A guest post by Carol Bodensteiner/@CABodensteiner posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“No moment fully realized is truly mundane.” – Shirley Showalter
I am very happy to feature Carol Bodensteiner in this guest post on why mundane matters in memoir writing. Carol and I met through Sonia Marsh’s Gutsy Indie Publisher Facebook group .
When I read her memoir, Growing Up Country:Memories of an Iowa Farm Girl, I was mesmerized by her ability to weave such a delightful tale from her day-to-day life on a farm. I asked Carol to describe how she turned mundane into magic in her memoir.
My book reviews are on Amazon and Goodreads.
Welcome , Carol!
“Sorry, but no. We need a character in conflict.” That’s what I heard from publishers when I sent out the manuscript of my memoir, a collection of stories about growing up on a family farm in the middle of the country, in the middle of the 20th Century. If I wasn’t running with sharp tools or dusting off ashes, my collection of everyday stories was deemed not commercially viable.
Because I was one of the lucky ones who had a happy childhood, there simply was no character in conflict. I was left wondering if my memoir could be successful, if anyone other than my mother would read it. I gulped and elected to publish independently, prepared for Growing Up Country: Memories of an Iowa Farm Girl to wind up being what it started out to be – a reminiscence of the mundane events that comprised my childhood, a collection of stories about my family, of interest to only my family.
Imagine my surprise and delight when time and again readers thanked me for writing these simple stories. They told me things like: “You told my story,” “You could have been living in our house,” “I’ve thought about writing about my life, but now I don’t need to; your stories are my stories!”
In the course of doing countless book talks at libraries, for book clubs, women’s groups, and bank clubs, I’ve become an advocate for preserving everyday stories. Most of us don’t spend our lives climbing Mount Everest or finding a cure for cancer. Most of us spend our days getting food on the table, getting the kids off to school, doing the laundry, earning an honest living. We live good, simple lives, and here’s the thing: Those good, simple lives are valuable. These simple, everyday actions bind us together as human beings, as a society.
When I ask my audiences if they’ve written or thought about writing their own stories, invariably someone will say something like, “I couldn’t write a book. I haven’t done anything special. Nobody would care.” I encourage them to write their stories regardless. Maybe the stories will be just for them, helping them put some meaning to their own lives. More likely, those stories will mean everything to a child or grandchild. Some might even make it to book form. If writing is beyond them, I suggest telling the stories into an audio or video recorder or simply sitting with someone in their family and talking.
I give tips to trigger memories:
- Go back to the place they grew up. Place triggers powerful memories
- Look at old pictures. But I urge them to be like Paul Harvey and go beyond who’s in the picture to tell “the rest of the story.” Why do they like that particular picture so much? What does that picture remind them of?
- Play music from the time.
- Stroll through an antique store and see what stories pop to mind.
When they do write, I urge them not to worry about grammar or sentence structure or spelling or how long it is. Just write. Write the first thing that comes to mind and then write what that makes them think of, because one memory leads to another. Always.
The genesis of my memoir was talking with my parents about their lives. The jobs Dad had during the Depression. Mom’s experiences teaching in one-room schools. How it was to start their farming lives on a farm with no electricity and no indoor plumbing. Each story they told, triggered a memory in me. Those memories became my memoir.
During book talks, I tell a few stories of our farm but leave plenty of time for the audience members to talk. Because it’s the same for my audiences as it was for me. One memory leads to another. All I have to do is toss a traumatic chicken story into the crowd and watch the memories fly!
When I wrote my stories, I was writing my life. Little did I know I was also writing for others who grew up in rural areas. In writing my mundane stories, I affirmed their lives.
***
Thank you , Carol for sharing how your everyday memories became your memoir and for showing us how storytelling helps us all to connect with one another. You have turned the mundane into magic!
