Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
” Silence is creativity’s best friend, and solitude is refreshment for our souls.” Naomi Judd
Author’s Note: This post is an adaptation of an interview that was originally presented on Dawn Herring’s blog, Your Authentic Refreshment on 6/28/13
You met writer and #JournalChat host Dawn Herring in her guest post last week, “Do You Recognize Your Authentic Voice?”.
Welcome back , Dawn!
Dawn is hosting a series on “My Authentic Refreshment” on her blog.
She defines Authentic Refreshment as “engaging in refreshment that is authentic to your personality, preferences, purpose in life, the kind that enables you to appreciate yourself, validate emotions and feelings, and nurture your soul.”
When Dawn asked to interview me about my “authentic refreshment”, I looked forward to taking the time from my busy schedule to explore the ways I incorporate authentic refreshment into my life.
Here’s what I said:
How I authentically refresh:
The three things that come to mind when I think about what charges my batteries, adds positive energy, inspires and helps me keep a fresh perspective are: Prayer, Journaling and Positive Visualization.
This excerpt from my second work-in-progress memoir Hope Matters: A Memoir of Faith, reveals my prayer roots and ways I have used positive visualization:
As a “cradle Catholic” I was brought up with all the traditions and ceremonies of the Roman Catholic faith; so prayer has always been a part of my life. My faith slowly matured from a religion to a spiritual journey where I felt God’s presence in a personal way. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in 1996 that I sought and found an even deeper relationship with God that sustains me in my times of trial. Journaling and positive visualization also added to my authentic refreshment in a meaningful way, especially during this cancer journey.
“On December 19, 1996, worsening shortness of breath and a dry cough had precipitated an early morning trip to the emergency room. As I was pacing near my stretcher, waiting
for the results of the CT scan of my chest, realizing something serious was happening, I cried out in desperation,
‘Dear God, please give me the strength to do whatever it is I need to do for this is the battle of my life and for my life.
A peace beyond understanding flowed over me and stayed with me throughout my eventual diagnosis of Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and my two-year treatment course which included chemotherapy, radiation and a peripheral-stem cell transplant. I allowed myself to be open to accepting help from others–meals, gifts, prayers. God had answered my plea to “do whatever I need to do” to fight the battle.”
Throughout my treatment, I journaled my feelings and worked on positive visualizations. On March 17, 1998–Ash Wednesday–the night before being admitted to New England Medical Center in Boston for a peripheral stem-cell transplant, I wrote a list of twelve positive visualizations: attend my friend’s wedding in May, visit my friends in Wisconsin and Missouri during the summer dance at my niece’s wedding with hair in October, etc. I even leafed through an LL Bean catalogue and ordered out an outfit–denim shorts and a gingham blouse in my normal size–that I visualized wearing in the summer.
And every single visualization came true.
Here’s the specific process I use to prepare for effective positive visualization:
Finding a quiet, distraction-free space and time to think and journal, playing soothing background music to get in the mood, taking a hot bath in a darkened bathroom with a lit candle, prayer time and playing the piano.
A list I created and visualized during my illness:
My anxiety and sense of vulnerability–fear of the unknown–over traveling to Boston to start the process of my peripheral stem-cell transplant prompted this list. I wrote these visualizations in my journal while sitting in the hotel room the night before my scheduled appointment at the medical center where I was to discuss the details of the procedure with the transplant RN, see the Oncologist who would do a bone marrow biopsy, see the Cardiologist who would make recommendations since previous chemotherapy had damaged my heart. The visualizations helped me to center my thoughts on the positive rather than the myriad of potential negative outcomes. It worked!
The frequency of my authentic refreshment:
Positive visualization, prayer and journaling helped me to tap into positive energy during a time when my prognosis was uncertain. It worked so well that I have made it a part of my daily routine. I try to journal daily, even if it is jotting a few thoughts down, but I usually pick up my journal when I need to reflect on my feelings or reactions to something that has happened.
My preference for refreshing– solitude versus sharing with a group:
Often times positive visualization, prayer and journaling are solitary activities, but any of these can be shared when it feels right. I did have an experience while undergoing chemotherapy that steered me away from sharing temporarily. I had attended one meeting of a cancer support group facilitated by the staff at the cancer treatment center. My expectation was that I might not feel so alone if I talked with other cancer patients. The exact opposite happened. I felt dragged down by the negative energy and pessimism in the group. I wanted to focus my limited energies on the hope of survival not the despair of the diagnosis. I never went back.
Ways I enjoy and sometimes experience surprising benefits of my authentic refreshment:
All three authentic refreshment activities I have engaged in have grounded me by offering self-awareness, solace and clarity. Sometimes I have been surprised by an insight or recognition of a pattern. Often it has helped me sort out and frame my thoughts. And we are what we say we are, even if we have to “fake it til we make it” initially!
Engagement provides me with validation of emotions and feelings:
My authentic refreshment provides a safe and sacred place to pour out my deepest feelings and needs.I do not need to worry what others may think or deal with their responses. I can feel free to unload it on the page. Then when I read it back, it may take on a different shape than when it was grinding away inside me. Somehow labeling a feeling feels validating and empowering.
