Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“The nicest part is being able to write down all my thoughts and feelings, otherwise I might suffocate.” Anne Frank from The Diary of a Young Girl: The Definitive Edition.
It all started with the pink diary I received for my eleventh birthday. It had a key so I could lock away all my deepest secrets, like what boy I had a crush on in the sixth grade or all the fun I had at the girl scout camping trip even though those half-cooked hot dogs made me yearn for home.
I could write whatever I was thinking and feeling and nobody would ever know.
Now I am writing a memoir and the whole world will know what I am thinking and feeling. I can’t help but ponder how the transition- from guarding my thoughts with a lock and key to sharing my inner and outer story so openly- happened.
For me, it happened through journaling…
I have journaled for years and never realized that all those times I had poured out my feelings onto the pages of my journal , I was planting the seeds for my memoir.
I still have the blue cloth, three-ring notebook that I created for my senior English teacher, Miss Philips back in 1964. The page dividers have pictures depicting the sections: hopes, beliefs, thoughts, ideas with varied colored plastic tabs where the white labels were inserted.
At the time, it seemed like a silly project. What did Miss Philips know? I can still see her, pencil-thin frame, always dressed in some dark-colored–grey, navy blue or black–dowdy dress or suit. Standing so straight by her desk, she never smiled or wore makeup. Her brown hair was pulled back in a tight bun and her wire-rimmed glasses dangled at the end of her nose.
What in the world would I ever do with that silly notebook?
I packed the journal when I went to nursing school and every once in a while, I’d pull it out to glance through the sections. Sometimes, I’d even jot a few thoughts down. For the most part, it lay dormant.
But, as I began my career and started out on my path to contribute to society as an adult, the pages started beckoning me.
It turned out that I did plenty with Miss Philips’s notebook and if I had the chance, I would thank her for the gift of that handmade journal which provided me with a framework to fill in my life story. What started out as an assumption in my adolescent mind that my out-of-touch teacher was wasting my time became a slowly evolving admiration for a teacher who made a lasting difference in my life…
She planted a seed that has bloomed over and over again as I have worked my way through my life challenges.
Without realizing it at the time, I was planting the seeds for my life story.
I have journaled through the heartaches of relationship failures, the searing pain of divorce, the loneliness and exhaustion of being a single parent, the terror of dealing with an alcoholic son, the heart wrenching losses of my maternal grandmother, Nan and my best friend, Judy, my own diagnosis of cancer and the illness and death of my beloved father.
The seed journal has spawned many spiral notebooks and decorative journals to accommodate my evolving thoughts and feelings; to capture my moments of need, longing, passion, creativity, my life…the moments that will matter in my memoir.
The journal tells its own story.
*The pages sit blank and patient just waiting to receive my words. As the words fall on the page, the emotions get sorted out. There is something about labeling a feeling that helps to put it into perspective.
*The feelings that grip and gouge on the inside take on a different shape on the outside.
*Knowledge is power and when one becomes clear with one’s own feelings, there is a sense of empowerment.
*When I journaled my way through my father’s 11-day illness and death, I found clarity and solace in my own words. In sharing my deepest, heartfelt grief, I received support and love in return.
Journaling has become my pathway to healing and hope and has helped me to recall, relive and reflect upon the moments and times of my life that will make up my memoir.
Thank you Miss Philips for helping me plant the seeds that have yielded a garden of stories for my memoir.
Photo Credit: Nana
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Here is a brief journal entry written in response to a writing prompt at a conference. It that has become a part of my first memoir, now in it’s final edits, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse:
” The lime green satin dress with the rhinestone design on the bodice slips over my gentle curves as I guide it over my head and wiggle it into place. I pull my stockings up each leg and attach them at the top with metal clasps on the girdle I don’t want to wear. But, it makes me feel grown up. I am twelve years old and getting ready for the cotillion at the end of Madame Helina’s ballroom dancing class. I pull my long,brown hair back into ponytail and slide into my patent leather flats, ready for a practice session into the dancing world of my approaching adolescence.”
***
On Tuesday evenings in May, I will be conducting an online workshop Journaling as Seed for Memoir for The National Association of Memoir Writers (NAMW):
May 6-27 2014, 4 weeks (Tuesdays) 4PST, 5 MST, 6 CST, 7 EST
$125 for non-members
$110 for members
To write a memoir, you need to mine memories and get in touch the significant events in your life that have shaped you into the person you are today. It is a voyage of self-discovery. Journaling can help plant the seeds for the story you need to tell. It can become a pathway to healing and hope and help you to recall, relive and reflect upon the moments and times of your life that become your story.
