Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Pamela Koefoed/@JoyRideBook
Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway - John Wayne
So often when we write a memoir, the story develops a life of its own and becomes a part of a larger cause. This is certainly the case for Pamela Koefoed who began advocating for abused children and teaching audiences how to overcome a painful past after publishing her memoir. It is my pleasure to introduce you to Pamela whose memoir Joyride: Life, Death and Forgiveness is a riveting story of hope and overcoming child abuse. Pamela will discuss how writing her memoir helped her to defeat fear and find her mission of helping child abuse survivors. My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari and LibraryThings.
Book Synopsis:
Pamela Koefoed tells the story from the child’s point of view, recalling in vivid detail the events leading up to four house fires, her narrow escape from them, and the conviction of the arsonist. She depicts the heart touching tale of being left alone for weeks with her eleven year old sister and baby brother, and describes how they managed to deter notice from Child Welfare. Pamela and her sister surprise us all by their spunkiness, indomitable joy, and resiliency. Due to their circumstances, they draw on the love they have for each other and rise above the unthinkable to show us all the way to a richer and more meaningful life. If you enjoyed The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, you’ll loveJoyRide: Life, Death and Forgiveness (from Amazon author page).
Welcome, Pamela!
My Journey of Defeating Fear to Help Others
As a child and into young adulthood, I lived in a place of powerlessness known as “the conspiracy of silence” where painful, unexplainable experiences were never mentioned and where we went on with daily life as if we were a mini version of the idyllic family of the popular sitcom that ran in the late sixties and seventies, the Brady Bunch.
But there was a problem with this way of being—it wasn’t true. My mother wasn’t the Carol Brady, doting sort of parent. In her childrearing, there was little room for mothering and her general philosophy was more in line with the idea that life is a party, so pass another beer. A lifestyle like my mother’s doesn’t allow space for children. Consequently, my childhood was similar in many ways to the thousands of children who are neglected by parents or guardians each year in the United States.
In addition to being a victim to neglect, when I was eight-years-old my mother was arrested and charged as a felon for committing crimes, which put our entire household in grave danger. On four occasions, I fled for my life, twice barely escaping death. To top off all of this craziness, after my mother’s release from a California correctional facility, my nine-year-old sister and I were returned to her care.
Sixteen years ago, the conspiracy of silence that had held me powerless lost its grip and I began sharing snippets of my testimony publicly.
The first time I stood in front of a group to speak about my past is especially memorable. I stood nervously near a podium before a small congregation of fifty to sixty parishioners at the non-denominational church my husband and I attend. Adrenaline rushed through my system, causing my head to feel detached from my body and constricting my vocal chords. I opened my mouth to speak—my voice trembled and my speech was nothing more than thin, wispy breathes. I thought I would throw up, but somehow I managed to be heard and, obviously, I lived through the ordeal.
When we’re afraid and follow our convictions anyway, we’re victorious.
After my initiation into public speaking, there were many more opportunities to speak to groups; for years, I did so with my very being engulfed in anxiety. Eventually, those negative feelings vanished, but it took great perseverance, some faith, hard work and encouragement from family and friends.
In 2009, the executive director of my county’s CASA program, Court Appointed Special Advocates, asked me to run the program, giving me the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children who have experiences similar in many ways to my own childhood. Initially, the uncertainties and the what if’s hounded me. The stories of maltreated children would confront me. Might I have nightmares? What if I broke into tears in the courtroom while presenting these children’s needs and wishes? How healed am I, really? Am I even qualified?
The greatest enemy, as someone once said, isn’t fear. From time-to-time, everyone feels afraid. It’s coming into agreement with fear and believing the nagging doubts instead of embracing the truth—you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.
I accepted the position as the director for my county’s CASA program and embraced a new season. Stepping into this role proved to me that the very things I had feared were nothing more than shadows and that advocating for children is an ideal fit. Right next to death, on the list of things we humans are afraid of, comes public speaking, and I think next to this comes writing a survival memoir, which I’m grateful to have completed last year, and next to this would be hearing the stories of children who have had hellish childhoods. All of this sends shivers up our spines, causes labored breathing, our hands to sweat, our stomachs to churn—yikes!