Carol Bodensteiner – Bio
Carol Bodensteiner is a writer who finds inspiration in the places, people, culture and history of the Midwest. After a successful career in public relations consulting, she turned to creative writing. She writes regularly for The Iowan magazine www.iowan.com blogs about writing, her prairie, gardening, and whatever in life interests her at the moment at www.carolbodensteiner.com She published her memoir GROWING UP COUNTRY in 2008 as a paperback and as an ebook in 2011. She’s working on her first novel, historical fiction set during World War I.
Website/blog http://www.carolbodensteiner.com
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Growing Up Country: Memories of an Iowa Farm Girl is available in paperback and ebook forms from Amazon
How about you? What everyday memories can you resurrect that can turn into a memoir? What magic can you weave out of the mundane?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Carol has graciously offered to give a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
Announcement: Congratulations to Rhonda Baker, Nancy Stephan and Debbie Pierce. Your names were selected in a random drawing to receive free e-books version of Pubslush’s debut title, a beautiful mess by Ali Berlinski!
Next Week: “A Tribute to a Father’s Love: A Memoir Moment”
Dear Kathy,
Thank you for all you put into the (writer’s) world. Many days your posts give me stamina to start my day. Smiles…
Dear Carol,
Your interview sparked a chord. My co-authors and I have a self-published book on the market. At the first and only push for our book, we neglected to invite the audience to ask questions.
Thank you for your insights. I am looking forward to reading your memoir.
Jan
There have been many pushes for our book and I don’t even know if questions were posed…kudos to our group…
Shows I shouldn’t post comments before 8:a.m.
Have a great day, everyone.
Jan
Maybe it’s the nature of memoir – or maybe it’s the nature of my memoir – but sharing stories makes the book talks more interesting for the audiences and for me. I’ve heard some of the most amazing tales. Thanks for being the early bird commentator, Jan!
Carol, Your comment reminds me how much our simple stories matter. Thank you so much for your wonderful post as well as for highlighting memoir writing tips. I loved your memoir and your stories are still with me. You even made ironing seem intriguing!
Thanks for inviting me to your blog, Kathy. I’m glad you enjoyed the stories in my memoir. I still get out the iron now and again. I must say I’m glad I don’t have to iron so often as we did on the farm!
it’s my pleasure to feature you this week, Carol. I’m glad I don’t have to compete in an ironing contest but it was a fun story to read about:-)
Good Morning , Jan! Thanks for jumping right in to comment. I’m so happy you enjoyed Carol’s post and memoir writing tips. You will love Growing Up Country It echoes the tone of living everyday life that Slants of Life highlights. The simple stories matter and are universal to the human experience. Best wishes to you and The Women’s Writing Circle on getting the word out. I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂
This looks like a book I would really enjoy reading because even though I didn’t grow up on a farm, I grew up in the Midwest in a farming community. I chuckled as I read Carol’s memory triggering tips for I followed all of them when I wrote my memoir. It is so true, we all have a story to tell.
Pat, I guarantee, you will love Carol’s memoir ( and I didn’t grow up on a farm either). And I agree her memoir writing tips are spot-on for capturing those simple moments. Your memoir, Home Sweet Hardwood achieves the same magic by inviting us into your everyday life in a way we can relate. Thanks so much for stopping by!
If you grew up in a Midwest farming community, Pat, you probably absorbed the culture even if you didn’t live on a farm. I’ve had readers tell me that’s true, anyway. Thanks for affirming the memory triggers!
What a fun surprise to find myself quoted at the beginning of this post. Thanks, Kathy!
I love Growing Up Country and have been following Carol’s progress as an excellent writer online. I highly recommend her work.
Despite what they usually say in New York, there are huge numbers of readers who want happy stories and who want their own mundane lives to transform in front of them. A good writer makes this possible.
I smiled to read this post because I’ve been having a dialogue with readers about Amish fiction on my blog this week. Some of the same issues come up in that genre also. But not all the writers are as deft as Carol.
I loved your quote, Shirley. You went right to the heart of things! Thank you for your kind words about my writing. I blush! I enjoyed your blog about Amish fiction and am eager to read your memoir!
