Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Author’s Note: This post was adapted from a previous post from January, 2011.
“When a loved one becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” Author Unknown
Single significant events can implant in our psyche and leave a lasting mark. Don’t we all remember where we were and how we felt the day JFK was shot? Or for those who have given birth, the minute details of labor and delivery?
Every year, whenever January 28 comes around, I immediately flash back to that date in 1986.
On January 28,1986, the world watched in horror as the Challenger space shuttle exploded 73 seconds after lifting off from the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Florida. Anyone over the age of thirty-five will remember what they were doing on that day. School children everywhere tuned in that morning to watch the launch of the first schoolteacher and ordinary citizen bound for space, Christa McAuliffe. While this high-tech catastrophe was unfolding on live TV, life was unfolding in living rooms, kitchens and offices around the world; moments in time when life events would forever be connected with the Challenger explosion.
For my mother, Kathryn, it was the moment she asked her mother, my Nan, for forgiveness. She and Nan seemed to have a tentative relationship at times. From my point of view, Nan was a wonderful, loving grandmother, but there were times I would sense from my mother that there was friction between Nan and her children. I never really knew why. Nan had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November 1985 at the age of 83. She was living with my mother’s sister, my Aunt Rose and my mother was visiting to help care for her. My mother recently shared the following story of that day in January,1986 with me:
“Mama and I were sitting in the living room of my sister Rose’s home watching TV. Mama was in the floral upholstered rocking chair in the corner and I was on the blue Broyhill couch across from her. A Special Report on the Launch of the Challenger Space Shuttle interrupted the Maury Povich show. I looked over at Mama. She looked so frail and thin. Her eyes were sunken in and her skin had turned yellow.
I have to go back home soon and I may not see her alive again, I thought to myself.
In the background, the seven astronauts, one of them a young school teacher from New Hampshire, flashed across the screen, smiling and waving before boarding the Challenger.
I got up from the couch and knelt before Mama as she sat still and quiet in the chair. Holding out my hand, I put her tiny, wrinkled hand in mine and, sobbing, said,
“Mama, will you please forgive me for all the times I may have hurt you or was mean to you?”
Looking surprised, she said,
“Kathryn, you have nothing to apologize for. You have never hurt me.”
I felt her small, weak hand rubbing my shoulder as I sobbed uncontrollably ,my head bobbing in her lap.
We remained in that position for awhile. With my head resting on her lap, I watched the smoke from the space shuttle furl up in the sky out of the corner of my eye. I sat straight up and we both glared in shock at the scene.
The moment of the Challenger explosion was the moment Mama forgave me. “
This memory is precious to me because I realized that my mother allowed me to have a special, loving relationship with my Nan even though she was not able to experience that same special relationship with her, until the end. When Nan died on May 28, 1986, my mother had the peace of forgiveness in her heart.
So on January 28, the anniversary of the Challenger Explosion, I pay tribute to the seven astronauts who sacrificed their lives. I also pay tribute to my Nan who showered me with love my entire life and who showed compassion, love and forgiveness to my mother when she needed it the most,and to my mother for allowing me to have a lifetime of precious memories with my Nan, through her love.
These memories are a treasure.
What memories do you have that you pay tribute to? Do you have memories triggered by historical events?
I‘d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
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Kathy,
It is amazing how events will trigger memories. I have many of those, as I am sure everyone does. Two memories floated to my brain the minute I saw your blog. The first one is any picture of the Trade Towers as I was a volunteer nurse that went to Ground Zero in New York City for 6 1/2 weeks.
The second memory is any time I hear the song “American Pie.” It was the song that my baby brother, twelve years my junior,.always sang. The last time I saw him alive in 1985, he said to me “Hey Janie, do you remember our song?” Six week later he fell through the ice and drowned. Whenever that song comes on, I pause and listen, sometimes I am sad beyond words and sometimes I have a heart full of wonderful memories.
Welcome, Jane! It’s so nice to “meet” you. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your heartfelt stories of events that trigger memories. I checked out your blog at http://janehdavis.com and see you have written a memoir, First Aid for Heroes about your experience as volunteer nurse at Ground Zero. That certainly holds universal appeal to any one who lived through that event. And what a poignant story about how a song links you to the precious memory of your brother. It’s interesting how it evokes both pain and joy. I feel the same about my memory of the Challenger explosion. The pain of losing Nan to cancer was soothed by the memory of the special moment of forgiveness between Nan and Mom. I’ll be checking out your memoir.The nurse in me wants to know about your experience.:-)
Wow! Lovely story, Kathy.
Thank you, Joan!
Yes, I remember where I was standing when I viewed the scene of the Challenger disaster played and re-played on the TV screen, the white puff of disaster made even more horrible by the pristine blue of the sky.
Two things stand out: The launch was delayed more than once because of cold weather, and back then I remember thinking it’s not wise to proceed. Then when I heard about icy O-rings on the shuttle, the launch seemed to be even more irresponsible. Also, being an educator myself, I grieved deeply for Christa McAuliffe (and her family) because she was the first teacher in space. Great topic, Kathy.
Marian, I remember the grief of losing a bright, young teacher that day. My kids were in grade school and middle school and were so excited about learning from a teacher in space. It was all very surreal and,of course, the moment between Nan and Mom sealed this day in my memory forever. I’m happy you stopped by and enjoyed the story Thanks!
January 28 was my late dad’s birthday, Kathy, so yes, I remember watching the explosion and knowing Daddy was hale and hearty before the cancer came on.