When you’re faced with an opportunity to do good and help others, whether it’s through volunteer work, writing a memoir, or taking a new job, and if fear is hounding you, let me leave you with a little advice from our friend John Wayne, saddle up anyway. The world will be a better place because you cared.
***
Thank you Pamela for sharing your inspirational story of surviving childhood abuse and overcoming fear. You remind us of the power of memoir writing to heal and help us connect with a higher mission. I can’t help but feel your noble work of advocating for children who have been abused is a perfect fit for you!
Author Bio and Contact Information: Pamela Koefoed, originally from Sacramento, California is a child abuse survivor and a daughter of an ex-felon. In addition to writing numerous articles for websites and blogs, she has authored two books. Her latest book is JoyRide: Life, Death and Forgiveness, a Memoir. When not writing, Pamela directs a child advocacy agency program and is a frequent guest speaker on radio shows and at events around the nation. Pamela and her husband have been married for 25 years. They enjoy golden sunsets and coyote serenades from the back deck of their rural home in southern Oregon
How about you? Has writing your memoir led you to a higher mission? or helped you to overcome a fear?
Pamela has graciously offered to give away one copy of JoyRide: Life, Death and Forgiveness to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcement: Congratulations, Tracy Lee Karner! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Nina Amir’s book, The Author Training Manual.
Next week: “What Goes Into a Successful Pubslush Crowdfunding Campaign?”
Day #28 and 97% funded! My Pubslush Crowdfunding Campaign for my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse ends at midnight on June 11, in 2 more days
Thanks to your generous contributions I am within reach of a successful campaign!
In making a contribution you will help me spread the messages of hope, resilience and courage to those seeking freedom from abuse.
Here’s the link to the campaign:
http://pubslush.com/books/id/2076.
I’d love it if you would share this link with others.
Thank you for joining me in sharing the hope!
Thank goodness, for women like you, Pamela, who go beyond their fear and speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves. I’m looking forward to reading your book.
Thank you, Kathy for hosting Pamela. You do such a wonderful job of spreading the word about good books and the people who make them so.
Thanks, Joan! It’s a pleasure to find such talented authors and feature them here. Pam has written a powerful memoir and as a result has been called to a worthy mission to help others. Her positive attitude and strong faith will touch many. I appreciate you being the first one kick off the conversation today.:-)
Kathy,
In the author realm, it’s often a dog-eat-dog world. But you have shown us all a generous heart, and a better path.
Thank you for the honor of sharing my writing with your readers, and for your thoughtful book reviews.
Joan,
Thank you for your encouraging words.
I’m doing my little part to help others. We can all do something to make a difference for “those who cannot speak for themselves.”
I visited your website and I’m delighted to find your heart touching vignette and to discover your soon to be completed memoir–Me, Myself and Mother. I love the title and look forward to learning more about it in the days ahead.
Wishing you great success,
Pamela
As I read the synopsis of Pamela’s book, I too thought of The Glass Castle. However, from what I already know of Pamela (We have been speaking behind your back, Kathy!), her book has a spiritual dimension.
Pamela, I love how your published story developed a life of its own and became “a part of a larger cause,” which I would imagine is every writer’s dream. Victor instead of victim, gold out of dross – always inspiring. This book goes on my must-read list for sure.
And Kathy, I predict your story will have a similar “rippling” effect on your readers. About the Pubslush campaign, I’ll echo the words of Mary Tyler Moore show: “You’re gonna make it after allllll!”
Hi Marian, so happy you and Pam have already connected!I agree with your must-read decision about Pam’s memoir. And thank you for your support and encouragement about my Pubslush campaign. Yes, I’m gonna make it after all!!
Hi Marian,
Fancy meeting you here! We’ve had some great conversations, haven’t we?
You touched on a powerful truth–There’s hope for the broken hearted. Life can get better. Out of the dross comes the gold, as you pointed out. There is beauty for ashes.
I’ve enjoyed our visits and look forward to a growing friendship.
How wonderful Pamela, that you have survived such a difficult childhood and have turned it into a book and great help to others who struggle a struggle like your childhood. Warmest wishes and prayer for you.
Well-said, MaryAnna. In having the courage to write her story, Pam has found a purpose for her pain and is using her painful childhood experiences to help others heal. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
MaryAnna,
I’m grateful to be on this amazing journey. I never dreamed it would include meeting so many caring people.