Shirley, I love that Carol chose your wise words to highlight her message! I agree that Carol’s writing draws us into her everyday stories in a delightful way. It’s so interesting that the publishers say you need conflict to sell your story when,in fact, the readers tell us otherwise. Simple, everyday life holds its own appeal as evidenced by the popularity of Carol’s story and your own stories of Mennonite/Amish life. Connecting with simplicity is refreshing in the midst of all the chaos surrounding us. I eagerly await the launch of your memoir, Blush . Thanks, as always, for stopping by and sharing your perspective .
They say conflict, but I think they really mean EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. Writing about the sweet daily things that brought comfort and balance and meaning to daily life can form strong emotional connection perhaps beyond what conflict and stress reports possibly can.
Sometimes I want hot enchilada, sometimes I want peanut butter. To me, both are comfort food, but they serve different purposes, and when I want peanut butter, don’t talk to me about chili. Most books I read fall into one or the other of those categories, and it sounds as if Growing Up Country is peanut butter.
Carol, your book is still in my “reading bucket,” but rising to the top. I’ve been reading and living hot chili lately, and it’s time for some soothing, satisfying peanut butter.
Sharon , only you could turn the “blah” of hot enchiladas and peanut butter into something “brilliant” 🙂
I don’t think there’s a peanut butter reference in Growing Up Country, Sharon, but there could be. Peanut butter on saltines was a favorite after-school snack.
We’ll welcome you on the farm when you’re ready to kick back and relax.
Isn’t it wonderful to meet other authors through Facebook groups, etc. Thanks Kathy for mentioning “Gutsy Indie Publishers.” Carol, like you I had a wonderful childhood with loving parents, and not much drama or conflict. The only difference is I grew up in Nigeria, West Africa, until age six, and then moved to Paris. I was just there and followed Kathy’s advice: to interviewimy 88-year-old dad about his life in Africa, and his teenage years in a camp in France during WWII. I finally managed to get him to agree to a one and a half hour interview on my “flip” video camera, so I could share his stories with my 3 sons. My problem is I don’t think I could write about my life as a child in Africa, or my parents’ life in sufficient detail, with scenes, dialogue, etc., to turn it into an interesting memoir. I just don’t have enough information or memory to make it fascinating. I wish I did. Suggestions? Thanks.
Sonia, I’m so glad you interviewed your father. How about reviewing the video and doing a free-write in a journal, looking at childhood pictures –following Carol’s writing tips. I’ll bet there’s a treasure trove of memories to uncover just through the interview. After I interviewed my father, I didn’t write much about it but in time the stories have resurfaced. I think the stories that need to be told will reveal themselves to you. I would love to hear about his life in Africa or about his teenage years in a camp in France in WWII. Your Gutsy Indie Publisher Facebook Group is a marvelous resource and friendly hangout for writers!
How lucky that you got your dad to do that interview, Sonia! You and your sons have a true treasure. Actually I do have a suggestion about whether you have enough memories to make a memoir. Just start writing without worrying about what the end will be. You may ultimately remember more than you realize. As you write, your memories will likely spur something else you will ask your dad and that will trigger more of his memories. One thing leads to another. Write down every memory, no matter how small. I think lots of people don’t start writing because they don’t think they have enough. And maybe they don’t. But what they do get will be precious. And maybe they do have enough. You never know. Until you write!
“Just start _writing_ without worrying about what the end will be.”
Oh, yes indeed. Thank you for this.
How easy it can be to limit ourselves before we start, to edit our words before we’ve put even one onto paper, to let the “if onlys” of life be our ticket to passivity, (You’ve just given me my next needlepoint project. Wouldn’t this make a great wall hanging? If only your name were shorter. 🙂 and
to stop ourselves because we may not do it perfectly. It’s the paralysis of perfection. So good to be reminded, yet again.
Love the idea, Janet. I used to do quite a bit of counted cross stitching. I reduced my name to the initials.
Thank you for reminding us that snippets of everyday life are so important to the bigger picture of our lives. For starters, I miss writing and receiving letters — I have hundreds from my parents who are deceased and letters from my father’s service in WWII in Germany. I love reading them because they are comforting. Strife and discord in writing can move a story along, but nothing compares to taking the simple and making it sing. I will keep these tips in mind when I write.
