A Guest Post by Andrea Lewis/@dredrelew
“Whatever it takes to break your heart and wake you up is grace”Mark Matousek, Sex Death Enlightenment: A True Story
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Andrea Lewis in this guest post on finding self-love. I can’t think of a better time to discuss self-love than during the week of Valentine’s Day.
Andrea and I met during a #JournalChatLive on Twitter with host Dawn Herring. We have been following one another ever since. Her memoir is filled with drama, emotional turmoil and an inspiration to never give up. Here are my reviews of Andrea’s memoir, Dramaville is Not a Place;It’s a State of Mind on Amazon, Goodreads and Smashwords.
Welcome , Andrea!
The last thing I need to let go of is my job.
This was my journal entry on August, 15, 2010. I was having a week from hell at the Office and I was completely fed up, not only in my professional life but my personal life.
I had just spent the last three years in a toxic relationship that regurgitated my past. It resulted in me severing ties with the guy as well as with my family. I “thought” I had finally tossed my emotional baggage to the curb.
Yet I was still unhappy.
Two weeks later after my journal entry, I was meditating and I heard a whisper: you need to write your story. I was not exactly thrilled about it and I vowed that there was no way, no how I was going to exhume the past again.
But God works in mysterious ways.
Shortly after my epiphany I had some friends over and one of my friends randomly said, “I think you should write a book.” The following day something within me awakened and my muse came to life.
I had no outline or even any idea what exactly I was going to write about my story. I just happened to start in the middle of my life and from that point on, the words kept flowing and I was flooded with a slew of memories.
What I did not anticipate was how my life turned topsy-turvy. The Office politics seemed amplified, long-standing friendships were being rattled, and I was being stalked by my ex-boyfriend. I was physically, mentally and spiritually drained.
The past thirty-nine years of my roller-coaster life was finally catching up to me and months into writing my memoir, I went on stress-leave from my job.
It was time for me to heal from the self-destructive path I had been on that included a cycle with broken relationships, partying, excessive drinking and binge eating.
I also confronted my childhood trauma of sexual and physical abuse I endured at the hands of my half-brother. I revisited my brother’s suicide as well as unresolved issues from my divorce.
But I didn’t do it alone.
Thankfully I had regular appointments with my therapist and weekly coffee dates with a friend. I journaled daily, I meditated, practiced yoga and walked outdoors in nature. I also screamed in frustration, cried and punched pillows in order to channel the intense emotions I experienced.
Though therapeutic, there were numerous times I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. I believed in healing myself, I was going to help others by sharing my story. Most importantly I learned some very valuable lessons: self-love, self-acceptance and to take responsibility for my life, instead of blaming others for my unhappiness.
In the end, I stopped trying to escape from the woman looking back at me in the mirror and found my one true love. It was me all along.
All I had to do was love me and honor my soul.
Dramaville may be ordered here.
Giveaway: The name of a random commenter will be picked to win a free copy of Andrea’s memoir Dramaville on Sunday 2/17. The winner will be notified via email.
Biography
Andrea Lewis is the founder of Independently Fine, a website offering motivational quotes geared to empowering women and for men who embrace them.
She has guest blogged her story on the Spirited Woman website and her inspirational message has been featured in the Wild Sister e-magazine.
Andrea Lewis lives in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Connect with Andrea at http://www.andreamlewis.com, on Twitter@dredrelew, Andrea Lewis-Author Facebook page, Pinterest,Goodreads.
Thank you , Andrea, for sharing how writing your memoir has helped you to find your one true love, yourself. Your story inspires us all to write our way to self-love. I also appreciate how journaling through your experiences helped you get started on writing your story.
On this Valentine’s Day, 2013, may we all take a lead from Andrea and find our own self-love.
How about you? Has writing helped you to understand, accept and and love yourself?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This Week: I’m also over at Belinda Nicoll’s blog My Rite of Passage with a guest post on her “Finding the Gist of Your Story Series: My Memoir-In -Progress”
Next Week: “Preserving My Dad’s Stories: A Memoir Moment”
Kathy, thanks so much for the opportunity to write a guest blog for your community. I look forward to the comments.
Regards,
-Andrea
Andrea, It is a pleasure to feature you and your positive message of finding self-love. I’m looking forward to the conversation!
