Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Marion Witte/@MarionWitte
“It is not the truth that will hurt you; it is the lies.” Marion Elizabeth Witte
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Marion Witte in this interview about her memoir, Little Madhouse on the Prairie: A True-Life Story of Overcoming Abuse and Healing the Spirit. Marion and I met on Goodreads. My book reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.
Welcome , Marion!
KP: Your memoir, “Little Madhouse on the Prairie,” begins by going back two generations in your family. Why?
MW: I had a desire to understand what it was that made my parents act and behave as they did. I intuitively knew that there must be a reason for how they parented. I came to believe it was a learned behavior, so I wanted to go back and find its source. Both of my parents came from rather stoic cultural and genetic backgrounds – Scandinavian and German – and they were very closed-mouthed when it came to talking about family “issues.” I wasn’t going to find out what I needed to learn from them, so I needed to go back to the ancestral source. It seemed as if “not talking” was part of the problem, and I discovered that to be true.
KP: When did your mother begin the physical abuse?
MW: It began, to the best of my recollection, when I was about three years old. I have a theory that my mother may have suffered from post-partum depression after my sister was born. Both my brother’s and my world were turned upside down after my sister was born. To me, something changed in our lives. Maybe everything in her life – the three children, the farm workload, a husband who abandoned her every night to go to the bar in town – tipped the scales.
KP: Describe the circumstances that would prompt her anger.
MW: It was pretty random and unpredictable. That was even more difficult than knowing you’d done something wrong. Or that it was precipitated by something other than my behavior. For a while I tried to control things by being as good as I could, or as quiet as I could. But when that didn’t work, I tried to absent myself from the physical situation.
KP: Discuss the moment you realized your father was incapable of coming to your defense.
MW: The first time I realized it was when I told him how my mother was treating me. My father was gone a lot, but when he was home I realized my mother did not punish us. I came to believe he was totally unaware of what was happening. I decided to share very carefully what was happening in my life. I was waiting for him to rise to the occasion and whisk me away. The opposite happened. He left. Then he came back and told me he was leaving my mother and we would never see him again. That was all traumatic for a little girl. That was when the abject loneliness began, because I knew I was alone in the world. I also believed he was leaving because I told him my “secrets.” I never spoke to him about it again until he was on his death bed.
KP: Were any adult friends or family aware of the abuse?
MW: I don’t know. At the time I thought not because no one ever said anything. As an adult I believe the family that lived on the same farm was aware. My aunt, I think, knew something wasn’t right. I also think the teachers at my school had an idea something was not right.
KP: When did you finally say to yourself “enough is enough”?
MW: I was sixteen and my mother and I had an argument. She went into the porch to get the wooden oak rod she used to beat me with and I snapped. I broke the rod into two pieces and threw my mother against the washing machine. The years of pent-up rage came out. I told her enough was enough and that next time I would kill her. My life could have taken a whole different path that day if I had made good on that promise.
KP: When your mother finally stopped abusing you, you seemed to start abusing yourself. What happened in high school?
MW: After that event there was something released in me that I’d been shoving down. It exploded in high school and I was angry and it was coming out in the most inappropriate ways. I turned into a juvenile delinquent. I started drinking and defying the teachers. The result of years of abuse started pouring out and I took my anger out at people in authority.
KP: You were so successful in your early career. In what ways did your childhood abuse interfere with your enjoyment of that success?
MW: Because nothing I did it was ever good enough. It was never perfect. It was a constant struggle to accept and enjoy the success. Outwardly I appeared to be climbing the ladder. Inside I couldn’t climb it high enough or fast enough. No matter what accolades I earned, it didn’t satisfy me because I didn’t feel it inside. No external achievement could change how I felt inside.
Most people had no idea this is how I felt – because when you’re abused as a child you’re always pretending everything is okay.
KP: You write with compassion about your family, even though they wounded you. Is forgiveness part of the healing process?
