Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Maureen Murdock/@murdockmaureen
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Rev. Martin Luther King , Jr.
Bestselling Author, Memoir Teacher and Clinical Psychologist Maureen Murdock returns for Part 2 of the spoken word piece she did for SPARKS theater in Pacific Palisades, CA. She describes a heartwrenching visit with her son Matt in prison. Here is Part 1 if you missed it.
Welcome back, Maureen!
“Hooked on Hope, Part 2: A Mother’s Story About Bipolar Disorder and Prison.”
I am a therapist. What I do is help other people give voice to their lives to heal. When people come to my office it’s safe for them to have their feelings, to cry, to rant, to rage. My office is a sanctuary. But when I visit my son in prison, I have to go against my every instinct as a therapist and mother—encouraging him to express his feelings would only put him in danger.
Safety is a big issue for me. I have struggled with and failed to keep my son safe. When he had his first mental health emergency in his second year in college I tried to get him the help he needed, to stabilize him, to keep him contained. But it was not enough.
When bipolar illness is paired with substance abuse it’s a recipe for disaster. My son has made some bad decisions that have had huge consequences.
The night Matt was arrested for knowingly buying a stolen laptop while he was on probation, my first thought was well, now he’s safe in County Jail. I know where he is. This was before he was sentenced to 4 years and transferred to San Quentin.
I want you to understand— that in spite of all of his struggles, my son is a talented artist. He has had gallery shows in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Our shared love of art is a way we connect in the purest, uncomplicated way. Making art is the way he makes sense of and connects with the outside world.
Over the past year, he did a series of silkscreen prints in the art studio inmates use when a volunteer teacher comes into prison. A recent assignment was to create a print about human rights in the prison system.
His silkscreen illustrating Solitary Confinement, Mental Illness and the 8th Amendment was chosen to be part of an art show in San Francisco. His statement under the print read: “In prison, it’s not possible to do artwork which is not political. The very act is one of resistance.. Solitary Confinement is a clear constitutional violation, an insidious exercise of cruel and unusual punishment.”
Matt was proud to be in the show; it meant he still had a presence in the art world. His dream after prison is to curate a show with art from prisoners he admires.
He had been saving stamps for six months to send home his additional prints and the prints of other inmates he had bought. Stamps are the only currency in prison. They are bartered for CDs, junk food and inmate art. He had constructed a large make-shift envelope for the prints and waited to send it home until he knew the guard on watch who would inspect it. Officer Lee examined the contents and taped the envelope closed.
It arrived at my house sealed shut but empty.
One of the other guards must have confiscated the art. Six months worth of scrimping and saving and creating only to be stolen by someone who can–with impunity.
It is conceivable that the art was taken to be examined for gang-related imagery. It is also known that inmate art is stolen by guards for sale on e-Bay. The journal in which he had written an essay on the injustice of solitary confinement had also been taken.
Matt was devastated.
I wish I could tell him that everything will be okay. That he just has to hang on for 3 more months.
But I don’t feel like things will be okay.
I feel powerless to change his circumstances. All I can do is ask you to keep an open mind about those you might not understand. There’s always a hidden narrative.
***
Maureen, the sense of injustice is palpable. Anyone, especially a mother with a child in prison, will be touched by your words. I admire your courage in getting your story out there so that we all can know the realities of prison life. I am joining you in being “hooked on hope” that Matt will move forward from this harrowing experience with purpose and strength. And yes, may we all be more understanding of the “hidden narratives” when we face that which we may not understand.
Author’s Biography and Contact Information (from Amazon):
Maureen Murdock is the best-selling author of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, a ground-breaking work which revealed a broader understanding of the female psyche on both a personal and cultural level and was Murdock’s response to Joseph Campbell’s A Hero with a Thousand Faces. When Murdock showed Campbell her book, he said, “Women don’t need to make the journey.” Murdock’s readers around the world have shown that he’s wrong! A Jungian psychotherapist and creative writing teacher, Murdock is also the author of Fathers Daughters: Breaking the Ties that Bind, The Heroine’s Journey Workbook, Spinning Inward: Using Guided Imagery with Children, and Unreliable Truth: On Memoir and Memory, a seminal work about memoir and what’s involved in writing a memoir. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and she lectures internationally.
Follow her blog, Hooked on Hope
Twitter@murdockmaureen
Book Description (from Amazon):
The Emergence of a Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective by Maureen Murdock informs the reader about the early signs of bipolar disorder in an adolescent or young adult from a mother who has been through this journey with her son. The book describes what’s involved in a mental health crisis, the trauma of a first hospitalization and facts and figures about bipolar disorder, the fastest growing brain illness in children today. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, four million children and adolescents in America suffer from a serious mental disorder. Through early diagnosis and treatment these young people can live productive lives.
As a mother and a psychotherapist, it was difficult for me to find adequate resources when my son was first diagnosed so I offer tools to navigate these turbulent waters. Included are suggestions about Mental Health First Aid, personal recommendations for links to TED Talks by two young people talking about living with bipolar disorder and community resources a family can access for support before, during, and after a mental health crisis. Like the award-winning movie “Silver Linings Playbook,” The Emergence of Bipolar Disorder: A Mother’s Perspective gives the reader a glimpse into the challenges a family experiences when a child is struck with a mood disorder.
How about you? How do you handle life circumstances when they don’t turn out the way you want them to? How do you help a child whose choices have led to consequences and injustices that are difficult for you as a parent to deal with?
