Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Jerry Waxler/@jerrywaxler
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author and Coach Jerry Waxler in this interview about his memoir, Memoir Revolution. In this book, Jerry traces the growth of memoir as a distinct genre worthy of literary recognition. Jerry’s passion for memoir is evident both in this book and in his blog, Memory Writer’s Network where he has offered in-depth analyses of over one hundred memoirs. My reviews of Memoir Revolution can be found on Amazon and Goodreads.
Welcome, Jerry!
KP: In Memoir Revolution , your premise seems to be that “sharing our stories draws us into a global community and breaks down barriers.” Could you explain what you mean by it?
JW: Reading memoirs allows me to see the world through other people’s eyes. Through the magic of reading, I’ve been in combat, political and religious persecution. I’ve experienced being a mother, father, abused child, foster child, caregiver. I’ve experienced the world through the minds of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, yogis, Buddhists, and seekers. I’ve lived in Romania, Liberia, Russia, Belize, England, Iran, Japan, India, and so on. These intimate connections created by their stories reduces the distance between us, and makes me feel like we are all part of the same human community.
KP: Storytelling has been with us since ancient times. Why is this a time of revolution?
JW: Stories have been important to me since I was old enough to listen to my mother reading me stories. Throughout my school years and throughout much of my adulthood, I read novels and went to movies, influenced by the fictional situations and characters. In the 21st century, I discovered memoirs. These apply the ancient craft of storytelling to help us understand ourselves and each other. Why now? That’s a great question. I devoted a whole chapter to answering it in my book Memoir Revolution. I don’t think I can do it justice in this space.
KP: We’ve all heard that celebrity status is nearly required before your story will be noticed, let alone succeed. How does the memoir revolution change this dynamic?
JW: Traditional publishers need a staggering number of sales in order to pay for book designers, editors, marketers, warehouses and distributors. There’s always a chance that your or my memoir might catch on and sell 30,000 copies but if they don’t sell to the mass market the publisher loses money. Traditional publishers reduce the risk of such losses by leaning heavily toward famous people or people whose stories are provocative or notorious, for example having recently been in the news, or involving a major scandal.
However, we live in a remarkable time when there is a new option to publish it ourselves. Given this possibility, we can now imagine our book out there in the world. All we have to do is pour ourselves into the creative challenge of telling our story the best way we know how. Striving toward excellence is one of the most exhilarating things about the whole Memoir Revolution, causing millions of aspiring writers to learn techniques, understand story structure, and in general improve our understanding of how stories work. Then, once we’ve finally achieved this goal, we can use the internet and electronic distribution to find the niche of readers who happen to be interested in our story.
KP: I’ve been told that in order for a memoir to be successful, it has to be bigger than you. How can we turn the everyday stories of our lives into stories that matter— ones that transform and transcend barriers?
JW: “Bigger than you.” I never thought of it quite that way, but now that you mention it I love it. Our actual lives kind of meander from day to day, and include things like brushing your teeth and washing the dishes, running errands, and so on. Memoirs are portrayals of purified versions of ourselves, refined to focus on things like creative passion, emotional survival and the will to heal. So how do you find that deeper more profound story?
I find that searching for the story has been one of the most fascinating of my life. I wake every morning and run to my writing desk to try to put words around central themes. By attempting to give others a story worth reading, I also grow to have a deeper understanding of myself.
KP: I’ve been networking with memoir writers, interviewing them, and writing my own memoir, and one thing continues to amaze me. We’re all so willing to put our private lives out into the public. How do you explain that?
JW: Until I began to find my writing voice, I hated talking about myself. In fact, talking about myself felt dangerous. However, when I began to write, I looked at the silence that I had always assumed “protected” me in some way and realized that my shyness had isolated me. Privacy started to feel like a cloak of invisibility.
Writing the memoir has allowed me to let go of my secrets, and share my unique, authentic self. Even though I have not yet published it, I have shared it in critique groups and with beta readers, and listening to the way they react helps me see myself through their eyes. And by learning to open up in the pages of my memoir-in-progress I have become more willing to share anecdotes in writing and speaking than I ever thought possible. I’ve come a long way in my attitude about these issues of privacy, shame, and exposure. I credit the Memoir Revolution with this shift in my attitude about my relationship with the world.
KP: Any other messages from the Memoir Revolution you want to emphasize?
One of the reasons I wrote Memoir Revolution is to help people who are on the fence about whether or not to write a memoir. In addition to considering the benefits of this project, I encourage aspiring writers to avoid getting tangled in the reasons not to do it. I’ve heard all sorts of rules that make memoir writing seem very restrictive and confining. “A memoir shouldn’t be therapy. You shouldn’t do it for yourself. It shouldn’t be an autobiography. It shouldn’t be about too long a period of your life. It might make someone angry.” All these shouldn’ts make me dizzy.