MW: For me, it was an important final step. I realized if I couldn’t forgive, there would always be tightness in my heart and in my spirit. Others disagree and say you don’t need to forgive your abuser. To me, forgiveness opened up my heart. You can heal emotionally and psychologically, but until you bring your heart into state of forgiveness, you can’t heal spiritually. It was the step that set me free.
KP: What is your hope for “Little Madhouse on the Prairie”?
MW: I want to shed light on what happened to me so that others who encountered childhood mistreatment, or are now in those situations, know that they are not alone. There is hope and help and you can recover. I want people to understand that what happened to them as children affects their adult behavior and the way they parent. I call it “connecting the dots” between our childhood experiences and our adult behavior.
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Thank you , Marion for sharing the painful lessons you learned so bravely about how abuse as a child affected you as an adult and for showing us your pathway to healing. Your story will provide hope to others who have suffered and need to know they are not alone.
Author’s Bio and Contact Information for Marion Witte:
Certified Public Accountant
Award Winning Author
President of Angel Heart Foundation
Book website – littlemadhouseontheprairie.com
Publishing website – wiseowlpublishing.com
Books available at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com
Blog – marionwitte.com
Foundation website – angelheartfoundation.org
Marion Witte was raised on a farm on the North Dakota prairie, where she lived with her mother, father, older brother and younger sister until she was 18.
Conditions inside the Witte household were often as brutal as the outdoor winters. Disobedience was severely punished and Marion in particular was the target of her mother’s wrath. She was beaten for the slightest offense and locked in a terrifyingly dark cellar. The violent dysfunction seemed contagious — Marion’s brother once slaughtered her beloved pet rabbits with a shotgun in a fit of anger.
In her compelling memoir, “Little Madhouse on the Prairie,” Witte vividly describes how abandonment, alcoholism, isolation and unhappiness plagued her family for generations, creating a perfect storm of child abuse. We learn of her parents’ and grandparents’ grueling struggles as they scratched out livings on the harsh Midwestern plains, where lessons were taught by beatings and children were seen, never heard.
Witte’s great compassion and clear-eyed perspective elevates “Little Madhouse on the Prairie” beyond a story of violence. By shedding light on the cultural roots of her own abuse, Witte sets the stage for a way out of the cycle of violence against all children. “Little Madhouse on the Prairie” is an impassioned plea for action to extend human rights to the planet’s youngest citizens. Her memoir also suggests ways one can heal from the wounds of abuse. Left untreated, she writes, those wounds can lead to self-destruction, and turn an abused child into an abusive adult.
Witte finally escaped her misery by attending college, where she excelled academically and graduated in three years at the top of her class with a degree in business administration and accounting. She passed the CPA exam while a junior, becoming one of the youngest CPAs in the country that year.
Yet even as her career soared she was haunted by the emotional damage she had suffered as a child and which followed her into adulthood. In 1991, she began the long road to emotional recovery. In 2007, Witte sold her successful business to provide the funding necessary to pursue her passion – empowering children. She established the Angel Heart Foundation, whose vision is “All Children Deserve a Safe and Just World.”
Witte lives in Ventura, California, not far from her daughter, Angela.
How about you? Has writing about past abuses helped you to heal? How do you feel about reading about childhood abuse?
Marion has agreed to give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing at the end of the week.
Marion and I would love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Announcements: (Drum roll…) And the winners are:
Sharon Lippincott won Toni Piccinini’s memoir, The Goodbye Year: Wisdom and Culinary Therapy t Survive Your Child’s Senior Year of High School (and Reclaim the You of You)
Paige Strickland won Greta Beigel’s memoir, Kvetch, One Bitch of a Life: A Memoir of Music and Survival.
Clara Bowman Jahn won Denis Ledoux’s The Memoir Start-up Package.
Congratulations to all the lucky winners!
Thank you all for stopping by and commenting. Your presence “around my kitchen table ” is greatly appreciated.
Next Week:
Monday, 11/4: “A Milestone in a Memoir Writer’s Journey: Are We There Yet?”
Thursday, 11/7: “The Face of Abuse: Should I Stay Or Should I Go? by Memoir Author Wanda S. Maxey
Thanks Kathy and Marion for a great interview. I’m finding that writing my own memories of past abuse to be extremely helpful and healing and would recommend it to anyone who has what seem to be unsolvable issues with past experiences.