What a lovely memory you’ve described! How special your own mom is, to have hidden her own feelings about her mom so you could have a loving relationship with your nan. That’s truly God-like, isn’t it?!
Yes, Debbie, it was a sacred moment indeed that has had positive repercussions for years afterward. Mom often reflects on that moment as being the reason she was able to feel peaceful when Nan died. How nice for you to be able to reflect on the memory of your “hale and hearty” father before he became ill. Yes, it is “God-like.” 🙂
Beautiful story, Kathy, I’m glad you’re mom told it to you, and what a gift that she could overcome the difficulties to allow you to have a good relationship with your Nan. My Japanese mom had a bad relationship with her mother from mistreatment, made worse after Mom married an American man despite family disapproval. After ten years of marriage, my dad insisted on taking my mom back to Japan to see her family, and my frail obaasan begged forgiveness from my mother, who said, “I have always loved you.” Obaasan cried. She died about a year later, both she and my mother at peace with each other. Sadly, I never met her.
As for the Challenger, that was like a friend’s tragic death. We lived on Florida’s Space Coast for awhile and I used to step outside to watch each time “our” shuttle launched. We had recently moved to another state when the explosion happened. I remember the crushing pain in my heart.
Thanks, Linda. I appreciate you stopping by. Your own story is very poignant. It amazes me how healing and freeing forgiveness can be. I’m sure it offers you much consolation to know your mom and grandmother reconciled in time, thanks to your father’s insistence. We can all take some valuable lessons from these stories. I can still feel the shock and heartache of the Challenger disaster.
Another good one, Kathy. I thank you.
Certain songs do it for me; I hear a few bars and I’m right back “there.” Smells too; the smell of house paint takes me back to age five, when a man painting our house fell off his ladder.
I saw your photo of the Challenger explosion and immediately was in the hallway of my office in Akron, Ohio when the bookkeeper announced the news. And I remember, like Marian, the frozen O Rings and how the group mindset of “we must launch” colored their ability to see reality. It’s an important lesson for us all. I also remember the face of Christa’s mother, shown over and over on the TV reruns that night. Agonizing.
But, what I DON’T remember are any of the minute details of labor and delivery of either of my sons (and I was awake for both). It’s probably why we keep having more children!
So happy that you have a positive memory to help offset the negative of the Challenger. I’d love to hear more of these stories. Each one reminds me how alike we are.
Hi Janet, Your memory recall about songs and the Challenger are in technicolor! How interesting that you have blocked out your children’s births. I think the joy of having them does block out the pain of the labor and delivery.I was one of the ones who can remember every minute detail of my nurse’s face, voice,hairdo.. Your last sentence hits to the core of why sharing our stories is so important–they connect us to our common experiences.Thanks so much for sharing your stories.
It’s odd, but I don’t remember this moment in history in the same way I remember the JFK assassination. Our daughter was three, and I think I tried to shield her from the television. Our son was almost ten and in school. I do remember talking with him about the tragedy.
What resonated most for me in this story was the way you now understand your mother. She forgave in layers. First, she chose to not interfere with your love of your grandma and hers for you. Then she took advantage of a moment to go down on her knees, a moment that turned out to be as historic for her and for you as the tragedy happening in the heavens. A powerful transformation. Thanks for sharing it and giving us this glimpse into your larger family story.
Hi Shirley, I appreciate your insights. Honestly, it wasn’t until I wrote this story out that I made the connection about my mother allowing me to cherish a wonderful relationship with Nan when she,in fact, had struggled. It definitely was a pivotal moment for me when I “saw the light” on this as this scene played out. I’m so happy she shared it with me.Sharing our stories–verbally and written– is truly a transformative process.So glad, as always, to hear your thoughts on this.Thanks!
Nice story about the “wise women” in your life, Kathy. Yes, I remember hearing this news over the radio as I was driving to work. Then the radio station played Barbra Streisand’s “Somewhere.” It was powerful, and I hadn’t even seen the visual of the tragedy yet.
Welcome, Theresa. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your own, story related to the Challenger disaster. Music certainly does trigger memories,too.
What I remember is not the incident itself, but a comment made by Christa McAuliffe about whether she was scared or apprehensive about going up in space. She said something like, “They wouldn’t be sending us up if it weren’t completely safe” Ever since then, I have been skeptical about allegations of safety as in “Completely safe to drink or eat,” “Safe to wear,” “No problem with using it for insulation,” etc.
Interesting,Denis. I don’t recall Christa McAuliffe’s interview but thanks for this snippet. It certainly does serve as a powerful reminder to remain skeptical about claims of safety that permeate our world.Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
What a touching story, and how special your mother was in allowing you to enjoy your Nan. That’s grace! And how precious it is that your mother told you that story. It’s a treasure.
And yes, oh, yes, historical events trigger strong memories and emotions: The Cuban missile crisis, JFK’s death, etc. On the day of MLK Jr’s death, I worked in a DC suburb in the tallest office building around, and from my vantage point, I watched flames and smoke rise all over the city. Armed troops stood at each street corner even out in the suburbs. Our office was closed down and it was difficult to get home that day. The city burned for several days as I recall.
Hi Linda, Nice to “see” you here! I agree, it was a treasure that my mother shared this with me so that I could know her even better. For each of the events you’ve mentioned, I can recall glimpses of where I was and what I was feeling. JFK’s assassination triggers the most vivid memories for me. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and insights.