Instead of answering all the questions before you even start, I suggest you jump in, and go one step at a time. The first step is to research your story. As an investigator and journalist, pull the information, memories and scenes together onto paper. During the second step you become a storyteller. Finding the story can be one of the most invigorating and engaging creative challenges of your life, showing you how to apply the art of Story to your experience. Through this lens, you will understand the dramatic tensions and arc of your own life. When you research your story structure, you will also be reading lots of memoirs, offering you a better appreciation of the stories that other people are living.
Consider publishing your memoir to be a third, separate step. If you keep that aside, you don’t have to worry about hurting anyone. You can take your time to strive for the best structure and voice. And you can learn to share and see yourself through story. Worry about all the additional baggage of publishing when you are really, truly ready.
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Thank you Jerry for sharing your thoughts on writing a memoir and for inspiring us to participate in the “Memoir Revolution.”
Author Bio and Contact Information:
Jerry Waxler shares his passion for life story writing on the blog Memory Writers Network which contains 100s of essays, interviews and book reviews. His three books, Memoir Revolution, Learn to Write a Memoir and Four Elements for Writers are available from www.jerrywaxler.com. He teaches nonfiction writing at Northampton Community College in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, is on the board of directors of the Philadelphia Writers Conference, and is an advisor to the National Association of Memoir writers. He has a B.A. in Physics and M.S. in Counseling Psychology.
Jerry can be reached on his website: Memory Writer’s Network
Facebook: Jerry Waxler
Google+ Jerry Waxler
Twitter @jerry waxler
The Memoir Revolution can be ordered from Amazon
How about you? Have you considered joining the “Memoir Revolution”?
Jerry has offered to give away a copy of “The Memoir Revolution” to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Wednesday, 10/16: An Interview with Memoir Author and Ex-Nun Karen Leahy: The Summer of Yes. Karen will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
I could so relate to what you said about finding your writing voice and then letting go of secrets. Keeping secrets feeds a sense of shame, which is also withdrawal of love from self. You said it so well that when we can’t tell our stories, because we haven’t find our voice, isolation then takes over and yet we are humans wired to connect. I loved reading this interview with Jerry – I agree, writing our stories can change the world!
Thanks so much for stopping by Louise and sharing your thoughtful comments.I’m so happy Jerry’s interview resonated with you. Welcome to the Memoir Revolution! You certainly have already contributed to it via your own powerful memoir, Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury.
Thanks for the comment, Louise. And nice to meet you. When I started writing my memoir, I didn’t think I could ever reveal my “secrets” – as the writing progressed, the story seemed so much more natural, and so much more “human.” I eventually couldn’t remember why I was so keen on hiding myself. I have heard this effect from other memoir writers. It sounds like you are one of them. Best wishes,
Jerry Waxler
Jerry … Like Louise, I particularly related to your comments about the impact of memoir-writing on self-protection, on the perceived need to hide the actions and events in our lives of which we are least proud and perhaps genuinely ashamed or embarrassed.
Like you, it was while writing my memoir that I learned how many others had gone through similar experiences, emotionally if not in their mundane details. It gave me comfort to know that … and from reader comments, it seems my ability to provide a “shiver of recognition” gave comfort to them as well.
Your column is terrific. Keep it up.
Well said, Mary. When our “mundane” stories help others to connect with their own stories, therein lies the power of memoir-striking a universal theme in our own unique way, which ,BTW, you did so well in Sailing Down the Moonbeam. Thanks for sharing your insights with us. Thank you for your contributions to the Memoir Revolution!
Thanks for the encouragement, Mary. Kind words make the whole thing worthwhile. Yes, it’s so interesting the way memoirs let us see ourselves in each other. Thanks for sharing your observations about the sense of closeness memoir writing has given.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Memory Writers Network
Hi Kathy and Jerry,
Thanks for this. I wonder if you can help me help a friend who is beginning her memoir?
Is it necessary or recommended that a memoir have some underlying truth or wisdom in it, from which a reader might expect to learn? Or is it enough to relate a description of a person’s experience?
My friend endured two difficult deliveries of premature babies. The circumstances were horrific, yet all three lived and now thrive, thank God. She wants to be an inspirational speaker, based on this experience, citing her faith as the reason she got through it. Is it enough that her book simply tell the tale, however compelling? Thanks very much!
Hi Lynne, Thanks for stopping by. I’ll weigh in on your questions and have Jerry do the same:
1. Absolutely- a memoirist must be committed to the essence of the truth as he/she recalls it. I see it as an ethical obligation. A disclaimer in the beginning may help, i.e. names changes, composite characters.
2. Relaying an experience- it’s not enough to have a powerful story as your friend has. As I had one agent tell me,”fascinating story BUT it will all be in the telling.” A memoirist has to use the same techniques as a novelist-have a narrative arc with a beginning middle and end, identify themes; write in scenes with sensory detail, dialogue and proper pacing.
3. A memoir is a slice of life told as a story; a memoirist uses reflection on life events to convey the meaning of these events and to show transformation. Your friend has all the ingredients for a compelling memoir. She will need to shape it into a story with a universal message through her own unique perspective.It’s her story and she is the only one who can tell it.