What you will learn
- Journaling as a creative process
- The physical and psychological benefits of writing and journaling
- Specific techniques for stimulating creativity
- Methods for organizing a journaling routine
- How to identify vignettes that can be turned into a larger story
- How to identify possible themes of a memoir through your own writing
How it works-From Kathy
We’ll get together for four 60-minute telephone sessions. During each session, I’ll offer a lesson on journaling. Then each of you will have an opportunity to share your own journaling experiences and writing. By exploring your own journal entries, we will build a trusting, mutually supportive atmosphere. Between each session, you will write a brief assignment—a response from a writing prompt- and email them to all the class. Because we will be able to read your pieces on our own, you won’t need to read them aloud. We can use class time to work through issues and offer feedback. At every step during and between classes, I will offer guidance to help you discover the heart of your own story. By the end of the sessions, it is my hope that the vignettes you have gathered through writing prompts may become the seeds for your memoir.
You can sign up here.
How about you? Does journaling help you find your story?
I’d love to hear from you . Please leave your comments below~
Next Week :
Monday, 4/28/14:
Sue William Silverman will be featured in a WOW!Women on Writing Book Tour and Giveaway for her new memoir, The Pat Boone Fan Club with a review and guest post on “Confessions of a Memoirist: My Serial Personalities.”
Kathy, what a rich resource you have in that journal! I also have sporadic entries that date back to high school. Those entries made while events were fresh are worth their weight in gold, but what I have from the past doesn’t begin to cover my entire life. Still, as a writer I find journaling in the moment valuable to help me process and flesh out old memories. I use my current journal to find deeper meaning in old memories, whether recorded previously or not, and to retrieve details that may have grown dim with time. Your class sounds terrific! Everyone should sign up.
Thanks, Sharon! Although I have entries from my past that helped me with my memoir, many of my best entries are more current ones where I reflect upon the past. It’s amazing what happens when one sits still long enough put pen to paper and let it flow. I’m excited about the workshop and all we will learn from one another. I appreciate your support, as always.
Hi there – I just linked this memoir workshop to my facebook page! good luck with it. sounds fun! https://www.facebook.com/WritersBootCampEastAndWest
Hi Mary Beth, so nice to see you here! Thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing the post on your Facebook page, which I visited and liked.:-) Hope to see you again at IWWG or in the train station!
Kathy, I wish I had a journal dating back to my girlhood like you do, but I don’t. What I do have is 8-9 journals chock full of words, ticket stubs, and other memorabilia. Sometimes I mine quotes for “Purple Passages” for my blog from these journals. Other times I find recorded my exasperation with our kids, Crista and Joel. When Crista was 20, I record that she said to me, “I don’t have as much respect for you as I used to.” At age for 40, she gave me an extravagant retirement party. I guess I became more respectable over time. At least in her eyes.
Without a journal, the detail is lost. And the quotable quotes. Your class sounds wonderful. The tidbit “How to identify vignettes that can be turned into a larger story” caught my eye. And I agree with Sharon: everyone should sign up.
LOL, Marian, isn’t it amazing how much smarter parents become when one goes from 20 to 40 years old? 🙂 I love that detail and agree, journaling helps us to recapture those moments in time that may otherwise drift away. Thanks so much for stopping by and offering your insights and support.
I have linked this post to my Facebook page.
Thanks, Marian!
Kathy,
I too, dug back into my journals to help me begin my memoir journey. At one time I considered burning them, but have found them an invaluable source of inspiration and connection with the person I once was. I still write my thoughts, newest stories, and explorations in a journal on a daily basis. I encourage those who haven’t enjoyed the experience of journaling to take your class!
Joan
Hi Joan, as a beta reader for your powerful memoir, I appreciated the vivid descriptions you offered. It is a testament to the effectiveness of journaling that you were able recapture past events and feelings in such rich detail. Writing in a journal daily can only enhance that skill of bringing a story alive on the page. Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your insights and your support.
Beautiful post, Kathy. I will be relying heavily on my journals for my next memoir project… about my relationship with my mother.
I, too, had one of those diaries with a lock on it. One day I didn’t lock it and my sister not only snooped and read, but she read aloud the most private passage in the journal. Then I did something worse… I burned it. I have regretted that so many times…
I love some of the ways you describe what journaling does. Your course sounds fabulous. Have fun with it!
Thanks, Saloma! True confessions: I did the same thing. At one point in my life when I was ready to move on from the pain, I threw my journals away. I cringe to think of it now. But, we must move forward. I still have other journals I saved as well as my current journals. Best wishes as you work on your next memoir project about your mother. May your journals pave the way for you. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing.
Kathleen, you are stating the very thing I am doing while I write my memoir. As my mentor said last night, “Having journals can be both a blessing and a curse.” It is hard mineing journals into scenes for memior.
This is exactly what I am doing, making my Private writing into something public. Something I have wanted to do since my first picture book got published and I wrote about it on my about page on my blog.
http://clarbojahn.wordpress.com/about/
I can hardly wait for your book to come out. I also put this blog post on my facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/cbowmanjahn?ref=tn_tnmn
Thanks so much for all you do. 🙂
Thank for your support, Clar. Yes, “journals can be a blessing and a curse”. Writing in a journal forces us to be honest and face the pain but in doing so, it can bring clarity and healing. And bringing our stories into the public arena requires attention to craft, persistence,courage and the willingness to be vulnerable. A journal is a great place to work all this out before or while one is writing and seeking publication. I wish the best in your journey to memoir. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to make it happen. Keep us posted! I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Hi Kathy,
What was meant by the comment of journals being both a blessing and a curse in writing a memoir is that one is so close to one’s feelings of the past they have a hard time turning them into scenes a reader would be able to connect with.
