Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
My journey to memoir has led me to self-discovery and healing. It has made me look at my life and understand the choices that have led me to the woman I am today. At 67, I look back at the young woman who made many self-defeating life decisions. In writing my story, I have learned to embrace my flaws and setbacks and forgive myself for the path I chose. For it is through this path that I ultimately found the joy and contentment I am experiencing today.
EVER FAITHFUL TO HIS LEAD helped me answer my own burning question:
How does a young woman from a loving, stable family make so many wise choices about career, yet so many poor choices about love that she ends up escaping with her children in the middle of the day from a second abusive marriage?
Here’s my journey to memoir….
Writing a memoir is really hard work. It’s like having a homework assignment every day of your life.
It means showing up and getting in a writing zone where the words flow, or not. It means fighting your inner critic , facing rejection.
It means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and genuine, revisiting painful memories and gleaning the life lessons.
One word, one thought at a time. Like a huge jigsaw puzzle. You pour the pieces on the table, then begin sorting them Into a recognizable pattern.
But a memoir is not a string of vignettes–delightful and compelling as these stories may be. It’s a story with a takeaway. All those pieces of the puzzle need to be shaped into a narrative arc, with a theme, plot points, scenes, dialogue, sensory detail, dramatic tension, conflict and eventually resolution.
A story of transformation that will benefit the reader and connect them with their own transformation.
When I sent my manuscript to a developmental editor, her response was , “you have more than one memoir here.” I had poured my heart and soul into those pages and now I had to rethink the whole process.
I had to be the one to find my own story and once I found it, I had to claim it and honor it as the story I needed and wanted to tell. That took another few months to process. I set the manuscript aside and went off on my own to pout, grieve, stew, until one day a friend I hadn’t seen in years visited. She asked me to read the chapter she was in and when I finished, she said, “It reads like a novel” .
This, of course, was music to my memoirist’s ears. And I never looked back. I claimed my story and began the next arduous leg of my journey, rewriting, shaping, editing through professional editors and beta readers.
After a year of digging deeper, I reached the polishing stage. My publisher offered a final proofread…
After five years of writing and rewriting, Ever Faithful to His Lead is getting ready for its debut. It is a story of hope, resilience and courage. My greatest wish is that it will touch the heart of those who need it the most–women who find themselves in the grip of an abusive relationship and are searching for their inner strength and freedom.
Please join me I spreading this message through my Pubslush campaign for Ever Faithful to His Lead which went live on May 12 for 30 days.
Here’s the link:
http://pubslush.com/books/id/2076
Thank you and please let me know your thoughts and questions.
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below
This week:
Thursday, 5/14: “Google+Hangout Interview with Memoir Author Cindi McVey: To Live in Paradise: Dreams Found and Lost in Africa”
Dear Kathy–I’m so happy to hear how far you memoir journey has come! You write about the joys and challenges, and even tears that we go through to get our memoir done so very well! Congratulations. I remember when your “baby” was a twinkle in your eye!
I couldn’t find a link where I could contribute to your campaign. Maybe I missed it? Can you make sure it’s easy to find! Love to help,
Linda Joy
Dear Linda Joy, Thanks so much for being the first person to stop by and comment. You were instrumental in getting me started on my memoir writer’s journey and turning that “twinkle ” into a story.:-) I appreciate your ongoing guidance and support. The link is in the beginning and the end of the post but I’ll post it here as well: http://pubslush.com/users/id/5692. So grateful for your help.
Kathy
GOOD for you, Kathy! Thanks for telling your step-by-step process in getting to this point. I can only empathize with the pouting and grieving parts, but you’re blessed to have a friend believe in you and encourage you to persist. It’s true, you know — When God closes a door, He opens a window. Can hardly wait to read your story!
Debbie, you have been my “ever faithful”cheerleader from the beginning and I am so grateful. Thank you,dear friend, and I wish the same milestone for you with your novel. Yes, it’s true. God does close a door but opens a window into a new, exciting adventure. So nice to have you along on my journey. 🙂
Hurrah! You’ve reached a monumental milestone, Kathy. If that’s redundant – so be it.