When I can identify what I’m feeling, I can decide on actions I may need to take.
Nourishment of the soul is also a benefit:
These activities help me to get in touch with myself. I am taking time out of a busy day to pay attention to what I am thinking and feeling. I am honoring myself as I would honor a best friend or someone I love. This helps me get in touch with what I need to nourish my own soul–reinforcing healthy boundaries, helping me embrace my unique humanness, and helping me stay connected to what matters most.
How my authentic refreshment personally empowers me:
By reaffirming my values and beliefs, I can act with more confidence. By being clear on my own feelings and boundaries, I can offer the same to others–allow for differences and respect each other’s differences. It reminds me of a quote (author unknown), “You can’t meet the needs of others if your own needs aren’t met.”
A final word for others looking for their authentic refreshment:
Learn to trust your feelings. Stop, listen and take time every day to get in touch with yourself and your needs. Find a way that works for you to learn about yourself and honor your own story.
How about you? Have you found your authentic refreshment in your life?
I’d love to hear from you. The comment malfunction has been fixed so please leave your comments below
Announcement: Congratulations, Mary Beth Coudal! Your name was selected in a random drawing of commenters to receive Dawn’s e-book, The Birthday Wall: Create a Collage to Celebrate Your Child.
Wednesday, July 17: I will be posting a review of Donald Dempsey’s riveting new memoir, Betty’s Child as part of a Wow! Women on Writing Book Tour. A copy of the memoir will be given to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing of commenters.
Kathy, we’re so blessed that you survived — thrived! — such a scary diagnosis and treatment! My late dad, you’ll recall, suffered three years with esophagus cancer, and he wasn’t as “lucky” as you. I don’t think his proclivity toward worry helped; nor did his scientific nature. In fact, he told me he envied me my Faith — how I wished I could have shared some of it with him, to help him on his path!
Yes, we’re more than just a body. We’re spiritual beings, too, and as such, we need to plug in often to our Creator. You’re wise to have drawn strength from prayer for your journey!
Aww, Debbie, thanks. It was my Faith that gave me strength for the battle and nurtured my hope in returning to health. I believe that Faith is a gift which continues to give me strength and hope. As always, I appreciate you stopping by to share your own faith story and for your ongoing support on my journey.
Kathy,
Your illness and recovery, which deepened your relationship to God, is giving you strength now to help others heal. Many blessings.
I hope that you will continue to visualize. I can see, for example, your readers sitting next to a window in an easy chair reading your story with tears in their eyes and determination in their hearts.
Shirley, the gift of perspective gained through getting on the other side of a cancer diagnosis has helped me to understand the challenges of a life-threatening illness in a way no textbook could. It certainly fine-tuned my sensitivity to the wide range of feelings experienced.
And you have given me a gift in your visualization of my reader. It will power me through my final stages of editing. Thank you so much and thank you also for stopping by and continuing to inspire me in my journey.
Blessings,
Kathy
Kathy, I found myself visualizing positives for my day as I read this post. You have found unique ways to refresh in the midst of crisis as well as your busy life. Your words in response to “My preference for refreshing” resonated with me. By nature, I’m a very solitary soul. Works well for a writer! But on many fronts, I do better refreshing, whether in prayer or reading God’s Word, on my own. Negative feelings from others about their situations will definitely bring me down, and that is not refreshing. For some reason, journalling has never come easy to me, and I envy those for whom it works.
That you survived Hodgkins’ lymphoma is a sure testament to the fact that your choices of refreshing have worked for you. And for us, it is a gift of your life to be among us, teaching us and sharing with us your many gifts and talents.
Dear Sherrey,
Your sharing here brings to mind that connecting with others can be another form of authentic refreshment, along with solitude. I appreciate your ongoing support and generosity. I actually had a crisis this week on the very day this was posted and ended up attending a week-long silent retreat. I have been able to put prayer, positive visualization and journaling into high gear with positive results. It’s so important for each of us to find our own sources of refreshing so when life decides to throw us a few curve balls, we have a plan in place for taking care of ourselves. Thank you so much , as always, for stopping by and sharing from your heart.
Blessings,
Kathy
Kathy, This is beautiful. I love how you are able to visualize and hold true to what it right and true for you through using your faith. It fascinates me and this is exactly what Dr. Wayne Dyer speaks to in regards to focusing through visualization with a positive outcome. Thoughts are so incredibly powerful.
I agree that finding quiet time to sit and listen to what is going on inside is so important. Though I think many times others don’t do this for fear of what they may hear. I know this, as I’ve been there before. But sometimes it takes hitting that breaking point – for you your cancer diagnoses – that we finally come down to the heart of it and really, the simplicity of it – as well as what truly matters. How can this not bring out our authentic selves, right? It has been my experience.
I think learning to trust our feelings is so important, but not only that, but allowing ourselves to move through those feelings – this is what leads to authenticity and healing.
Thanks, Barbara. Everything you’ve mentioned reminds me of the message you convey in your memoir Through Frankie’s Eyes We all have our own ways of finding what really matters which lead us to authenticity and healing. Thank you so much for stopping by to share your thoughts.