Maureen has graciously offered to give away a copy of her Kindle short to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below~
Next Week, Monday, 1/13/14: ” All Dressed Up and So Many Places to Go–Publication Decision Time.”
Naturally I am outraged. But how can I help except by getting the word out? I”ll email this to friends and family.
So sorry this is happening to you and your son. I don’t know what to say I’m very ignorant and appalled.
Thanks for sharing this with your friends and family. People have no idea what goes on in prison because we forget that prisoners are human beings. They become invisible because they are stigmatized or described in general in the press as murderers and drug dealers. Most of the low level offenders I meet in prison are incredible human beings who made stupid mistakes.
There are so many broken systems in this country and this is one of them for sure. It is outrageous. Your speaking out Maureen is so important.
When I catch myself being judgmental about anyone, I remind myself that I have not walked in their shoes and do not know their story.
Thanks, Joan, for keeping an open heart. It’s a good reminder that we have not walked in others’ shoes and do not know their story (even though we might think we do!) That’s what meeting the men in prison has taught me.
Yes, outrageous. Being bipolar is bad enough without the abusive prison conditions. I hope your Matt, Maureen, will come out in three months and make a fresh start. He is very talented. I wish you and him all the best.
Thanks, Madeline. Unfortunately, many of people incarcerated in our country have a mental illness and the abusive conditions in prison just makes things worse. The Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation gives lip service to the rehabilitation part and the state of California is presently under a Federal mandate to correct egregious treatment of the mentally ill. We are living in the Middle Ages when it comes to treatment of mental illness as well as incarceration.
Kathleen, thank you so much for your generosity in sharing our story on your blog. I have been so touched by the comments written by you and your readers. What a loving community you have reached out to.
I appreciate your kind words,Maureen. It has been a pleasure to welcome you and hear your story. I am very grateful for this wonderful community who always step in to offer support, encouragement and new ideas. It is a perfect example of how we are all enriched, enlightened and inspired when we share our stories with one another. Best wishes on your journey and do keep us posted. I know we are all rooting for Matt and wish him all good things–“hooked on hope” right along with you. Come back when your memoir, Hooked on Hope is released! Blessings, Kathy
Dear Maureen, I remember meeting you this past summer at the IWWG Conference at Drew University and being impressed then by the kind-hearted and sincere person you are. I think your statement: .”All I can do is ask you to keep an open mind about those you might not understand” is and should be the mantra of every memoir writer. We write our stories from the heart with honesty and trust that there is a certain universality of the human experience in our stories. As a memoir writer myself, I hope my readers keep an open mind about what they might not normally think about or encounter in their own lives that I have shared in my journey. If they do, well, this is the gift and the power of the true life narrative that is memoir.
Susan, both you and Maureen have touched upon a core issue in memoir, being able to tell our truth to the best of our ability without being judged. It reminds me of the saying, “feelings are neither right or wrong, they just are.” Sometimes we are our own worst critic. Your words to Maureen about it being ” a gift and the power of the true life narrative that is memoir” for our truths to be viewed with an open mind, resonate with me. Thank you, as always,for stopping by and sharing your insights. Both your memoirs are perfect examples of how honesty and authenticity make a believable and compelling story.
Susan, thanks for writing. One of the reasons I love memoir so much is the element of universality you speak of. When I’m reading a memoir, I’m fascinated with how the truth the writer expresses through her story resonates with mine even though the events of our lives are different. Memoir encourages us to keep an open mind about everyone rather than looking for their pathology!
I was just about to write in response to your Christmas card to say how glad I was that Matt was coming out in Feb. Then I read about the promised job being rescinded and the awful option of a half-way house – now I read about the stolen paintings and writing and I am so upset and angry and sad about what horrors you are still going through … I want to cry and hug you and scream blue murder at the insanity in the world … I will write further on email …
Penny, thank you for your empathy. I know you know that the penal system in Canada, where you live, is far more humane than it is here in the U.S. Every time I go into prison either to visit my son or to work as a volunteer for AVP (Alternatives to Violence Project), it boggles my mind that as a so-called civilized society, we perpetuate emotional and sometimes, physical violence, inside the prison walls by those who are supposed to rehabilitate the prisoners. And in this case, steal what gives them solace in their artistic expression.
Maureen and Kathy, This story has touched me deeply and I thank you for that. As mothers, we believe we can help our children, fix their hurts, cure what ails them. And while they are growing up, we are rewarded for believing that over and over. Then — and, I know we’ve all shared the devastating truth — we learn that we our power only goes so far. We simply can’t, always, fix everything. It’s a hard, often painful, lesson to learn. Your story, Maureen, is set against the backdrop of mental illness and the prison system; Kathy’s and mine against alcohol abuse and adolescent angst. Other mothers will have other backdrops, sometimes (ideally) nothing more than simply growing into adulthood and letting them fly. But always there is the overriding — and often devastating — theme of a mother’s love going only so far. Thank you for the important reminder. I wish you and your son well as you move forward, into the future. He has great talent; something no one can steal from him.
Oh Janet, so true–there is an”overriding and devastating theme of a mother’s love going only so far.” Thank you for your supportive and insightful comments which are a powerful reminder to all of us mothers who need to lovingly let go of our troubled children. Love and hope are powerful forces which can make a difference, but it is up to our children to take responsibility for their choices. I always tell my son, “Pray to God but keep rowing to shore” (Russian proverb). Thanks for stopping by and sharing your insights. I agree, Maureen has a powerful story to share.