Thanks, Kathy, for introducing us to Andrea. Andrea, thanks so much for sharing your story — what a powerful one it is! My late father used to say, What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I suspect that’s true. Fiction is my preferred genre, but I can see how revisiting the past (while something you didn’t especially want to do) was beneficial in your healing. If we can’t love ourselves, we really can’t love any others.
My pleasure, Debbie. I’m so glad you enjoyed Andrea’s post and I totally agree that we need to love ourselves first before we can can love others as well as your dear Dad’s wise words, “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Andrea shows that very well in her memoir as well as in her post. Thanks, as always, for stopping by. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Debbie, thanks so much for your feedback. I can definitely attest that your father’s wise words ring true for me. It has been a long and arduous journey no doubt. There is nothing in the world like self-love, it’s complete bliss.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Andrea, Dramaville looks like a fascinating read. I admire your courage in overcoming so much. Like you, I too, have written my way through many hard times. Good luck on your journey.
Pat, thanks for your words of encouragement. Even though writing my memoir was not easy, I found it extremely therapeutic. Maybe you can relate. All the best on your journey and happy Valentine’s day.
Hi, Andrea. I love the title of your book. It sounds intriguing, and I am glad that you found healing in the process of writing your story. Writing my memoir helped me heal, too. I don’t think we truly know ourselves or understand the effect that abuse has on us until we write through all that has happened and find the connections. Good luck to you, and God bless you.
Hi Libbye, thanks for your feedback. I’m glad that you also found healing. Yes I agree, I didn’t know the extent of the damage the abuse had me and as grueling as it was to write. A weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Take care and God Bless1
Kathy, you always bring in the stories of these inspiring women. Piece of work! I take courage to stand up against the odds as I get inspired by the writers like you and Andrea. She makes a point: Love yourself first. We all go through mental hardships and learn and fall and get up back again–never to fall again.
I certainly would like to read Dramaville. I wish all the best to both of you.
I agree, Smita. Andrea inspires us all to find self-love through our own stories. Yes, stand tall during the hardships and keep moving onward! Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Smita, I’m so glad to be an inspiration and you’re absolutely right, it’s about moving forward no matter what. Take care.
Thank you Kathy for introducing Andrea! Andrea, thank you for writing your important book. Congratulations! Your courage will help others tell their story and to reach out through the writing journey. All the best, Sue
HI Sue, It’s great to see you again. I’m glad you enjoyed Andrea’s post. Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Sue, Thanks so much for your feedback. I do hope that others will tell their story. It’s how we all gain strength. Take care.
Andrea,
It’s amazing how we learn that the only friend we can really count on is our own self. We are responsible for making good things happen, and I do think that it takes time to learn that by taking responsibility for our own happiness, we can change other people’s attitudes as well as our own. I am happy for you. Congratulations.
HI Sonia,
Thanks for your wonderful feedback and encouragement. It did take some time to realize that I was the only one responsible for my happiness. I definitely had lots of reminders. Take care.
Excellent post, Andrea! Oh, how I could relate to what you wrote: “Most importantly I learned some very valuable lessons: self-love, self-acceptance and to take responsibility for my life, instead of blaming others for my unhappiness.”
For me “blaming others for my unhappiness” really struck a chord and I recall a job I no longer wanted to be in- and how I kept blaming the job and those around me in that environment– when all along it was my soul calling out to me– trying to help me break free and be me.
I’m so happy you broke free and found your way to writing your story– it will absolutely touch the lives it needs to. Bravo!!
Thanks Barbara! It is easy to blame people-places-things but your soul always knows what’s best for you. All we need to do is listen. Take care.
Thank you so much Kathy for sharing Andrea and her heartfelt story with us. I love the list of things she did to work through her book and heal herself and her attitude. Andrea is truly an inspiration to us all. Congratulations.
Hi Madeline, I appreciate your comments and agree Andrea inspires us all through her story of triumph over hardships. Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Madeline, thanks for your comment. I am glad to be an inspiration. Take care.
You are a gutsy woman to write of your past and the “drama” that pursued you. Your ability to face up to your past and deal with all the garbage that bound you to that past is to be applauded. Writing opens the window of our soul so we can gain understanding of current behavior and self loathing. Facing these demons can free our soul and bring empowerment and an ability to love ourselves as we see the joy of acceptance and self worth.