I appreciate your response to my writing, and your prayers mean a great deal to me.
Thank you.
Pamela,
Your book goes on my ‘to read’ pile. I Loved the Glass Castle and am looking forward to reading yours. I am looking forward to how you became such a courageous soul after being beaten down all your chidlhood. Once, I believed in God and might do so agaIn, somehow, sometime. He does make us victors afterall.
I, too, am writing a memoir which I am scared to reveal the title of. But I am slowly getting brave about stigma and need to be as courageous as you if I want to get published. I am writing so people like me are not left alone to deal with there disorder and will find camaraderie in my memoir. I am writing so others will find there is life after diagnosis and it doesn’t need to be a shooting in schools… My memoir is called: “Spiiraling: My Journey With Manic Depression”
I hope readers of my memoir will find an author who is brave enough to write about her illness and make a difference for the Mentally Ill. Like you I hope to help those who can’t help themselves.
Clar, this is a beautiful and courageous testimony to the value of being connected to your purpose for writing your memoir. You are very clear on its purpose and that will help you connect with the people who need it most.I love your title: “Spiraling” is such an evocative word. I know you will love Pam’s memoir. I’m so happy you stopped by and shared your heartfelt comments. You are brave and I know your story will touch others as has Pam’s, Blessings on your journey~
Thank you for commenting on my article. I hope you’ll enjoy JoyRide as much as The Glass Castle.
My childhood relationship with the Lord kept me above water. Without Him, I would’ve sunk, and He continues to be the source of courage and strength in my life.
While writing JoyRide, I battled doubts, much like you described. Inner turmoil regarding one’s own writing is common to authors. Pushing through negative self-talk is part of the author’s journey.
Those who write recovery memoirs are vulnerable to anxiety regarding sharing certain personal details of their lives. As it turns out, in most cases, what they fear will never materialize, because readers are much kinder to authors than we are to ourselves.
The topic of your memoir will strike a familiar chord with a great many people, and I commend you for your courage and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to connect with and help others.
I’ve followed your blog so that I can learn when “Spiraling” is published.
Warmest Regards,
Pamela
This memoir sounds exceptional. Her courageous spirit in overcoming child abuse issues lead to a perfect “fit” to be appointed as a Court Advocate for Child Abuse Victims. Coming from a background of childhood abuse myself, I know her story will be insightful and give me more courage to “saddle up” and find the joy that God wants for my life.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kathy. I agree, Pam’s current role as an advocate for abused children is a perfect fit. I now you will enjoy her memoir. I appreciate you stopping by.
You’ve touched on a meaningful point, Kathy. Thank you.
God wants joy in our lives. Finding that joy when there’s been a lot of pain can be a little tricky, though.
Fear is a great big bully. Usually, it’s all talk without any substance. If allowed to do so, it will keep us out of the saddle with both feet firmly on the ground.
On the other hand, courage is always present with us. After all, we get our strength from the Lord and “He’s a Present help…”
Please feel free to share about your experiences reading JoyRide. You are welcome to write to me at my website, http://www.pamelakoefoed.com or http://www.joyridebook.com.
Praying for you,
Pamela
Kathy, thank you for introducing me to Pamela.
Pamela, thank your for not listening to your FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real). Not only have you given voice to your story, but you’ve given voice to the voiceless, the children who cannot speak up and stand up for themselves. You’re an inspiration!
My pleasure, Andrea. Thanks for stopping by . That’s a great acronym for FEAR. I never saw that and it certainly sums up the experience. I appreciate your comments.
This journey has been amazing. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Wow, Pamela, what an inspirational story. I loved the Glass Castle and can’t wait to read Joyride. Your testimony is uplifting on so many different levels. Not only did you confront your own childhood neglect, but you are helping others overcome their own stories of abuse. I will focus that image “saddle up anyway” when I am faced with my own fears.
When I hear that someone will be reading JoyRide I become like a little girl in a candy shop. The anticipation of what the reader will soon experience brings me great happiness.
Pat, bravo for not allowing fear to dominate. I’m certain the “saddle up anyway” imagery will be helpful. It has been of great assistance in my own pursuit of living a life of purpose.
Happy Trails,
Pamela