The more I read about how others were abused and have healed, I understand more fully the abuse I suffered. The feeling that I was alone in my misery is gone, knowing that others have been through the same things that I’ve been through.
Wow, Joan, connection with others is very powerful. Thank you for sharing your story. I think when someone shares their story honestly, we all feel empowered to do the same. I’m happy Marion’s post resonates with you. Wishing you continued healing through your writing. Thanks for stopping by.
Blessings on your journey,
Kathy
Kathy,
Thank you so much for all you are doing to bring these types of stories out of the darkness and into the light.
You are changing lives one memoir at a time.
Hugs,
Marion Elizabeth Witte
Dear Marion, It is an honor and a privilege to host so many talented and brave people,such as yourself,who share the healing power of writing through their remarkable stories. It all fits in with my mantra, “we are all enriched, enlightened and inspired when we share our stories.” We truly are sharing hope one story at a time. Thank you for your powerful story of healing.
Blessings,
Kathy
Joan,
You are not alone – there are so many who have “suffered in silence,” and it is now time for all of us to speak up, for ourselves and for others. You have a right to your voice, and to your feelings.
I support you on your journey, and please know that the resulting healing is worth the work.
Blessings,
Marion Elizabeth Witte
Marion, your title is compelling and your story a more severe example of what many have endured. I have written of my father’s abuse, and I find that over the years I can forgive him and concentrate on the gifts he has given me: intellectual curiosity and love of music and nature. I am sure I could go back a generation or two to discover the reason why. In your case it appears doing so was essential, but I don’t feel the need at this point.
Thanks, Kathy, for bringing us such great authors and worthwhile books I would never discover on my own.
Marian,
I love your idea of focusing on the gifts we received from our parents, for indeed there is always lightness to be found. No matter what the nature of our circumstances, there is a positive blessing in all of our experiences.
The best to you!
Marion Elizabeth Witte
My pleasure, Marian. I’m thrilled to have you join in the conversation and share your perspectives about the healing aspect of writing. Keep coming back!
This article hit home and I couldn’t agree more with some of these comments I am reading. Great post, as always…love your featured posts!
Thanks, Heather. So happy you are enjoying the conversation “around my kitchen table! I appreciate your comments.
First: Thanks so much for the copy of Denis Ledoux’s The Memoir Start-up Package.I can’t wait to get it in the mail. I am honored to have won it.
Second: Sometimes writing about abuse and darkness in memoir is healing but first one must relive the horror and that is hard. In order to find the healing one must go back and figure out the light by delving into the dark. None of it is easy.
Clar, I’m so happy your will be putting Denis’ Memoir Starter package to good use. I agree, writing through the pain is not easy. I love “figuring out the light by going through the dark.” It seems that going through the pain is the only way to get to the other side of it. Marion’s powerful story certainly shows us that.Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.
Oh my, this is a heart wrenching story and a powerful interview about an amazing woman who has not only the resiliency to survive, but thrive. It is truly commendable that out of something so tragic, Marion had the courage to establish the Angel Heart Foundation.
Pat,
Thank you for taking the time to send your lovely comment.
It is my belief that if each of us does one thing to change the life of one child, we will change the world.
Blessings to you,
Marion Elizabeth Witte
Hi Pat, I agree that Marion has shown us all about “resiliency and thriving.” A truly amazing woman, indeed. Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Marion, thanks for writing your book. I’m ordering it today. Am also inspired by the Angel Heart Foundation. Your dedication to sharing the real stories, the terrible mistreatment of children is a testimony of support for others. Here’ a shout out for a voice for the voiceless. Congratulations! Kathy, thanks for another great interview!
Thanks, Sue, for your generous feedback.
I have come to believe in that old adage “Turn Lemons into Lemonade.”
After my book came out, I questioned my wisdom in doing so, with the pushback that came from my family.
After pondering this for a while, I decided if I had it all to do over, I would do that same thing. For if I can save the life of one child, then it was worth it.