Hi Kathy, thanks for your encouragement. I definitely agree that writing really opened up my soul and though it was not easy at times, it was worth it. I’m finally at peace.
Andrea, thanks for sharing how you found self-love and your bigger story, your memoir. I’m well aware how painful it is to write through the hard memories in our lives, but I firmly believe writing is one of the best healers for the tough times in our memories. Appreciate your taking the time to point us in the direction of loving ourselves — something I need to do more of.
Kathy, thanks for introducing me to Andrea and her work. Dramaville sounds like a memoir worth reading!
Sherrey, it’s so nice to have you back! I agree, Andrea’s message of finding self-love is an important reminder for all of us. Her memoir, Dramaville is an engaging and inspirational read. Thanks so much for stopping by.
Hi Sherrey, I’m glad to share my story. I do agree that writing is the best healers, I found it extremely therapeutic. Self-love is a daily commitment. It’s important to be compassionate with ourselves. Take care.
Kathy, you’ve scored again with another inspiring transformation story. Andrea, bravo for not giving up. Your strength is amplified in the telling, and you’ll never know how many lives are changed as a result, but I do believe the number will be huge. Congratulations on bringing this wrenching project to completion!
Thanks, Sharon. I agree, this is such an important and heart-wrenching topic and Andrea shows us in such an honest and graceful way how she achieved self-love both in her memoir and in this post. I love your statement “Your strength is amplified in the telling.” Therein lies the transformational power of memoir! Thanks for stopping by, as always, and adding your thought-provoking perspective to the conversation.
Hi Sharon, thanks for your encouragement and support. “Your strength is amplified in the telling” really resonated with me. True, when I acknowledged my past, I definitely evolved as a woman. Take care.
Dear Kathy and Andrea,
Thank you Kathy for creating the topic about learning to love ourselves, which includes self-forgiveness, I believe. Andrea, I especially appreciated the list of all the things you were doing to help to heal yourself, and that at times you were screaming and punching things! And that you shared the kinds of self care that you practiced. It is a long term practice to heal.
Yes, it’s so important to dig down and release these powerful feelings that we learn to bury, to break the silence around abuse. We lose our voice when we have to stay silent about abuse and the lost of self it creates.
This is the path of memoir writing–that I think all of us here value so much–the invitation to speak, to tell the truth. To release the past. Congratulations on your book!
As I read your comments,Linda Joy, I can’t help but reflect upon how they echo all the things you convey so powerfully in your updated version of Don’t Call Me Mother. You dug down deeply and found forgiveness for those who hurt you as well as for yourself. Both you and Andrea are showing us all about the gift of healing that comes when we are willing to face our hardships, “break the cycle of abuse” and share our healing. Indeed, you have both invited us all to speak, tell the truth and release our past. I’m so grateful for the sharing as it inspires me to do the same. I also appreciate your comment “it is a long term practice to heal.” Thank you so much for stopping by!
Dear Linda, thanks for your wonderful words of encouragement and support. I only found my voice when I started to write my story after many years of remaining silent. In the end, I found it very liberating to release the past, like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I also agree that healing is a long term practice. I don’t think anyone can ever get over the trauma of abuse. For me, I’ve learned to be compassionate with myself as I continue on my journey. Take care.
This memoir sounds familiar, like it is about my life. I can’t wait to read it…maybe even win a copy…thank you for such a great article.
Yes, Rhonda, Andrea does strike a universal chord through her story and I know you will enjoy reading Dramaville. Thanks for your comments!
Hi Rhonda, you are definitely not alone. Thanks for your feedback. Take care.
Not only do I respect you for writing so difficult a story, but I’m bowled over by the words you use and the connections you make.
Thinking the changes you’d made were sufficient, only to find politics at your job “amplified” really spoke to me, as did your writing that you were “flooded with a slew of memories.”
Thank you for sharing your brave story to inspire others who might have felt they were alone in their unhappy situation(s).
It’s so nice to see you here, Lynette. I appreciate your heartfelt comments and agree that Andrea’s brave sharing of her story has resonated for all of us. Thank you for stopping by!
Thanks so much for your feedback Lynette! I’m glad my story resonated with you. In writing my memoir and sharing my story, I too, also know that I am not alone. Take care.