You mentioned: Writing memoir is “like a huge jigsaw puzzle. You pour the pieces on the table, then begin sorting them into a recognizable pattern.” Well, I’m still creating and sorting the pieces to my puzzle. But writers like you who share up close and personal make it all seem possible — and worthwhile. (I did get the PubSlush link via email today simultaneously with the notification of this post.)
Oh, I love that redundancy, Marian! Thanks so much for your kind feedback and words of encouragement. I think the best part for all of us is when we share our challenges and milestones. We all have so much to learn from one another. Keep those puzzle pieces moving. 🙂
Oh, how far you’ve come, Kathy! Hope you’ve taken a moment to celebrate this special moment. I’ve tweeted your campaign and am wishing all the very best for you. You truly deserve it!
Thanks so much, Barbara! I really appreciate you sharing the campaign and am very grateful for your support and good wishes. Now I know how you felt when you were getting ready to launch Through Frankie’s Eyes. 🙂
Dear Kathy, Congratulations on your campaign launch. I wish you and your book great success. I will be glad to contribute and support you on your journey. Sending hugs and love, Madeline
Thank you, Madeline! You’ve been my role model since the beginning and I truly appreciate your support. Returning the love and hugs, Kathy
Whoopie, Kathy! I just joined your tribe on Pubslush and want you to know how excited I am that you are so far along. You have done all the right things along the way, including overcoming fear and discouragement, not just in the past, but in the present too, as all authors do. Your heart is so open and pure that it calls out the heart in all of us. Many blessings.
I love being in the same tribe with you,Shirley! I have learned so much from watching you since the beginning. Your ongoing support and friendship are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your kindness and generosity along the way.
Kathy, On behalf of myself and the Women’s Writing Circle, we are honored to contribute to this campaign. I love how you want to help empower other women with your story of courage, hope and faith through the healing power of memoir. I have told you this before and say again, yours is the quintessential women’s story, not just for our generation but for the women who came before us and will come after us and find themselves in an abusive relationship. Your story assures them and us that we are not alone.
Thank you, Susan for your eloquent distillation of my purpose for writing this memoir. I owe a lot to you and the Women’s Writing Circle for helping me find my voice and nurture my story.I’m continually amazed how we all are inspired by each other’s stories. I am most grateful for your support, as always. And thank you for your contribution on behalf of yourself and the Women’s Writing Circle.
Congratulations from Spain. I look forward to contributing when I get back from Europe and I know you will go far with your book(s) and your message to help women.
Hola Sonia from Spain! Thanks for your vote of confidence and support all along the way. I’m enjoying living your adventure vicariously though all your Facebook photos. Enjoy!:-)
Your memoir journey is particularly close to my heart, as my first marriage, when I was only 17, was abusive. It was 5 long years, but I got out and never allowed another man treat me that way.
Reading the other comments made me smile. Look at this group of powerful memoirists! You have all held each other up and shared the bumps along the way. I continue to learn and absorb what you so generously share. Thank you.
Good luck with this part of your journey and I know you will be successful.
Patti
Hi Patti, thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your story. Good for you for leaving an abusive marriage and, most important, “never allowing another man to treat you that way.” Therein lies a story of transformation that would touch many others. I just visited your lovely blog,1writeplace at http://1writeplace.com and found a treasure trove of inspirational messages. I signed up. Best wishes on your memoir writer’s journey. I look forward to staying connected. I appreciate your support and good wishes.
You go, Kathy! I’m so happy to have have just finished a sneak peak of your journey. You’ve done a beautiful job and I can’t wait to see it in print!!
Oh, I’m loving all this love and support, Joan. It certainly makes the journey worthwhile. Thank you so much for all the cheers and encouragement. Your time will come and when it does, I’ll be first in line to cheer your memoir.:-) Best wishes on the next leg of our memory writer’s journey.