And thanks for all you are doing to make the world a healthier and more peaceful place.
Blessings,
Marion Elizabeth Witte
Sue,Thanks so much for stopping by and supporting Marion’s brave and noble mission of protecting children, giving “voice to the voiceless” as you say. Her story is truly inspirational.
A spellbinding and moving interview. Thank you both for participating in sharing a glimpse into a journey that makes the silent among us feel less alone. I am immersed in the recovery process of my husband’s abuse and that of my closest friend. My childhood wounding is something I struggle to put a name on. It was not physical in nature and yet I’ve come to believe that the damage done to my self-esteem just as real. Even though I am a writer, I write very little about it just yet. I wonder, however, if it is not in my future. Just not sure where to begin.
Welcome,Dorothy. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your own story. Where to begin? I think we all begin by putting our words on the page and seeing where it takes us. Marion has shown us all how writing through her pain led to her spiritual healing. Blessings to you on your journey.
Hi Dorothy,
I have come to believe that if wounding occurs during childhood, the type of abuse or the magnitude of it is not the most important factor. What matters is the impact that it had on the emotional, mental and spiritual health of the child.
I think the very act of posting a comment on this blog started your journey of writing about your experiences – congratulations!
The best to you on your journey.
Marion Elizabeth Witte
A moving and chilling post. You are a brave and wise woman, Marion.
When I started presenting memoir workshops to national audiences, I remember looking at my gathered workshoppers and having this (oh, yes, foolish) thought: “These middle class people have had a sheltered life.” (My previous workshoppers had been local, working-class, less well-heeled) Oh my how wrong can one be! It did not take long for the stories to come out. Cruelty, mental illness. One woman sold into sexual slavery by her parents who used the earnings to finance their comfortable lives. (That one seemed the worse to me. I still think of it.) At the end of some weeks with my workshoppers, I was so exhausted from these stories. And they who live with the sequellae of the stories every day!
I honor your courage, Marion, and the courage of all who have been abused and have struggled or are struggling to have emotionally-healthy lives.
Denis,
Thanks for sharing your experiences in this area. I totally understand what you are talking about with regards to the various audiences. I speak to lots of individuals who are in recovery from some form of addiction, and the stories I hear are almost unbelievable. I thought perhaps these folks experienced the “worst of the worst.”
Then I got a letter from an 80-year old middle-class grandmother, who read my book, and wanted to share that she had been raped 70 years earlier by her grandfather in the barn at her Iowa farmhouse.
Abuse has no economic or ethnic boundaries. And pain has no specific target.
My blessings to all who are on the path to heal from past hurt and injuries. It is possible!
Marion Elizabeth Witte
Marion, we are all touched by these stories. I hope you appreciate the important role you are playing in helping others to find their own healing path by sharing your story. You have found a purpose for the horrific circumstances you endured as a child, turning this pain into a mission to help others find healing and hope. Your light shines as a source of inspiration to all of us. Thank you for all you do to keep that light shining.
Blessings,
Kathy
Kathy – a simple and humble “Thank You.”
It’s been such a pleasure, Marion. You are most welcome.
Denis, you remind me that setting the stage for people to share their past and current pain can help open the flood gates and initiate the healing process. I agree Marion’s story is powerful and courageous and in the very act of sharing it, she has touched so many who need to heal their own pain. This-writing to heal- is a very noble mission and I am honored to be a part of it. Thank you for sharing your insights with us.
This book has been very important to me. Although the details are different, the journey is so familiar to my own life. I was able to cry and breathe a deep breath in knowing others had gone through similar experiences and come out on the other end. And I agree, forgiveness is the key to transformation. Thank you Marion for being brave enough to share honestly your story.
Thank you for stopping by, Patti. I appreciate the kind thoughts you have shared. You highlight the impact that sharing our stories has on one another.
Thanks for your kind remarks, Patti.
Yes, circumstances and events may be different – yet pain and wounding seem to be universal. Luckily, so is healing.
Kindest regards,
Marion Elizabeth Witte