4. Anyone who has endured such a challenge and goes on to experience joy in her life deserves to share their story. It sounds like a story with universal appeal as it taps into the hope we all need to overcome our own life challenges.
I wish your friend much success in her journey and hope she’ll share it with us someday.
Hope this helps!
Kathy
Thank you, Kathy! I will forward the link to her. Much appreciation.
Thanks, Jerry!
I remember reading all sorts of memoirs and especially memoirs about people similar to me to compare and learn while writing and editing my own book. It made me more confidant, plus I experienced some really great books!
AW
Thanks, Paige. I have learned so much from reading memoirs of all kinds. I feel like reading memoirs and writing them go together like two halves of the coin.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Thank you for this encouragement, Jerry! I particularly liked this bit: “The first step is to research your story. As an investigator and journalist, pull the information, memories and scenes together onto paper. During the second step you become a storyteller.”
I will keep working on finding my voice, and trusting the process. Joyce
Welcome, Joyce! It’s nice to meet you.Thank you for stopping by to share your thoughts about Jerry’s interview. I just visited your blog http://thesilverofhisfining.wordpress.com and found your story about your father to be very poignant. Best wishes on your writing. Keep us posted!
Thanks, Joyce. I’m glad you found encouragement in my words!! And yes, be patient, striving to forge ahead and at the same time doing the best wherever you are at the moment. (The tension between ambition and patience is a constant struggle, and that creates the real world drama that makes a good story.)
Jerry
Jerry offers such sound advice. I could find myself nodding in agreement to every suggestion. I only wish I had read his book before starting my own “memoir revolution.” Even though my book is already out, I look forward to reading his book because who knows maybe there is another story left in me.
I agree with you about Jerry’s solid advice, Pat and I’ll bet you do have another memoir in you. 🙂
Hi Pat,
I’m so glad to hear you have already written a memoir. You took the plunge. That’s excellent. That doesn’t mean you need to stop learning about yourself or about how your story fits in with others. There are lots of things you can continue to do now that you have your memoir. You can develop the knack of pulling out and developing stories from it. I think that learning to shape pieces of a memoir into shorter compelling stories is a neat extension of the journey.
Also read other memoirs and see how yours fits in. By developing a deeper sense about the relationship among memoirs, you can deepen your “tribe” or “micro-community.” Memoirs are wonderful connections, giving you a whole new way to relate to people. Once you have your memoir out, you can develop those connections further. In one sense it may feel like “selling books” but it also means you are out there connecting with people.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Memory Writers Network
Jerry, before agents and publishers started emphasizing celebrity status, trends – like the ‘misery memoir’ bias – used to determine representation. All in all, self-publishing is indeed a solution to getting our work out there. Here’s another challenge, though: some readers consider memoirists a ‘deprecating bunch.’ What is your thought on this type of reader resistance? Great interview, Kathy.
Thanks, Belinda. You always ask such thought-provoking questions. Just a thought, it seems readers crave real-life stories they can connect with.I suppose that’s the danger of getting a personal story out there. People will interpret the meaning of a story based upon their own needs and perceptions. Interesting question. I’ll be interested in Jerry’s take on it.
Hi Belinda,
That’s a great question about how others might view your memoir writing. One of the reasons I wrote Memoir Revolution is because I feel so strongly that memoir writing is healthy for the individual and for society. I offer all sorts of reasons to back up my belief. The funny thing is that most people who actually write memoirs have experienced these benefits for themselves. So by the time one writes a memoir, one has already experienced the healing, the loss of shame, the connections across decades, the opportunities for forgiveness of self and others, and perhaps most sublime of all, the bridge between self and others.
If these critical people are important to you, perhaps you could help them by showing them this is a valuable activity. Or perhaps their criticism drags you down? If you just need to inoculate yourself against their criticism stay tuned for my next book which has a whole section about how to energize yourself by writing towards those people who support you and ignoring those who don’t. I hope this helps!
Best wishes,
Jerry
Jerry, I especially liked and related to the statement “I looked at the silence that I had always assumed “protected” me in some way and realized that my shyness had isolated me. Privacy started to feel like a cloak of invisibility.” I have also noticed this. Well said!
Jerry and Kathy, what an exquisitely choreographed interview! You made me feel as if we are all sitting around having coffee and just chatting.
Jerry, your words, “Writing the memoir has allowed me to let go of my secrets, and share my unique, authentic self,” resonated with me as I have begun to move closer to the end of my memoir. I especially feel free of my secrets I have held for so long. I also enjoyed your comments related to reading the memoirs of others. So descriptive and like my own experience. Really they are tranportive, aren’t they?
Kathy, thanks for a wonderful experience today. And be sure and don’t enter me in the giveaway — I have a copy of Jerry’s book.
Wow, Sherrey, “exquisitely choreographed” sounds great! So glad you enjoyed “sitting around and chatting” about the Memoir Revolution. Thanks for stopping by!