Kathy, many congratulations on your journey to memoir. May the Blessings continue. You are an inspiration to many… thank you!
Thank you,Saloma! That inspiration works both ways. 🙂
Kathy, congratulations! This is very exciting. I’ll help spread the word.
Thank you,Pam. I appreciate you stopping by and offering your support in spreading the word. I am looking forward to featuring you as my guest on June 2 where you’ll discuss your memoir, Joyride. I’m almost finished reading it and find it to be a fascinating, well-written story. Congratulations!
Congrats, Kathy! I’m sure you’ll do just fine. It’s wonderful to hear about your personal journey with writing and healing. You’re a great example of hard work and perseverance.
Thanks,Susan.It’s been so nice to be on this journey together and from the start. Your stories are still with me.
Hi, Kathy, So happy for you for crossing the finish line. These lines spoke to me deeply and honestly:
Writing a memoir is really hard work. It’s like having a homework assignment every day of your life. It means showing up and getting in a writing zone where the words flow, or not. It means fighting your inner critic, and facing rejection. It means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and genuine, revisiting memories , reliving the pain and gleaning the life lessons.
It really is like a homework assignment. We memoirists have dug deep and deeper just when you think there is nowhere else to go. But you’re an example of that shining bright light who has brightened and glowed all because you went deep and deeper.
I definitely intend on contributing!
Keep your light shining bright.
Dorit Sasson
http://www.GivingaVoicetotheVoicelessBook.com
Giving a Voice to Your Story
Hi Dorit, thanks so much for stopping by. Your support and enthusiasm are greatly appreciated. We are all enriched, inspired and enlightened when we “give voice to our story”,sharing the highlights and challenges along the way. I am following your memoir writer’s journey as well and wish you the best!
Kathy,
You are a simply amazing and insightful person..I think of our wonderful friendship dating back to 1967 and have always admired your love of your career and the incredible hard work you always put into everything you do. I can’t wait to own and read your book. I can only minimally imagine the effort it takes to write a deep and insightful memoir. You are the best.
Oh my gosh, Sharon, it is wonderful to see you here! You are among a handful of my dearest friends who show up in my memoir and help me find my inner strength.As always, you play a key role in a pivotal scene,like you always have done. We must get together to celebrate my memoir and our precious friendship which has endured over all these years. Perhaps a book signing in Syracuse? And the feeling is mutual…you are the best, too!:-)
Kathy….My Dear and Special Friend….
YOU DID IT!!!!!
I am so happy for you and this wonderful accomplishment you have achieved. It’s been a tiresome journey but I knew you would get to your destination in your soft spoken, yet persistent, way. You are a strong and beautiful woman who’s used life’s obstacles to propel you to your true destiny…An AUTHOR. Congratulations! You are an inspiration to us all. Definitely count me in. I can’t wait to read it. Sending you much love with a big hug. See you soon.
What a thrill to have you stop by, Fran! Thank you for your beautiful words and for always being my cheerleader. I’m looking forward to re-connecting when you’re back in town. So happy you stopped by. YOU made my day. 🙂
Great job on your memoir Kathy! It didn’t surprise me when the editor told you, you had more than one memoir. You have to discover the real memoir. For example, you thought you were going to write about Grandpa Jones, and every time you sit down to write or whatever there’s a story that comes in there about his wife or whatever, and there’s anger there. Maybe it’s either repressed anger or you didn’t want to write the story because it’s something you didn’t want to share or whatever.
What you do is you pare it down into how many times have I come up with this same theme? That is where the real memoir is. You have to discover it. I’m so glad you did!
Welcome, Anita! It’s nice to “meet” you. You make some very relevant points, especially about different characters showing up when you least to expect it. I’ve experienced all the above. I found the story that needed to be told revealed itself to me over time as long as I kept writing. Thanks so much for stopping by and offering your insights. I appreciate your comments.