to the place He wants us to be.” Girlfriends rock and that includes you! 🙂
One of my favorite writers, Melody Beattie, has written, “Friends are a reflection of the issues we are working on.” I’ve always loved that and I think of it often. When I went to Kazakhstan, I knew I’d need to find girlfriends. But the people I assumed would become my friends did not. And the ones who did, well … that’s why we write our stories, isn’t it? I love it when I suddenly discover I have a new friend (I seem to notice in retrospect), like you, Kathy Pooler. And, indeed, have a glorious birthday. Thanks for another delicious post. Great way to start my work week.
Wow, Janet, I love Melodie Beattie’s quote. Circumstances often bring friends together, like us. I’m so grateful our paths have crossed. Thanks, as always for sharing and for your birthday wishes.:-)
You said it well last week when you noted we have ESP, Kathy. I just wrote a blog post about a group of women friends from college days (a Mennonite version of “The Group”) after our last reunion in State College, PA. We too have gone through hard times as well as good ones together. I’m so glad you have had these friends. Your memoir is a testament to their power as well as God’s power to transform.
Happy, happy birthday and many more years celebrating with FRIENDS.
Yes, Shirley, we certainly do share a love of friendships through the good and bad times. Thank you for your birthday wishes!
I will never forget the day we met, in October 2009, Cincinnati OH after the Writers Digest Editors’ Intensive. In the buffet line, practicing our elevator speech. And baby, look at us now! We’re pros! Congrats on the upcoming release, my friend.
Lynne, your comment came through as I was speaking with Mark and I was telling him the exact thing when he asked me how we met–practicing our elevator pitches in the buffet line! You are right, “we’ve come a long way (together ) baby!” Thanks for your ongoing support and cheers.
Kathy, This is such a lovely tribute to friends. I certainly do appreciate mine, especially the g-friends I’ve known for 20-30-plus years. P.
Thanks,Paige. I love how girlfriends often forge lasting relationships. I appreciate you stopping by.
Kathy, what a loving tribute to your friends. Friends are the people who stick with us through the worst times in our lives and the people to whom we offer reciprocity of the same sort. It seems God blessed you with many such friends. I’m so glad to know that you’ve always had people standing by you as your story needs that “we’ve got your back” group.
Happy birthday, dear friend! I’m so excited for your journey these next few weeks.
Thank you, Sherrey! I’m happy I can count you in as a girlfriend who has stood by me through the thick and thin. 🙂
You really touched on a universal theme here, Kathy, and like you mentioned on so many occasions friends have helped me endure the tough times. Where would we be without our girl friends even those special cyber pals?
Thanks, Pat. I agree. Girlfriends rock–both on and off line! 🙂