Welcome, Gwen! It’s nice to meet you.Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment on Carol’s post. I’m sure those letters from your parents are gold nuggets of a time gone by as well a way to stay connected. “Taking the simple and letting it sing” certainly captures the essence of Carol’s post. I visited your website @ http://writingwithinsight.com and enjoyed reading about the ways you help others to improve their health by offering “creative , clear words to feel better.” Best wishes, Kathy
You’re welcome, Gwen. I, too, miss letters. I have a handful of letters written in the early 1900s by my great grandmother to the man who would become my grandfather. Beyond the day-to-day happenings of their lives, the letters show great personality and strength of will. I treasure them. I’m glad you found the tips helpful.
Excellent post, Kathy, as always…write on!
AND…I won a copy of A Beautiful Mess, can’t wait to read it as well as Growing Up Country.
Thank you!
Thanks, Rhonda! Congratulations on winning a beautiful mess. Enjoy both memoirs. Yes, write on!
Carol’s book is one of my favorite memoirs. I’m a Midwestern gal but knew little about farming life. I loved the book because I learned something and because the stories are sweet and happy. I’d love to read Sonia’s little stories about growing up in other countries. I think Carol’s secret for making the mundane so good to read is because it teaches about life and culture in a different time and setting, and each story wraps up well. By Shirley’s comments, others besides me enjoy pleasant reads.
Thank you, Linda. I am honored by your comments!
Kathy, thank you for introducing us to Carol. And Carol, thank you for such a delightful interview! I’ve long thought the simple, everyday stories are worth capturing. Most of us, thankfully, don’t grow up with abusive parents or sing at Carnegie Hall when we’re three years old! Yet we’ve grown up in the best of times, a time that needs to be preserved. I have a poet friend who beautifully captures that time in her own life. No, she hasn’t seen her work published and residing on the NY Times Bestseller List, but it’s self-published — and gives pleasure to countless people who lived a similar life.
Hi Debbie, I’m so happy you enjoyed meeting Carol and hearing about her everyday stories. You bring up a very important point about the value of preserving our stories for our own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others, despite not making it on the NYT Bestseller list. Amen! Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your poet friend’s experience, Debbie. When I wrote my stories, I expected they’d only be for the enjoyment of my family, something my grandchildren might get a kick out of reading someday. Still no NY Times best seller list in my future, but like your friend, I’ve been delighted to connect with so many others who lived similar lives and who enjoy remembering the happy times.
Carol,
Memoir equals memories, whether they’re amusing, mundane, unpleasant or downright traumatic. I have no idea why publishers assume that the public is desperate for sensationalism, or that it is the only quality that sells.
Thank goodness for ordinary people, everyday events, and earthly lives.
Here, here, Belinda! There does seem to be a sense that if it’s not traumatic, it can’t be a good story. When I began writing my memoir, I was inspired by Haven Kimmel’s book “A Girl Named Zippy – Growing Up Small in Mooreland Indiana.” Another story of simple everyday life that no one could call dull. I still aspire to write character descriptions as well as Kimmel does.
It’s always great to see you here, Belinda and to hear your seasoned perspective. I agree, how silly to assume all readers crave sensationalism vs simple, ordinary stories we all can relate to. We all want to find our own stories in the stories of others. Thanks for stopping by!
Carol, I’ve been following you for awhile, lurking in the shadows. I discovered you through Kathy, I’m sure. (thank you, Kathy, once again). This post and the resulting comments sound as close to a coffee klatch around the kitchen table as I’ve found on the Internet, and I’m loving it.
I logged back on tonight just to leave a comment for you and got so caught up in the comments and the replies to the comments …. that I’ve now forgotten my original thoughts. It’s probably been the most fun I’ve had not posting, ever.
I find it enormously refreshing to watch this pushing out of the traditional gatekeepers to the publishing inner circle as a new wave of populism takes hold. Power to the people, as we once said.