I have three filing cabinets full of journals I have kept since I was fifteen years old, I think everyone should know how valuable writing in journals is and I hope as others have here, that you have fun with your class. 🙂
My wife’s journal became “One Side of Suicide” which included writing prompts to help others do their own writing to heal.
Thanks for sharing, Paul. Here’s the link to One Side of Suicide on Amazon:http://www.amazon.com/One-Side-Suicide-Dee-Burt/dp/0976839164 “moving from surviving to thriving in a powerful story of love and loss.”
Kathy, I’m delighted to read that journaling is paying off for you in the way of a soon-to-be-published memoir. I, too, kept a diary during my younger years, but once I learned my little sister had managed to break its lock and read the contents, that was IT! I couldn’t toss it away fast enough.
Your Miss Philips sounds like a carbon-copy of some of my English teachers. They were “old-timey” even then, but oh, how blessed we are to have studied under them!
Hi Kathy. I have journaled since I was 18 years old. Then when I turned 22 I decided to burn all my journals one day. I wanted to let go of my past. But for some reason I continued to journal and I have kept all of them ever since. I have been dreaming about writing a memoir for some time. I have to do it for myself. I took an online writing class last summer which was awesome. I wish I could afford to take your class. I just can’t afford it at this time. I would love to do it in the future. Thanks for all of your inspiration!
Welcome, Amy! It’s nice to “meet” you. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story. I did the same thing–threw my journal away at one point in my life when I was ready to let go of my past. But, like you, I kept journaling and have kept the journals since then. For years, I dreamed of writing a book and in 1999, I signed up for my first formal writing class. Keep writing and don’t ever give up on your dream. I found that the story that needed to be told,the one only I could tell, revealed itself to me as long as I kept showing up and writing. I would love to have you in my Journal to Memoir workshop someday. Blessings to you on your journey. I hope you’ll come back and keep us posted.
Kathy
Kathy, there is always one oddball in a group, and I’m it on the topic of journalling. Although I was given diaries as gifts, I never used one very effectively or frequently. Most were tossed with only a few minor, less than interesting details. As I grew older, I realized that the safest place to harbor my thoughts and memories was in my mind. I know that is risky business, especially as I realize I’m growing a bit forgetful, but it was done out of necessity at the time.
I am fortunate that I have been able to remember with a great deal of clarity the events of my childhood and have now gotten them down into my first draft. Journalling has never come easy for me, and I don’t really know why. Finally, I suppose you could say I just gave up on the concept. You make it sound so easy and fascinating.
Your class certainly has good content in your description, and I’m hoping you have good signups. You’re spreading your wings one more time into the realm of the memoir experts!
Blessings always,
Sherrey
Sherrey, you are anything but odd, my friend! 🙂 IMHO, your Letters to Mama are the ultimate in journaling as you pour out your feelings and get in touch with your childhood pain. I don’t think it matters how we get there, as long as we do. Such a telling statement that “the safest place to harbor memories was in your mind”. As long as you are writing, which you are, your voice will be heard and touch many. I also think a lbog is a form of online journaling. I am looking forward to the birth of your memoir. Thank you for your support and encouragement. I think we’re all experts and can learn so much from one another.
Blessings,
Kathy
Oh Kathy, we truly are soul sisters. This sounded so much like me. I have cupboards full of spiral notebooks filled with musings about every adventure and uncertainty I encountered, which I drew on to write my own memoir. I am so excited to know that your “baby” will soon be out there.
Thanks, Pat. Indeed, we are soul sisters in this tortuous, exhilarating journey to memoir. 🙂
Kathy, I have journaled off and on since I was in grade school. My Mother journaled for many years. After she passed away and I read some of her journals, I was at first disheartened and surprised at the negativity in some of them because she was always such an upbeat and smiley person. It didn’t take me too long to figure out though, that is how she stayed so upbeat. She was dealing with a lot, not the least of which was a bad marriage. I think that writing down her negative thoughts and “getting them out of her system” is what helped her to cope so well – on the outside at least. A few weeks ago, we unexpectedly lost my mother (in law), who I was very close to. I just started “jounaling” about that on a blog. My husband and his family do not share feelings well, so I am hoping that the blog will be an outlet for me and hopefully, some day, a resource for others. Thanks for your thoughts. Jayne
Dear Jayne, Welcome! It is so nice to meet you. You have written a beautiful testimony to the healing power of writing and journaling through your mother’s story. I’m sorry to hear of the recent loss of someone so dear to you.May you find much solace and healing through your journaling and blogging. The good thing about blogging is that you will reach others and I have no doubt that your story will resonate. Blessings to you on your journey. Now I’m going to go visit your blog http://livingwithoutsomeoneyoulove.com. Hope you’ll stop by again!