Now I need to find a copy of your book.
I’m delighted you came out of the shadows, Janet. It’s a pleasure to have you join us at the coffee katch! A perfect description for both this conversation and the way information was shared in our farm community. Kathy hosts a very friendly get together.
So lovely that you have come from the shadows to join our “coffee klatch”, Janet…precisely what I want to happen 🙂 Carol has certainly generated some interesting and enjoyable conversation here. I , too, love the idea of catering to the readers, “the new wave of populism” as you say. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Carol, thanks for sharing the ordinariness of your growing up. In losing the ordinariness of life, we’ve also lost many other things like sharing our stories or writing letters, as someone else mentioned. Both are sparkling gems when used to enhance our lives by the sharing of what we’re thinking, doing, planning, just living. Your book brings all that goodness to life once again.
Kathy, how many times can I say thank you for bringing so much to our writing lives with the guests you host and with your commitment to not only writing but sharing knowledge.
Thanks for joining the discussion, Sherrey. The subject of letters has come up a lot lately. I treasure the handful of letters written in the early 1900s by my great grandmother to her future son in law. They could not be more “everyday,” but they’re full of place and personality. The emails we send now are so disposable. What will we remember of everyday life?
Hi Sherrey, I appreciate your comments about the value of sharing the “ordinariness” of our lives as Carol does so well in her memoir. And I agree that,, sadly, letter writing has become a lost art. As far as how many times you can thank me–we have such an awesome community here and the opportunities to highlight each other’s work are endless. I’m honored to a part of such a talented, supportive group of people and to pay forward all I have learned from you all. Thank YOU for your ongoing support and encouragement.:-)
Dear Carol,
So many of us get rejected by agents and publishers because our stories are too normal or we are not celebrities. I’m so glad you were persistent. That you have readers who can readily relate to your story and your happy normal life is the best response an author can receive. Congratulations.
And thank you, Kathy, for introducing Carol to us.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Madeline. I’m happy you enjoyed meeting Carol!
Thank you, Madeline. Reader reaction has certainly validated my stories, my writing, and my life. I try to pay it forward by encouraging others to write down their “everyday life” stories. You just never know what the impact will be.
Thank you, Carol and Kathy for a lovely post and a reminder that we find the extraordinary in the ordinary. My review of Carol’s memoir on Amazon and Goodreads says it all. And, Carol, I look forward to your guest post on the Women’s Writing Circle which is coming up in a couple weeks as you and I share much in our writing . . . finding in the everyday the universal stories of our lives. and a message that resonates with readers.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting,Susan. It’s nice seeing you and Carol connecting to reinforce the importance of sharing our everyday stories that have universal appeal. I’ll look forward to her guest post on your Women’s Writing Circle blog.
Thanks, Susan. Even in the ordinary moments of our lives there is the opportunity to find strong connections with society. I look forward to talking more about that in the near future at the Women’s Writing Circle.
Hi Kathy, thanks for introducing Carol and her book. Hi Carol. I’m looking forward to reading your book!!! I agree there is so much richness in everyday living. The skills required to do all that work are not necessarily easy. Talk about stamina… Adding my cheers for letter writing the old fashioned way. I still do it with four women-one does not have a computer and works in domestic service, two are in war countries (through Women for Women International). The other is a maternal aunt on the farm back in the Midwest. The women of that generation have names like Olive, Hazel, Bertha, and Mildred. 🙂 Much love, Sue.
I know you’ll enjoy Carol’s memoir, Sue. Thanks for sharing your letter writing connections with the four women. You must have some fantastic stories from them! Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Ooops! Sorry, Sue. I addressed my first answer to Kathy. The discussion of letter writing got me going so I blogged about that this week on my own site at carolbodensteiner.com. There’s so much value in those letters.
Kathy – What a treasure to be sharing letters with women around the world. My guess is all of you women are sharing stories that are both ordinary and extraordinary. A special hello to your aunt who’s still on a Midwest farm! Love the names. My mother and aunts were Ruby, Joyce, Esther, and Wilma.